


Lumen ad Somnia

by Clytemnestrasrevenge, MonsterBoyf



Category: VIXX
Genre: 19th Century, Acrobatics, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Circus, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Collaboration, Crossdressing, Existing Relationship(s), Love Triangles, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Past Rape/Non-con, Polyamory, Threesome, Tigers, utter Disregard of Gender Roles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2020-08-10 07:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 90,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20131345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clytemnestrasrevenge/pseuds/Clytemnestrasrevenge, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonsterBoyf/pseuds/MonsterBoyf
Summary: Lumen ad Somnia is fairing well as a circus, but new acts could certainly breath new life into the show, and maybe into the lives of the performers themselves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> another partner fic from me and Clytemnestra. You knew this was coming. We just can't help ourselves. 
> 
> Clyemnestrasrevenge is in charge of Hyuk-Bin-Ken  
MonsterBoyf is in charge of Yeon- Taek- shik

Jaehwan was on his knees, light pink powder still dusted in his blonde hair from the evening’s performance, minuscule drops of sweat glistening on his forehead making him look like he was cut from crystal. And Hongbin’s cock was halfway down his throat, a fact which was causing the ringmaster of Lumen ad Somnia Carnival to go weak in the knees. He carded a hand through that soft hair, pushing it off the acrobat’s forehead with a groan. 

“You are so enchanting Jae… so beautiful,” Hongbin murmured, continuing to pet the elder’s hair as he got lost in every exquisite detail of Jaehwan’s face. Jaehwan’s eyelids lowered a little as he smiled at the complement, stretching those perfect lips a touch wider as he sunk down further. His pointy nose pressed up against Hongbin’s stomach, swallowing around his length and gagging softly. 

“Knock, knock!” Hakyeon’s voice called, an _ extremely _ unwelcome intrusion in the ringmaster’s humble opinion. 

“Go away, we’re busy!” he called back, voice cracking in the middle of the sentence when Jaehwan started to moan. There was a mischievous glint in the acrobat’s eye that Hongbin wasn’t sure he liked. The self-styled Master of the Menagerie had apparently gone temporarily deaf and walked into Hongbin’s kitchen despite the ringmaster’s very vocal protestation. 

“I’ve been thinking, we should find some new talent, our acts need spicing up,” Hakyeon said, hopping up to sit on the counter and not batting an eyelid at the expert fellatio currently taking place. 

Jaehwan pulled off, running his hand up and down the ringmaster’s cock instead and smiling at Hakyeon as he asked, “What kind of new talent do you have in mind?”

“This is a discussion for another t-time!” Hongbin exclaimed, stuttering at the flick of Jaehwan’s wrist, but he went completely and utterly ignored.

"Something we don't already have. Dancers, strongmen, fire breathers. Think about what kind of life a new act could breathe into this show!" Hakyeon prattled on, waving his hands as he spoke and created images for Jaehwan. Hongbin wasn't as keyed in to the conversation. Jaehwan hummed, pouting his lips in thought as he watched slick cover his fingers. "Wouldn't you like a new partner Jaehwan? Not that I'm saying to replace you, Bin. You could do almost a whole new act with a prodigee up there with you! And I could always have a group of lackeys for performances myself." Jaehwan spoke as he switched hands and sucked the pre off of his long fingers. 

"This sounds like a ploy to get tiger food." Hakyeon scoffed, waving his hands. Hongbin was practically a puddle in the chair. 

"I could never, well, I wouldn't unless truly necessary." 

“In any case, I think having a partner _ would _bring variety to my act. And you know I’m always open to new things,” Jaehwan replied, winking at Hakyeon and giving the head of the ringmaster’s cock a few kittenish licks. Hongbin groaned, fisting the acrobat’s hair and praying to every deity he could think of that their friend would leave.

“Exactly, fresh meat will bring the pulse back into this place.”

“Please don’t analogize performers with meat, it’s convincing me that you _ do _ actually just want tiger food.”

“Hakyeon… you know I love you like my own brother… but _ please _get the fuck out,” Hongbin breathed, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to tamp down the heat building in the pit of his stomach. 

“What does Woonie think?” Jaehwan asked, still resolutely ignoring the ringmaster and looking at their friend. Hakyeon grinned like one of his big cats and crossed his leg at the knee. 

“You know him, he doesn’t care either way. All he wants to do is draw.”

“Mm,” the acrobat hummed, licking a stripe up Hongbin’s length without even looking, “Alright, I’m in.” He turned his molasses brown eyes to the ringmaster, _ finally, _blinking in a much too innocent manner. “Can we set up some auditions Kongie, please?”

“Can I think about it later?” Hongbin managed, forcing himself to breathe through his nose.

“No,” Hakyeon said, answering for the acrobat who had resumed his ministrations with renewed vigor. Hongbin gasped and didn’t loosen his grip on Jaehwan’s hair as he felt his tip hit the back of the elder’s throat. The ringmaster wanted to talk this through in more depth, but he also very much wanted to come, and he could see that the other two had teamed up against him. To resist would be futile. 

“Fine, fine do whatever you want…_ fuck,” _he groaned a moment later, his eyes shut tight and his head tilted back as he painted the acrobat’s throat white. 

“Wonderful!” Hakyeon exclaimed, clapping and smiling as Jaehwan swallowed.

Once in a less foggy state of mind, Hongbin was much more critical of this plan. He had already agreed though, for the others, that was as strong as a blood oath. He was dragged all about the city with them to advertise the idea. "Help wanted! Showmen, performers, talents, see Lumen ad Somnia Circus March 15 at 19h!" The fliers and posters had cried out as the group had hung them up. Three days. Three days for people to see the posters and flock to them. To prepare for a new member of their family. At least Hongbin wasn't the only one hesitating. Taekwoon seemed the most resistant when Jaehwan and Hakyeon made it clear they wanted partners. These weren't the clowns and other artists that also worked for the circus. These talents would be close to the tight family that made the head of the circus. 

Regardless, that Friday night, they all stood before a handful of people. The crowd looked back, seemingly unnerved by the sharp eyes on them. There were a few odd looks in the bunch at Hakyeon with the large cockatoo on his shoulder. Hongbin stepped up onto the table behind him. 

"Thank you all for coming! I am the ringmaster of this circus. My name is Hongbin, and this is Taekwoon, Hakyeon, and Jaehwan." Taekwoon simply stared, but Jaehwan and Hakyeon both offered smiles and waves. 

"I hope all of you can show us your best tonight!" Jaehwan cooed, showing off his sparkling smile. Hongbin spared his lover a smile before turning back to the crowd. 

"We will meet with each one of you individually. The four of us will judge you." 

Hongbin organized them so that they began with other acrobats. The one he had pulled out first was young, but certainly broad and tall. He was respectfully silent as he followed Hongbin back. 

“What’s your name?” Jaehwan asked, following Hongbin and the new man back to his practice room. If outward appearance was any indication, he would be good at lifts and other partner moves that would require the acrobat to be airborne. 

“Sanghyuk, Han Sanghyuk.”

“And what do you specialize in?” Hongbin asked, only half paying attention as he watched Jaehwan scurry up a rope ladder. 

“Tumbling, gymnastics, dance, and I’m not afraid of heights if that helps.” The young man wasn’t nervous, he was sure of his abilities and these people didn’t seem intimidating.

“Alright, Sanghyuk, this is what I need you to do,” Jaehwan called from the tightrope suspended fifteen feet off the ground. Sanghyuk looked up at him, slightly confused.

“Do you want me to come up there?” he replied, watching the acrobat hop lightly to the very center and trailing after him. “Just one second.”

Jaehwan executed three perfect illusions, held his arms out to his sides, and then called, “Catch me,” before stepping off into free-fall. 

It was only Sanghyuk’s fast reflexes kicking in that stopped the acrobat from snapping his neck. He darted forward just in time and caught Jaehwan before he hit the floor.

“Are you fucking crazy?!” he exclaimed, unconsciously hugging the acrobat tight to his chest as he tried to force his heart to stop racing. Most job interviews didn’t involve saving someone’s life! The blonde smiled up at him, calm as you please. 

“No, I’m not actually. Trust is the most important thing between us. If you’re going to be my partner I need to know that you’ll be there when I jump.”

“And what if I hadn’t caught you just now?!” Jaehwan hummed thoughtfully, batting his sooty lashes at the younger man. “I probably would have broken my leg. But you _ did _ catch me, I knew you would.”

Hongbin cleared his throat. He wasn’t actually surprised, Jaehwan did things like that all the time. But watching him fall without any nets was still a bit frightening.

"Now that you've scared the soul out of him, can we do the actual interview now?" Jaehwan pouted at his grumbling lover. He easily snaked his way out of Sanghyuk's strong arms and over to the ringmaster. 

"Don't get so jealous, Binnie. I only wanted to see what he can do." Hongbin rolled his eyes and briefly dropped a peck to Jaehwan forehead. Attention was turned back to the forgotten acrobat. 

"I want to ask you some questions." 

"I'm all yours." Hongbin hummed, giving Sanghyuk a hard look. The man stood with his arms open, as if an invitation to start interrogating him. The color returned to his face now that Jaehwan wasn't threatening his own life. Jaehwan scurried off, coming back with the ringmaster's book in which he intended to keep record of these auditions. 

"Have you ever been formerly employed with a circus or other performance based career?" Hongbin's tone was sharp and professional, flipping open his book. 

"I was a stagehand, sometimes an understudy." Hongbin wrote as Jaehwan got excited again. 

"You worked on stage?" Sanghyuk cracked a little smile. 

"Backstage. Someone needed the muscle, or the dance partner. Being up in the rafters is what made heights no big deal." 

"But you've never been up on tightrope?" Sanghyuk shook his head. Hongbin raised a brow at him but Jaehwan continued. "How is you balance then?" 

"You're dead set on a partner up there, aren't you?" Jaehwan smirked.

"And you're cocky, aren't you?" Sanghyuk smiled back and Hongbin smacked Jaehwan's arm. 

"Can you please be professional about this?" He whispered. 

Jaehwan shot the ringmaster a very pointed pout, but charged ahead regardless. Ignoring Hongbin was a skill, and he had mastered it after many years of practice. 

“Not just tightrope, trapeze as well. I have aerial silk and a few other acrobatic routines, but I don’t know how duo suited those would be, so why don’t you focus on the first two?”

Sanghyuk had never been on either a trapeze or a tightrope, but he wasn’t the least bit daunted by the prospect.

“Sounds good to me, do you want me to try throwing you around or something?” he asked, cheeky. 

“That’s not necessary,” Hongbin said, at the same time as Jaehwan replied, “Sure!”

Sanghyuk's reflexes were tested again, Jaehwan running to him as the ringmaster threw open his arms, grumbling on about no one ever listening to him. Sanghyuk easily caught the nimble man that jumped onto him, raising him up easily. Jaehwan gave him a gigantic smile. He grabbed onto Sanghyuk's shoulders. 

"Your reflexes are great! May I try some more?" Sanghyuk nodded. 

"Of course. What are you thinking of?" 

"Jaehwan! Get down!" Hongbin glared daggers as Jaehwan easily moved about Sanghyuk. He was physically standing on the poor man's shoulders! Sanghyuk held his feet, looking up at the other acrobat. 

"I like him, Binnie! Look how strong he is!"

"You're climbing him like a tree! Are you going to do this to all of them?" Jaehwan easily fell off Sanghyuk's shoulders, into his arms. Sanghyuk held him like a princess, looking to Hongbin innocently. 

"Do we have to do the rest? I think we have a winner already." 

"Really?" Sanghyuk asked and smiled down at Jaehwan, getting his cheek pinched. 

"So cute!" Jaehwan could practically _ hear _ Hongbin fuming. The ringmaster was a definite jealous type, and Jaehwan's flamboyance didn't help. Sanghyuk's cheeks grew hot, and he giggled at the compliment. Hongbin was going to vomit. 

“I _ definitely _ want this one, no other candidates needed,” the acrobat said happily, swinging around so he was hanging on Sanghyuk’s back. The younger grinned, gripping the underside of his new partners thighs and carrying him back to the ringmaster. 

“May I speak to you privately for a minute?” Hongbin snapped, earning a glare from his lover. Jaehwan jumped down, landing lightly on his feet and sauntering up to Hongbin with an unnecessarily defiant expression on his face. 

“You want the first one we’ve tired out? What’s so good about him? I could catch you that easily, I'm sure there's someone better,” Hongbin whispered, once they were a suitable distance away. Jaehwan huffed, waving his hands around in a very Hakyeon-like manner. 

“He’s fast. And he doesn’t care about me jumping at him every two seconds. And he has good presence. What else do I need? He’ll be a perfect partner.”

“You just like him because he’s good looking.”

Jaehwan clicked his tongue, shooting a glance behind him at his new chosen partner. “Stop being jealous, Kongie. I’m very professional. The crowd is going to adore him.” Sanghyuk was watching them, a cocky little smile on his face. Jaehwan liked that smile already. 

“Look, he’s great,” the acrobat added, taking off at a run without any warning. 

“Jaehwan, enough!” Hongbin called, but his lover was already being twirled around in midair by their new hire. 

“Fine, keep him. I’m going to do Hakyeon’s audition’s now. Don’t snap your necks while I'm gone,” the ringmaster said, going completely ignored again as he left the practice room. 

Hongbin returned to the crowd of possible help surrounding Taekwoon and Hakyeon. The animal tamer was speaking to all them men and women with a grin while Taekwoon just hung onto him like a moth to light. Where Hongbin was jealous, Taekwoon was protective. Hakyeon turned to Hongbin once he realized the door had slammed shut. 

"Oh Hongbin! You're just in time!" He grabbed onto Hongbin's arm once he was close enough within range. "These men are all great, and watch this. Who here thinks that _ the y _ _'re_ the strongest one in the room?" He called to the herd, many raising up their hands with confidence. Hakyeon covered his heart with a content sigh. His head rested against Hongbin's shoulder.

"You two seem to be forgetting that you have two perfectly good lovers right in front of your eyes." Hakyeon scoffed at Hongbin's agitated comment. 

"Oh calm yourself, Bin. They're just nice to look at. No one can replace my darling little kitty cat," He cooed as he pinched Taekwoon's cheek. The artist glared, but did not smack the hand away. "They're just eye candy for me and all the poor neglected wives out there."

He hummed as he leaned on Taekwoon before pointing out at random. 

"You, we'll do you first. Come with me!" The men fumbled to follow, quickly going after Hakyeon as he moved to the menagerie. 

"He's been like that the whole time," Taekwoon grumbled as he and Hongbin followed. 

"At least he didn't leave you for someone new." Taekwoon pat his shoulder. 

"He's a puppy with a new toy. Don't worry." The pair entered the menagerie to find the strongman sitting on one of the benches. His slouched posture made him much less intimidating. He must have known what Hakyeon kept in this building. 

"What's your name, sir?" Hongbin called to him. He jerked up and blurted out the answer like speed was most vital. 

"Wonshik. Kim Wonshik sir, er-uh, ringmaster." Hongbin liked this one much more. He and Taekwoon sat across from him. 

"What do you label yourself as, Wonshik?" 

"Uh, strongman. I haven't been doing it for performances like your group does though." Hongbin nodded, writing in his book. He could hear Balam's cage slide open. Hakyeon wasn't going to go easy on them it would seem. 

"Do you have somewhere you're currently staying?" Taekwoon asked this time. The personal matters were important as well. If he got eaten by a tiger, then they'd have to deal with anything formally belong to the victim. 

"Just a boarding house. If I'm not there to pay, I don't get to stay. Are you a traveling group?" 

"No, but we do live very close. We'd most likely have you nearby. Unity is important when we put our lives in one another's hands." Wonshik nodded. He was so focused on Hongbin that it threw him off. The other three never listened to him despite him being the owner of this circus. He was taking a liking to this timid strongman. 

Wonshik went pale and climbed further backwards into the bench as he set eyes on Hakyeon and his pet. Hakyeon walked with a confident smile, glaring tiger Balam at his side.

"Please don't let it eat me!" Hakyeon laughed at Wonshik's genuine fear. He didn't have the tiger on a leash, so to an untrained eye she seemed like a very real threat. 

"She unfortunately didn't learn that little trick from me." Taekwoon cleared his throat loudly at Hakyeon's crude statement. The tiger sat at a hand to her head, stroking her fur. "In order to work with me, they have to like you too. No animals, no show." Wonshik gulped and nodded. He slowly put his legs down, still not entirely sure the threat had diminished. Taekwoon clicked his tongue, calling over the giant cat. Balam slowly walked over. The tiger allowed a caress from the artist as well. Taekwoon was the only other one allowed to touch Balam, both because of her attitude streak and because of her very protective father. Hakyeon came over to sit beside Wonshik. 

“She’s... she’s very large- nice. She’s very nice,” the strongman said in a squeaky voice, not daring to move a muscle. "And safe, right..?"

“My sweet girl won’t eat you unless I tell her too,” the animal trainer replied with a grin. “I can’t make any promises about myself though.”

Taekwoon hissed, and Wonshik, assuming the noise came from the enormous tiger at his side, winced. Hongbin watched the proceedings with crossed arms. It was going a lot better than Jaehwan’s audition, but still, he had the distinct feeling that Hakyeon would select his first applicant as well. 

The comment flew over Wonshik's head and Hakyeon didn't bother trying to make a second attempt. He called the tiger over, making Wonshik tense his whole body. The cat begrudgingly left Taekwoon, coming over to the other pair. Hakyeon cooed at how pretty she was while Wonshik looked like he was about to drop dead. She sat down in front of them. 

"Wonshik, this is Balam, my sweetheart star of the show. You'll have to get used to her if you want to work with me." 

"I didn't choose you though, you chose me…" Hakyeon hushed him, stroking his arm. He got briefly distracted by the bicep under his touch. 

"Doesn't matter. Also, don't mind me asking, but how much could you lift, just for curiosity's sake?" 

"Probably at least you three. My whole job is- well, was, lifting. I could probably take a lot." You could see the evil glint that lit up Hakyeon's eyes. He had an idea, and no God or man could stop him when something crossed his mind. He shuffled closer to Wonshik and Hongbin could feel Taekwoon bristle up beside him. 

"So, if I were to ask you to lift up say, some wild animal, you'd be able to?" Wonshik looked to the other two for help but both just stared right back at them. 

"Uh yes, so long as I'm not carrying around grown elephants or something like that." Hakyeon grinned. He was wrapped around Wonshik's strong arm at this point. His smile reminded Wonshik of the cat that was still sitting before them, staring. 

"Great." He stood suddenly, raising Wonshik up with him. "I'm going to burrow him for a moment. Please see to the others." Hongbin squinted up at the animal tamer. 

"Hakyeon, didn't we talk about this beforehand?"

"I'm not going to feed him to the animals! How many times must I say that?!" Balam was walking off without them, more than likely back to her area. She was very stubborn, very much like Hakyeon's lover sitting cross armed on the bench. Maybe he just appreciated the cat like nature of Taekwoon. "I'm just going to put him through a few tests! We deserve only the best for our family, don't we Bin?" Hakyeon clearly wasn't going to stop or accept no as an answer. Hongbin sighed and waved him off. They watched Hakyeon drag off the man twice his size like he was nothing more than a bushel of apples. 

* * *

Once all the creatures had been safely stowed away and the remaining applicants had been sent off with thanks and apologies, Hongbin lead the other three back in the direction of Jaehwan’s practice room. They could hear soft, slow music playing from inside. 

“I apologize in advance for how entirely _ unprofessional _ our acrobat is,” Hongbin said, glancing at Wonshik before opening the door. Hakyeon gave him a smack on the shoulder, but the other two didn’t seem to mind his rudeness. 

The music was louder once they entered, and all four looked skyward with a collective gasp. Sanghyuk had his knees hooked around the tightrope, hanging upside down as Jaehwan swung from one of his hands to the other like a baby monkey.

“Get down, you need to meet Yeon’s new partner,” Hongbin called up to them, internally cursing both Sanghyuk and his lover. He wasn’t jealous, really. He wasn’t.

Jaehwan looked around and beamed at them, dropping the remaining five feet to the ground with barely a whisper of sound. In a rather impressive display, Sanghyuk reached up to the rope, switching so he was hanging by his hands and then let go. He somersaulted on landing and sprang to his feet, looking as excited as a kid being presented with ice cream. 

“Isn’t he brilliant, Kongie!” Jaehwan squeaked, leaping onto his new partner and climbing so he was sitting on Sanghyuk’s shoulders.

_ “Fantastic. _Wonshik, this is Jaehwan, and the big one is Sanghyuk, he’s new as well.”

The acrobat duo came forward, Wonshik bowing his head politely to the both of them. Him and Sanghyuk shook each other's hands, the strong clap very audible. 

"Nice to meet you." 

"You too. What did they make you do?" 

"Nearly get mauled by a tiger, then carry around said tiger, and Hakyeon." Sanghyuk laughed and Hakyeon whispered to Taekwoon about the wonder of how they found such handsome men. 

"A minute into knowing Jaehwan, he jumped off the tightrope with no warning and expected me to catch him."

"They have a flare for nearly killing people," Taekwoon grumbled, earning himself a pout from both divas. 

"It's the circus, Taeky. One must be ready for death defying feats!"

"At least let them get to know you first," Hongbin retorted. He often ended up on Taekwoon's side of the argument, especially now that his mood had gone sour with Jaehwan.

"Don't be so sour, Binnie. Come on, let's show them their new home!" Jaehwan was tugging ringmaster's hair while the other hand held onto Sanghyuk. Hongbin smacked the hand away. 

"Fine, fine." 

"New home?" 

"Yes. If Jaehwan would have actually let me _ talk _, you would have known you'll be living with us." He smirked, maybe this could finally get rid of the brat. "That won't be a problem, will it?"

"No, I'll just have to get my things at some point." Hongbin deflated while Jaehwan clapped. 

"Yes! And we can have dinner as a family and we can get you moved in and-"

"Jaehwan, we are having a nice, _ long _ chat when we get home," Hongbin shot, glaring up at his lover. Hakyeon grabbed both Taekwoon and Wonshik's arms and turned them to the door. 

"Let us go, before we witness a murder." 

"At least you'll have tiger food," Taekwoon mumbled. Hakyeon covered his mouth, clearing his throat to stop a giggle.

"Taekwoon. That is a very inappropriate joke. You should never," he began to giggle, "joke about domestics." He was laughing now and Taekwoon smiled at him. Wonshik stared at them both like it clearly never crossed his mind the two could be together. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've written up to chapter 5 within 4 days does this show how obsessive we can be?
> 
> Clytemnestrasrevenge in charge of Jaehwan, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk   
MonsterBoyf in charge of Wonshik, Hakyeon, and Taekwoon

Family dinner went surprisingly well. They had gone and retrieved their new recruits’ possessions and brought them back to the building, depositing them in the free apartment before eating a delicious Taekwoon-cooked meal in his and Hakyeon’s dining room. All of them living on the same floor really was convenient. And Hongbin had kept his coldness towards Jaehwan’s new partner to a minimum, which the acrobat greatly appreciated. 

But alas, they had left their new members to get settled, and Jaehwan had retreated with his lover to their own place. It was neat and clean, just the way the ringmaster insisted, but with the acrobat’s collection of trinkets sprinkled around on display. It was the perfect little home for the two of them. 

“Is my new partner going to be a problem?” Jaehwan asked, perched on the small stool before his vanity and eyeing his lover in the mirror. Hongbin was watching him, arms crossed and leaning up against the doorframe. 

“You tell me.”

“Kongie,” the acrobat sighed, lowering the damp cloth he had been using to remove his makeup. 

“Don’t  _ Kongie  _ me, it isn’t enjoyable watching you quite literally throw yourself at someone else.” Jaehwan stood, his pink velvet dressing gown fluttering around him as he walked to his sullen lover. 

“You’re being silly, you know you are bunny,” he murmured, draping his arms over Hongbin’s shoulders. He smiled softly, dropping pecks on the spots he knew the ringmaster’s dimples would be if he weren’t scowling. 

“Are you feeling neglected bunny? Would you rather it was you I was climbing like a tree?” Hongbin gave a derisive snort, turning his face away so he was looking into their little hallway. 

“Would you rather it was you who was throwing me around?” Jaehwan prompted, laying a trail of light kisses down the column of his lover’s neck. “Would you rather it was you that I called strong, you that gets to catch me when I fall?”

“I  _ do  _ catch you when you fall, just not in that way,” the ringmaster snapped, still not looking at the acrobat and standing perfectly ridgid. 

“Exactly, bunny. But touching me is a big part of Sanghyuk’s job so I’m going to ask you to please,  _ please,  _ leave off the animosity towards him. He’s a sweet kid and he doesn’t mean any harm.”

Hongbin chose not to reply, remaining stoic and stone-faced when presented with Jaehwan’s very reasonable request. Jaehwan rolled his eyes, affection for his lover swelling even in a moment like this. 

“Anyway, our bed is big enough for three every now and again. It wouldn’t be the first time.” The ringmaster spluttered, turning to stare at Jaehwan with undisguised incredulity in his wide eyes. As if he could not believe the acrobat would bring  _ that  _ up during an argument. 

“Honestly, you- how can you say- that’s  _ not  _ the point!” Hongbin exclaimed, glaring petulantly at Jaehwan’s smiling face. 

“Come now, bunny, you can’t tell me he isn’t handsome,” the acrobat replied, weaving his fingers through the hair at the nape of his lover’s neck. 

“That is also very much not the point!” Jaehwan clicked his tongue, cooing at his flustered lover’s faint blush. 

“You will always be first in my heart, Kongie, no matter the fun we may or may not choose to have with others.”

Hongbin began retort but the acrobat used the opportunity to kiss the ringmaster full on the mouth. He melted into Jaehwan’s embrace the way he always did, hands falling to the acrobat’s silk covered hips as Jaehwan pushed him gently back against the door frame. 

The acrobat  _ adored  _ the ringmaster, he truly did. Especially when his lover was soft to him the way he was to no one else. Only Jaehwan got to see the gentle side Hongbin. He hummed with contentment as his lover’s arms encircled him, parting his lips and deepening the kiss just a touch. 

A faint tapping could be heard from their front door, Hongbin grumbling under his breath as the acrobat called, “It’s open!” All of them kept their doors unlocked while they were at home, it was a safe neighborhood and one needed a key to pass through the stairwell door. Evening visits such as this were not a rarity for the members of Lumen ad Somnia circus. 

The door opened with its customary creak, footsteps audible as they padded inside and then stopped at the end of the hall. Jaehwan looked around, grinning as his lover pressed a kiss to his jaw. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, apologies,” Sanghyuk mumbled, staring at the pair and making to hurry back the way he had come. He looked so surprised, Jaehwan briefly wondered why. The acrobat and the ringmaster’s relationship was no secret, and Hongbin’s jealousy that afternoon should have made it very obvious. Maybe the younger man was simply too innocent to notice. 

“Someone’s always interrupting, what did you need,” Jaehwan asked, twirling a lock of his lover’s soft brown hair around his finger and smiling reassuringly. 

“Uhh, I just wanted to ask what time our practice starts in the morning,” Sanghyuk replied, hastily averting his eyes and staring down at the carpeted floor. Jaehwan liked it when the younger acted cocky, but he liked this shy version as well. It was a trait he wouldn’t have expected from someone like Sanghyuk. 

“Nine. Make sure to have a good breakfast first and meet me in my practice room, the one where your audition took place,” the acrobat replied, giggling a little as Hongbin nipped his earlobe. 

“Got it, I’ll be there,” the younger said, nodding as he turned and fairly ran for the exit. Jaehwan called a good night, but the door closed again before the words had fully left his mouth.

“See, bunny? Witnessing our amorous embrace frightened him more than me leaping off a tightrope,” the acrobat murmured, tucking himself snugly against the ringmaster’s chest. He smiled, delighting in the wicked grin that crossed Hongbin’s face. “If I had asked him to join us, he may have had a heart attack.”

Hongbin hummed, nuzzling the acrobat’s cheek and pressing a gentle kiss to the side of his mouth. “Fine, darling, you win. Do whatever you like, but not in our bed unless I’m there.”

“You never know, my particular persuasion may not be to my new partners taste.”

“Your particular persuasion is to everyone’s taste,” the ringmaster replied, wrapping Jaehwan’s shoulder length blonde curls around his fist and tugging.

* * *

“Did you realize that we’re in couple’s rooms?” Sanghyuk asked, pulling on the grey linen trousers he wore when he exercised. The young acrobat would need to use his full range of motion today, and anything more formal would be too constricting. 

“Yes, actually. But what makes you say that?” the other new hire replied, ducking deeper under his fluffy comforter. The two of them were getting along well so far and Sanghyuk didn’t even mind Wonshik’s snoring. 

Sanghyuk glanced at him, tugging a white cotton shirt on over his head. From their behavior yesterday, he thought maybe,  _ maybe  _ the ringmaster had feelings for his new partner. But he hadn’t envisioned something as thoroughly domestic as the scene he’d walked in on last night. He hadn’t seen their apartment before then, and it was so… homely. Like a little love nest. 

“When I went to ask what time Jaehwan wanted to start practice, he and Hongbin were kissing.”

“Ah- well,” Wonshik spluttered, the tips of his ears dusted with a very obvious blush, “Your partner is very pretty, and the ringmaster is handsome, why shouldn’t they?”

“I wasn’t saying they  _ shouldn’t,  _ it just surprised me is all,” Sanghyuk replied, running a wet comb through his dark hair. His roommate was right, Jaehwan was pretty. Very pretty. And Hongbin looked like a prince that had just stepped from the pages of a fairy tale. It shouldn’t have come as much of a shock. But still…

“By the way, it’s 8:55,” Wonshik said, gesturing at the clock on the table between their single beds. “Shit, I’d better go,” the young acrobat cursed, snatching his key from the table and stepping into a pair of soft leather shoes. He hadn’t eaten breakfast yet, but he could eat on the go. Being late to his first rehearsal would give a very bad impression.

“Good luck with Hakyeon and the tiger,” Sanghyuk called, flashing his new friend a smile over his shoulder as he skidded out of the room, but Wonshik was already dozing off again. He stopped only long enough to grab an apple from the kitchen before jogging out of their apartment and down the stairs, through the front doors and across the street to the entrance of the circus. It was a large building, winding corridors that echoed with all sorts of noises, but he managed to find his way to Jaehwan’s practice room after three wrong doors. 

He slipped inside and toed off his shoes, looking around the high-ceilinged room for his partner. Music was playing from the gramophone in the corner once again, soft and slow with an almost ambient quality that the young acrobat had never heard before. A rustling from the corner caught Sanghyuk’s attention and when he turned to look, he almost lost his breath. 

Jaehwan was hanging from the ceiling, suspended between two long strips of indigo silk. His blonde hair was loose around his shoulders, eyes closed, wearing only a black leotard and matching stockings. He looked like a doll someone had tied up with string. Sanghyuk wanted to call out, maybe Jaehwan didn’t hear him come in, but the young acrobat was struck entirely dumb. He watched his partner roll forwards, the fabric wrapped around his legs unfurling as he twirled down to hang in a perfect split, only stopped from hitting the floor by a bit of silk looped around his ankle. 

“Good morning, ducky,” Jaehwan called softly, spinning to smile at the younger upside down. Sanghyuk didn’t answer, it felt like his tongue had been glued to the roof of his mouth. His partner twirled around for a moment more before scrambling back up the silk and untangling himself with ease. 

“Are you ready to practice?” he asked, dropping to the floor and shaking his hair from his eyes. Sanghyuk swallowed hard but did his best to plaster a self-assured smile on his face. “As long as you don’t want me to do  _ that,”  _ the younger replied, gesturing to the strips of blue fabric. 

“No, you’re not going near those. Only trapeze and tightrope, remember? But first we have to stretch,” Jaehwan replied, skipping over to the younger and pulling him to the center of the room. 

“Stretch?”

“Mm, stretching is the most important part. We could hurt ourselves if we aren’t loose enough,” the elder said, raising one of his legs and resting his foot on top of Sanghyuk’s shoulder like it was nothing. Sanghyuk stared down at his partner, momentarily forgetting how to speak. Jaehwan switched legs, steadying himself with a hand on the younger’s arm.

“You could help me, you know.”

“How?”

“Hold my ankle and push, I’m very bendy.”

Sanghyuk swallowed but he did as instructed, wrapping his hand around his partners ankle and pushing his leg closer to his head. Jaehwan wobbled a little, the younger instinctively holding his waist so he wouldn’t topple over. This felt like something he shouldn’t be doing, and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t even blinked yesterday when Jaehwan climbed all over him. Maybe it was accidentally walking in on his partner and boss that was making him so nervous. 

“So, where did you learn to do that? The silk thing?” Sanghyuk asked, attempting to make conversation and pushing Jaehwan’s leg further back. He kept expecting there to be some give, for his partner to tell him to stop, but Jaehwan just smiled. 

“I was apprenticed to a courtesan when I was fifteen. Madame specialized in exotic tastes,” the elder replied, rolling down into a one-legged backbend. He slowly lifted his other leg, executing a perfect handstand with Sanghyuk still holding his ankle. The younger was instantly curious, firstly at how Jaehwan ended up in a circus, and also about what kind of courtesan took male apprentices. But maybe that’s what his partner meant by exotic tastes. The thought of a fifteen-year-old Jaehwan being trained for pleasure made Sanghyuk’s skin crawl. 

“When did you join this place?” he asked, stepping back and watching his partner slip into an effortless split. “I was thrown out after refusing a client. I didn’t have any other real skills but acrobatics, so I came here looking for work. Kongie took me in even though his uncle was still the one in charge back then. He has a habit of rescuing strays.”

“And what does the ringmaster _ do, _ exactly? Just introduce the various acts?” Sanghyuk asked, helping the elder back to his feet. He wanted to know more about Jaehwan’s past but decided, on balance, he shouldn’t ask. It sounded like the kind of thing that may be an uncomfortable subject. 

“He rides around on his horse and shoots fire at things,” his partner replied, jumping into Sanghyuk’s arms and swinging up to sit on his shoulders.

“Pardon?” the younger asked, turning so he could see himself in the reflection of the mirrored wall. 

“Hold my ankles please,” the elder instructed, waiting for Sanghyuk to comply before leaning backwards and dangling with his arms over his head. He could feel the rhythm of Jaehwan’s breathing against his spine. “Kongie is an expert rider and an excellent archer. He can hit a bullseye with a flaming arrow while standing on his horses back. It’s remarkable. I’ll take you to the stables and ask him to show you some tricks later, if you’d like.”

The two acrobats ran through a stretching routine for another half hour before climbing up to the ropes. Jaehwan was a good teacher, Sanghyuk thought. Never bossy, patient, correcting rather than criticizing. By the time the elder called for a lunch break, Sanghyuk was decently sweaty and ready for a nap.

“How high do you think you could throw me?” Jaehwan asked, shrugging a simple white frock coat on over his leotard and leading the way to the stables. Sanghyuk considered for a moment.

“That depends on how much you trust me.”

His partner glanced at him, giving no warning before leaping into Sanghyuk’s arms. The younger caught him with ease, grinning as Jaehwan wrapped his legs around his waist. “Well you haven’t dropped me yet, so I trust you.”

“Then, I could probably throw you…” he bounced his partner a little like he was trying to check his weight, “Ten feet?”

Jaehwan squealed in delight, climbing up so he was sitting on the younger’s shoulders. That seemed like his new favorite spot, and Sanghyuk couldn’t think of a thing he minded  _ less. _

They reached a courtyard in the back of the building, Jaehwan grabbing a fist full of the younger’s hair for support as he pointed excitedly to what was unmistakably a stable. On a whim, Sanghyuk caught his wrist and pulled him around, yanking him off his shoulders and into his arms so he held the blonde princess style. Jaehwan looked up at the younger in obvious shock, his cute round cheeks flushing pink.

“Get to know me a little better before you start pulling my hair,” the young acrobat said quietly, smirking as he set Jaehwan on his feet. His partner wobbled, eyeing Sanghyuk before scampering towards the stables without a reply. 

“Kongie,” Jaehwan squeaked, Sanghyuk watching with mild interest as the ringmaster scooped his partner up in a hug. “Hello, darling. How was practice?”

“Excellent! Ducky is a natural! Will you show him some of your tricks?” Jaehwan asked, excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet. Over his partner’s shoulder, Hongbin looked at Sanghyuk like he either wanted to fuck or kill the young acrobat. Or both, but Sanghyuk couldn’t begin to guess which he would do first. “Please? You look so  _ handsome  _ when you do them.”

“Well… since you said handsome,” the ringmaster replied, returning his eyes to the blonde and smiling. He grabbed a bow from a hook on the wall and pulled an arrow from a quiver that hung next to it.

“Sugar needs to rest now, I put her through her paces earlier, so she deserves a break. But I’ll shoot for you,” Hongbin continued, patting the snout of a pure white mare on his way into the courtyard. 

“Sugar and the horses are the only animals Hakyeon doesn’t train. Only Kongie works with them, so it’s good for trust and bonding,” Jaehwan explained, looping his arm through Sanghyuks as they followed the ringmaster outside. 

Hongbin notched his arrow and pointed at the roof of the building next door. “See that weathervane? Up there, in the corner?” The young acrobat squinted, finally managing to pick out a glint of silver five stories up. No way could he hit something so small from this far.

“Yes, sir.”

“Keep your eye on it,” the ringmaster replied, a dimpled smile quirking up the corner of his mouth. He drew, aimed, and then with a soft whoosh, the arrow flew true. Fifty feet, dead straight, right through the eyehole of the metal rooster perched artfully atop the weathervane. It stuck fast, twirling in circles as a gust of wind blew passed. 

Maybe Hongbin  _ was  _ actually going to kill him.

* * *

"Good morning, sleepy!" Wonshik grumbled as his door was slammed open. Light poured in around Hakyeon and the master of the menagerie came over to the bed. He tried peeling the sheet off, which instantly had the strongman wide awake. He held tightly onto the thin fabric.

"I'm awake! Stop it!" He swatted at his boss's hands. Taekwoon was in the doorway now. 

"Get up and get dressed. I spent all night constructing a routine." 

"He's not joking about all night either," Taekwoon grumbled, looking absolutely irritated. Wonshik could read exhaust all over him, his slouched figure, the bags under his eyes, the comfortable clothes. Hakyeon was tossing clothes at Wonshik. 

"I had this vision of what I wanted to do and Taeky helped me stay up all night perfecting it. He's going to help me train you." 

"That's fine. I just- can you get out of my room?" Hakyeon turned to him, eyes skating over his body skeptically. He was still gripping onto the sheet. He was bare from the sheet up, strong muscles and tattoos exposed for all the world to see. Hakyeon lit up in realization. 

"Oh! My apologies." He quickly moved to the door with Taekwoon, biting his lip before making a comment. "We've all seen one another naked, however. It wouldn't be an issue." Wonshik gave him wide eyes and Taekwoon just huffed, dragging Hakyeon away so the poor man could get dressed. 

"You need to stop being such a pervert," the artist scolded. Hakyeon pouted his lips. 

"Oh, like you weren't thinking it too."

"I wasn't, because I have morals. We just met him."

"Come on, Taeky. You have to admit, he's so easy on the eyes, and he's so timid!" Taekwoon shot his exhausted glare right at his lover. The look read volumes, but Hakyeon managed to not read a single one and just pulled on a lock of Taekwoon's long hair. "He's probably so sweet, even more obedient than you." That earned Hakyeon a hard smack. Wonshik shut the bedroom door as he stepped out. 

"Keep your power fantasy out of this. Jaehwan is bad enough." 

"Are we going?" The couple whipped around to the strongman behind them. His clothes were simple. Hakyeon wanted to untie the laces of his shirt to see more of that handsome strong chest. 

"Yes, of course." 

"First thing's first, breakfast!" Wonshik grunted as a bag of feed was thrown at his chest. It hit him heavy before falling into his arms. Hakyeon was carrying a bucket full of gruel while Taekwoon pushed a wheelbarrow full of meat. Wonshik gulped at the idea of Hakyeon's animals tearing into their breakfast. Taekwoon separated from the pair though. Him and Hakyeon shared a brief kiss before he went off in the opposite direction. Wonshik watched him go while Hakyeon dragged him along. "I'm going to start you off with the birds so you don't become too squeamish. I give all of them a bowl of the seed, and then some fruit." The squawking became more apparent as they moved forward. It sounded more like  _ dozens _ of birds, all screaming and tweeting and singing. The birds were of all shapes and colors. The white cockatoo from last night puffed up at the sight of them.

"Hi babies! Daddy has a new helper today. Wonshik, this is Yaggi, Xia, Olum, Isolde, Hyeong, and Sung." Hakyeon gestured to each bird as he said the names. Olum was the cockatoo, the rest of the names would probably leave his mind instantly though.

"You'll have to remind me of their names, often." Hakyeon chuckled, pinching Wonshik's cheek. 

"You have a lot to learn, it's only your first day." Wonshik cupped his own cheek, batting his lashes rapidly. Hakyeon put down his bucket and grabbed a bowl from one of the bird cages. Xia maybe? Wonshik dropped the bag of feed to help. The birds screeched as Wonshik reached into their cages and pulled out the bowls. Hakyeon watched him fill the bowls then moved to start cutting apples. Each bird got a slice or two, the parrots eagerly holding them in their claws and crunching. The moved on outside to the horses in the stable. There were three, all big and beautiful with well kept manes. They each got gruel, and Hakyeon explained that they were for Hongbin. Wonshik imagined the ring leader on horseback riding about the circus ring and the image just clicked for him. It was like a missing puzzle piece. Of course that was Hongbin's performance. Hakyeon happily lead him back in. He laughed at Wonshik's squeal of excitement at finding out there were  _ dogs _ too. A mother collie and her pups to be specific. They met Taekwoon again there, the artist feeding the pack beef scraps. 

"Do you know how to duel, Wonshik?" Hakyeon began. He had gotten Balam out of her cage and had her laying beside him in the wide open space within the center of the menagerie. Wonshik was a little better about her presence now, and she seemed more ready to nap than attack right now. Wonshik looked to Taekwoon, who was adjusting how his scabbard hung off his hip. Wonshik let his eyes linger. He looked like some kind of pirate with his sharp eyes and sword and long hair tied back in ribbon. (Wonshik had watched Hakyeon tie it for him, domestic cuteness radiating off of them.) 

"Not with swords. All my fights were fists." Hakyeon cooed at the strongman, smirk alighting his features. 

"I love a strong capable man unafraid to get dirty."

"Did you forget I'm armed?" Taekwoon questioned, pointing his broadsword at his lover. Hakyeon didn't even bat an eye. He clicked his tongue, summoning Balam to rise up. 

"As am I, prince." Taekwoon huffed, sheathing his sword. Wonshik had seen a lot of their dynamic together today. Hakyeon would be smug or playful and Taekwoon would scold. Hakyeon would flirt and instantly Taekwoon would lower his defences again. Wonshik almost delighted in seeing how they would bicker next. He stood up straight and alert when Hakyeon returned his attention to the strongman. "I'm going to have Taekwoon train you. It will all be for show, but you need to know how to hurt someone so you don't do it accidentally in performance." Wonshik nodded obediently, and caught the sword and scabbard tossed to him. Hakyeon moved to sit on one of the benches, Balam following and putting her head at his feet. He looked like an arrogant prince with his smirk on and crossed legs. The metal bench of the menagerie was his throne. 

Wonshik jumped as he felt something hit his sword. It was Taekwoon. Wonshik was quick to try and copy his stance, gulping and holding out his sword. Taekwoon looked him over. 

"Good, you're observant." 

"And you're intimidating." Taekwoon seemed to like that. His lips quirked into a light smile. 

"Hakyeon is all about the authenticity. Learn to generate raw emotion for expressions and body movement." Wonshik tensed and closed his eyes tight as Taekwoon advanced He cracked open an eye to see he hadn't been stabbed, the sword was just against his ribs. "Make it look like you want to hurt me." Wonshik blinked at the artist. He was fully smiling now, and his eyes were alight like the cat on the hunt. Wonshik gulped and adjusted his hand on the hilt of the sword. 

"R-right, yes sir." Taekwoon walked circles around him, still pointing his sword in short guard. Wonshik tried to follow, never dropping his guard. 

"You have good form. Don't turn your feet like that though, you'll get them twisted." Taekwoon advanced again and Wonshik fell on his ass trying to move. His feet did indeed tangle beneath him. Taekwoon followed. Wonshik gasped as the broadsword was pointed right at his neck, inches away. He stared up at Taekwoon in shock. His expression was oddly tender. "You'll be a quick learner, just stop getting nervous." Wonshik gulped. The artist's eyes… one could get lost in those eyes. Taekwoon sheathed his sword and offered a hand, pulling the other up. Hakyeon clapped politely. 

"You can't blame him for being nervous, Taeky. Not under those bedroom eyes." The confident persona fell. Wonshik watched Taekwoon flush and lose his smile for a glare instead. His embarrassed anger was sent right at Hakyeon. 

"Will you let me train your pupil or not?" Hakyeon just shrugged, relaxing even further into the bench. He motioned for them to continue. 

Taekwoon and Wonshik went through many motions. As time went on, Wonshik wasn't as intimidated. He was actually able to smile back as he fought Taekwoon. The artist didn't complain. He gleefully barked orders and critiques as he slashed and flicked long black hair out of his eyes. He felt years younger, pumped full of dopamine and adrenaline. The strongman's own hair had to be tied back. He usually kept it slicked back, away and off of his head, but the sweat and exercise meant his bangs revealed themselves, framing his forehead. He had flushed as Hakyeon tied his hair back for him and told him he looked handsome with his bangs. The master of the menagerie was notably not part of the session, simply watching them and making crude comments at every break they took. 

"I almost have a reason to make you two jealous now," he once teased in the middle of their battle. Taekwoon scoffed. 

"Was this just a ploy to see us sweaty and fighting? Faster, Wonshik! Your pace is terrible!" Hakyeon laughed, nearly tipping over as he clutched his abdomen in giggles. 

"Who's the indecent one now?"

"It is a duel, Hakyeon! Nothing more!" 

Once they had gone through about three hours of dueling and a small lunch, Hakyeon took over. He pulled Taekwoon up with him and equipped Wonshik's sword and scabbard. The bench was moved to the center, Hakyeon sitting in it like before, Balam sitting up alert at his feet. Power exuded off of him and Wonshik felt small sitting on the ground and watching. 

"Me and Taeky are going to show you what we practiced last night. Make sure to pay attention to Taekwoon." 

"I'll be playing his part?" Hakyeon nodded. He waved a hand at Taekwoon, calling him over. Taekwoon stepped forward, pulling his sword from the scabbard. He pointed it at Hakyeon, expression ice cold once again. The animal tamer hummed. His smile was more restrained, but still just as cocky. He held a hand to the already calm cat. Wonshik assumed that would come later in the show. 

Hakyeon stood, calm as water as he meandered towards Taekwoon. The artists adjusted his position, feigning the nerves Wonshik had felt under Taekwoon's sword. Hakyeon easily pulled his own sword from the scabbard, pointing it at Taekwoon. Wonshik jumped as Hakyeon tried to swing at him, Taekwoon darting out of the way. Je blocked the next attempt with his own sword, metal clashing against metal. Taekwoon pushed, making Hakyeon stumble back. The tamer glared as he regained his balance. Only now did Wonshik realize what this was. It was a silent play. There seemed to be some story he was missing out on but he could tell they were mere characters as the lashed out at one another. Taekwoon landed a blow that knocked the sword from Hakyeon's hand, leaving him defenseless. He stepped forward, sword to Hakyeon's stomach. The other held Hakyeon's shoulder, seeming intent on piercing straight through the animal tamer. Hakyeon feigned shock before smiling. Taekwoon just watched with wide eyes as Hakyeon grabbed onto his hand, making him drop the sword onto the ground. Taekwoon looked back up at Hakyeon with blinking eyes. The animal tamer just stepped closer, into Taekwoon's personal space. He put the artist's hand on his hip, holding the other in his own. They were dancing, slowly stepping in circles before Wonshik. Taekwoon seemed at a loss, like his movements were not his own. They were good actors. Wonshik was enraptured watching them. Taekwoon spun the animal tamer, making him giggle. Wonshik had butterflies in his chest. When they came back together, they're were pressed flush, staring at one another. 

Wonshik widened his eyes as Hakyeon suddenly pulled something from his hip and stab Taekwoon. His hand was empty, but Taekwoon looked down and clutched his chest like he really had been hurt. He looked to Hakyeon in fear while the other just smiled. He mimed pulling a dagger from Taekwoon's chest before spinning them around, helping Taekwoon sink to the ground. Taekwoon laid on his back, staring up at Hakyeon as he loomed over his lover. Taekwoon reached out a hand, but Hakyeon stopped him before he could touch the tamer. He leaned down, dropping a soft kiss to Taekwoon's lips, one that somehow seemed like a finale in itself. Wonshik was inclined to clap, what a dramatic story! And the performance! Wonshik didn't know they were also such great actors. He raised his hands to clap, but froze when he realized they weren't parting and taking their bows. They were kissing, Taekwoon's hand tangled in the animal tamer's hair. Hakyeon was cupping the artist's face, coming closer and closer to him. Wonshik put his hands down, sweating as he watched Hakyeon confidently sit atop his lover. Taekwoon's hands moved down to pull on Hakyeon's shirt, get him even closer. Wonshik could easily hear them both, Taekwoon making soft whimpers, the slick sound of kisses. He looked around, as if anyone else would be there to comment on the audacity. Balam didn't care. She was licking her paws, ignoring them. Wonshik looked back to them again. Hakyeon's hands were shoved in Taekwoon's shirt, grabbing his shoulders. They parted for breath, batting lashes at one another. Their puffs of breath mixed and Wonshik finally found the ability to speak again. 

"Should I go?" He finally spoke with his voice cracking. Hakyeon quickly sat up, looking shocked Wonshik was still there. 

"Wonshik! Oh lord, I'm sorry!" Taekwoon didn't apologize. He seemed a little woozy on the floor, staring at Wonshik like he was transparent. 

"The- the show looked good…" Wonshik mumbled, looking at his hands. His face was on fire. Hakyeon dismounted Taekwoon, smacking at him to be decent. 

"Thank. I'm glad you like. We'll… we will continue tomorrow. We need to lock up and check food and water." He was averting his eyes from Wonshik as well, shyly combing his black hair back. Taekwoon buried his face in the elder's neck, tugging his shirt. 

"Do you think you can take Balam back to her cage? She should be a good girl." Wonshik was ready to agree to anything to get out of this. He quickly stood, stepping away from the couple and calling the tiger. She huffed, but followed him. 

"Is your daddy always like that?" He asked the big cat as he lead her to her cage. She let out a huff again and Wonshik nodded in understanding. "I thought so." He locked her in, going to check the others so as to avoid the couple. His mind was haunted by their beautiful visions however. 

* * *

The six all reunited at Taekwoon and Hakyeon's apartment once again, all with varying energy. When the animal trainer's team came to the apartment, they didn't address one another, or at least, Wonshik avoided looking at either of them. Taekwoon helped in the kitchen, cooking with Hakyeon. He had the artists wrapped around his waist when the others had came in. He watched Jaehwan flop down face first to their floor, obviously exhausted. Sanghyuk instantly took residency next to Wonshik. Hakyeon felt a sense of maternal pride seeing them get together. Who knows what they would have done if they didn't get along. He'd be fine keeping Wonshik in their apartment with him and Taekwoon, he supposed. Although, the younger nearly broke down seeing their loving embrace. Maybe it was for the best. 

"How was practice for the rest of you?" He asked in large to the living area. 

"Unfulfilling," Taekwoon quipped, earning him an elbow to the side. Hakyeon scolded him with nothing more than a look. 

“Our’s was great, ducky is a fantastic student,” Jaehwan said, rolling over to give his partner a silly smile. “Only because I have such a good teacher.”

Hongbin didn’t say anything at all, simply sitting and watching from one of Hakyeon’s armchairs. 

“Do you want a demonstration?” Jaehwan asked, looking around at his friends with growing excitement. He was a showoff, that was just a fact. All of them knew it and were sweet enough to indulge him regularly. 

“Of course,” Hakyeon replied, glancing over from the stove.

“Jaehwan  _ why?! _ I’m so tired,” Sanghyuk whined, but he didn’t actually put up a fight when Jaehwan dragged him off the couch.

“Because I don’t usually get to do partner things and I want to brag about how well you’re learning. Now, the thing we practiced after lunch; you remember?”

Sanghyuk nodded, cracking his neck and shaking out his arms. “There’s no mats in here though.”

“I trust you,” Jaehwan replied, counting down from three and taking several very fast steps in his partners direction. 

Sanghyuk caught him around the waist, lifting the blonde up over his head and doing a quick spin in place. Jaehwan’s head almost brushed the apartments admittedly high ceiling, but he paid it no attention, swinging himself around so he sat sideways on the younger’s left shoulder. He leaned back along Sanghyuk’s outstretched arm and reached up to hold his partner’s hand in both of his, letting himself slide sideways so his legs wrapped around Sanghyuk’s waist and he was facing the ceiling. His partner did another spin, pushing Jaehwan down with a palm on his chest so the elder could touch the floor. Jaehwan straightened his legs, slipping into a handstand before returning to a standing position. He and Sanghyuk each sketched a little bow, smiling proudly at their friends bewildered faces.

“Thoughts?”

"That was amazing!" Wonshik complimented as he clapped his hands. He looked like a child just shown magic for the first time and it made the acrobatic team sparkle with pride.

"Very impressive, we might just have competition for your talent," Hakyeon teased, moving to get dinnerware. Sanghyuk shook his head. 

"No, I'm good, but I've seen Jaehwan. I'd have a long way to go." 

"And humble too!" Hakyeon laughed at his own joke. Taekwoon rolled his eyes at the lot of them. 

"The people will like it," He told the pair gently, helping Hakyeon set up the table. Sanghyuk was flocked with attention from Wonshik the second he sat back down. Questions came out of the strongman a mile a minute and Sanghyuk sighed at the new can of worms they had just opened up. 

"The food is ready boys. Shikkie, would you kindly help me?" Hakyeon saved Sanghyuk, batting his eyes at his new partner. Wonshik stood and hurried to the kitchen. Hakyeon held hands to his heart, content sigh on his lips. Sanghyuk wasn't the only adored trainee it would seem. Sanghyuk came to the kitchen with Hongbin, then stepped away from him when he felt the tense air around him. That look and the knowledge of his skills did not bode well for Sanghyuk's comfort levels. Hakyeon was all smiles and praise as Wonshik helped him fill the bowls with soup. 

"How did your practice go?" Jaehwan asked, back hugging Hongbin.

"Hakyeon has a beautiful concept in mind. Taekwoon taught me to duel." Hakyeon covered his heart and melted a little, doopy smile on. 

"You think it's beautiful?" 

"When was the last time you picked up a sword, Taek?" Hongbin raised a brow at the artist. Taekwoon shrugged, moving to the table with his food. 

"Awhile." 

"He was so impressive, and scary, but I think he's a really good teacher. I enjoyed learning." 

"Taeky, did you hear that!?" Taekwoon didn't respond. He sat with their back to them and his head down towards his soup. Hakyeon rubbed Wonshik's arm. "He's just shy. I'm sure you made him very happy saying that." 

"Yeah, Taeky  _ loves _ praise," Jaehwan teased, immediately earning a glare and point from Taekwoon. 

"Don't you start with that." His cheeks were noticeably pink. 

Jaehwan pounced, wrapping himself around the artists shoulders and giggling like a lunatic. He earned an elbow to the stomach for his trouble, but that didn’t stop his smile. 

“No teasing, not in my  _ damn _ kitchen,” Hakyeon said sharply, pointing at the blonde with his cooking spoon as though it were a sword. 

“Apologies, your majesty,” Jaehwan quipped, sketching another bow before leaping at Sanghyuk with absolutely no warning. 

“And no tackling people either!”

“I have to keep him on his toes, Yeonnie. Location matters not!” The acrobat exclaimed happily, hanging off his partner’s arm like it was a tree branch. 

“I’m going to keep  _ you _ on your toes when I beat you with this spoon! Now go sit like a good little boy so you don’t break my home.” Jaehwan stuck out his tongue, ducking just in time to avoid the smack the animal trainer aimed at him. Unfortunately for his partner, that meant Sanghyuk got hit instead.

“Ow! Jesus!” The youngest of the group hissed, rubbing his rapidly reddening cheek as Hongbin snickered. 

“Sorry ducky!” Jaehwan said, not sounding the least bit sorry as he climbed up onto his partners back. “I’m taking you out of here before I get beat up some more,” the younger grumbled, walking over to where Taekwoon was sitting and shaking off his partner. 

“By the way, Hongbin, where did you learn to shoot so well?”

“Hunting,” the ringmaster replied, slitting his eyes at Sanghyuk as he took his plate to sit at Jaehwan's side. Sanghyuk tried his best not to gulp.

"You should see him when he's out on a hunt. When his uncle was still running the circus, he'd take us with for hunting trips. He's like Balam when he gets out there," Hakyeon spoke with stars in his eyes, a vivid picture in his mind. Wonshik mumbled to Sanghyuk that Balam was the tiger, and that really didn't help the visual. Hongbin stalking his prey with those evil eyes and cruel smirk. Sanghyuk visibly shivered. 

"Yes, I've been hunting since I was old enough to carry a weapon. I was  _ very _ well trained." He shot that malicious grin at Sanghyuk, but got smacked by Jaehwan. At least someone else could see what the ringmaster was doing. 

"Don't misread him, ducky. Hongbin can't hurt a fly."

"Jaehwan!" Hongbin squawked, indignant. Jaehwan matched Hongbin's former grin. 

"You should see him the few times he's made me cry. He's such a tender heart behind closed doors. He nearly cried when Hakyeon first said that he loved him as close as his own brothers." Hongbin mimicked choking the acrobat, mortified at his secrets revealed. Wonshik laughed at the pair, obviously only seeing the domestic nature of their actions since he wasn't tagert number one on Hongbin's hit list. 

"How long have you all been together? It seems like you've always known each other?" Everyone was at the table now. Hakyeon took the reigns. 

"I was actually the last one to join the group. Before me, Taeky and Hwan had a bit of a fling, can you believe that?" Wonshik innocently shook his head, looking to the two in question.

"Hakyeon," Taewkoon groaned. It was obviously a subject Taekwoon wanted to avoid. 

"Mhm, they never really got serious about their relationship. I showed up and immediately Taekwoon was to me like birds to seed. Hwannie still likes to tease him though, which we will  _ not _ be doing in my house." He repeated, glaring at said culprit. Jaehwan just shrugged, smiling away as he ate. 

“Woonie and I weren’t suited for one another, no offence Woonie, but Kongie was my best friend from the moment I arrived. We just sort of naturally fell in together,” Jaehwan said, picking up the story where Hakyeon left off. He smiled sweetly at his lover, reaching out to pinch his cheek like Hongbin hadn’t just pretended to strangle him. 

“Being a courtisanes apprentice probably made you a valuable commodity around here,” Sanghyuk said, not hearing his own words until they had left his mouth. The table fell deathly silent, Sanghyuk’s eyes widening as he looked up at Jaehwan. 

“I’m so _ so _ sorry, I didn’t mean that, I don’t even know why I said that,” he exclaimed, desperately trying to backtrack. All the color had drained from his partner’s face, expression completely and carefully blank. 

“If you’ll excuse me, thank you for dinner Yeon. It was delicious,” Jaehwan said, getting slowly to his feet and patting Hongbin’s shoulder with a shaking hand. 

“Jaehwan, I really didn’t mean it! Stay and eat,” Sanghyuk said trying to stand to follow his partner out of the room, but Taekwoon yanked him back down. 

They heard the door close and all eyes turned to glare at the youngest in unison. Sanghyuk felt about two feet tall, an arrow to the heart would probably be more comfortable than how he felt right then. 

“You understand that you’re fucking dead, right?” Hongbin snarled, leaning across the table to look Sanghyuk in the eyes, but Hakyeon held out a hand. 

“This, what you just referenced, is a subject we  _ do not discuss,” _ the animal tamer said, all laughter gone from his tone. 

Sanghyuk quickly nodded. All the different enraged eyes he was getting did not help his current fear of death. Hakyeon took a breath and turned his attention to Hongbin, who was still looking about ready to jump out of his seat and pounce. 

"I know you won't want to the second you hear me say it, but Hongbin, go take care of Jaehwan. Your anger isn't going to do anything here." Sanghyuk was given a break so Hongbin could glare at Hakyeon instead. The trainer didn't even flinch. 

"I am not about to leave when he thinks he has the audacity to say something so," he stumbled for words, obviously trying to find an adjective strong enough for this great offense, "awful! You heard him Hakyeon!" 

"Hongbin, go, or I will drag you out by your ears." Hakyeon adopted his own evil eyes and at this point Sanghyuk was trying to sink far enough into his seat that he might vanish from reality. 

"Hakyeon!" 

"Hongbin," Hakyeon growled. Hongbin stood a moment more, glaring down at the trainer before finally giving in and storming out. 

"Heed my warning, Sanghyuk. You're going to regret that comment," he shouted before leaving the apartment with a slam of the door. Sanghyuk already did regret it. Immensely. Hakyeon sighed and put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples. 

"Should I go too?" Wonshik asked softly. Hakyeon held out a hand to stop him. 

"No, might as well have this chat with the both of you since we're already here." Wonshik settled back into his seat, shrinking much like Sanghyuk was. 

"Darling, please pick all this up for me." Taekwoon stood, immediately doing as he was told. He put a comforting hand on Hakyeon's shoulder and the trainer offered him a tired smile before looking sternly to the other two. 

“As I’m sure you’ve gathered, Wonshik, before Jaehwan came here he worked as a courtesan's apprentice,” Hakyeon began, steepling his hands in front of his mouth. Both of the others nodded in silence. 

“That was his occupation for six years. He has been working here for four, and he is twenty-five years old. I’ll let you work out that math.”  Still, silence. 

“I hope you both can imagine how...  _ unpleasant _ an occupation like that would be, for anyone. Being here, performing, living with us, it’s freeing for him. It helps him heal. And I will not, let me repeat, I will  _ not _ allow snide remarks or pointed comments to disrupt his healing.”

Sanghyuk and Wonshik nodded again, the former feeling even more worthless than before, if that was possible. 

“Things like what you just said, Jaehwan being a valuable commodity, that hurts us nearly as much as it hurts him. It makes it sound like we only like him for his body or skill or what have you, and allow me to emphasize how incredibly false that mentality is. Jaehwan is our brother. We love him for who he is, not for what he can do.”

“I understand, I feel terrible,” Sanghyuk replied, covering his face with his hands. Wonshik patted his shoulder, but it didn’t really help. 

“I know you do, I can see it. But please, for all our sakes and  _ especially _ your partners, think before you speak.”

“I need to go apologize so my conscious is clear when Hongbin kills me.”

“Give him an hour. Going right now would not help the situation,” the animal tamer replied.

"I'm going to… go back to my room then. I think I need to wallow in self pity for a little bit." Hakyeon nodded. Taekwoon had returned to his side, hands back on his shoulders. 

"Do you want to be alone? Or should I come with?" Wonshik was such an innocent soul. Sanghyuk shrugged, already moving to the door. 

"It doesn't matter." The apartment fell into silence again as the door shut a second time. The three were all staring at the door taking in the shit show that had just occurred. 

"Dinner was actually really nice, Hakyeon." The animal tamer laughed, hanging his head. 

"Thank you, Shikkie. You're very sweet."

"Things seem to be moving much smoother with you," Taekwoon mumbled. Wonshik hung his head, shy. Things had certainly done a 180. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [This song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hxIGKNhW1Q)
> 
> Starts sad, then it just gets stupid because I demand on balancing angst with humor -MonsterBoyf  
hyuken are okay I promise -clytemnestrasrevenge

Summoning all his inner strength, Sanghyuk knocked on the door of Hongbin and Jaehwan’s apartment. He had waited the recommended amount of time and suitably shamed himself in the privacy of his bedroom, but now it was time to apologize. 

“He’s not here,” the ringmaster snapped, yanking the door open with a glare that should have frozen the young acrobat solid. 

“Listen, I’m sorry I said that. He told me this morning and it just slipped out, I didn’t mean it,” Sanghyuk said, looking down at his shoes. “Yeah, I bet. Go tell  _ him _ that.”

“I want too. Hakyeon told me to wait an hour, so I did.”

“Well, he’s not here.”

Sanghyuk managed to lift his head and meet the ringmaster’s gaze. “Do you know where he is?”

“He went to his practice room, its where he goes to cool down,” Hongbin replied coldly, catching the younger’s arm as he turned towards the stairwell. “You stay here and listen to me for a minute.”

Sanghyuk stilled, keeping his expression neutral in an attempt to mask the bile rising in his throat. He felt so  _ fucking _ guilty. 

“I have been threatened under pain of being fed to a tiger that I can’t drag you outside and use you for target practice.”

“Sorry about that, I deserve it,” the younger replied, sliding his hands into the pockets of his black trousers. Sanghyuk had used his wallowing time to bathe and get properly dressed. Going to apologize when he was all sweaty in exercise clothes didn’t seem right. Especially when he was apologizing to a person he enjoyed so much. He had only met his partner yesterday, but it felt like they had known each other for years. 

“Yeah, you don’t  _ actually _ understand how much you deserve it. But Jaehwan likes you and he’d be upset if you die, so I’m  _ not _ going to shoot you in the throat with a flaming arrow yet. Yeon told me that he explained the basics?”

“He did.”

“Okay. So, here’s what you have to do.” Sanghyuk nodded, waiting. “Go over there, apologize to him, and if he forgives you, you can work here. If he doesn’t, I want your things packed and I want you gone before breakfast tomorrow.” The young acrobat nodded again. That seemed like a completely reasonable ultimatum for having insulted the circus’s lead acrobat on his second day. He prayed his partner would forgive him. 

“Good, go clean up your mess and please,  _ please…  _ be gentle. He really likes you and he gets attached to people too quickly and too easily.”

Hongbin shut the door without waiting for an answer so Sanghyuk turned to go. He had been rehearsing what he would say in his head since he got out of the bath. How much he was sorry. How he knew the elder had told Sanghyuk that in confidence. How he hadn’t meant it at all and just had a bad habit of sticking his foot in his mouth. If he was honest with himself, he got attached to people too easily as well. 

The young acrobat took the stairs two at a time, jogging across the road to the side entrance of the circus’s building. It was unlocked despite the lateness of the hour. His partner must have left it open. Sanghyuk stepped inside and bolted the door behind him, it wouldn’t do his case any good if someone broke in while he was there after hours. 

The route to Jaehwan’s practice room was getting easier to remember. He made sure his shirt was properly buttoned and his waistcoat wasn’t wrinkled as he made his way down to the set of white double doors. A few lamps were lit on the walls, but the hallway was dim, giving off a rather eerie feeling when combined with the soft music he could hear coming from Jaehwan’s gramophone. 

It wasn’t his normal gentle ambient, Sanghyuk thought, pausing at the end of the hall to collect himself. It was soulful, violins and the swell of a piano. And words. 

Sanghyuk knocked quietly but the music didn’t stop, and nobody came to answer, so he slowly opened the door and looked around. The room was shadow bathed in moonlight, spilling in from the skylights in the high ceiling. It was a full moon, Sanghyuk noticed, not particularly minding the lack of lamps. He turned to the strips of silk, but no Jaehwan. Then he saw him.

Jaehwan was sitting in the middle of his Lyra, the younger thought it was called. The steel hoop, ninety centimeters in diameter, glinting silver where it hung suspended almost ten meters in the air. 

_ ‘I walk the halls invisibly _

_ I climb the walls, no one sees me _

_ No one but you’ _

Sanghyuk stared up at his partner in awe as the music swept through his senses. Jaehwan’s hair was tied up in a bun, his leotard and coat replaced with silk pants and a flowy white shirt. His feet were bare where they dangled in thin air, his long fingers gripping the top of the hoop next to the mounting point. If Jaehwan noticed Sanghyuk, he didn’t acknowledge him. 

_ _

_ ‘You’ve always loved the strange birds _

_ Now I want to fly into your world _

_ I want to be heard _

_ My wounded wings still beating _

_ You’ve always loved the stranger inside… _

_ Me, ugly pretty’ _

_ _

As Sanghyuk watched, his partner slid down so he was hanging only by his hands, letting the Lyra sway for a moment before swinging his legs up like half a midair somersault and held the position. Jaehwan was so strong, Sanghyuk thought, he made holding himself up there look entirely effortless. Matching the music, he slowly lifted his legs, so his knees were hooked around the top of the hoop where his hands had just been. Jaehwan practiced that move earlier, the young acrobat remembered, thinking back to the morning when Jaehwan hung off Sanghyuk’s shoulders with his hands dangling to the floor. When Sanghyuk could feel the rhythm of Jaehwan’s breath against his back. 

_ _

_ ‘Oh little ghost, you see the pain _

_ But together we can make something beautiful _

_ So take my hand and perfectly’ _

_ _

Jaehwan gripped the bottom of the hoop, extending one leg out in front of him with a perfectly pointed foot before inverting his position. He hung still for a moment, seeming to wait for the music to swell before gracefully kicking his legs out and falling, folding his body flat in half around the bottom of the Lyra. The drop made Sanghyuk’s heart stutter from surprise, but his partner wrapped his arms around his arrow straight legs. 

_ _

_ ‘You’ve always loved the strange birds _

_ Now I want to fly into your world _

_ I want to be heard’ _

Each of his movements were graceful, controlled, Sanghyuk thought, watching his partner hang down from the bottom of the hoop with his hands and rest his ankle inside the edge. His other leg dropped back and down so far it nearly touched the back of his head. 

_ _

_ ‘My wounded wings still beating _

_ You’ve always loved the stranger inside… _

_ Me, ugly pretty’ _

_ _

Jaehwan pushed himself up and spun, balancing only on his hips. He held his arms out at his sides like a bird’s wings extended in flight, slowly kicking one foot up towards his back and lowering it again before doing the same with the other. The young acrobat was entirely mesmerized. He had never seen anything more beautiful than Jaehwan performing in his entire life. 

_ ‘Oh no, no, no, no _

_ Oh no, no, no, no _

_ Oh no, no, no, no’ _

Sanghyuk’s heart leapt as the music began to fade out. Jaehwan spun again, turning twice around the bottom of the Lyra and finally hanging straight down, swaying gently with ending chorus. It was only then, getting a clear view of his partner’s face for the first time, that Sanghyuk realized Jaehwan was crying. 

“Are you going to stand there and watch me all night, ducky, or are you going to applaud?” Jaehwan called, not looking down as the music restarted and he climbed back up to the sitting position he started with. 

“I’m here to apologize,” the younger replied, shaking himself from his trance and scanning the room to see how Jaehwan got up there. Ah, a rope ladder up the wall and then from one wall to the next. It could either be stood on or hung from. “Will you come down so I can talk to you?”

“Do you know why I like performing?” his partner asked, dropping back so he hung upside down with his knee’s hooked around the Lyra once more. 

_ ‘I walk the halls invisibly _

_ I climb the walls, no one sees me _

_ No one but you’ _

“No, tell me,” Sanghyuk said, toeing off his shoes and padding over to the ladder. If Jaehwan wasn’t going to come down, the young acrobat would go up. 

Jaehwan caught his ankles, his body forming an ‘0’ so he looked like a link on a chain. “Because, if I’m performing, I’m not being touched.”

Sanghyuk winced but he began climbing anyway. 

_ _

_ ‘You’ve always loved the strange birds _

_ Now I want to fly into your world _

_ I want to be heard _

_ My wounded wings still beating _

_ You’ve always loved the stranger inside… _

_ Me, ugly pretty’ _

“I didn’t mean it, Jaehwan, I’m sorry,” he called, glancing over his shoulder once he was halfway up. His partner had twirled back up, hanging by his hands and legs extended in a perfect split. His eyes were still closed, elfin face bathed in moonlight that washed all the color from his skin and glittered like specs of stardust in his hair. 

“If I’m performing, no one is grabbing me. No one is squeezing or petting or putting their hands places they shouldn’t.”

_ _

_ ‘Oh little ghost, you see the pain _

_ But together we can make something beautiful _

_ So take my hand and perfectly’ _

Sanghyuk reached the top of the ladder, climbing up onto the horizontal one with practiced ease. He returned his eyes to his partner, watching Jaehwan swing up and fold himself around the bottom edge. 

“No one is assigning me value based on what I can do with my hands or my mouth,” his partner called, balancing on his hips and spreading his arms wide, “Or how good I make them feel.”

“I don’t think you’re a commodity, I don’t even know why I said that,” Sanghyuk replied, the bile rising in his throat once more at the things Jaehwan was saying. 

“Most people think that way about me, ducky, you’re in the majority,” his partner replied, somersaulting and dangling from only one knee, folding his other leg back and catching it in one hand over his head as the young acrobat crawled to the middle of the rope ladder. He stopped there, right beside the Lyra, watching his partner spin in lazy circles. 

_ _

_ ‘You’ve always loved the strange birds _

_ Now I want to fly into your world _

_ I want to be heard’ _

Jaehwan twirled back up, balancing on the heels of his hands so they were face to tearstained face. Sanghyuk’s stomach twisted at the sight of those damp trails rolling down his partners cheeks, dripping from his pointy chin. The young acrobat wanted to reach out and wipe them away, but after the things Jaehwan said he didn’t think that would be a good move. 

“I really liked you ducky, I thought you were one of the good ones.”

“I am!” Sanghyuk replied, failing to keep the pleading note from his voice as he inched as close to his partner as he could. “I always say the wrong thing and I don’t know why, but please forgive me Jaehwan. I don’t think of you like that and I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“You know, I told you that because I trusted you. Not to try and gain pity or favor from you, just because I wanted to be entirely honest. If I was trusting you with my life then you deserved the whole picture,” Jaehwan said, shifting his weight from hand to hand. 

Sanghyuk swallowed hard. He didn’t like the way his partner was speaking about him. In past tense. “I know that, I’m sorry I betrayed your trust, forgive me?” he tried, sparring a second to glance down at the floor nearly ten meters below them. Wait. There was no net. 

_ _

_ ‘My wounded wings still beating _

_ You’ve always loved the stranger inside… _

_ Me, ugly pretty’ _

It happened in a split second, Sanghyuk watched it like he was in slow motion. He saw the moment Jaehwan’s strength ran out, the moment he slipped. 

He didn’t stop to think. Didn’t pause to consider the consequences if he miscalculated. Sanghyuk saw his partners eyes widen in almost comic surprise, saw his left-hand slip off the hoop, and as the music swelled, the young acrobat  _ jumped.  _

He threw himself off the rope ladder, managing to hook one of his legs around the Lyra and made a grab for his partner, hanging upside down and gripping Jaehwan’s hand for all he was worth. 

There was no dramatic shouting of names, no screaming, simply the sad,  _ sad _ song playing in the background as Sanghyuk saved Jaehwan’s life. They stared at each other, eyes locked, panting as the magnitude of what had just happened sunk in. Sanghyuk’s key slipped out of his trouser pocket, tumbling to the ground below with a soft clink.

“Will this support both our weights?” the young acrobat whispered, like speaking too loudly might cause the chain to snap. Jaehwan blinked and then nodded, staying perfectly still as the hoop swung slowly back and forth.

_ ‘Oh no, no, no, no _

_ Oh no, no, no, no _

_ Oh no, no, no, no’ _

“Okay, that’s good. Now, you know how you like to climb up my back?” Sanghyuk continued, somehow keeping his voice steady despite his rapidly rising panic. His partner nodded again. “I need you to do that but in reverse because this isn’t a very stable position and don’t want to drop you.”

The music faded away and didn’t restart, it must have reached the end of its loop. Jaehwan hesitated for barely a moment, swinging his legs to get enough momentum that he could catch the young acrobat’s other hand with his free one. Sanghyuk didn’t try to help, not wanting to throw him off balance, simply letting Jaehwan shimmy up his body until he was safely back on the hoop. 

“Can you get over to the ladder?”

“Yes.” The word was a tiny squeak, and a moment later Sanghyuk felt his partners weight shift off the Lyra. He waited until he could see that Jaehwan had reached the wall and had begun to climb down before swinging himself up in a very poor imitation of his partners technique. 

He didn’t waste any time letting himself calm down, he could do that better once he was back on the ground. The young acrobat caught the edge of the ladder and made his way to the wall like he was on monkey bars. The knowledge that there was no net below him caused his decent to take much less time than the original journey. 

“Thank you,” his partner breathed, throwing himself on Sanghyuk the moment his foot touched the floor. Sanghyuk hugged Jaehwan tight, his legs feeling like nothing more than jelly, and he sank down to sit on the floor. “I wasn’t just going to let you die, you haven’t accepted my apology yet.”

The young acrobats reply startled a high laugh from his partner, Sanghyuk smiling shakily as Jaehwan latched onto him like a koala. He didn’t want to think about the stupid risk he had just taken. It didn’t actually matter at this point. All that mattered was that both he and his partner had reached the ground in one piece. 

He hugged Jaehwan close against him, laying his cheek atop his blonde head. They were  _ safe.  _

After a few minutes of deep breathing, Jaehwan looked up at him, batting those absurdly long eyelashes and allowing the young acrobat to wipe the tears from his face. He nosed at Sanghyuk’s cheek, nuzzling as he said softly, “I forgive you.”

* * *

Hakyeon perked up as he heard their front door open once again. Wonshik had left to return to his apartment and the trainer and his lover were changing for bed. Hakyeon stepped out of his bedroom to see Wonshik in the apartment doorway. The strongman immediately looked down at Hakyeon's nightgown. It was a dirty white, and short, stopping only at Hakyeon's thighs. 

"He wasn't in there. Can I… " Wonshik stopped speaking as he looked to Taekwoon, who just walked in. The artist was bare chested, wearing just his trousers like he always did for bed.

"You want to stay with us?" 

"You don't have to. I've adapted to being around others so I… you understand?" Hakyeon nodded. He walked up and gently hugged the younger, patting his back. 

"Our door is always open for you, Shikkie." The younger shyly reciprocated. Hakyeon felt tiny in his arms, like one wrong move and Wonshik would crush him. The strongman was gentle. 

"We only have one bed," Taekwoon chimed in. The strongman looked to him, then averted his eyes remembering that the artist still wasn't dressed. 

"I can just sleep out here. It wouldn't be the first time I've slept on a friend's floor."

"Nonsense! Come in here!" Wonshik didn't have a choice, he was dragged in by Hakyeon. The animal tamer pushed him onto the bed and Wonshik went red at the implication. He scrambled to sit up. Taekwoon came in, stepping to the opposite side of the bed and raising the sheet to sink in. "We should get you something more comfortable to sleep in."

"You don't need to-"

"Oh! And while you're here I can show you the costume!" Wonshik put his hand down, accepting he was going to be entirely ignored. The trainer was excited about said costume, eagerly throwing open the closet. It was kind of cute, seeing Hakyeon flutter about like a busy bee, smile lighting his face. Wonshik was distracted in watching him. 

"Taeky made it for me, well, is making it for me. He has such a lovely creative eye." Wonshik raised his brows as Hakyeon carefully picked up a bundle of hair. He pinned his own back before placing the mop on his head. 

"Oh…" Wonshik spoke softly, making Hakyeon laugh, as he realized it was a wig. Long black hair that fell in loose waves at the bottom. Hakyeon pinned the bangs away, making it appear as though the hair was smoothed back like how Wonshik kept his. It was a weird clash, Hakyeon's masculine side profile with the majestic feminine hair. Wonshik whipped around as the bed creaked, Taekwoon stepping off it. He came behind Hakyeon, fingers in the wig and brushing. 

"You can't wear the dress yet. I'm not done." Hakyeon whined, pouting his lips. He looked at Taekwoon through the mirror. 

"But I want to show it off. It already looks so pretty." 

"Patience, princess." A smirk teased Taekwoon's lips as he used the nickname. Hakyeon huffed. A golden crown was placed atop his head. He adjusted it with dignified passive aggression fit for a queen. 

"At least I'm not the princess in bed." Taekwoon hissed again, glaring as he had a tight grip on Hakyeon's shoulders. Wonshik could vaguely see the flush to his ears, the way he curled his toes. Did he… did he like being teased like this? "Oh, be easy on me, Taekwoon. We both know it's true." Hakyeon stood from the vanity stool to rifle through the closet again. This time he came back with something no larger than a bracelet.

Wonshik flushed again seeing Hakyeon bend over and push his leg slowly through. It was a garter. Wonshik was watching Hakyeon put on thigh garters while he was in a dress and wig, and crown. Wonshik couldn't help following Hakyeon's hands up his leg. He nearly whimpered seeing Hakyeon tuck a dagger into it. Deadly and beautiful, exactly what Hakyeon had shown himself as. The strongman jumped at Taekwoon clearing his throat. Both men were staring at him. Hakyeon was grinning but Taekwoon was squinting at him. He had been caught red handed, hadn't he? Wonshik ducked his head. 

"Sorry. Uh you look- Hakyeon, you're a very pretty girl." Hakyeon sat next to him on the bed, practically in his lap. Wonshik squeaked at having him so close, hanging off of him. He was smiling before pouting his lips again. 

"Am I not a pretty man?"

"No! No, you're- you're a very pretty man. This is just a different pretty. Not that it's bad! I like men more anyway so you're both really pretty- or, uh, handsome to me regardless. Oh lord." Wonshik covered his face as the shame set in. He started nervous rambling again, panicking and just pouring everything out. Hakyeon didn't seem offended. He just laughed, delightful, fairy like laugh. 

"That seems to be a common trait with this circus, hm? Thank you, Shikkie. You are very handsome yourself. Handsome, sweet, innocent. It's delightful." Taekwoon stepped over, clearing his throat again. Hakyeon looked up and spoke to him while still playing with Wonshik's hand. "You're still just as beautiful to me, Woonie. It's like trying to compare candy to fruit. They're incomparable." Taekwoon sat on Wonshik's other side and Wonshik quickly looked at them both. He was suddenly feeling very claustrophobic. 

"You'll like anyone with a cock." Hakyeon gasped melodramatic. 

"Taekwoon! Don't be so vulgar in front of company!" 

"Like you didn't say you wanted to eat him five minutes into knowing him." Hakyeon reached over to swat at the artist, glaring. Wonshik leaned back, trying to avoid the lovers dispute. How did Wonshik never noticed the comment? He was sure he would have noticed something like that, it was rather straightforward. Although, he had never had another man flirt with him, something he just accepted as a product of the times. Maybe that inexperience made Wonshik painfully obtuse. 

"You are just as bad as me! At least I'm open about my attraction!" Wonshik perked. 

"You like me?" Both men froze at the question meant for Taekwoon. The artist stared at Wonshik unblinking for a moment, then he averted his eyes. Wonshik watched him bite his lip. 

"I do… like your presence. You're professional, and kind… good at listening…" Taekwoon looked off distantly. Wonshik really hadn't expected all of that. The artist had been behind an icy wall the whole time, save for their duel. He had no idea Taekwoon actually liked him, was willing to praise him. Hakyeon smirked at Wonshik. 

"He's secretly gotten rather fond of you," he whispered with a wink. Wonshik squeaked as he was pulled to his feet. 

"I never got to try the dance with you." Wonshik was easily forced into position, Hakyeon holding his wrist down. 

"I don't remember all of it."

"I'll teach you then. Let me lead you, Wonshik." The strongman looked to Taekwoon for help, but the artist just nodded to him. There was no escape. He turned his attention back to Hakyeon, looking down at the hand on his wrist.

"I drop the sword." 

"Good boy." Hakyeon stepped closer, grabbing Wonshik's other hand. He was so close Wonshik could feel his breath. He licked his lips out of nervous habit. "I'll come closer, put your hand on my hip."

"Will you make fun of me if I say I don't know how to dance?" Hakyeon raised his brows, dropping his jaw slightly. 

"You don't know how to dance?"

"Not like this. I've never-" he looked to their feet as Hakyeon began to step. He tried to follow, avoid the tamer's toes. "I've never had the chance to dance like this. I've always been poor and busy. I also don't like being that close with women." Hakyeon chuckled. He didn't even blink from his stare at Wonshik. He knew exactly how to move his feet. Wonshik felt a little inferior by those eyes. He tried to look up, but stepped on toes before he even made it all the way up. Hakyeon hushed his fervent apologies. 

"Then be glad you have me. I have to say though, you are doing very well. You are such a good student!" Wonshik flushed. 

"You're just a good teacher." Hakyeon looked to Taekwoon in astonishment. 

"Did you hear that, Taeky?!" The artist nodded, a small upturn to his lips. Hakyeon beamed at Wonshik and the strongman suddenly felt winded. 

"I'm definitely keeping you around now. Raise my hand up and spin me." Wonshik blinked before realizing it was an order. He raised their hands and Hakyeon spun around in a slow circle. His crown caught the candle light just like his eyes did. 

When Hakyeon came back, he pressed close to Wonshik's body. Their chests were flush and their faces close. The butterflies burst from their cocoons within Wonshik. They stared into one another's eyes for a moment. One that stretched long as Wonshik noted everything about Hakyeon's face. His eyes were warm and welcoming, his face was round, his lips and skin seemed like they would be soft to the touch. Wonshik forgot the finale. He jumped as he felt cold metal through his shirt. The dagger was against his ribs, just like Taekwoon had done in practice. Wonshik tried to copy what Taekwoon had done once his common sense returned. He looked at Hakyeon in shock, and the princess just smiled. He lead Wonshik to the ground with unexpected strength. Wonshik stared up at him with stars in his eyes. He looked like a painting, his perfect waves and shimmering crown, the candles casting their yellow glow. The light darkened the shadows, increased the saturation in colors around them. Taekwoon was forgotten on the bed. It was only Hakyeon and the way he put his hand beside Wonshik's head on the floor. Wait! The kiss! Wonshik had forgotten all about the finale, having blocked it out in embarrassment. 

"I think I understand now!" Wonshik fumbled as he slide away from Hakyeon, quickly going to sit up. The elder blinked, still in his former position. Wonshik hoped his hot cheeks weren't too obvious to the other two. It's not that he was disgusted by the concept of kissing the elder. The thought had actually came across in his most intrusive thoughts, but he repressed those. No, the concept of kissing Hakyeon became distressing when you consider he was with Taekwoon, and Taekwoon was right there! Hakyeon was off limits. Hakyeon just sat up, looking quietly surprised. He awkwardly pat down his hair. 

"Right. We should… be going to bed soon anyway. It's late." Taekwoon rose from the bed over to the vanity. 

"You can sleep on my side, Shikkie. Taeky is very particular about sleeping, but I'm not as bad." Hakyeon threw the sheet up, giving them space to all climb in. Wonshik rose, taking hesitant steps towards the bed. Hakyeon was handed a hairbrush. "You can lay down and get comfortable. I will just be brushing Taekwoon's hair and then I'll blow out the lights." Wonshik sat down on the bed, watching Hakyeon do the same and have Taekwoon between his legs. He began to brush through his hair, the slight waves. Taekwoon was still holding a second brush. 

"Come here, Wonshik." The strongman blinked before stumbling over. Taekwoon pointed to the ground in front of him, looking up silently at Wonshik. One eye winked closed in pain as his hair was tugged rather hard by the brush. Taekwoon didn't stand down, so Wonshik swallowed the inappropriate way he saw the gesture and got down on the floor between Taekwoon's legs. The artist took Wonshik's hair in his hand and began to brush it. "Your hair is thick. It's nice." 

"Thank you…"

"Isn't this so cute? I'm glad we're all getting together so well!" Wonshik nodded, or at least tried to. Taekwoon's hands were more rough than the strongman had expected. 

"It's nice. Do you do this e-everyday?" He stuttered at a tug to a knot. He was so painfully touch starved. 

"Mhm! Every night before bed, I brush through Taekwoon's hair. It's like how birds preen one another, or chimps pick at one another. Grooming is instinctively communal for us." Wonshik imagined Hakyeon's hands to be light. They would probably persuade the knots to come undone with the littlest force. Being brushed by Hakyeon was probably relaxing for Taekwoon. Being brushed by Taekwoon was not. It was painful, and he kept getting scolded for moving or whining. On one swipe, Taekwoon got a bad spot and Wonshik gasped as his head was pulled back. 

"Be quiet, baby," Taekwoon scolded. Wonshik flushed at the combination of pain and insult. Salt to the burn, and yet, Wonshik had tingles. He bit his tongue to stop the intrusive thought. No one enjoyed having their hair pulled. That was weird. Stop it, Wonshik. Taekwoon continued brushing and pulling and Wonshik just crushed his thighs together trying to concentrate on anything else. The way their shadows flickered on the walls, the unidentified floral scent in the air, anything. 

As soon as Wonshik was released he made a beeline for the bed, laying face down and covering himself in the sheet. The couple glanced to him but said nothing. He heard a soft kiss, followed by whispered "I love you"s. One climbed into bed while the other softly blew out the candles. A gentle hand was placed on Wonshik's head. Hakyeon wished him sweet dreams. Wonshik was quick to give them good wishes as well. Hakyeon did as he said, coming in beside Wonshik and Taekwoon. He laughed at a warning from Wonshik that he snored. He assured that was okay before spooning his lover, letting out a content sigh. 

When Sanghyuk came in the next morning to find his roommate, he found Wonshik in the middle with both men cuddled up to him. He saw Taekwoon shirtless, a wig and crown on the floor, a garter and hairbrushes on the bedside table, and then questioned what in the name of fuck had happened here while he nearly died with Jaehwan. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be something written by me if we didn't have baby Wonshik and accidental voyerism -MonsterBoyf

Sanghyuk was standing in the hallway of what served as backstage for the circus’s amphitheater, debating whether or not to go wish Jaehwan good luck. 

He had already said as much to Hongbin, seeing the ringmaster briefly in passing as he ran around looking for his bow. Someone had moved it without telling him apparently and he wasn’t in a good mood. Sanghyuk had momentarily drooled over his costume, form fitting black pants with gold stripes up the sides, a deep red tailcoat with black lapels and gold buttons, sparkly gold epaulettes on his shoulders, all tied together by his white gloves and black riding boots. It was a good thing the young acrobat wasn’t attracted to men, otherwise he would be in big trouble. Well, he didn’t think he was, but that was something to contemplate another time. 

“Do you know where Jaehwan’s dressing room is?” Sanghyuk asked, catching Wonshik’s arm as his roommate ran past. 

“Down the hall, third door on the right. You won’t recognize him, but I can’t get into it now, I need to go find the tiger!”

Sanghyuk let Wonshik go and turned to follow his instructions, holding the single long-stemmed rose he had purchased on his way here. His partner deserved praise for getting back up on the ropes after nearly falling to his death a few days ago. It hadn’t even seemed to phase Jaehwan, practicing on his silks the very next morning. Sanghyuk had needed a few days, he wasn’t a professional yet, but Jaehwan had obliged him until he was ready again. 

That moment, throwing himself into freefall like an idiot, Sanghyuk couldn’t make himself forget the way his heart had leapt into his throat. And then after, back on the ground when his heart had leapt into his throat for an entirely different reason. Jaehwan on his lap and his mouth- 

_ Another time.  _ Think about that another time. It was just adrenaline, a lot of pent up emotions, nothing else. No real attraction. There was no better aphrodisiac than a near-death experience, and tensions had been running high. It would have been weirder if they didn’t-  _ another time. _

Sanghyuk knocked on third door on the right of the hallway, waiting to open the door until he heard a voice call, “Enter!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Miss, pardon me,” the young acrobat mumbled, backing out of the room as fast as he could. Wonshik had obviously gotten his rooms confused. “Ducky? Where are you going? Is that for me?”

“Jaehwan?”

“Andromeda. My stage name is Andromeda,” his partner said, stepping fully out from behind his privacy screen. Sanghyuk could do nothing but gape. 

His partner’s costume was sleek and close fitting, entirely ivory with accents of silver. Impossibly, no-  _ indecently  _ short shorts, cut just at the top of his thigh. Silver lace trim around the leg openings, giving the illusion of garters. Stockings underneath, the color of skim milk. Corset with a wasp waist. Low cut bodice with sleeves angled toward the shoulders. Soft white boots that laced up with silver ribbon to the middle of his calf. 

Strings of seed pearls dripped down around his neck, the chains getting shorter and shorter until they hung close to his throat. Matching pearlescent ornamentation in his hair. And that  _ hair.  _ His thick blonde curls were parted in the center and pinned up into a heart shape, framing his face. A few ringlets were loose and hanging down around his cheeks. Those  _ cheeks.  _ Faintly rouged and lips to match, kohl rimming his liquid brown eyes.

“I was thinking, your stage name could be Perseus.”

“What?”

Sanghyuk was blinking very fast, averting his eyes as his partner sidled up to him. He was having trouble accepting that fact that Jaehwan was more beautiful than the prettiest girl he’d ever seen. It wasn’t computing.

“You know, like Perseus and Andromeda? The star-crossed lovers, the constellation?”

“Why-  _ where  _ is your leotard?!”

Jaehwan snatched the rose from the young acrobat’s hand, delicately lifting it to his nose and giving Sanghyuk a smile that was nothing but coy. “Are you referring to my practice clothes?”

Sanghyuk nodded, crossing his arms for something to do. “They’re in the wash. Why, do you not find my costume becoming?”

_ Becoming _ wasn’t a strong enough word to describe his partner’s costume. Dazzling, lovely, charming, enchanting, ravishing, Sanghyuk couldn’t settle on just one. In fact, the young acrobat was starting to panic. 

“It’s very nice but- but its women’s clothing,” he blurted, pulling himself together enough that he could look Jaehwan in the eye. That was a mistake. 

“And?”

_ “And-  _ you’re… you know!”

“I’m Jaehwan. Or, at the moment I’m Andromeda.”

Sanghyuk was at an utter loss. The ability to speak had left him unable to do anything but stare. Specifically, he was staring at Jaehwan’s waist. The young acrobat’s hands fit so snuggly there, but now it was different, just on the side of too narrow. “You shouldn’t wear a corset- or at least, not lace it so tight.”

Jaehwan looked mildly affronted, twirling away from him and setting the rose on his dressing table. “I wear whatever I like. I’m sorry you find it unattractive.”

“No! That’s  _ not  _ it!” Sanghyuk spluttered, trailing after his partner. “Just loosen it a little. Just a  _ little.  _ I’m sure you’ll… breathe easier,” he finished lamely, looking at Jaehwan’s reflection in the mirror. 

“Do you know how long it took to put this on?”

“Ages, I’m sure. Let me do it for you.”

His partner arched one delicate brow, eyeing the young acrobat appraisingly. “You want to undress me?”

Sanghyuk tried not to choke on his own saliva, managing to remain dignified by the  _ slimmest  _ of margins. “No, I want to loosen this, so you don’t hurt yourself in the ring,” he replied, fumbling with the silver ribbon lacing Jaehwan’s garment together. It was tied in a bow, just above the swell of his-

“If you insist, ducky. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,” Jaehwan said, leaning forwards and bracing his hands on the back of his chair. His spine curved in such a pretty-

“Why does Hongbin make you dress like a girl?”

“Hongbin doesn’t  _ make _ me do anything. He encourages me to express myself in any way I choose,” his partner replied, panting a little as the young acrobat began tugging the laces loose. Sanghyuk watched the muscles on his back expand and contract, finally noticing that Jaehwan's skin was dusted with mica powder, shiny and fine and  _ oh  _ so sparkly. 

“You look like a diamond.”

Jaehwan glanced up sharply, Sanghyuk shifting under the weight of his look. 

“I just mean- you’re very glittery, with the powder on your... Yeah,” the young acrobat finished, trailing off in the middle of his sentence. This wasn’t the first time Sanghyuk had helped someone into a corset (although he normally helped them  _ out _ of a corset), but it was definitely the time that inspired the most confusion. He kept his eyes resolutely down on the ribbon in his hands. The corset was finally coming loose, his partners waist appearing more delicate than painful. 

“You can touch if you like, I’m not an artifact in a museum.”

“No, I shouldn’t. You have to go get ready to perform.”

Sanghyuk retied the bow, frozen in place as his partner turned slowly to face him. “I have a few minutes,” Jaehwan replied, his tone slipping into a sultry lilt that he could have only learned during his time as-  _ stop it! Pull yourself together, Sanghyuk! _

“Well I have to go, I just came to wish you good luck for the performance.”

They were silent for a moment, listening to the hustle and bustle outside. Jaehwan staring at the young acrobat while Sanghyuk stared at his shoes. 

“Then, why aren’t you going?”

Sanghyuk couldn’t move. He tried, but his body was very stubbornly disobeying his brain. 

“How do you- how do you be bendy in that?” he asked, words strung haphazardly together as he gestured to corset. The young acrobat was making a conscious decision to focus on the clothes rather than the person inside them. It was safer. 

Jaehwan smiled up at him, curling over into a backbend and lifting one leg so his toe pointed at the ceiling. Sanghyuk’s mind has slipped into autopilot, his hand wrapping around his partners ankle to support him without even thinking about doing so. 

“There’s no boning, the fabric stretches with me. It was made special.” Jaehwan straightened up, the young acrobat still holding his leg next to his head. Sanghyuk hastily let go, inhaling an unsteady breath as his partner lowered enough to hook his knee around the inside of Sanghyuks elbow. 

“You- I can't with you. Working together is one thing but you’re...  _ nothing _ else,” the young acrobat stuttered, still making no move to back away. What was  _ wrong _ with him?!

Jaehwan watched him for a moment longer before lowering himself back into a standing position. The urge to tangle himself around his partner was nearly overpowering, but Sanghyuk managed to hold himself together. 

“Okay ducky, that’s fine. I’m not to everyone’s taste,” Jaehwan said softly, taking a step away to give the younger room to breathe. 

Sanghyuk compensated, extending a hand to bridge the space between them. “That’s not it! You have a lover already! And you’re a- and I’m also a... I like  _ women.” _

“That’s alright ducky. You don’t need to convince me of anything,” Jaehwan replied, patting the back of Sanghyuks hand. His partner clearly wasn’t understanding him. 

The young acrobat caught his partners wrist, drawing him back. He let his hands settle on Jaehwans waist, just like the first time when they-

“Even if I did want, we can’t. Hongbin would murder me on the spot,” he said, looking pleadingly into his partners warm brown eyes. Why did this have to feel so  _ perfect?! _

“Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan murmured, trying to step away again. The young acrobat held on tight, he couldn’t let go, it was like his palms were glued to the fabric of Jaehwans costume. “Sanghyuk, your body language is very confusing.”

“You’re a man!”

“No, I’m a Jaehwan.”

“You have a dick!”

“That’s not the point.”

Sanghyuk stared at his partner, the mixture of panic and longing swirling in his head leaving him more confused than before. “You do have one, I know you do! I felt you get hard when we-“

Jaehwan shushed him gently, reaching up and cupping his cheek. Sanghyuk wanted to lean into the touch but he stopped himself. 

“I’m Jaehwan. I don’t need a label other than that. Such a concept may be foreign to you, but what a person has between their legs is of no import to me. All I care about is how someone thinks, how they feel, ducky. Ones heart is immeasurably more important than ones sex assignment.”

“But- But I don't...” Sanghyuk spluttered, entirely unsure of what to reply. He understood what his partner meant but he had never considered that he himself could  _ possibly _ like- not even when Jaehwans hands were on his-

“I’m not telling you that you have to feel the same, I’m just explaining who I am.”

Instead of trying to talk, which he hadn’t been doing very well to begin with, Sanghyuk moved closer and laced his fingers together behind his partners back. Jaehwan didn’t seem like he knew what to do either. 

“Ducky, I don’t know how else to try and explain, and I don’t know exactly how you’re feeling because you are giving me very mixed signals, but why don’t you try taking some deep breaths?” 

Jaehwan smelled like sugar, the way the air smells inside a candy store. “I like women, you’re in a relationship with someone else, it’s a mute point, there’s no n-need to be having this conversation.”

“Ducky? Sanghyuk are are you crying?”

“No!” 

The young acrobat blinked back the wetness in his eyes. He wasn’t actually crying he was just so frustrated that Jaehwan couldn’t understand! His partner cooed, patting his cheek before adjusting the lapels of Sanghyuks coat. 

“There’s no need to be so upset, love. Whatever you’re feeling is valid,” he said, a soft smile turning up the corner of his pretty mouth. That  _ mouth... _

Sanghyuk pulled his partner against him, feeling Jaehwans hands settle on his shoulders before the young acrobat closed the remaining gap and pressed their lips together. It felt as good if not  _ better _ than the first time, and somehow that made it worse. It would have been better if the feelings had gone away. If the tremor of longing that sliced through Sanghyuk’s willpower had gone away, if the  _ rightness _ of it all had gone away. 

Jaehwan hummed into the kiss, successfully making the younger come to his senses. 

“I’m  _ not _ attracted to you,” he said, voice carrying a firmness he didn’t truly feel. Sanghyuk pushed the elders arms off him, turned away, and took his leave. The last glimpse of Jaehwans exquisite, bewildered face was stuck immovably in his mind's eye. 

* * *

The lights in the amphitheater went low, a single spotlight illuminating the gap at the edge of the ring. Sanghyuk watched from the staging area, focusing all his attention on the show rather than on his disastrous attempt to wish his partner good luck. 

The ringmaster appeared to cheers and whoops from the crowd, standing on his white horse with his previously missing bow slung over his shoulder. Not just standing up in the stirrups,  _ no, _ hongbin was standing on the horses back the way Jaehwan stood on a tightrope. He wasn’t even holding the reins, his arms were spread wide, waving and blowing kisses to the audience. Several people were throwing flowers, and Hongbin caught one as he rode past, giving the girl a half bow and slipping it into his lapel. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Lumen ad Somnia circus! Your evening of wonder is about to begin!”

The applause grew louder as Hongbin came to a stop in the center of the ring, notching an arrow in his bow, and lighting the tip aflame from a torch being held for him by a stagehand. He aimed at a large metal ring at the back of the amphitheater and sent the arrow flying. The ring burst into flames, sizzling and crackling as the crowd roared their approval. Sanghyuk couldn’t help but clap along. Jaehwan and Hongbin were two  _ very _ different types of tempting.

He introduced the first acts, tumblers and jugglers, clowns, even a squad of unicyclers. All of them were nice, but it seemed like they were only warming up the crowd for real acts. 

“And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” Hongbin called, returning to the ring. He was lying on his horses back like it was a divan, one leg crossed over the other and hands above his head. “The lovely, the mysterious, the mistress of the stars, Andromeda!”

Sanghyuk swallowed hard, the lights going dark as the orchestra began Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata. In contrast to the rackus laughter and cheers from before, the crowd began to murmur when the spotlight found Jaehwan, high in the air at the center of the tightrope. 

He walked back and forth a few times, and then fell into a handstand, and then executed a series of cartwheels to the  _ oohs _ and  _ aahs _ of the audience. In his white costume and glittering skin, Sanghyuk thought his partner looked like a star that had fallen to earth. 

Jaehwan curtsied and the ring went dark, cheers erupted from the crowd as they were pulled from their trance. Sanghyuk wasn’t exactly sure which elements his partner would be doing that night, but when he appeared sitting on a trapeze, the young acrobat wasn’t all that surprised. 

He fell to hang from one knee, stretching into a splits as the music switched the Clair de Lune. He whirled and flipped and spun, even going so far as to tangle up in the trapezes ropes and then drop nearly ten feet to dangle off the bar with one hand. Sanghyuk managed to drag his eyes away for long enough to see that the audience was watching slack jawed and wide eyed. It was like they had all been hypnotized. 

With a final series of somersaults that left Sanghyuk breathless, the amphitheater went dark. The young acrobat hoped the Lyra would be the finale, he loved seeing Jaehwan up on the hoop.

The music changed, melting into that ambient melody Jaehwan played while they were training, and the spotlight focused on a man standing in the center of the ring. It wasn’t Jaehwan, he was dark haired but dressed in a similar costume to Sanghyuks partner. White trousers and a loose cream colored shirt, pearls and silver decoration on his clothes and in his hair. Did Jaehwan have another partner?

A second spotlight lit up a metal moon suspended from the sky, artificial fog perfumed with the fragrance of some night blooming flower rising from the ground. 

The man on the ground began to sing as Jaehwan began to move, slow and languorous as though holding himself up there hadn’t worn out his muscles at all. The whole routine seemed to be centered around the distance between him and the man on the ground, arms outstretched to one another and lots of eye contact. Sanghyuk just stared, what else could he do? 

_ ‘I’ll take you to the moon, I’ll take you to the moon’ _

“Enjoying the show?” Hongbin asked, appearing at Sanghyuks side, sans horse. 

“Yeah, it’s remarkable. Who’s that singing?” the younger replied, watching hypnotized as his partner twirled with the grace of a sparrow catching a breeze. 

“One of Hwannie's friends. He doesn’t actually work here but Hwannie convinces him to perform every now and then.”

_ ‘Talk to me baby, talk to me baby’ _

“Everyone else is alright, but the people really come here for Jaehwan and Hakyeon. They’re the real stars.” The young acrobat nodded dumbly.

“Did you borrow rouge from someone?” Hongbin asked, gesturing at Sanghyuks mouth. The young acrobat sent a silent prayer of thanks to god for the dim lighting that hid his flush. 

Hongbin pulled Sanghyuks hand from his pocket, mica powder glittering on his palm. “I thought as much.”

“Please don’t fire me, it won’t happen again I swear!”

“Calm down, it’s fine.”

“But I like women, not men, so it’s not going to be a problem. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re allowed to like both, you  _ are _ aware of that fact, yes?”

“What?” Sanghyuk asked, momentarily distracted as glittery silver confetti and white rose petals began to fall from the ceiling. It was a beautiful addition, and the crowd began to clap. 

The ringmaster chuckled quietly, releasing him and patting his shoulder. “Relax. I already gave him my blessing to do what he liked with you.”

Sanghyuk’s mouth fell open, staring uncomprehendingly at Hongbin. His words were not computing. 

“Just not in our bed if I’m not there. It’s my only rule. I’m not Jaehwans keeper, I’m his lover and he has free will. Who am I to tell him that his affections should be confined to only one person?”

“But he- But you-  _ what?!” _

Hongbin simply smiled, looking up at his lover twirling around in the air. “Besides, your arrangement will work better if you want him. You’ll be more willing to catch him if you already long to have him in your arms.”

* * *

"Thank you for helping us move everything, Shikkie." 

"No problem. What do you need a bed for though?" Hakyeon smiled. Taekwoon slipped on an eye mask as he sat on the bed. The way the lights made him glow as he lay in the sheets with a long nightgown made him look like a ghost. Wonshik had chills, so he kept his attention on Hakyeon. The man had on a different wig, long silver hair that was in a beautiful braid. He had on a long navy cloak that covered his whole body. Balam was backstage, restless in her cage. Wonshik was in charge of releasing her on Hakyeon's signal. 

"It's a prop, Shikkie. Taekwoon just has to lay in the bed and pretend that it's a dream." 

"You don't need me to do anything else?" 

"No, Shikkie. Just let Balam out and then watch the show." The strongman nodded obediently. 

"And now, the tamer of nightmares with his partner Somnus, the dreamer!" Hongbin announced their act, and Hakyeon waved goodbye to Wonshik. 

Taekwoon was in the bed, still lying down with his eye mask on. He tossed and turned beneath the sheet, huffing. The audience cooed as Hakyeon's doves landing on the head board, cooing delightfully. Taekwoon's movements had definitely lessened. The audience softly muttered as they could see Hakyeon coming to the ring. He walked with a gentle smile. He held his arms behind his back, cloak catching the breeze of him walking. Wonshik gulped seeing how his costume underneath gripped his skin. Those beautiful long legs… 

Hakyeon stepped onto the bed, walked over Taekwoon, and stood atop the headboard, facing away from Wonshik. The birds rose, flying up onto him. The children cooed as he reached into a bag on his hip and poured twinkling blue glitter onto Taekwoon. Wonshik could only see through the bars of the bed's headboard, but Taekwoon relaxed as soon as the glitter fell onto him. It covered his body like fairy dust and caught the light. The musicians began to play a soft lullaby. Hakyeon reached up and undid the tie of his cloak. 

"Oh my…" The cloak fell to reveal Hakyeon's body. He was in a leotard, one that hugged onto his body in a manner where nothing was left to the imagination. It had long sleeves and a turtleneck, but no legs. Underneath the thick navy cloak, was a shimmering cloak of tulle. It was also in that baby blue of the glitter. It caught the slightest breeze so it fluttered about Hakyeon's body. The birds returned once the heavy cloak was abandoned. Hakyeon turned on his toes atop the headboard. He bent in half, moving his hands in elaborate movements. He grabbed the hoop hidden behind the headboard and raised it up triumphantly. There was the sign. Wonshik quickly unlocked Balam's cage. The tiger moved out to the ring, just enough where the audience could see her. Hakyeon smiled at her. He hopped down from the headboard, but still held up the hoop. Wonshik covered his mouth, realizing what he was instructing the tiger to do. Hakyeon subtly snapped his fingers at his side, under the transparent cloak. Balam broke into a sprint. Wonshik reflexively covered his eyes, before peeking through his fingers. He trusted Hakyeon's training skill, but the idea of Taekwoon being hurt sent him into a panic. 

He let out the held breathe as the audience clapped. Balam had jumped through the hoop, to the other side of the bed. Hakyeon smiled at the praise, spinning the hoop on his finger. He grasped it, and the doves sat atop it. They sung along with the music briefly. He whistled in response and they fluttered off backstage, to their perch. Wonshik joined the audience in applause. Hakyeon stepped around the bed. Wonshik went wide eyed as he reached for the hip that had the bag of glitter. He gulped seeing that he was obtaining his whip. He pulled it from his hip and dropped part of it, letting the fall and thong of the whip drop to the ground. The animal tamer had a powerful pose, legs shoulder width apart and arm out. He cracked the whip once, right by his side. Balam approached at the sound. Her and her master exchanged a stare before he dropped the whip and offered out a hand, like he was asking her to dance. No way… 

Balam stood on her back legs, front paws coming to Hakyeon's shoulders. They were giant, nearly as large as his head itself. The tamer didn't bat an eye though. Slowly, he stepped with her, moving backwards, walking a circle around the bed. Balam was calm and well mannered, moving with him easily. The music was like they were at a ball, and at the end of the bed, they even did a little spin as they moved. The audience gave a small clap. Wonshik was beyond impressed though. Hakyeon looked cool as ice. His smile didn't show a hint of fear that Balam might act up. He gently turned her so that she fell onto the bed. She climbed into it and found a way to worm her way under Taekwoon. She army crawled forward beneath him so he was forced to partially sit up. Taekwoon was so good at his sleeping act Wonshik worried it was real. From the entrance opposite to Wonshik, the puppies ran in. He couldn't contain a squeal seeing them sprint to the bed. Hakyeon held up a hand, just above the end of the bed. They all formed a line as they ran, jumping onto Hakyeon's hand before landing back on the bed, all in one fluid motion. All four of them did this, sitting on either side of Taekwoon once they had finished. They wiggled, excited, but obediently staying in place. Hakyeon grabbed his whip from the ground before stepping up on the bed as well. He loomed over Taekwoon, smiling down at him. He raised the whip and let the popper grace over Taekwoon's face. The artists twitched, trying to smack it away. Hakyeon just smiled brighter. Wonshik gasped as he cracked the whip on Taekwoon. The artist immediately launched up, pretending to pant as he looked around, eye mask still on. Hakyeon stood cocky, hand on his hip and smirk on his lips. Taekwoon pulled off his eye mask. His expression was astonished as he trailed his eyes slowly up Hakyeon's body. The trainer looped his whip around Taekwoon's neck, leaned down to kiss his forehead, then let the whip go. Taekwoon reached out hesitantly but Hakyeon ignored it. He jumped on the bed, doing a flip  _ over Taekwoon,  _ landing on his hands on the headboard, and then landing on his feet on the floor, facing Wonshik. He reached in the bag and threw glitter into the air, a flamboyant finish. He bowed as Taekwoon hesitantly pet Balam. The audience cheered for him, and he beamed. The light caught the glitter on his hands, face, and hair and Wonshik easily imagined him as an angel. He was truly the man of dreams like he had just portrayed. Taekwoon rose from the bed with all the puppies in his arms. Balam stood as well, and they all got their own round of applause.

* * *

"That was so amazing! You were both so fantastic!" Hakyeon laughed as he was brought into a crushing hug from Wonshik. Taekwoon whined as he was given the same treatment. 

"Thank you, Shikkie. It's one of our older scenes." 

"I loved it! When you had Balam jump over him, I actually had gasped! And when you whipped Taekwoon I had chills!" Hakyeon kept chuckling. He leaned up and dropped a kiss on Wonshik's cheek. 

"I'm glad. My only goal is to affect those who watch me." Wonshik froze at the touch. He was left behind as the couple walked off. 

"We are not doing glitter again. I'm never going to get this off." 

"Oh but Taeky, you look like such a pretty fairy." The artist huffed. Wonshik suddenly remembered how to breath and turned to catch up with them. His cheeks were still red.

"Oh Shikkie, would you help fix the ring? I would but this isn't an outfit you should be cleaning and moving things with." Wonshik stupidly looked down at Hakyeon's body again. The tulle cloak was taken off, but that didn't change the fact that the entirety of his legs were out for the world to see. They were muscular, yet still thin like the rest of him. His figure was also close to godliness. He had hips that were just begging to be held and an ass that was obviously with the way the leotard clung-

"Y-yes. Yes, of course." Wonshik quickly scrambled off. This was definitely not good. Wonshik was prone to intrusive thoughts, and the last thing needed was ones about his boss and how attractive his body was. He helped carry the animals back to the menagerie. 

"Your daddy is driving me crazy, puppy. And his lover. How do you guys handle being with them?" The puppies didn't answer. One just licked his cheek. Wonshik had to laugh. They were delightful, and holding the four of them gave him a warm feeling in his chest. The collie mother was happy to see them as well and licked them clean as a greeting. She barked happily as Wonshik pat her head. The helpers were rolling in Balam's cage. The tiger was asleep, laying on her side. Wonshik went back to the main ring to grab the birds and their perch. 

Once the birds were back home, Wonshik moved to find Hakyeon. He wanted to ask if he should feed the animals before bed. The hadn't done so before the show. On his way to the tamer's dressing room, Hongbin joined him. 

"How was your first show?" Wonshik smiled at the nudge to his arm. 

"I really liked it, you all did wonderful. I've never seen a circus, or even a play. It was like you showed me a whole new world." Hongbin chuckled, swiping his bangs out of his eyes. Wonshik had been backstage with Hakyeon and Taekwoon when Hongbin was out there, but he had still seen his performance. "You did great too. I didn't even know anyone could  _ do _ that on a horse. How did you learn to do something like that?" 

"Years of practice, and I had a trainer when I was younger. Same way you got so strong." Hongbin punched the strongman's bicep. 

"I've just been the mule all my life. It's the one thing I know besides farm work." Hongbin softened. His face was oddly sympathetic. It was an expression Wonshik had yet to see and it threw him off. 

"We're all more than what we were assigned in life." Wonshik actually stopped walking, blinking at the ringmaster. That definitely caught him off guard, though it really shouldn't have, considering the dinner that night. He defended Jaehwan's new self like it was his own honor insulted. Hongbin smiled back at him, as if he were smug he stupefied the strongman. 

"Were you going to Hakyeon?"

"Yes. I wanted to ask if I should feed the animals." Hongbin nodded, he was standing right beside a door. 

"Here we are then. I like to check up after shows, as the ringmaster." Wonshik nodded, coming up to be beside him in the doorway. Hongbin opened the door for him, not even bothering a respectful knock. Hakyeon explained they walked in on each other a lot. They were all close, and had a doors open policy. That had come up after Sanghyuk found them snuggling and immediately the other two knew of it and teased Wonshik for already slipping into their bed with them, even though it was innocent. It was chaste, though Wonshik's heart raced waking up and seeing them both in his arms. "I came in to check up on you-" Hongbin paused briefly and Wonshik raised a brow. He moved to look around Hongbin and his broad shoulders. "I take it it was a good show then?" 

Wonshik's blood immediately boiled seeing his partner and Taekwoon. They were on a low couch, one with only one arm and an uneven back. Taekwoon was sitting on top of Hakyeon, who had changed from his costume to a pair of trousers. Hands were on Taekwoon's body but they weren't that important considering that Taekwoon was bare as the day he was born. Wonshik's jaw literally dropped, staring at them both. Okay, mostly Taekwoon. The artist was thin and bony, but his arms had sinewy muscle. He was also pale, definitely paler than Wonshik and Hakyeon. His ass was- oh good lord in heaven he was being groped by Hakyeon. Wonshik watched the fingers massage into Taekwoon's flesh, stretch him, nearly show off his- 

"Yes, I'd say it was astonishing." 

"Can you please leave?" Taekwoon snapped, looking back to glare at Hongbin. His cheeks were a little ruddy with blush. It was cute. Hongbin just smirked. 

"But your baby has a question." 

"No I don't!" Wonshik quickly stepped out of the room, flattening his body against the hallway wall and wheezing. The two had looked to him in surprise, somehow not noticing him through the short exchange. 

"He wanted to ask if he should feed your animals. Isn't he such a polite boy?" Wonshik shoved his head in his hands. Hongbin was making fun of him. His partner didn't laugh though. He heard Hakyeon clear his throat before speaking. 

"Yes please, dear. We will- we'll be there eventually." Wonshik immediately started to head towards the menagerie, trying to control how hot his face was. That was it. He was never looking them in the eyes again. Not at their eyes, not at Hakyeon's long bare neck, not at Taekwoon's flat ass, not at Hakyeon's muscular arms that held Taekwoon so intimately. Nope. Never again. All of that. 


	5. Chapter 5

"May I- may I tell you a secret?" Taekwoon puffed as his kisses were stopped. Hakyeon was the one who distracted him from his sewing and now he was going to stop the attention? Preposterous. 

"You'll tell me anyway." Hakyeon pouted his lips and avoided another kiss from the artist. 

"I think I have a little soft spot for someone." 

"The fact you want be intimate with Wonshik is not a secret." Hakyeon let out an offended noise. 

"Who said anything about Wonshik?" Taekwoon huffed. He turned back to Hakyeon's dress, returning to sewing now that he knew he wasn't going to get what he wanted. 

"Well, you call Hongbin your brother. Jaehwan is my ex lover and not your type, and Sanghyuk has very obviously been claimed by them both. It's obviously Wonshik." 

"You're no fun, darling." Taekwoon hummed. Hakyeon started playing with the tulle of the dress, playing with the train. His face lost its signature smile, showing his more serious pensive side. 

"I just didn't want you to be upset… I really enjoy him, but that doesn't mean I don't still love you. I don't even know if he would reciprocate." Taekwoon put down his needle and the dress. He stared at Hakyeon a moment before resting his thimble covered fingers on the trainers cheek and turning his head. He gently kissed the elder, a comforting gesture. 

"I understand, lover. I will be here whether he says yes or no." Hakyeon smiled, closing his eyes and relaxing into Taekwoon's touch. 

"You're so good to me, Taeky. You know you can say it's odd, right?" 

When Hakyeon first joined, it was very quickly revealed that he didn't live the most modest life before. He was a well off animal trainer with a taste for thrill and predisposition for love. He was confirmed to be a kind of collector of lovers. He wasn't cruel or heartless to any of them like the philanderer gods of old. He had a sweet heart that he easily shared, shared with many. It spread him thin though, and always inevitably ended poorly. He came to the circus with no lover, and no ties outside of it other than his family. He had told this all to Taekwoon before the artist fell into bed with him. That was a perk of Hakyeon. He was honest, upfront with his past and interests. He knew that it was better to have Taekwoon know before their strings of fate began to wind too tight. 

"Love is not odd. There is a reason they made so many words for love." Hakyeon leaned in and gave Taekwoon another gentle kiss.

"Our pragma." Taekwoon nodded, resting his forehead against Hakyeon's. It was a brief pause, a peaceful breath. Hakyeon turned his head and kissed Taekwoon's palm. Taekwoon ran his thimble covered fingers over his face delicately, taking him in. Hakyeon was always beautiful, whether he was covered in dirt and sweat from practice or in glitter and makeup as he shone in the limelight. Now, his face was clean and candles made his eyes twinkle. His lips were dry. His bare skin was flush. Taekwoon returned to the dress. 

"Plus… I think it would be hypocritical of me to say you can't have eyes for him." Hakyeon stared at him as he idly continued the stitch he was on. The animal trainer leaned in with wide eyes. 

"Does my darling have wandering eyes too?" Taekwoon slapped his hands down onto the costume, affronted. 

"You just admitted your feelings for him!" Hakyeon laughed, nodding. He was coming closer and closer to his lover, still grinning. 

"I tease you, darling." Hakyeon changed his tone to a whisper. "Do you think he'd have us both?" The artist slapped Hakyeon's arm, scowling. 

"Don't talk like that. We nearly made him crying when he caught us after the show." Taekwoon remembered it well. Wonshik had seen him naked and then immediately ran away from them both. He now refused to look at either of them anytime they got close. This meant most of practice had now become training Balam instead of the strongman. 

"I think he's just shy. I've seen that look he had watching us kiss before." Hakyeon smirked and whispered again. "He liked it, I just know it." Taekwoon shoved the tamer away. 

"You are despicable." Hakyeon just stood from the bed, going in front of Taekwoon and taking the thimbles from his fingers. 

"Oh like you don't enjoy the idea. You remember how good a pillow he was, forgetting his awful snoring, and wouldn't you love to see him at my feet? Being  _ such _ a good boy? Or would you rather be watched than be the voyeur?" Taekwoon hardened his glare. His pace raced and Hakyeon just grinned, catlike. 

"Get him to actually be able to do the stage kiss, then we'll talk." Hakyeon sighed, leaning his weight into Taekwoon until they both fell back on the bed. 

"You're right. He looked like he was about to filthy his pants as soon as I got close." Taekwoon hummed, wrapping his arms around the animal tamer. 

"I think he wanted to. His eyes were all over you." 

"Were they?" 

"I can tell when someone wants to kiss you. I make those expressions." Hakyeon cooed, leaning down for a kiss. 

"Aren't you a sweetie today! You never have to wait to kiss me, darling." 

"If I didn't hesitate, I'd never be off of you." Hakyeon smirked.

"I don't see an issue."

_______________________

“Bunny, are you cooking?” Jaehwan mumbled sleepily, wrapping his dressing gown tight around himself as he stumbled into the kitchen. Hongbin looked around, smiling at the sight of his lovers mussed hair. 

“Good morning to you too, and yes I am,” he replied, setting down his spatula and turning to accept the elders hug. Jaehwan smelled clean, the soap from last night’s post-performance bath still lingering on his skin. The ringmaster pressed his nose against Jaehwan’s shoulder, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. He always felt so calm with his lover in his arms. Nothing compared. 

“You’re unusually cuddly this morning, love.”

Hongbin hummed, placing a gentle kiss on Jaehwan’s collar bone. “You smell good.”

The acrobat laughed softly; the sound made Hongbin smile. “What are you making? I’m so hungry I could eat you.”

“Is that an offer?”

The ringmaster received a light smack on the back of the head for his quip. “So touchy.”

“Not touchy enough for your liking, hm?”

“I could never get enough of you no matter how touchy you are.”

Jaehwan’s hands found the ringmasters cheeks, his mouth found the ringmasters lips. Hongbin could taste him. The solution of jasmine and mint he used to clean his teeth every morning and every night. The hint of sweetness that was just his own. Just Jaehwan. 

“I love you, bunny.”

“I love you more, darling. To the moon and back.”

The acrobat smiled into their kiss, letting it linger only a moment longer before twirling away. Hongbin watched him, the effortless grace with which he moved made Jaehwan appear as nothing more than a leaf on the breeze. 

“If you put sugar on my eggs, Lee Hongbin, I’m going to be  _ absolutely _ monstrous!” 

“When will you believe me that it’s good? I’ve been trying to convince you for years darling, it’s honestly delicious!”

“When will  _ you  _ stop deluding yourself and eat eggs like a normal human being?”

Hongbin crossed his arms, glaring affectionately at his lover’s head as Jaehwan flipped the fried eggs in their scratched-up frypan. 

“Uh... I knocked but you didn’t answer so I...”

“That usually means we don’t want visitors,” Hongbin replied, tone conversational as he turned his eyes on the youngest of their new recruits. If he was being honest, he hadn’t even heard Sanghyuk knocking. That’s why there was no malice in his words. 

“Oh- uh I can go...”

“Stay. Set the table for breakfast please,” Jaehwan said, waving his spatula at his partner. “Plates are in the cupboard over the sink,” Hongbin added. He moved to back-hug his lover, listening to the clink of porcelain as Sanghyuk shuffled about the kitchen. 

Keeping up with his honesty streak, the ringmaster contemplated the two other people in this room. Jaehwan had told him about Sanghyuk’s little meltdown the night previous. About how he had saved Jaehwan’s life when he slipped. About what they had done together. Hongbin didn’t actually mind those things. It was just the tiniest bit enjoyable though, poking fun. 

“Hongie Kongie, will you get forks please? These are about done.”

“You  _ do _ remember that I was, in fact, the one cooking?”

“Yes well, now here we are so please go get the forks. And the butter.”

“Alright darling,” the ringmaster replied, pressing his lips to the spot just behind his lover’s ear. Hongbin retrieved three forks and knives from the silverware drawer and went to the table, taking a seat beside Sanghyuk. 

“Where were you after the show? We tried to find you?” Hongbin asked quietly. Jaehwan was still swirling around the kitchen so there was really no risk of him being overheard, but still. The young acrobat shifted a little, shooting a glance toward his partner. “Ah. I was outside getting some air after- everything and ran into some friends from university and ended up going for drinks.”

The ringmaster raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t every day you found a stagehand turned carnie that went to university. “Really? What are you doing  _ here _ then? If you have a collegiate education, I mean?”

“I dropped out. Well, sort of. Family problems, I ended up leaving, and I’ve supported myself ever since. Not much too it.”

“That’s interesting. I mean it’s  _ unexpected,  _ but also interesting. What were you studying?”

“Law, international trade law to be specific. Good for the family business and- oh, thanks Jaehwan,” Sanghyuk said, cutting off his sentence and smiling up at the acrobat who had brought them both cups of tea. “You’re very welcome, eat.”

Jaehwan set the frypan down on a pot rest in the middle of the table before taking up his spot on the ringmasters left. 

Sanghyuk shifted, taking a gulp tea and staring at his empty plate. Was he embarrassed? He certainly looked embarrassed, but there really was no need to be. Considering the company, he was now keeping. 

“What are we discussing?”

“Nothing,” Hongbin replied, maybe a shade too fast. “Just Sanghyuk’s thoughts on the performance. It’s nice to get an outside perspective.”

He must not have entirely carried off the nonchalance he was aiming for because his lover eyed him suspiciously. The ringmaster didn’t know exactly why he was lying to Jaehwan, but the relief smoothing over Sanghyuk’s uncomfortable expression told him he had done the right thing. 

“So, what  _ did  _ you think of the show? We didn’t know where you went after.”

“The show was great; your act was beautiful and Hakyeon’s was... a lot. I’m fairly certain watching it nearly killed Wonshik. But overall everything was wonderful.”

“That’s good,” Jaehwan replied, stuffing food into his mouth like it was his job. “Yeonnie has a flare for the dramatic that is unrivaled on stage.”

“Please don’t speak with your mouth full.” Jaehwan shot Hongbin a withering look, swallowing pointedly before returning his attention to his partner. “So, what did you actually come to see us about, ducky?”

“I uh- I wanted to talk to you. About yesterday.”

The ringmaster looked between them, staying quiet. 

“Did you?”

“Yeah.”

Jaehwan tapped the tines of his fork against his bottom lip, neither smiling nor frowning. “You made your feelings clear yesterday, and what I said still stands. You are entirely entitled to however you’re feeling, and I am perfectly fine with us just having a professional relationship. You’re still my friend, still part of this family, no matter what you do.”

Sanghyuk looked like he was debating between throwing himself off a cliff or burying himself alive. He stared at the ceiling, twisting his napkin in his lap, and Hongbin decided to take pity on him. The poor kid was clearly having a crisis of identity or some such, and there was no better person for handling that kind of thing than Jaehwan. 

“I’ll give you two a moment, I need to go ask Hakyeon a question anyway,” the ringmaster said, breaking the rather charged silence. He stood, taking his plate with him and smoothing down his lover’s hair before moving towards the door. He didn’t mind letting them talk this out alone, it was a good thing. Resolve some tension. “Just,” he called over his shoulder, giving the young acrobat his best attempt at a gentle smile, “Remember what I told you. It’s okay.”

Their new recruits both seemed to be having an emotionally turbulent time, Hongbin thought, eating a bite of his eggs and knocking on Hakyeon’s door with his foot.

_______________________

“Ducky?”

Sanghyuk glanced at him across the table. 

“You’re not eating… or talking for that matter.”

Sanghyuk shifted. Uncomfortable.

“Would you like to sit in the living room? We can always put breakfast back on the stove and reheat it.”

Sanghyuk nodded. 

Jaehwan nodded in return, standing and leading his partner away from the table. He felt a bit bad, seeing Sanghyuk in such a state. Like a child preparing to confess wrongdoing to a parent. 

“Tell me what you’re feeling. Work through it with me and we can find a solution together.”

His partner didn’t say anything, back perfectly straight as he sat beside the acrobat on the couch. Jaehwan put a hand on his knee but quickly retracted it. It didn’t seem like the kind of gesture that would be helpful just then. He peered at his partners face, starting to get a bit worried. 

“Ducky… are you going to quit? Is that why you-“

“I slept with a woman last night.”

The pronouncement caught Jaehwan off guard, but he smiled anyway. “Fun!”

“No, you don’t understand.”

“I  _ am _ familiar with the intricasies of heterosexual intercourse, ducky. I understand how that game works.”

Sanghyuk shut his eyes, shoulders falling on a sigh. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Well, you are around me all the time. I’m sure it’s only natural to think about-“

“No.”

Sanghyuk looked at the acrobat full on, his clasped hands balanced between his knees. 

Jaehwan blinked, smile faltering just a touch.  _ Oh. _

“I couldn’t stop. Thinking about you.  _ During.” _

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Hongbin spoke to me last night while you were performing.”

“I know, he told me.”

Sanghyuk’s hand darted out, fingers lacing with Jaehwan's. The acrobat looked down at their hands, only the tiniest bit surprised. His thumb brushed rhythmically up and down the side of Sanghyuk’s index finger. Comforting. 

“You didn’t jump at me this morning.”

“No… I thought you might prefer having a bit of space.”

“What happened to keeping me on my toes?”

“You sounded nervous; I didn’t want to startle you.”

“I like when you jump at me.”

Jaehwan blinked, scooting over so his thigh was pressed up against his partners. Just a small gesture to show he was there for the younger. 

“You’re still not jumping at me.”

“You want me to jump at you  _ right _ now?”

“Yes.”

“If you know it’s coming then I’m not really keeping you on your toes, am I?” 

Sanghyuk looked at him, those handsome dark eyes so open, so vulnerable. 

“Please?”

Giving him every chance to change his mind (because let’s be honest, his partners track record with physical affection thus far could charitably be called erratic) Jaehwan moved so he was straddling his partner. 

“Is this okay? I know you-“ Jaehwan started to ask, but he abruptly cut off. 

Sanghyuk was kissing him again, those dagger sharp cheekbones under Jaehwan’s hands. The elder sighed into their kiss. It was still so new, so fresh, so different. 

“For someone who… isn’t attracted to me… you kiss me a lot,” Jaehwan managed, whispering the words each time he broke away for breath. 

The younger found his way under Jaehwan’s dressing gown, parting the fabric with pale, clever fingers. The taste of longing dancing dark across his tongue. 

“Ducky, are you sure?” he tried, groaning softly, his partners lips brushing the column of his throat. 

Sanghyuk looked up, the conflict in his gaze replaced with what could only be described as a carnal ache. 

_ “More.” _

_______________________

Wonshik looked up as the apartment door opened, revealing his roommate. The acrobat had gotten up and left before Wonshik had gotten up himself. He'd actually been missing often lately. Judging by the way he immediately came to the table and put his head down on it though, it probably wasn't the right time to ask. 

"How was breakfast?"

"I don't know what I'm doing, Wonshik." The strongman blinked before shifting his seat. He put down his spoon and respectfully folded his hands on the table. 

"What are we referring to?" Best to make sure they were on the same page.

"Jaehwan." Wonshik nodded. He assumed as much. He cleared his throat. 

"What are you  _ trying _ to do?" Sanghyuk whined and stomped his feet on the floorboards. His forehead seemed to be glued to the table considering he refused to look up. 

"I don't know!" 

“You’re not giving me much to go on, Sanghyuk.”

The young acrobat turned his head, not lifting it from the table top so much as sliding his face around so he could stare forlornly at his roommate. 

“His hair pisses me off.”

“Pardon?”

Sanghyuk huffed, folding his arms over his head. “It pisses me off! It doesn't make sense. His entire face actually. It makes me angry.”

“His face... makes you  _ angry?” _ Wonshik clarified, and the young acrobat was thankful he couldn’t see the confusion no doubt written on Wonshik’s face. Why could he never express his thoughts properly?!

“He makes me feel gooey. I hate it.”

Wonshik stared at Sanghyuk's head, squinted at it even. He did legitimately have an expression of contempt, but that didn't match the words. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew what he was seeing. 

"Describe it, or explain what he does that makes you all... _ gooey _ ." Sanghyuk huffed. He finally separated from the table. He used his hands to reverently communicate his point as he spoke, looking down to the table. 

"Anything! I can just talk to him and he does that- that smile of his and I just," Sanghyuk somehow managed to physically embody angry gibberish. Wonshik hesitated to nod along. "And when he touches me I want to tear away but also pull him closer. It's not as bad when we're rehearsing but… when I was over there today I told him I love when he pounces on me." Wonshik rubbed his face, trying to figure out how he should word this. Sanghyuk seemed to be in a frustrated and confused place mentally. Move with caution.

"When I say this, don't get upset. To me, personally, it just sounds like you  _ might  _ have feelings for him. That's just what  _ I _ think however." Sanghyuk gaped at his roommate, stumbled on gibberish. 

“How many times do I have to say that I'm not attracted to him?!” Sanghyuk exclaimed, more of a shout actually. He wanted to kick something, hit something, smash something, but there was no strength in his limbs. It was all  _ goo. _ He hated literally everything about this situation. 

After a pause, his roommate cleared his throat. “You’ve had to say it before?”

“Yes! I’ve said it like fifteen thousand fucking times but we just end up kissing or-”

The young acrobat swallowed the end of that sentence, not daring to say it aloud.

“Kissing...?”

“I like women! I’m not a homosexual, why is this so hard for everyone to understand!?”

“Backup- back up like seven steps. You kissed Jaehwan?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Kind of means yes!”

Wonshik held up his hands in self defense. Sanghyuk could hear how aggressive his tone was, even though there was no need for it. He was confused. Scattered. 

“You aren't homosexual?”

“No!”

"So, you're not attracted to Jaehwan, but you've kissed him, and you only like women." Sanghyuk nodded firmly.

"Yes."

"Did you kiss him as Jaehwan or Andromeda?" Sanghyuk paused, blinked at his roommate. The strongman was taking this surprisingly seriously. Also, who told him about the difference of Andromeda and Jaehwan?? Was Sanghyuk literally the last person to know? 

"Both…?" Wonshik raised his brows. 

" _ Both?" _ Sanghyuk flushed and scowled. 

"Why do you say both like that? I only found out about Andromeda yesterday and I still don't think I completely understand!" Wonshik made a pitiful face, like he was sorry he had to say it.

"Sanghyuk, people that only like women aren't going to even go  _ near _ Jaehwan, let alone-" Wonshik gestured to Sanghyuk prudishly, like the details of making out were too far off the table for even this disaster of a conversation. 

"Jaehwan is the only man I've ever kissed though! This isn't some kind of secret lifestyle I've been hiding!"

"Tastes change?" Wonshik suggested with a shrug. He didn't like how frantic Sanghyuk was getting. 

“Yeah, tastes change when it comes to your favorite color or foods you like! I didn’t suddenly wake up a homosexual one morning that’s not how this shit works!”

Wonshik sighed like he was trying to explain simple arithmetic to a four year old. “I’m not saying that, but sometimes... you just meet the right person and things click. I’m not saying you just magically turned homosexual, or even that you are. You could be bisexual, labels aren't important. Maybe Jaehwan is just special to you. Could that be it?”

The pause that followed only served to heighten the tension in Sanghyuks muscles. He needed to get it out, needed to tell  _ someone _ because if he didnt he would explode. 

“He gave me head.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Twice now.”

While Sanghyuk just gave an empty look to the table, Wonshik went hot in the face. He sputtered. 

"That would have a big part of this and you're just saying it now?!

"Wonshik, I haven't told anyone. I only told you because if I didn't, I think I was going to combust." Wonshik grasped for words. Why was he the one embarrassed? 

"You're questioning all these feelings you're getting and  _ not _ considering that?" 

"It didn't mean anything. The first time was just… heat of the moment." Sanghyuk forced his mind to not bring up any mental images. Now was not the time. 

"Then what about the second time?" Sanghyuk didn't answer. He was starting to feel very cornered by this conversation and his own conflictions. "Sanghyuk, if you let him get that close to you, I think you're a little past saying you're not attracted to him." Sanghyuk put his head in his hands. He was getting a headache from this back and forth. He already bickered enough with himself internally. 

“What about you and Hakyeon then? And Taekwoon for that matter?” The young acrobat asked, trying to deflect. To turn the conversation around, turn it to a subject he could handle. He could handle other people's feelings much better than his own.

“Nothing!”

“Bullshit. I found you in their bed asleep with a wig and a dress and other assorted parofinalia around like three people who got drunk and had sex after a masquerade ball.”

Wonshik hesitated, opening and closing his mouth several times as he averted his eyes. Sanghyuk could see the blush. 

“They’re... very scary.”

“I’m gonna call bullshit again.”

“I swear! They intimidate the hell out of me but I like them anyway. It’s a mute point though because they’re in a loving and long term relationship. I’m just an apprentice.”

The young acrobat thought back to all the times he had seen the three of them together. The little ways the elder two showed affection. Towards each other and towards Wonshik.

“I think you have that wrong.”

Wonshik looked like a scolded puppy. He gave Sanghyuk an absolutely baffled expression.

"What is that supposed to mean?" 

"Hakyeon treats you the same way he treats Taekwoon, mostly. And Taekwoon is nicer to you two than anyone else. I don't think I've had one full conversation with him our whole time here." 

"They have to be nice to me. I'm their partner. And Hakyeon said it himself, he's a flirt." Sanghyuk raised a brow. 

"Don't you find it suspicious then that we haven't seen him flirt with the others? Or even with me?" Wonshik's eyes were darting all about. He was clearly trying to fit this puzzle together inside his mind. 

"You cant- you can't be with two people at once anyway. It's weird, unnatural." Sanghyuk rolled his eyes.

"Obviously not with this circus, and you already admitted you liked them both. Who says they can't be the same way?" Wonshik gaped for words. He settled on a pout. 

"Weren't we supposed to be talking about you?"

"Don't avoid the subject."

"But you just did it!" 

Outside the spare apartment, two people were standing with their ears to the door. It wasn’t very mature, but they literally couldn’t help themselves.

“All I hear is garbled mumbling,” Jaehwan whispered, pressing himself as close to the wood as possible. As if that would help.

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Hakyeon whispered back. Whatever the mumbling was, it sounded emotionally charged. He was intrigued. 

Jaehwan scrunched up his face in frustration. “Sanghyuk shouldn’t sound this upset. He should be happy. He should be singing to birds and not yelling at Wonshik like the buildings on fire!”

“And why would that be?” The animal tamer prompted, jabbing the acrobat in the stomach with a smile on his face that was downright evil.

“He had a very satisfying breakfast, let’s put it that way.”

Hakyeon pouted his lips at the acrobat, resisting to stomp his foot. 

"You've already gotten so far with him. It's not fair." 

"Don't be too jealous. He's still as confusing as ever." The acrobat moved in closer, basically inches away from Hakyeon. "You should have heard what he told me after Hongbin left." The eavesdropping was seemingly forgotten. Both men loved a good rumor, or to divulge into gossip. 

"Do tell." Both jumped at the voice from behind. Hongbin. Hakyeon shooed him away. 

"Go, you always scold us for gossip."

"You wouldn't like it, Kongie." Hongbin raised a brow. There was a muffled shout from inside the apartment.

"What are the two fools arguing about?" 

"No idea. After Sanghyuk left Jaehwan, I was dragged here to listen. We haven't been able to pick anything out." Hongbin let out a scoff of a laugh. 

"You two are absolutely terrible, you know that?" Hakyeon pouted again, ear back against the door.

"This is important, Bin! Any dispute becomes a family matter," Hakyeon defended righteously. Hongbin moved to laugh but Jaehwan covered his mouth, shushing him. Hongbin moved the acrobat's wrist. 

"That is an  _ aw _ ful excuse. I hope they catch you both." Both gasped, Hakyeon holding a hand to his heart while Jaehwan smacked his lover's shoulder. 

"How rude!"

"They're probably bickering over something stupid anyway." 

"Like what?" Hakyeon said with an irritated sigh. 

"I don't know. Who's the bigger virgin? Something like that." Both turned to him in surprise. 

"What?" They asked in unison.

"Can you really not tell? It's painfully obvious." 

“He’s right. This is a virgin argument,” Taekwoon murmured, appearing at Hongbin’s side and staring at the closed door like it was a very interesting painting. Jaehwan spluttered indignantly, where Hakyeon just paled.

“I can tell you for absolute certain that Sanghyuk is  _ not _ a virgin,” the acrobat whisper shouted, aiming a kick at the artist's shin and missing.

“Not with women maybe, but he’s certainly never been with a man before. Or... has he, darling? What happened after breakfast?”

Jaehwan was tempted to slap the smirk off his lovers face but held back.

“I can smell it. Virgin terror.”

Jaehwan and Hakyeon gaped at Taekwoon in shock and disbelief. 

“You’re talking nonsense,” the animal tamer whispered, but Taekwoon shook his head, a serious expression on his face. 

“Check if you don’t believe me.”

The acrobat took the bait, shrugging off his dressing gown and tossing it over Hongbin’s face, opened the door, and walked into the apartment stark naked. 

The screaming from inside was all the proof Taekwoon needed.

“Oh my. He’s right!”

“Told you. I could smell it.”

Jaehwan came out of the apartment smiling. He happily took back his nightgown, putting it back on as he was looked at expectantly. 

"What happened?" Hakyeon questioned eagerly. Jaehwan shrugged. 

"I said good morning, they both looked at me. Wonshik went this cute shade of red before covering his face and putting it on the table. Sanghyuk literally lept out of his seat! They're so cute." Hakyeon sent an accusing look to his own lover. 

"Why didn't you tell me sooner!?" Taekwoon shrugged. 

"Thought you knew. Hongbin is right. It's really obvious. The only difference between them is Wonshik knows he likes men." Hongbin nodded. 

"Sanghyuk was shocked when I told him he could like men and women. He's got a long way to go." Jaehwan nodded, leaning on Hakyeon. 

"You're just too forward Yeonie! He's a scared little puppy." 

"The fact you've gotten intimate just makes it worse now," the animal tamer grumbled, jabbing Jaehwan again. 

"So you  _ did _ have sex!" Hongbin announced, instantly being hushed by the other three. 

"No! If I went further than head I think he'd have heart failure." 

"We should get out of the hallway," Taekwoon suggested, looking to the suspiciously quiet doorway. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit actually goes down in this chapter! Thusly, this one is another NSFW- MonsterBoyf

"Today is the day, Shik!" Hakyeon greeted the second he came into Wonshik and Sanghyuk's apartment. The strongman stood from the table, abandoning his breakfast. Hakyeon smiled at him once he joined the trainer in the doorway. The feelings of seeing him again were a mixed bag. He was always happy to see his partner, but he was also haunted by the vision of the performance night, both the show and after. He never got enough of Hakyeon, but he was also so embarrassed now he wanted to avoid ever seeing him again. He swallowed it all down. 

"What day?" 

"Dress rehearsal! Taeky finally finished our costumes. Aren't you excited?" Wonshik was grabbed by the arm and pulled out of his apartment, to Hakyeon's. Wonshik nodded, not knowing what else to say. He didn't even know what his costume would entail. He didn't even know he had one. They made it into the love bird's apartment and Taekwoon was notably missing. 

"Where's Taekwoon?" 

"He's just out to get something. You can be alone with me, can't you?" There was a tease to his tone. His grin the ever more devilish as he looked over his shoulder. They never rehearsed without Taekwoon. Being alone with Hakyeon made him nervous.

The animal tamer started pulling clothes from his closet, handing them to Wonshik to form a pile in his arms. 

"We'll be wearing all of this?" 

"No, no. Taeky told me to try on my old costumes to see what adjustments need to be made, and if you like them." Wonshik tilted his head. 

"Why know if I like it?"

"So we can match of course! Now," Hakyeon took the clothes from Wonshik's arms and tossed them onto the bed. The strongman sputtered at hands pulling apart the ties of his shirt. "Strip for me please." 

"I can do it myself!" He cried, smacking the hands away. Hakyeon pouted his lips but obeyed. Wonshik undid the ties of his sleeves, avoiding eye contact the whole time, before pulling the shirt off. Hakyeon hummed, raking his eyes over Wonshik in the most obvious manner possible. Years of working in the sun shirtless helped ebb Wonshik's shyness, barely. It was still Hakyeon, still someone he felt wrong being eyed up by. 

"You're so handsome. How would you feel about doing a future show shirtless?" Wonshik gulped at a hand to his chest. He was fine showing his muscles, fine with them be praised, but from Hakyeon… It felt dirty, too intimate. Maybe Wonshik was thinking too much. He let fingers run over his chest tattoo.

"I might, let's do this show first." Hakyeon nodded. He lingered before returning to his energetic self from before. 

"The pants too. It's a full outfit." Wonshik flushed. 

"Can you… maybe…" Hakyeon sighed. He put up his hands and turned his back to the strongman. 

"I'm not acclimated to someone so timid. Forgive me." 

Wonshik moved to reply, but snapped his mouth shut seeing the shirt fall from Hakyeon's shoulders. It fell to the bedroom floor like nothing more than trash. Hakyeon's back was strong. His muscles were evident and causing Wonshik's mouth to water. The tamer moved to the bed, pairing outfits. A beautiful gown, a costume fit for a prince, and a third that was reminiscent of Hongbin's the night of the show. Hakyeon turned back around and Wonshik hid a squeak with a cough. The animal tamer had dropped his pants easily, leaving him naked. Wonshik couldn't resist staring. He couldn't do anything  _ but _ stare. Hakyeon's legs were long and thin. His strong back curved into a dastardly beautiful ass. Despite everything, Wonshik wanted to touch it, feel how soft its give was and how it could fill his hands. He quickly turned around because this was getting to be too much. Seeing his costume had already left little to the imagination, but that was nothing on this. He forced his mind to focus on getting undressed and getting into the costume. 

It was dressy pants with crisp but loose blouse with jabot collar. Wonshik had never dressed so dignified. The tailcoat was loose too. That was in navy, with gold accents. The tails didn't go too far down, stopping at his mid-thigh. Wearing it, Wonshik felt rich, out of character. He naturally straightened his posture, ran his hands over the fabric. It didn't feel cheap, though he didn't believe the circus made that much money. 

"What am I?" 

"An assassin, a revolutionist. Whoever would want the queen on their sword," Hakyeon supplied. Wonshik liked when he talked about his visions. His voice became alight with joy and imagination. It was like a grandfather reading a bedtime story. Wonshik didn't turn back, respecting Hakyeon's privacy, and avoiding having to look at his body again. Once was enough content for his invasive thoughts for years to come. He seemed so softly and carefully sculpted. Everything was balanced on his body, muscle, bone, fat. It was all laid out perfectly. Wonshik held his own fist to bite down the thought of wanting to touch. He had no experience. It would be a bad choice. 

"Wonshik, would you kindly help me?" Wonshik turned around to his partner. His backside was a sight for sore eyes. He was back in his clothes, this time a blouse with billowy sleeves and pants that hugged his finger so well he might as well have not worn them. Wonshik nearly whimpered at the high riding boots he wore. They shone where the light caught the black. Many thoughts were generated by those boots. His whip was hanging off his hip like a temporarily docile threat. Most importantly, the animal tamer was slightly bent over, grasping the vanity table. An undone corset was around his waist. 

"I don't know how to tie these," Wonshik muttered as he came closer. He put a hand down on the elder's back. He didn't even flinch. 

"Just pull the strings tighter and then tie it off in a bow. I'll tell you if you begin crushing me." Wonshik nodded, glancing in the mirror. He only saw Hakyeon's hung head, his black bangs curtaining his eyes. He grabbed the strings and pulled, watching for any response. None so far, though Hakyeon shifted his feet to be in a more stable position. Wonshik continued onto the next set. He flushed at a small grunt, barely audible. It was nothing. Ignore it. Wonshik continued. 

"Oh lord, Wonshik…" Hakyeon muttered after a hard pull that brought him back slightly. Wonshik released some of the tension as he went hot. 

"I'm so sorry. I don't know how tight," Hakyeon grunted again and Wonshik's hands started to shake slightly, "you want it to be. Controlling strength is not my strong suit." Hakyeon puffed out a laugh. 

"Be as rough as you like. I can enjoy it." Oh good lord in heaven give Wonshik the strength. The comment was so indecent and Hakyeon's laugh made it clear he knew what he meant. Wonshik found it hard to concentrate on the strings. He pulled hard, and ended up pulling Hakyeon back. They were hip to hip. Wonshik was immensely grateful Taekwoon wasn't here. But what if he came in? Wonshik's heart rate immediately spiked. 

"Are you done, prince?" Hakyeon pressed his hips back further and Wonshik was immediately pushing the animal taner back to be even on his feet. 

"No, no stay there." 

"You're very calm about my dressing like a woman. Fuck." Wonshik loosened the strings. 

"Sorry, and should I not be? It's just clothes. And you look great in them anyway." 

"Aww, thank you, prince. I was just told that Sanghyuk was very confused by Andromeda." Wonshik tied the bow. 

"Are you a woman when you dress like this?"

"Oh no no. Dressing like this, I just feel… powerful? When I go on stage dressed as a woman, it makes me confident." Wonshik nodded, admiring his work. Hakyeon's waist looked so much smaller now. It wasn't exaggerated, but he definitely had an hourglass figure. 

"If it makes you happy, do it. I'm finished." Hakyeon stood up straight and turned to look at the ties in the mirror. 

"Very good! Thank you, Shikkie." Hakyeon looked up to meet his eyes and Wonshik was floored. This costume, oh this costume was everything. He gulped as his eyes roamed. His mind brought forth the image of Hakyeon whipping Taekwoon. 

"You look amazing." 

Hakyeon ran his hands over Wonshik's coat, smiling with pride. 

"So do you. You've done it again, Taekwoon." 

"Why is it so loose uptop?"

"You're going to be dueling me. It needs to be loose for movement." Hakyeon started to tease the strongman's hair. He brought forward his bangs, made it more loose. Wonshik's hair wasn't as long as Jaehwan's, but it did reach down to his shoulders. "Your hair is so nice. You should wear it loose like this more." 

"Yes sir." Hakyeon laughed. 

"Sir? Are you nervous?" Wonshik flushed. Was he that easy to read? He shook his head. 

"No!" Hakyeon hummed. He stepped closer and rubbed Wonshik's shoulders with a smirk. 

"Do I need to help you relax?"

"What?" 

"You're always so tense and shy with me. You need to relax." He was massaging Wonshik's shoulders. The strongman began to melt into the touch. He liked Hakyeon's hands, definitely loved those hands. They were strong and warm and always do gentle on him. 

"Sorry…" Hakyeon hushed him. 

"No, it's all well. I just don't want you to be so stressed when you come here." 

"I'll try." He bit his lip as Hakyeon moved to start rubbing the back of his neck. He was too close. Way too close for Wonshik to still be massively enjoying it like he was. 

"Good boy," Hakyeon praised. That was the breaking point. Wonshik couldn't handle praise and affection at once. 

Hakyeon squeaked as his face was cupped in large hands. Wonshik was staring at him intensely.

"What?"

"May I kiss you?" Hakyeon's eyes grew big. 

"I- well, well yes of course. If you want." Hakyeon didn't expect the force, the eagerness. Wonshik was such a tender heart, he expected a soft, hesitant kiss. Instead, he got Wonshik crashing their faces together. He wasn't upset. The excitement was actually cute. Hakyeon was pushed him back slightly, teaching him to be lighter, softer. The strongman obediently followed, like he always did. Such a good student. They parted and Wonshik let out a soft sigh, staring down at Hakyeon's lips. They curled into a smile. 

"Was that what you wanted?"

"Will Taekwoon be angry?" Hakyeon hummed in mock thought. 

"Mm, jealous maybe, but not angry. Why?" Wonshik made the most pitiful expression possible. Hakyeon's heart strings were thoroughly tightened. 

"Because I want to do it again." Hakyeon laughed. He dropped several pecks on Wonshik's lips. The hands were placed on the trainer's hips instead. Hakyeon felt Wonshik tense as he swiped a lick at his lips. He was like a child, innocent and inexperienced. The strongman hesitantly reciprocated after the shock, copying Hakyeon. Hakyeon parted one last time. 

"Wonshik, do you want me to lead you?" 

"Is it that bad..?" 

"No! You're doing very well. I just want to help, Shikkie." The strongman gulped and nodded. Hakyeon copied the movement, trying to be a comforting presence for him. He reached back and undid the corset strings. "Then let me change, and I'll take care of you." Wonshik was pushed backwards to sit on the bed. He landed with a small grunt, then watched with wide eyes as Hakyeon started to pick apart his costume. 

"You look so beautiful in all your costumes." Hakyeon pinched his cheek.

"Thank you prince. I'm glad you like-"

"The boots." Hakyeon froze. 

"Huh?"

"And the whip." Hakyeon looked down at both. They were both black, caught the light coming in from the window. What was so special about the accessories. "I like them even though I have no idea why." Hakyeon tilted his head, looking Wonshik over. He was serious, no sign of humor or tease. The strongman looked down at said boots when Hakyeon pulled off his shirt. 

"That's not weird, prince. If I can divulge a little secret." Hakyeon tilted Wonshik's chin up. "Taekwoon likes this costume too." Hakyeon's face was alight with a smirk as Wonshik flushed. It was most definitely Taekwoon's favorite. Any show Hakyeon did dressed like this, he was sure to receive… physical rewards for his good performance. Backstage, and then again when they returned to the apartment. Something about the thrill of performing. It affects people. Hakyeon began working his pants off as he held the look with Wonshik. He nearly laughed at the glance Wonshik took downward before immediately looking back up into Hakyeon's eyes.

"Have you tried on the dress yet?" Wonshik nearly jumped out of his skin at the sudden voice. Oh God this wouldn't end well. This definitely didn't look right, Wonshik sitting on the bed while Hakyeon stood in front of him with his pants dropped enough to see  _ everything _ . Taekwoon seemed as cold as usual though. Hakyeon squirmed out of his pants and boots before going to his lover. Wonshik couldn't resist another look at that ass. Hakyeon hugged onto Taekwoon happily. 

"Welcome back lover. We had the best time while you were gone."

"We were just getting dressed! Your," Wonshik lost fire as he continued to speak, "your costume is nice… Thank you." Both definitely noticed the nervous crack in Wonshik's voice as he denied any implications of what the partners could possibly have been doing. Taekwoon gave a court nod. 

"I'm glad you like it. You look good." Hakyeon turned, now hugging Taekwoon's side and  _ still very much naked _ . 

"Doesn't he? You did such a good job with him, darling." Taekwoon wrapped an arm around Hakyeon's waist. 

"So why aren't you in your dress?" Hakyeon's grin was downright evil. It made Wonshik's heart rate spike ten fold. 

"Oh, we just got a little distracted."

"Oh?"

"We were just talking!" Wonshik blurted out. He really didn't want to be on the bad end of Taekwoon's sword. He seemed like one that would take great offense to someone making a move on his lover. Wonshik didn't want to offend Taekwoon, didn't even want to  _ irritate him _ . Hakyeon gave the strongman an odd look, like he was confused or hurt by the little white lie. Taekwoon raised a unconvinced brow. 

"Well then, let's get Hakyeon dressed and then go to practice." Hakyeon eagerly came to the bed and Wonshik had to cover his eyes to avoid seeing anything. It was so hard not to look. Hakyeon collected the white clothes from the bed. Wonshik was allowed to look once Hakyeon's shorts were on. They barely constituted as shorts they were so high. Next was a petticoat that Taekwoon helped him into. 

"Shikkie, would you come here so I have something to hold me up?" Wonshik stepped forward, taking the clothes and letting Hakyeon grasp his shoulder. Something burned in him watching Taekwoon dress Hakyeon, sit on his knees in front of the animal tamer. White stockings were rolled on, along with the garter. This costume was already making Wonshik nervous. 

Wonshik nearly forgot his directions as he stood in front of Hakyeon on his throne. The trainer looked so absolutely divine. The dress was much too revealing for royalty. The heart neckline, the way the front barely even reached mid thigh. Much of the actual meat of the dress was the train. It was long, with many layers. Taekwoon had clearly taken this project very seriously. The wig and crown returned again. Seeing them now all Wonshik could think of is what Sanghyuk said.  _ Like three people who got drunk and had sex after a masquerade ball.  _ Balam was by his side now. The week of avoiding Hakyeon meant the tiger was trained to play angry. Taekwoon was watching from the bench. 

"Come on prince. Hit me with your best!" Hakyeon's call jogged Wonshik's memory. He cleared his throat before steeling his expression and unsheathing his sword. He approached. 

Balam rose, growling. They met in the middle and Wonshik froze, letting her walk a circle around him, tail wagging as she schemed. Hakyeon made that clicking noise his always used as her trigger. She stood down after a snap at him. She returned to the animal trainer's side. Hakyeon continued forward, still with that dignified smirk. He stood before Wonshik briefly before unsheathing his own sword. 

"Go ahead, prince. Hurt me," Hakyeon whispered, face almost devilish. Wonshik gulped and adjusted his hand on the hilt. Wonshik swung. The clashing of steel running in the menagerie and Balam was growling again, as planned. 

"Don't get close. Keep distance so you keep control," Taekwoon instructed from the bench. Wonshik took a step back. The artist broke his concentration on Hakyeon. His mental target became a blur of the couple. He hit Hakyeon's sword and sent it skating across the floor. Hakyeon was genuinely surprised. Wonshik froze, staring at him. His hair was a mess from their duel. He was panting. "Grab his shoulder. Make it seem you'll stab him." Wonshik didn't move. One stern call of his name from Taekwoon and instantly Wonshik was doing as he was told. He was good with orders, he knew orders ins and out. He grabbed Hakyeon's left shoulder and pressed the tip of his sword right at Hakyeon's gut.

Hakyeon looked down at it before looking up with a smile. No, a devilish smirk. Wonshik took steps back as Hakyeon twisted his wrist, forcing him to drop the sword. Hakyeon walked him backwards as he maneuvered him. It was hard for the strongman to breathe. Hakyeon was like a vacuum, everything gravitated towards him. Wonshik had a sudden urge to tear off that wig and hold his face. His hands were hot and his eyes were even more so. Wonshik was easily molded into a dance partner. He was much better now, walking them both. 

"Instead of spinning, I want you to pick me up. We do it together." Wonshik grabbed Hakyeon by the waist and raise him high. The trainer gasped, being twirled up high in the air like a child by their parents. Hakyeon returned to the ground with an astonished laugh. Wonshik transitioned to hugging him, holding him close as he had longed. Hakyeon stared up at him a moment, forgetting himself. A cough from Taekwoon had him coming back. He reached under his skirts, to his right thigh. He pulled forth the dagger. 

The transition to the floor was fluid. Hakyeon laid him down, Wosnhik holding the dagger in place with the crook of his arm. Hakyeon was over him, silhouetted by the light. It was like having an angel look down upon him. Hakyeon was a sight to see and Wonshik was glad he was given the fortune to behold. Softly, fingers traced down the side of his face. Hakyeon came closer and closer. Wonshik's heart raced. It took everything in his power to not cling on as he met Hakyeon's lips again. Hakyeon however, did not have that power. He took more and more kisses,draped more of his weight on the strongman. Balam made a fussy noise, something duly noted in the observation skills of Wonshik. The only thing that mattered was the kiss. Wonshik never knew a kiss would make him sense everything with such better clarity. Everything was clear and perfect with Hakyeon. 

"Hakyeon, he's dead. Don't shove your tongue down his throat." Wonshik's heart dropped. Taekwoon. Hakyeon pulled away with an irritated sigh. 

"Do not interrupt art!" 

"Hakyeon, we're both artists." Hakyeon huffed and glared. His expression went soft looking back at Wonshik though. 

"You did amazing. I love it, Prince." Wonshik stifled down his response of, "I love you too."

"Thank you, sir." 

"I like that, do keep calling me that."

"Y-yes sir." Hakyeon gently smacked his cheek. 

"Good boy." 

* * *

Sanghyuk kissed Jaehwan fervently, their lips moving against each other as his tongue explored Jaehwan’s mouth. Rough. 

He felt rather than heard his partner moan, Jaehwan gently biting the young acrobat’s lower lip as he slid one hand down along Sanghyuk’s stomach. They were still clothed,  _ somehow,  _ but Sanghyuk didn’t think that would last very long. He felt hot, feverish, much too hot for the cool winter day to explain. 

Jaehwan slipped out of his frock coat and dropped it on the practice room floor, his arms wrapped tight around the younger’s neck as soon as the garment was off. 

They had only been in there for maybe a minute before Sanghyuk was on him, the little self-control he still possessed shriveling up when his partner untied his hair ribbon and shook his blonde curls down out of their bun. He still had no idea why Jaehwan affected him this much. Had no clue what evil urge made him want to rip this  _ boy’s  _ clothes off and devour him. But the feelings were there, and they were too strong to ignore. 

“You’re very frisky this morning, ducky,” Jaehwan hummed, jumping a little like he expected Sanghyuk to catch him. And he did of course, gripping the underside of Jaehwan’s thighs and pushing him back against the wall. The young acrobat couldn’t stop a tiny smirk when he heard his partners breath hitch. 

Sanghyuk broke their kiss and pulled away, just the smallest bit. Their faces were only inches apart, and Jaehwan worried his lip between his teeth, breathing shallow under the intensity of Sanghyuk’s gaze.

“Honestly…” he murmured, shifting so his partner’s legs wrapped more snugly around his hips.

“Yes?”

“You’re the most bewitching person I’ve ever seen.”

Jaehwan laughed, giddy. He held the younger’s gaze, leaning his head back against the wall as he blinked slowly and gave Sanghyuk his most flirtatious smile. 

“That’s not playing fair,” Sanghyuk breathed, tongue darting out to moisten his suddenly too-dry lips. How was he supposed to resist with Jaehwan looking at him like  _ that?  _ He leaned in again, sucking hungrily on the side of his partners slender neck, running his hand up and down the back of Jaehwan’s thigh.

His partner whined, panting softly and tangling his nimble fingers in Sanghyuk’s hair. His body was so warm, the young acrobat was losing fucking mind.

“What are you looking for here, ducky? Another blowjob?” 

The question was asked with such sincerity, Jaehwan’s shaky voice so earnest, that Sanghyuk just wanted to fucking  _ cry  _ from longing. 

“No… I mean yes, that would be fantastic, but… I want you.”

_ But I don’t know how it works,  _ Sanghyuk thought, keeping that last bit very much to himself. He got the general idea, of course, he wasn’t  _ that  _ ignorant, but he knew there were steps to take. His midnight interrogation of Wonshik had proved almost useless, the truth of his roommate’s intact virginity making itself clearer with each of the young acrobat’s questions. He had however managed to glean something about needing to stretch a boy with his fingers first, and something else about quote ‘slippery stuff’. 

“You- you do?”

“Lord, yes,” Sanghyuk replied, grinding his hips against his partners and nuzzling the underside of his chin. Jaehwan made a noise that sounded close to a whimper, wiggling the slightest bit in Sanghyuk’s arms. 

“You… now don’t take this the wrong way ducky, but,” he started, gasping as the younger dragged his teeth down Jaehwan’s throat. “Every time we do something you get upset afterwards, and I don’t want you to- to do anything you might regret later.”

“Listen to me very carefully,” Sanghyuk replied, releasing one of Jaehwan’s legs in favor of cupping his jaw. 

“Oh- okay.”

“I want to tear your clothes off with my teeth,” he began, nipping at Jaehwan’s earlobe.

“Fuck you until you forget how to speak,” he slowly swiped his thumb over Jaehwan’s plump bottom lip.

“And then watch you lick the come off my fingers.” He pressed a kiss to Jaehwan’s temple, inwardly delighted at his partners audible gulp. 

It was true, Sanghyuk had dreamed as much every night since the performance. He knew he wouldn’t be able to properly focus on practice until he did something to lessen his ever-growing sexual frustration. And if Jaehwan was willing, which he seemed to be, then that was excellent. Gender be damned, he wanted Jaehwan and he wanted him  _ now. _

“Yes,” his partner breathed, Sanghyuk looked up to see his eyes shut tight.

“Yes?”

“Yes, do that. Please.”

Sanghyuk growled with pleasure. The  _ please  _ was a very nice touch. He released his partner, Jaehwan dropping lightly to his feet and pulling Sanghyuk back to him. Their kiss was hot and heavy, their mouths moving with a perfect rhythm. Jaehwan cupped Sanghyuk cheeks, moaning weakly as the younger’s hands circled his waist. Even that light pleasure was enough to make Sanghyuk’s brain go fuzzy.

Jaehwan slid his hands around to the back of the young acrobat’s head, running his fingers through Sanghyuk’s hair as their kiss deepened. It was absolute heaven. 

“Off, please,” the elder breathed, yanking on the hem of Sanghyuk’s practice shirt. He pulled it off over his head as Jaehwan peeled away his leotard, but the younger caught his partners wrists before he could remove his stockings.

“I like those,” he said, grinning and running his blunt nails down Jaehwan’s back. 

“Oh good, me too,” Jaehwan replied with a dry chuckle, leaping into the younger’s waiting arms. 

After several more minutes of frantic kisses and careful petting, Sanghyuk broke for air. “So how does this work exactly?”

His partner cleared his throat. “I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you want to give, not receive, yes?”

Sanghyuk blanched, and his expression must have been comical because Jaehwan started to giggle. “Of course! I mean- yes, but- is that a problem?” the younger spluttered, feeling himself flush. He hadn’t even considered this going any other way. 

“No, no, relax ducky,” Jaehwan replied, going on tiptoe to collect a quick kiss. “I just need to prepare myself first, so you fit easier.”

Jaehwan settled a hand on Sanghyuk’s shoulder, sticking two fingers in his own mouth before reaching backward. “Nuh-uh,” the younger breathed, taking an extra second to catch his partners meaning. “I want to do it.”

After a pause, Jaehwan nodded. “Just like how you would with a girl,” he instructed, nodding again.

Slippery stuff. His partner was going to use spit. That was fine with Sanghyuk, he was so turned on that Jaehwan could have suggested using butter and he would have agreed. He watched in fascination as he pushed his fingers past his partners parted lips, feeling Jaehwan’s tongue swirl around them and coat them with saliva. An image of Jaehwan choking on his cock last week, hands on Sanghyuk’s thighs and spit dripping from the corner of his swollen mouth, painted itself too vividly in the young acrobat’s head for him to ignore. 

He pulled his digits free, keeping his dry hand on the small of his partners back as he tentatively prodded Jaehwan’s rim. Sanghyuk felt Jaehwan’s breath stutter and pushed one finger inside him, making sure to move slow. Just like with a girl? He could do that no problem. 

It wasn’t long before Jaehwan was a wriggling mess in his arms and Sanghyuk had three fingers knuckle deep. He wasn’t sure how long this should take, but if his partners moans of  _ ‘yes ducky, just like that’,  _ and  _ ‘harder, please fuck me. I want your cock in me so bad’  _ were any indication, Sanghyuk thought it was probably sufficient. 

“On your hands and knees, doll,” Sanghyuk murmured, removing his spit-slick fingers and wiping them on the top part of Jaehwan’s stocking. His partner whined quietly but did as instructed, reaching up to paw at the younger’s length through his practice pants.

Sanghyuk knelt behind him, staring at his partner’s pretty pink gape for a few dumbstruck seconds before freeing himself from the constraints of his clothing. 

“Hurry, Hyukkie please,” Jaehwan groaned, back dipping into a graceful arch. 

No, wait this wasn’t right. He wanted to be able to see his partners face, look into those warm mahogany eyes. 

With a hand on his partners hip, Sanghyuk gently rolled Jaehwan around until his back was against the mat that lined the practice room floor. A bedroom would have probably been a better choice, but Sanghyuk wasn’t going to start complaining about the location, or  _ god forbid  _ try and make them go back to the apartments. 

“Ducky, are you alright? Are you panicking?”

Sanghyuk shook himself, realizing that he had been pinning his partner on the floor and staring at him for almost a minute. “Just thinking,” he replied, gasping as Jaehwan hooked his legs around him middle and pulled the younger down on top of him. Sanghyuk caught himself before accidentally squishing his partner with an elbow on the mat. 

“If you changed your mind, tell me now.”

In answer, Sanghyuk lowered his head and kissed Jaehwan, hard, pushing himself into his partner’s body as smoothly as he could. It was different, different than with any girl, Jaehwan was so tight and hot and wet that the younger stopped, frozen in place at the overwhelming sensation. 

He looked down at his partner, seeing the way his mouth fell open, blown out pupils and the apples of his cheeks flushed a pretty pink. Jaehwan was whimpering, soft little noises from his soft little body, blonde curls fanned out around his head like a halo. 

“Are- are you okay? Is that okay?” he asked, because he didn’t know what else to say. Didn’t know the territory, didn’t know the etiquette in a situation like this. Sanghyuk’s breathing was-  _ lord  _ how could he think about breathing when his partner was blinking up at him like that, his dark lashes fluttering around his liquid brown eyes and he was so beautiful and tight that it made Sanghyuk want to sob with relief. 

“Big,” Jaehwan mumbled, swallowing thickly and lacing his fingers together on the nape of Sanghyuk’s neck. 

Big. Of course the younger was big but Jaehwan already knew that. This wasn’t the first time they had been physically intimate (although never like this) so his partner must have remembered. Must have realized how much of a stretch it would be to have Sanghyuk inside him,  _ properly  _ inside him. Hongbin was probably big too, with the way he walked around. All quiet and confident until someone got out of line. Sanghyuk would be a filthy liar if he said he had never thought about it. The ringmaster fucking Jaehwan, his partner all tied up in those indigo silks. He’d used that image to shamefully get himself off on several occasions and it worked almost too well.

“I know, but are you okay?”

Jaehwan nodded, his chest rising and falling and Sanghyuk finally unfroze and started to move. 

Sanghyuk’s brain stumbled to a halt but his body kept going, thrusting slow and gentle into the heat between his partners legs. It should feel boring like this, doing it in a simple position when Sanghyuk was fully aware that Jaehwan could damn near suck his own dick he was so flexible. It should feel like a wasted opportunity, but it didn’t. 

His partners eyes squeezed shut for a moment before they opened again, glazed and dark, chewing on his plush lip so hard Sanghyuk was worried it would start to bleed. 

“You’re so pretty, doll, so tight,” the younger murmured, hooking one of Jaehwan’s legs in the crook of his arm. His partner pulled him down, panting and whining as he captured Sanghyuk’s mouth and then Sanghyuk was being thoroughly kissed. Jaehwan was his ever-new delight.

“Yes Hyukkie,  _ harder,  _ just like that, please,” his partner hummed, forming the words against Sanghyuk’s lips, little puffs of hot breath fanning out over the younger’s mouth. It stung like nectar, urging Sanghyuk on to fuck into him faster and harder to assuage his desperation. 

Jaehwan jerked in his arms, sobbing and burying his face against Sanghyuk’s shoulder. 

Sanghyuk was about to stop and ask if his partner was okay, if he had hurt him, until he remembered Wonshik mentioning something about a certain spot inside a boy that felt extremely good if you could hit it. The young acrobat guessed that’s what had happened just then, and his partners pleas of “More, more, ducky right there,” were confirmation enough. 

He aimed for that spot, feeling Jaehwan go pliant underneath him as the elder whined a string of unintelligible encouragements. 

Whether the whole thing lasted minutes or years, Sanghyuk had no clue. He had lost all sense of time, all sense of place. Anything that wasn’t the heat coiling in the pit of his stomach or the heaven between Jaehwan’s legs was extremely low on his list of priorities. 

“Doll- I’m close,” he managed, groaning as Jaehwan’s fingers dug into his back, the elders delectable keening in his ear. He held Jaehwan in place, pinning him to the floor with a hand splayed wide, right at the spot his delicate waist met his hip. 

Jaehwan shuddered, dropping his head back on the mat as he came, mewling Sanghyuk’s name over and over and over again. That was the final straw. The younger fucked into him two, three more times, stars blooming behind his eyelids as his orgasm hit him with the force of an earthquake. 

“Any regrets?” Jaehwan panted, watching Sanghyuk roll off and collapse on his back beside him. “Not a damn thing.”

His partner giggled, scooting over and lying half across the younger’s chest. “You wanted one more thing, or did you forget?” he asked, squeaking as Sanghyuk wound an arm around his middle. 

What was the other thing he wanted? He had-  _ oh.  _ Sanghyuk reach down, catching some of the wetness trickling down his partners thigh. Jaehwan opened his mouth, lapping the come off the pads of Sanghyuk’s fingers with a little whine that was downright indecent. His partner was so beautiful, the younger couldn’t help but stare. Like a porcelain doll. A thoroughly  _ debauched  _ doll, but a doll all the same. 

“You should join Kongie and I sometime, I’m sure he’d love it.”

“He’s right, I would.”

Sanghyuk whipped his head up at the voice, finding the ringmaster standing in the door to the practice room with his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. It took considerable effort for the young acrobat to stop himself yanking Jaehwan on top of him like a shield. But he stayed perfectly still. 

“Binnie bunny? How long have you been there?” Jaehwan asked, shifting around so he could smile in his lover’s direction. 

“Long enough to agree with you. Are you two going to get any practicing done, or do I have to separate you?”

“We’ll be good, I promise,” Jaehwan hummed, his hands tripping up to play with the young acrobat’s hair. “Promise,” Sanghyuk added, but the word came out sounding a bit strangled. 

Hongbin grinned, carefully eyeing both of them. “Nice abs, by the way. Make sure to clean  _ doll _ up properly, wouldn’t want to make much more of a mess,” he replied, the tease in his tone plain enough. Sanghyuk still blushed, both from the complement and the deliberate use of Sanghyuk’s pet name. 

“Don’t fluster him so much, bunny! He only lost his boy virginity a few minutes ago,” Jaehwan called, eyeing his lover’s retreating back. Hongbin only gave them a little wave over his shoulder, the sound of his laughter echoing down the hallway. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW warning once again. Those of you asking for Hyukbin finally got your please.

"Taekwoon? Where's Hakyeon?" The artist was standing in the middle of the menagerie, hand on the hilt of his sheathed sword. His face was icy. Wonshik had chills. 

"You're practicing with me. Come." Wonshik obediently came to the spot that Taekwoon pointed to. It was too quiet. The birds were still singing, but without Hakyeon's beautiful voice, it didn't feel the same. It was being left alone in the jungle versus exploring a farm. Taekwoon took away the familiarity. The artist handed Wonshik a sword again. 

"Was my dueling with Hakyeon not good?" 

"You can do better." Wonshik shrunk. Ouch. He took a breath and stiffened up again. He was just giving constructive criticism. Don't take it personally. Taekwoon drew out his sword and rested the tip on Wonshik's chin. "I have high standards. I'm going to work you until it's close to perfect." Wonshik gulped. 

"Yes sir." There was a quirk to the corner of his lips before he took the sword from Wonshik's face. 

Wonshik finally took a breath once Taekwoon parted. The reverie was short however. Taekwoon smacked his hand with the dull side of his sword. The strongman was quick to pull his sword and get into stance. Taekwoon started walking circles about him. His arms were folded behind his back, eyes roaming over Wonshik like Balam to meat. 

"Fix your stance, and straighten your back. Where's that charisma you used to make a move on my lover?" Wonshik paled, freezing up. Oh fuck, he was going to get murdered, wasn't he? Taekwoon knew. Taekwoon was going to run his sword through him and the whole circus would help him hide the body.

"I'm so sorry. I dont- I have no idea what I was thinking. I swear it won't happen and _ please don't kill me sir, I promise _." Wonshik's speech sped up as he felt the tip of the sword against his back, not pressing but resting on his spine. Taekwoon hummed, lightly tapping the sword. It drew away after a pause. Wonshik crumbled to the floor when he heard it sheath. Taekwoon had spared him mercy. 

"Why did you do it?" Wonshik gulped, still trying to catch his breath. Taekwoon loomed over him as he sat in a crouch. 

"I don't know. We were just getting dressed and he kept complimenting me and touching me. It's all I could think about." He gave a sincere expression to the artist. "I'm so sorry." Taekwoon blinked at him, stared at his pitiful eyes before nudging him with his toes. 

"Get up. You look pitiful like that." Wonshik stood. Taekwoon returned to his front, looking over Wonshik's body. His hands were on his own hips. "Your sword. Get into stance. _ Properly _ this time." Wonshik nodded, getting out his sword and doing everything as perfectly as he could humanly manage. Taekwoon nodded, satisfied. 

"Show some aggression! I'm not a delicate flower." Wonshik huffed as Taekwoon stopped them _ again _. It seemed every minute his trainer was stopping him and fixing some miniscule error. Was this his punishment? Eternal torture by the beautiful yet deadly artist?

"I'm sorry you look like a breeze could topple you! I'm just being," he shoved Taekwoon's sword back, "respectful!" 

"Respectful?! It's more insulting that you think I can't take it. Again!" The shouting and clashing of steel had drowned out anything else. Taekwoon's cheeks were rudy with blush. His long black hair was astray. Wonshik surely looked worse. He could feel himself sweating buckets from Taekwoon's exercises. Taekwoon attacked and the ferocity caught Wonshik so off guard he stumbled onto his ass. He panted looking up to Taekwoon. There was a moment, a pause. They both just stared at one another as they caught their breath. Taekwoon pointed his sword back at Wonshik's neck but it didn't have the same malice. 

"I was the captain of the guard for ten years. I've trained dozens of men like you and had to face much worse. A slip up from you will be nothing. I can take _ whatever _ you can give. Do not underestimate me, Wonshik." Wonshik went wide eyed, batting his lashes up at the man. This man? Captain of the guard? Sure, he was scary, but he never even gave a suggestion to the job other than his skill in duel. 

"You were captain? And you gave it up for _ this _?" Taekwoon stopped. He stared a moment more before retreating, giving Wonshik the space to get up. 

"Yes, and I don't regret it." Wonshik stood, and got into position at Taekwoon's gesture. He was eager to learn more. 

"Well, what happened? Why would you quit a job like that? You were rubbing elbows with the finest!" Wonshik squeaked, blocking just in time to avoid a hard attack. 

"I don't care about royalty. I was there to work." He grunted blocking Wonshik. Despite the fear, Wonshik did subconsciously take the orders to heart. 

"Then why did you leave?" 

"Wonshik, stop while you're ahead." Taekwoon's glare was venomous. It was a miracle Wonshik hadn't turned to stone under Taekwoon's eyes. The strongman suddenly attacked Taekwoon's side, making him twist to block and thus topple as his feet tangled. He sat on his legs, wheezing. He made no move to stand. His head was hung. 

"What happened?"

"My liege died, Wonshik! Is that what you want to hear?!" Wonshik froze at the shout. Taekwoon's face was the perfect marriage of hurt and anger as he glared up at the strongman. His chest rose and fell with aggravated breathes. Wonshik had pushed. Too hard. Too much strength. 

"I'm s-"

"I was assigned to protect him, I was the one responsible for his life." The sword was left on the ground as Taekwoon poured his heart out. "He was hurt and it was my fault. He died and I left. I promised to never look back, never work like that again. I came here and let the story die. It will die with me and now it will die with you." Wonshik sank down to his knees. He set his own sword on the ground. His deep voice was soft, hesitant. His face was sympathetic. 

"I apologize for asking. It was insensitive of me. You shouldn't have told me." Taekwoon didn't answer. Wonshik's heart strings tightened when he heard a sniff and saw Taekwoon's arm come to swipe his eyes quickly. "Taekwoon-"

"The one thing I was supposed to do, I couldn't do. I failed and he lost his life." Wonshik reached out, holding the artist's hands and rubbing circles in them with his thumbs. 

"You can't possibly take all the blame. Something must have happened." Taekwoon tried to unsuccessfully choke down a sob. He didn't pull his hands away. 

"I left. I left him alone and when I came back, he died in my arms. It was just a moment. Nothing more than a few _ minutes _." Wonshik moved, coming to sit beside the artist. He wrapped an arm around his back, caressing Taekwoon's arm on the other side. The artist leaned into him, still wiping at his face and hiccuping on tears. 

"You didn't mean for it to happen."

"I couldn't look at myself after everything. I had to leave. I refused to ever come back. I let that old me die." 

"You can't leave your past, Taekwoon. It'll always follow. Obviously you didn't leave it all behind, otherwise we wouldn't be here." Taekwoon sniffled, nuzzling his head into Wonshik's collarbone. 

"When have you ever been this mature?" He mumbled the quip, almost no suggestion he was kidding other than the lack of malice. Wonshik pulled from closer. 

"I'm not. I just want you to feel better." Taekwoon didn't show any sign he actually listened, but he did stay in Wonshik's embrace. He didn't budge from his spot under Wonshik's arm. He was so soft and small. Wonshik had a natural instinct to protect him, like he was holding a frightened bunny in his lap. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Taekwoon mumbled. Wonshik hushed him, resting his head against the artist's. 

"Everything is well. We're family now, Taekwoon. You can count on me too." Takewoon rested his hand on the strong man's thigh, thumbing over it. 

"It's been a lot of emotions lately. It made me more theatrical than I ever would be." 

"That's why I'm here. Feel as authentically as you please, I'll be here to help." Taekwoon nodded. He hugged his knees, staring at the floor. "Hakyeon knows too, right? Is it really just us?" 

"He found out after I refused to ever duel again when he asked." 

"You changed your mind?" 

"Yes, and I don't have to perform it. Our dueling, it's only between the three of us." Wonshik flushed but nodded. He was part of the team. He was one of them. The sentiment did things to Wonshik's heart. 

"Understood. If anyone tries to hurt you two," he nudged the artist's shoulder, "I'll fight them with my bare hands." Taekwoon turned back to look at him. He smiled, gently. Wonshik naturally smiled back. 

"You shouldn't bring fists to a sword fight." Wonshik blinked before scoffing. What a shitty joke.

"Really?" Taekwoon nodded, looking much better now. 

"Did you train Hakyeon too?" They had returned to dueling. The tension from before was lost. Now, it was play fighting, boys slashing at one another with sticks. 

"Yes. I had," he grunted as he blocked Wonshik's attack, "I had taught him after we got together. He's the one," Taekwoon lunged, sending Wonshik stumbling to the side to dodge, "who convinced me to duel again."

"Was he a good study?" Taekwoon barked out a laugh. 

"Are you hoping you're better than him?" 

"No! I'm just," he grunted from a slash at Taekwoon, "curious." 

"He's not a quick study. He needs repetition."

"Really?"

"Do you truly think it's wise interrogating me about my lover? The one I know you fancy?" Wonshik froze. Despite his words, Taekwoon was smirking. 

"I- I didn't mean it like that…" Taekwoon knocked the sword from Wonshik's hand. He came closer, breathes away from Wonshik. Wonshik squeaked as his shirt was fisted in Taekwoon's hand. He could easily throw the artist if he wanted. He couldn't possibly be that heavy. He was thin without much muscle. Wonshik didn't want to though. He didn't want to potentially hurt him, even though his own life was potentially in danger. 

"You meant it. He has your interest peaked, right?" Wonshik nodded. 

"Yes sir." 

"He speaks highly of you." Wonshik's heart betrayed him. 

"He does?" Taekwoon scoffed at Wonshik's excitement. Oh, not a good thing, fuck. 

"Yes. You're a good boy, eager to please. Also inexperienced." Wonshik flushed. 

"He said that..?"

"Yes, and you also reek off," Taekwoon grasped for the word, "purity." Wonshik would have shrunk had Taekwoon not been still holding him. 

"Hyuk said it was obvious.." Taekwoon sheathed his sword. He held Wosnhik's shirt in both hands now, though in a loose grip. 

"Do you know what I intend to do Wonshik?" Wonshik's heart fell to his feet. 

"Please don't hurt me, or at least make it quick." 

Wonshik stiffened. There was no sword, no punch. Taekwoon's punishment was soft, feather light. Wonshik opened his eyes in surprise, relaxing from his wince. It was a kiss. Taekwoon was kissing him. He had his eyes clothes and hands wrapped in Wonshik's shirt and he was _ kissing him _. Wonshik's knees felt weak. He only had enough wits to remember to close his eyes again and reciprocate. Wonshik's approval meant Taekwoon pushed more. He leaned into Wonshik, pulled him in. Wonshik grabbed the artist's waist. He was so little. Taekwoon did more than Hakyeon. He had a bite to his bark. He drew away after pulling a squeak from Wonshik by biting his lower lip. His hot breath fanned over Wonshik as he puffed. 

"That." Wonshik spoke in the highest, most hesitant tone he owned because he was honestly bewildered at the moment. 

"You like me too..?" Taekwoon raised a brow. 

"Was once not enough to understand?" 

"No, u-understood." Taekwoon gave a curt nod. 

"Good. May I do it again regardless?" Wonshik whined as he aggressively nodded. Taekwoon dropped another kiss on his lips. Wonshik was learning a lot this past week. 

* * *

Sanghyuk knocked on the door to the ringmaster and his partners apartment. 

He just needed to talk to them, _ really _ needed to talk to them. Both, actually. He needed to talk to them both. Not to complain, not by a long shot, but something about sleeping with someone else’s lover had started to cloud his mind with guilt. 

Both Hongbin and Jaehwan had said it was fine individually, but he needed to hear it from them both, together, at the same time. Sanghyuk was still reeling from the thought of being attracted to a man, and the idea of somehow fitting into an open relationship (or whatever it was those two actually had going on) was throwing him into a tailspin. There had to be ground rules, guidelines, and Sanghyuk desperately needed to learn them so he felt less out of control. 

There was no answer, but the knock had really been only for courtesy. After Jaehwan walked into his and Wonshik’s living room entirely nude, any pretence of privacy had flown out the window. 

Sanghyuk turned the knob, stepping quietly into the small entryway. The kitchen lamps were lit, and was the small table lamp in the living room, but neither of the occupants were in sight. 

“Jaehwan? Hongbin?” he called, slipping out of his shoes and padding down the hall towards the bedroom. The door was closed but that could mean anything. It wasn’t that late. 

Sanghyuk rapped his knuckles on the door, calling their names again. After a _ lengthy _ pause, Jaehwan’s voice called, “Who is it?”

His partner sounded... squeaky? Shrill? Out of breath? The young acrobat failed to put all the pieces together, too focused on his mission. 

“It’s me,” he replied, leaning against the wood. There was a soft laugh, the sound of what could have been a slap, and then-

“It’s open!”

Sanghyuk opened the door and took a single step inside before his blood turned to ice. 

“I’ll just leave- sorry to-“ he stuttered, forcing his eyes skyward, but the image of his partner almost naked and tied to the headboard was already seared into his retinas. 

“What did you come to see us about, Sanghyuk?” Hongbin asked from his spot at the foot of the bed. 

Sanghyuk cleared his throat, still staring resolutely at the ceiling. “I- just about the whole thing, it can wait.”

“Which whole thing?”

“You know, the _ whole _ thing,” the youngest replied, waving one hand vaguely in his partners direction. The direction where his partner was bound the headboard with white silk ties. And strips of lace wrapped around his body like lingerie. And his blonde curls in a knot on top of his-

“Well, this is a perfect time then,” Hongbin said, that tease back in his tone. Sanghyuk shut his eyes, inhaling through his nose and exhaling out his mouth. 

“Binnie, please hurry- _ ngh!” _

Another sound of a slap dragged Sanghyuk’s focus back towards the bed. So... he _ noticed _ the blindfold after three solid seconds of staring. And the handprint rapidly darkening to red on the inside of his partners thigh. He _ noticed _ them, but they weren’t penetrating his thick goddamn skull. It felt like he had been hit over the head with a candlestick. 

“He’s not allowed to speak unless he’s spoken to. And he didn’t use the proper form of address,” Hongbin explained conversationally, trailing a finger down the length of his lover’s leg before turning his attention back to Sanghyuk. “Darling, why don’t you tell your partner what you were telling me about earlier? What you wanted?”

“I want sir to take me while Sanghyukkie fucks my mouth.”

Sanghyuk choked on his saliva, a flush creeping up his neck all the way to the roots of his hair. The lace- he was correct in thinking it was lace from his split second look- garments draped over his partners supple flesh were the definition of risqué. If they could even be called garments. It was more like a lace bandage, apparently starting behind Jaehwans neck and crossing his chest. Then crossing again over the divots of his hips and around his crotch and tied off in neat little bows where they circled the tops of his thighs. Whatever they were, they were _ very _ distracting and so it took Sanghyuk longer than normal to force the word, “What?!” out of his mouth. 

“Repeat yourself, Sanghyuk must not have heard you clearly,” Hongbin ordered, petting his lover’s ankle. 

“I want sir to take me while Sanghyukkie fucks my mouth.”

The second time didn’t make the statement any easier to comprehend. “Please,” his partner added, earning a simpering sort of coo from the ringmaster. At least Hongbin still had pants on, but _ lord _ his abdomen was sculpted and his hair was swept back, the tiniest bit damp at the hairline from what Sanghyuk thought was sweat. There was no _ safe _ place to look. 

“What do you think?” Hongbin asked, his dark brown eyes piercing straight into Sanghyuk’s soul and a smile on his face that was downright evil. 

Sanghyuk was- Sanghyuk was apparently a very _ weak _ man, weaker than he’d originally assumed himself to be. All he could make himself do was shrug. A tiny nod. 

“Good, he agreed. But we’re going to play a little game with you first darling.”

Jaehwan whined, hands twisting against the silk and feet shifting restlessly on top of the covers. “You’re going to guess who’s touching you.”

Sanghyuk blinked hard, trying to wake himself up from whatever insane dream fantasy his mind had cooked up. That’s surely what was happening, there was no possibility that this could be real. 

“Don’t you want to touch your pretty little doll, all tied up like a pretty little present?” the ringmaster asked, motioning Sanghyuk towards them. The youngest moved like he was in a trance, coming to sit beside Hongbin on the edge of the bed, but Hongbin caught his wrist when he reached for Jaehwan. The elder shook his head minutely, leaning down and brushing his mouth over the middle of Jaehwans thigh. 

“Guess.”

“Sir?”

Hongbin laughed softly, answering in the affirmative and sweeping a hand out to indicate that is was Sanghyuks turn. 

The young acrobat had gotten the gist of this game and it was only with the _ slightest _ reluctance that he turned and pressed a close-lipped kiss to his partners navel. He felt the ringmaster lightly tap his knee and pulled away. The place where Hongbin's fingers had touched him started to tingle.

“Hyukkie?” Jaehwan mumbled, obviously unsure, but he had guessed correctly. 

“Very good, darling. You’re so perceptive,” Hongbin replied, waving for the youngest to go again. Oh. He was trying to be tricky. _ Okay. _

Sanghyuk touched his own mouth, a silent question, and he stood up when he saw the ringmaster nod. He braced a hand on either side of his partners lithe body, hovering over him for a heartbeat before leaning in to kiss Jaehwan on the mouth. 

His partner squeaked in surprise, arching up off the bed slightly and opening his mouth when Sanghyuk flicked his tongue over his lower lip. 

“Hyukkie,” Jaehwan said, but the young acrobat was unsure if he was actually guessing or asking Sanghyuk to come back. Hongbin had moved around, appearing at Sanghyuks shoulder. His dark gaze flicked from Sanghyuk's eyes to his mouth and back again, waiting for the youngest to nod before moving closer. And closer and closer and-

Sanghyuk shut his eyes, feeling the ringmasters surprisingly soft lips connect with his own. Their kiss was weird. Not weird in a _ bad _ way, but just different. Not like how it was with Jaehwan, all burning and roaring flames, more like crackling embers in a hearth. This was, after all, only the second boy he’d ever kissed and- oh _ lord _ he was kissing another boy! What on earth was _ wrong _ with him?!

“And... what about... now?” Hongbin murmured, speaking a word or two each time their lips parted. Sanghyuk pulled back a few inches and looked around, noticing that while one of the ringmasters hands was resting on the nape of his neck, the other was pressed firmly to Jaehwans sternum. 

“Hyukkie still?” Jaehwan guessed, wriggling a bit more insistently. He must be able to hear them, Sanghyuk realized, hear that they were-

“Incorrect,” Hongbin replied, voice icy calm as he reached up and slapped the soft inside of his lover’s upper arm. 

Jaehwan whimpered, sounding absolutely pitiful, but Sanghyuk was having a bit of a difficult time paying attention just then because Hongbin had pushed him down on his back, his head pillowed on Jaehwans shin as the ringmaster kissed him hungrily. That was it. Sanghyuk was absolutely sure he was dreaming now. 

* * *

Several hours and a bath later, Sanghyuk was flat on his back at the foot of his partners bed, vision swimming and hair plastered to his brow. 

“None of this makes sense,” he murmured. Sanghyuk felt Jaehwan laugh, his head resting on the elder’s stomach as Jaehwan ran his fingers up and down his jawline. The touch was so soothing, Sanghyuk couldn’t stop himself from relaxing into it. He was boneless, dead tired but so blissfully happy. The young acrobat had never realized he could feel this content. 

“If you say you aren’t attracted to men one more time I’m going to punch you in the jaw,” Hongbin muttered, earning splutter from Sanghyuk and a bark of a laugh from Jaehwan. The youngest swallowed, staring up at the wooden ceiling. He guessed... maybe... it was useless to deny it at this point. Not all men, he certainly didn’t have feelings for Wonshik or Taekwoon or, lord forbid, the hurricane of charisma that was Hakyeon. He just liked these two. 

“Fine, but would you like to know why I came here in the first place?”

“Oh, I totally forgot you came here for a reason other than playtime!” Jaehwan squeaked, sitting up so fast he dislodged Sanghyuk from his comfy spot. 

Sanghyuk grumbled, winding his arms around his partner and dragging him back down. He hugged Jaehwan against him like he was a big doll, nuzzing against his navel. “Rules. I wanted to know the rules.”

“Rules?”

“Yes. What are the ground rules for this, like what are you two? To each other I mean? And where do I fit?”

Hongbin hummed, petting Sanghyuk’s hair and then Jaehwan’s. “Well, my darling and I love each other very much,” he began, momentarily interrupted by kissy noises from his lover. “Exactly. Kissy kissy, lovey dovey. Now, I’ve told you already that my only rule is not in our bed if I’m not here. This isn’t the rule for everyone, mind you, I'm picky about who I share my darling with. He only deserves the best. But that’s my rule for you.”

"And that's all? You work so well and that the only rule you have?" It didn't make sense to Sanghyuk. No way could it be that easy. Liking one person was already complicated enough. He assumed making a group work required some kind of black magick. Hongbin raised a brow. 

"Do you want more?" Jaehwan spoke as he combed Sanghyuk's hair. 

"Everything else is just like normal, ducky. You treat me and Kongie well, you talk to us about things."

"But- you- how," Jaehwan hushed his stammering. 

"You're over complicating, ducky. It's not that hard." Hongbin nodded, helping him explain. 

"You like us, we'll like you. It's as easy as that." Sanghyuk looked to them both, their earnest faces, and just sighed.

"Alright. But if something comes up..?" Jaehwan kissed his cheek. 

"We'll discuss it then." 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I bet you thought you saw the last of me, bitch."- Lumen Ad Somnia fic  
We did have a point a while back where we were asking what people wanted to see more of, but hadn't settled on anything until now. We took your statements into consideration and made a monster with them. We're not sorry.  
(Brief) Sad times ahead!!! Caution!! -MonsterBoyf
> 
> *I love you all, and you asked for back story Lololol enjoy*  
Also, I'm trying to teach myself digital drawing so you can find Hwan outfit Inspo [HERE](https://clytemnestrasrevenge95.tumblr.com/post/189601888727/jaehwan-outfit-inspo-for-chap-8-of-lumen-ad-somnia)  
\- nestra

“Jaehwan!”

“Sanghyuk!”

“Hongbin!” Hongbin exclaimed, grinning at the dumbstruck expression on Sanghyuk’s face as he folded up the cuff of his dress shirt. He was _ more _ than used to his lover's dramatic fashion choices, but their youngest was clearly still adjusting. 

Jaehwan conntinued slipping pins into his hair, eyeing Sanghyuk in the mirror of his vanity. Hongbin was eyeing Sanghyuk as well, if he was being honest. The young acrobat had donned a black swollowtail coat and white dress shirt, as was appropriate for a gathering such as the one they were going to attend, but his trousers and vest had garnet threads woven through the black fabric. They shimmered in the lamplight as he moved, matching the blood red rose boutonniere on his chest and rubies on his cufflinks. Not for the first time, Hongbin wondered just how well-off Sanghyuk had been before abandoning his family. Those were imported fabrics to be sure. Rich men's clothing. 

Sanghyuk adjusted the black velvet cloak he had folded over one arm and cleared his throat. Hongbin could understand why he was surprised. Jaehwan went all out or he didn’t go at all, and this evening was no exception to that rule.

The ringmaster turned his gaze back to his lover and took in the vision as if through fresh eyes. Jaehwan looked... expensive was really the only word for it. A new corset had whittled down his already small waist to a tidy twenty inches and his body suit, which was essentially nothing more than a pair of combinations, was made of the finest peach damask and satin money could buy. It had a bardot neckline with seafoam green puff sleeves that tapered to fitted from his elbow to wrist. The puff sleeve was mirrored on the leg line, with seafoam ruffles reminiscent of a petticoat just where his thigh met his hip. All of these details highlighted the deep V of diamond pattern formed of gold beading on the bodes, starting wide at the neckline and narrowing to a point just under the navel. And as if that weren't enough, the gold beading accents continued on the edges of the sleeves and neckline, appearing almost leaf-like due to the diamond shape. Hongbin had chosen the shoes himself, gold beaded boots that laced up to mid thigh with sea-foam ribbon, rendering Jaehwan’s flesh colored stockings almost invisible. 

“You look very handsome, ducky,” Jaehwan hummed, winking at Sanghyuk in the mirror and dabbing a bit of peach pigment on his plump lips. The wink drew attention to his eye makeup, several different shades of gold mica powder and kohl rimmed lids, darkened lashes, just a tiny dot of sea-foam pigment in the inner corner to accent the outfit. He finished pinning his ringlets and stood, handing the ringmaster a topaz broach that matched the ring on his slim finger. 

“Would you mind?”

“Not at all.”

Hongbin fixed the broach to the spot just above Jaehwan’s sternum and stood back to admire his work. “Lovely.”

“You clean up pretty well yourself,” Jaehwan replied with a soft laugh, adjusting Hongbin’s black satin top hat. He’d chosen a tailcoat similar to Sanghyuk, but his ensemble skewed more stormcloud than scarlet. The velvet ribbon of his bow tie and band around his top hat were flint, waistcoat a deep slate, and the cloak he planned to wear on the way to the party was the color of deepest smoke. Hongbin thought he did look rather good. 

Sanghyuk cleared his throat for the second time. “Are you wearing this to the party, or is it a new costume for the show?” he inquired, employing the customary monotone he aimed for when discussing the femme aspects of Jaehwan’s personality. It was a trend that began after watching their first performance and Hongbin didn’t mind it. Better than sticking his foot in his mouth and saying the wrong thing at every possible turn. 

Jaehwan, however, wasn’t fooled by the forced diplomacy. One arched brow and several mincing steps later, he was standing before his partner with his arms crossed. “I was planning to wear it to the party tonight, why do you ask?”

“Just curious, it is quite lovely,” Sanghyuk replied, still in that even voice. Hongbin may not mind, but he knew his lover disliked others thinking poorly of his appearance. “I have formal men's evening wear as well, if this makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, you look exquisite.” The young acrobat raised a hand to Jaehwan’s waist as if to cement his point, but Jaehwan simply hummed and spun away. Once he’d vanished inside their large walk-in closet, Hongbin approached Sanghyuk. 

He did so with precise, measured steps. Not moving too quickly, giving the younger plenty of time to back up. Sanghyuk didn’t back up and, after waiting for him to nod his permission, Hongbin pressed a slow kiss to his lips. The youngers mouth was soft against his and Sanghyuk kissed him back, cupping the nape of Hongbin’s neck as he did so and the ringmaster couldn’t help but smile into it.

It was understandable, Sanghyuk’s slight wariness towards him. Having someone that looked like Jaehwan for a lover was one thing, but adjusting to being attracted to someone as manly, as Hongbin liked to think he himself was, would take a bit more time. Hongbin was okay with that. He never wanted rush Sanghyuk or make him feel like he was being pressured. Only comfortable. 

A loud grumbling from inside the closet made Sanghyuk jump and he pulled away a bit, that worried furrow Hongbin had been trying to soothe away still very much present. “Is he-” the young acrobat cleared his throat again, speaking softly enough that Jaehwan wouldn’t hear him, “Is it _ really _ okay for him to wear that in public?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well... you know- It’s a bit unconventional.”

“If you feel this strongly, tell him,” Hongbin replied, his own voice dropping to a more serious register. Sanghyuk shook his head. “Jaehwan isn’t the problem, it’s the high society imbeciles that I’m worried about. They can be rather... harsh. I don’t want anyone being rude to him.”

“Nonsense. You’ll see when we arrive, everyone adores Jaehwan.” Hongbin gave the younger man a smile, making sure to flash his dimples as he did so, but Sanghyuk didn’t look entirely convinced. 

“Help me with this, bunny, would you?” Jaehwan squeaked, reemerging from the depths of the closet and holding out a bundle of gold damask, a tiny bit of fur trim peeking out from between the folds. Hongbin took it and shook it out before draping it around his lover's shoulders. “The bow simply _ refused _ to tie properly!”

Hongbin grinned as he tied the closure at Jaehwan’s neck, but his lover had gotten distracted. He squinted at Sanghyuk’s mouth for a few seconds and then poked him sharply in the chest. “You waited until I left to make a move on Kongie?! Rude!”

“Darling...” the ringmaster warned, noting how the younger's cheeks instantly drained of color. Hongbin had put a bit, just a _ little _ bit, of rouge on his lips before Sanghyuk had arrived and faint traces were now visible on the young acrobats mouth.

Jaehwan dropped an obnoxiously loud kiss on Sanghyuk’s cheek, and then Hongbins. “I’m kidding! Lighten up, will you, we’re going to a party!” Jaehwan exclaimed, shimmying with excitement and then nearly running from the bedroom. Hongbin and Sanghyuk trailed him at a more dignified pace. “Let’s see if the others are ready.”

* * *

"You're such a darling, love," Hakyeon cooed, kissing Taekwoon after he adjusted the animal tamer's hair for him. Taekwoon merely hummed, noncommittal. When he turned around to look back into the vanity, Hakyeon groped him.

"Hakyeon!" 

"Couldn't help myself love, you look so handsome," Hakyeon muttered in Taekwoon's ear, grinning. The artist huffed but didn't turn away the attention. The mirror showed them both to be looking like a million dollar couple. Taekwoon had a white blouse, ruffled sleeves peeking out the sleeves of his suit jacket. His cummerbund was a steel grey, and his sword hung on his hip. It was to be decorative rather than functional. Taekwoon only wore it now because Hakyeon insisted on how ravishing he looked carrying it around while letting his hands wander. Hakyeon lived for danger. It wouldn't even be charitable saying he was aroused by it. Taekwoon with his temperament and a weapon was exactly that. Hakyeon opted for a masculine appearance this occasion. His natural hair, face dusted with that signature fairy dust of Jaehwan's. Hakyeon's blouse had a high collar that ended in gaudy lace ruffles. His own sleeves hugged close at the very bottom, but billowed. Dark suspenders held up his even darker slacks. The violet, fur trimmed, cloak that went over it all sat on the back of the vanity table chair. 

"You say that everytime we go out." 

"That's because its always true." 

"Are you ready?" Wonshik's voice came from the doorway after a light knock. 

"Yes, of course- what is that?" 

Wonshik looked down at himself, thoroughly confused. 

"What is what?"

"Do not tell me that is what you plan on wearing." Taekwoon turned back to see both lovers. He could easily recognize one of Hakyeon's diva moments by the change in his voice. Wonshik watched Hakyeon as he fiddled with his plain attire. It was the same thing he always wore, albeit cleaner. 

"Yes? Is this not good enough?" 

"Gah! Have you ever gone to a party before?" Wonshik averted his eyes, holding himself against the door. 

"No…" Hakyeon pursued his lips at Wonshik before taking his arm. 

"I'm dressing you up. I cannot have you out looking like this." Wonshik had blinking eyes so wide he may as well be a deer. He stumbled after Hakyeon. Taekwoon sighed and gathered up Hakyeon's cloak, following after them. He always seemed to be following after. 

"I'm stealing your clothes." Hongbin, Sanghyuk, and Jaehwan all stared as Hakyeon practically stormed in, both lovers in tow. He moved straight to the bedroom, virtually ignoring the residents outside of his explanation. 

"Does Wonshik not have his own clothes?" Hongbin sneered. It wasn't an issue, he just wanted to make things hard. Hakyeon peeped his head back in. 

"Hongbin, this is a fashion crisis. Do not disturb me in my work." Taekwoon sat the cloak on the dining room chair and moved to the bedroom, the rest of the group following after. When they came into the doorway, they found Hakyeon stripping Wonshik down. Hongbin's clothes were piled on the bed. 

"Never been to a party in your life, I can't believe this," Hakyeon muttered to himself. "Arms up." Hakyeon pulled the shirt over his head, exposing all the brawn and tattoos that made up his torso. Hakyeon fondly caressed one before continuing to pants. 

"You do not need to strip me!" Wonshik pulled Hakyeon's hands away, flushed. Hakyeon grinned at him. 

"Do we need to invest in undergarments for you as well, Wonshik?" The strongman sputtered. 

"No! I can just do it myself, and why are all of you staring?!" 

"I like what I see," Taekwoon answered bluntly, not that that helped Wonshik. 

"I've just never seen someone so prudish, it's honestly hilarious," Sanghyuk mocked, earning him a glare and a rude gesture. He turned away to step out of his pants, and as soon as he did, Hakyeon was back on him. A button up for him as well, this one plain. Over that, a rich indigo waistcoat. The group laughed at Hakyeon's suggestive, self satisfied, hum watching Wonshik get into the pants. He was blocking the view he was enjoying for everyone else. Wonshik was thoroughly flushed. Hakyeon tied a matching ascot around his neck, making him look prim. A tailcoat was thrown over and Hakyeon took a step back to examine his work. He did look good. Even Wonshik looked down at himself in surprise. 

"Darling, what do you think?" Taekwoon stepped in beside Hakyeon, looking Wonshik over. He held up a finger and moved into the closet. From it, he pulled a hat box. 

"Taekwoon, don't you dare." 

"It’s a fashion crisis Hongbin, remember?" Taekwoon smiled at the ringmaster as from the box he pulled a top hat. Simple with just a black band. He lovingly placed it on the strongman's head and looked him over. Wonshik was rewarded an unexpected peck. 

"Oh, you're so right. That brought it all together." He snapped his fingers. "I have an idea! Wait here." Hakyeon was gone like flash. 

"Is it that nice?" Wonshik mumbled after the silence Hakyeon left. 

"You look very handsome, Shikkie!" Wonshik smiled at the acrobat. 

"And you look astounding." Jaehwan preened under the compliment. Sanghyuk wrapped an arm around Jaehwan's wasp waist. 

"We should get you your own nice clothes after tonight. We attend these rather frequently." Taekwoon returned to Wonshik's side, fixing him up. Wonshik held his hands behind his back and leaned into it. 

"You do?" 

"It's the only excuse to meet Binnie's elite friends," Jaehwan supplied, still tucked so neatly into Sanghyuk's side. 

"Please don't let me make a fool of myself then," Wonshik muttered to Taekwoon, brows furrowing. Taekwoon hushed him, stroking his cheekbones. 

"You'll be perfect, Wonshik." Taekwoon took the hat from his head and used it to shield their faces. He kissed the strong man, to the crude cooing of the peanut gallery outside the door. 

"I got it. Oh? What do we have here?" Wonshik jumped and parted from Taekwoon at a hand on his back. Hakyeon was beside them, feathers and new cloak in tow. Wonshik opened his mouth to speak, but was pulled in for a kiss from Hakyeon. It finished as soon as it ended, and Hakyeon tucked a peacock feather into Wonshik's hat. He placed the other in Taekwoon's lapel hole. The cloak Hakyeon had was a fine emerald. He held it up to Wonshik before wrapping it around him. It was much heavier than Wonshik expected. This was a quality cloak, even the inside proved so. Hakyeon had the most satisfied smile. 

"Beautiful. Devilishly handsome." Wonshik smiled and ducked his head, bashful. 

"If you ruin any of those clothes I'll skin you," Hongbin warned, though lacking any bite. Jaehwan gave him a smack. 

"Hush! Let him enjoy his first day with the elite without worrying about your clothes." 

"He'll probably stick to the corners anyway, you have nothing to worry about," Sanghyuk mocked, smirking. Wonshik pouted at his roommate.

"You're so cruel to me!" 

* * *

Sanghyuk wasn’t entirely sure about this whole thing. 

He wasn’t embarrassed by the other members of Lumen ad Somnia circus, not at all. They weren’t the issue. The _issue_ was all the people they were going to see at this party. Growing up in high society had taught him many things, but the overarching message he’d taken away from that time in his life was that the wealthy were cruel. They were cruel to anyone and anything that was different from them, not up to their standards. Anything remarkable. 

Sanghyuk had almost bowed out and stayed home. He had avoided these sorts of engagements on purpose for a very long time, and wasn’t too keen on the idea of running into anyone from his old life. But Jaehwan had begged him to come, and Wonshik had told the young acrobat that he needed a friend to be there. That he wanted Sanghyuk to come and help balance out the others craziness in case Wonshik got too nervous. So, of course, Sanghyuk had agreed. 

But now the carriage was rolling to a stop and it was too late to turn back. Too late to run back to the safety of his and Wonshik’s cozy apartment. Hakyeon and Jaehwan whooped with excitement and the young acrobat watched, heart sinking, as his two lovers slid from the carriage. Hongbin had a hand on Jaehwan's hip, Jaehwan was plucking at Hongbin’s steel grey cloak, and they tumbled through the entrance of the venue without a single glance backward.

Sanghyuk followed, trying to ignore the way Hakyeon and Taekwoon fussed over Wonshik. They always did their utmost to make the strongman feel included. But no matter how kind Hongbin was to him or how lovingly Jaehwan touched him, Sanghyuk was still blindingly aware of his other-ness. It was always Jaehwan and Hongbin's party. Sanghyuk was just a guest. 

“Come along, Hyoggi,” Hakyeon called softly, slipping an arm through Sanghyuk’s when he noticed that the young acrobat was just standing there alone. The group of four made their way inside and Sanghyuk was struck with an unwelcome sense of familiarity. He knew the dynamic in this room. Could read the flow of energy like the back of his hand. Knew just how to work his way through the crowd, networking, forging new connections. Feeling this way again, after spending so long trying to avoid an environment like this, made Sanghyuk slightly sick to his stomach.

“Well! This looks quite lively, wouldn’t you agree?” Hakyeon murmured, lifting a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing servent.

“Yes, and our friends are already making themselves at home,” Taekwoon hummed. He waved a hand to the left of Sanghyuk, the young acrobat just able to make out Hongbin and Jaehwan chatting with some women in fine formal dresses. They looked like they fit right in. 

Hakyeon handed Sanghyuk a glass of champagne and smiled kindly. “You’re welcome to wander about with us, if you’d like,” he said, and Sanghyuk was grateful for the offer, but he shook his head. “I don’t want to lose them in the crowd,” the younger replied, allowing Hakyeon to give his hand a squeeze before shifting through the other guests to stand at Jaehwan’s side. 

“Ah, ducky! We were wondering where you'd got too!” Jaehwan squeaked, slipping an arm around his waist before turning back to the ladies. Upon closer inspection, Sanghyuk recognized one of them, the daughter of his father's associate, but pretended he didn’t. The small bit of comforting contact didn’t last as long as Sanghyuk would have liked. His lover nearly pounced on a passing waiter to retrieve a glass of champagne and left the young acrobat at Hongbin’s side. 

Sanghyuk just stood quietly and listened to the ringmaster talk. Jaehwan draped himself over Hongbin’s shoulders when he returned, much to Sanghyuk's dismay. He could already tell this party was _ not _ going to be fun.

* * *

“Give me your cloak,” Taekwoon muttered. Wonshik jumped at his sudden proximity, but relinquished. He undid the tie of his cloak and handed it to Taekwoon. His glass had disappeared somewhere. He looked to Hakyeon, who had his back to them and was talking to some businessman, and then looked back to Wonshik. “Come with me, please.”

"Where are we going?" Wonshik followed Taekwoon, putting his glass on one of the passing servant's platters. Taekwoon didn't bring a cloak. He had a large overcoat that went down to his knees. It was now draped over his arm like Wonshik had done with his cloak. 

"Cloak room." Said room was in the back, a little less populated. A closet set within the stairwell. Inside were two racks on opposite sides, a small table with a lamp in the middle. Wonshik hung up his cloak on the right. He turned to look back at the click of the door. 

Taekwoon all but pounced on Wonshik. The strongman nearly fell back into the coats from the shock and Taekwoon's eagerness. Taekwoon held him by the cheeks, viciously kissing him. Wonshik went weak in his knees. He grabbed onto Taekwoon's waist underneath the suit jacket. Taekwoon stepped entirely into his space, pushing him back against the wall. His hands moved down to grab and pull his ascot. Wonshik, embarrassingly, whined into the kiss at the motion. He didn't understand where this was coming from and it made his head spin, his breath quicken, lips go kiss swollen. The ascot came undone and Taekwoon made no move to fix it. It fell to the floor, where Wonshik's current functioning brain processes were. And there went his hat. Taekwoon's hands were in Wonshik's hair. They tangled and pulled lightly. Wonshik finally parted, winded and flush. 

"What was that for?"

"I like what I see," Taekwoon repeated what he said earlier. His eyes skated down Wonshik. He slipped his hands under the waistcoat to feel Wonshik's abs through the shirt. The strongman curled his toes in his loafers. 

"You brought me in here for that?"

"Would you rather I shove my tongue in you mouth in front of the crowd?" Wonshik shook his head and got pulled in for another kiss. It was hard to focus on reciprocating with those hands on his stomach, feeling his muscles. Which may have been why Taekwoon switched tactics, kissing Wonshik's jawline. "Hakyeon did good with you." A kiss. "I could eat you up like this." The familiar buzz in Wonshik's nerves did not bode well, especially since he did not remember a lock on the door, and this certainly seemed like the wrong place and time for such intimacy. 

Outside the door, the polite conversation turned to rawkus laughter and wolf whistles, the kind made by the most obscene kind of people when they see a pretty face go by. Taekwoon looked to the door as though he forgot the outside world existed. 

"I suppose we should get back before they get into too much trouble." Wonshik gulped and nodded. Taekwoon stepped back and it took all Wonshik had to stand up instead of sink further down against the wall. The artist gathered Wonshik's things, placing his hat back on his head and tying his ascot for him. "We can reconvene when we get home." There was that slight evil smirk, the same one he had when Wonshik thought Taekwoon was about to kill him. "Decent enough for the public?" Wonshik nodded again. He was still too stunned for words. Taekwoon took his hand and lead him out. 

When they came out, it was very apparent what the cause of all the noise was. Around the table, a crowd had gathered. Taekwoon lead Wonshik to the edges of the crowd and wormed his way through until they were beside Hongbin and Sanghyuk in the front. Wonshik was floored. 

Hakyeon and Jaehwan were the focus of the crowd, and they were pressed close, _ intimately close _. They were doing a kind of step, Jaehwan leading. They weren't holding hands though. Jaehwan was holding Hakyeon by the waistline of his slacks. They both had a mischievous glint in their eyes. Jaehwan worked Hakyeon back up against the table. He looped his leg around Hakyeon's and then ground up against him. Wonshik wanted to hide behind his hands, but no one else was. Despite his prudishness, he kept his eyes on them like the crowd. Hakyeon's hands were on Jaehwan's hips, just below the ruffles at his sides, making no move to stop the roll of his hips. Jaehwan was the one to stop it. He stepped away, but then came right back in by putting his boot up on the table, putting him in standing splits. He thumbed over Hakyeon's lip before trailing his hand down. His fingertips skated over Hakyeon's chest, his waist, to his belt. Wonshik squeaked for Hakyeon when Jaehwan cupped him, rather exaggerated and aggressively as well. The crowd was practically hysteric. Hakyeon parted his lips and batted his lashes before grinning even further. He grabbed the leg on the table and pushed it further up. In response, Jaehwan bent over backwards, holding himself up on his hands while Hakyeon held his calf. He kissed up Jaehwan's boot, and Wonshik gulped. He was reminded of Hakyeon's own high leather boots. The ones that paired so well with Hakyeon's whip. Seeing.. whatever this was was giving Wonshik ideas. The crowd all practically squealed as Hakyeon licked up the extent of the boot while Jaehwan winked and blew a kiss to one of the many voyeurs. Hakyeon released Jaehwan's leg and the acrobat bent over further, a graceful cartwheel. He was back on his feet facing Hakyeon. 

They stood and stared a moment, just breathing and looking over each other's form. Sanghyuk was saying something rather aggressively to Hongbin but Wonshik had gone deaf at this point. The tension broke and Jaehwan strutted forward, slowly. It was like he was on the tightrope, and Hakyeon was the point on the wall he had focused on. Hakyeon tilted his chin up as though an invitation, or a challenge. _ Come and get it, pretty _. Jaehwan did come. You could practically hear the collective breath the crowd took watching the first suspender slowly be slipped off. The second one got a rousing coo. Hakyeon's hand was on Jaehwan's ass. Jaehwan held Hakyeon's shirt by the buttons. He was barely a hair's width from Hakyeon's lips. They whispered to one another, inaudible at first. Jaehwan undid a button. 

"What is it your aiming for here, pretty?" A button

"What would you like?" Jaehwan replied. Another. 

"Are you not already satisfied?" Another button. Hakyeon was referring to Sanghyuk and Hongbin. 

"I'm satisfied." The crowd went wild at Jaehwan pulling apart the shirt and urging it down to expose Hakyeon's chest. As indecent as it was, Wonshik's eyes fell on the animal trainer's pectorals, his nipples. His skin seemed so smooth. "But a little fun never hurt anyone. Did it, _ master _?" The title was put on so delicately, practically whispered. Somehow that made it even easier to hear. It stood out, and it set something off for Hakyeon. He spun them around. He was behind Jaehwan, pushing his torso down against the table. Jaehwan laughed, somehow not at all phased by this beautiful man shoving him down into the submissive position. 

"I suppose not, princess." 

"That's enough you two!"

Hongbin stepped forward, flashing the watching crowd an apologetic smile as he did so. “Unfortunately, if you want to see anymore, you’ll have to come to our next show,” he said cheerfully, hoisting Jaehwan to his feet and retreating towards the bar. Sanghyuk watched, listening to his fellow party goers groan and whine with a sense of mounting frustration. 

He followed them at a relaxed pace that took a surprising amount of effort to carry off. 

“I know you two enjoy fooling around like that, darling, but I was not about to let you blow him in the middle of a party,” Hongbin was saying in a quiet but firm voice, just as Sanghyuk reached them. 

Jaehwan was visibly irritated, huffing under his breath and crossing his arms, avoiding eye contact. 

“I wasn’t going to-“

“You _ were. _ I know that look you get, and I know he would have let you.”

“If I could just interrupt for a moment,” Sanghyuk cut in, stuffing his hands in his pockets to stop himself from messing up his hair. “You were jealous when I was just doing my job, but not when Hakyeon quite literally bent him over in the middle of a crowded room?!”

His question was directed at the ringmaster, and the answering look he received from Hongbin was... well it wasn’t one of _ annoyance _so much as mild fatigue. “Please, sweetheart, don't be upset. They do this all the time. Public displays of debauchery amuse them for some reason-”

Hongbin snapped his mouth shut, Sanghyuk's eyes went wide, and Jaehwan finally looked up from the floor. 

“Did you just call him-” Jaehwan started, but the ringmaster abruptly whirled away, mumbling something about getting drinks. Sanghyuk blinked. And blinked again. And again. A dazzling smile bloomed on his partner's face. “He did just call you sweetheart, right?! I’m not dreaming?!”

“No... I think he did?” Sanghyuk heard the words leave his mouth, but didn’t remember telling his brain to say them. He felt numb and tingly all at the same time. Excited? Surprised? Happy? Sad? Confused? Sanghyuk didn’t know how to feel about this development. Didn't know how he was _ supposed _ to feel. The young acrobat never considered that he was important enough to be granted a pet name. Jaehwan’s use of ‘ducky’ was inevitable really, but outright sweetness like that from Hongbin was rare. 

Sanghyuk turned to Jaehwan, expecting to have his retinas seared by the blinding light of that smile he adored, but it had vanished. Just dropped off his face like it had never been there at all. Jaehwan's face was draining of color, staring off into the middle distance with a glazed look that Sanghyuk didn’t like one bit. It was the same blank expression that his partner had worn after Sanghyuk’s first accidental insult at dinner. 

“What’s the matter, doll? What’s wrong?” Sanghyuk asked, ducking down a bit and cupping Jaehwan’s cheek. Trying to get on his level. Jaehwan didn’t look at him, pretty lips sealed shut tight. It didn’t look like he was breathing either, entirely stationary. With reluctance, Sanghyuk turned away from him. Just a little. Just enough to try and see what he was looking at. There was nothing out of the ordinary, only men in suits and women in dresses, people milling around the room just as they had been doing all night. “Jaehwan, doll, talk to me.”

Jaehwan blinked. Once. He drew a shuddering breath, put a hand on his chest, and uttered a _ ‘him’ _ so quiet that Sanghyuk almost missed it. 

“Him who?” he asked, looking back around, searching the crowd both for Hongbin and who ever it was that was scaring Jaehwan so much. Because he _ was _scared. Sanghyuk could see the fear written plain as day across his pretty face. His bottom lip had even begun trembling. 

Sanghyuk took his partner's hand and held it tight. “Do you want to go? Should we leave? Get some fresh air or-”

Jaehwan shook his head, a short, sharp burst of movement that was slightly jarring after the total stillness. “Where is Hongbin.” A statement, not a question. Hearing Jaehwan use the ringmaster's full name, not bunny or Kongie, and the serious tone of his voice. Just an octave higher than it should be. Sanghyuk felt his stomach twist with something he couldn’t quite give a name too. 

“I don’t know, the bar probably? Should we go get him?”

“Yes.”

Sanghyuk, unsure of himself now, lead Jaehwan through the crowd and towards the bar. He didn’t walk quickly enough though, becuase Jaehwan gave a strangled little squeaky cry and ducked down, using the young acrobat's body like a shield. 

“Jaehwan, what’s-”

“Darling?” Hongbin interrupted, appearing at Sanghyuk's side out of nowhere and with no warning whatsoever. Jaehwan jumped, not saying anything as he abruptly switched directions. Sanghyuk and Hongbin exchanged worried glances but followed him towards the cloakroom. 

* * *

Jaehwan needed a moment. Just one moment. Just needed to take a moment to breathe. _ He _ wasn’t going to ruin Jaehwan’s night. Jaehwan wouldn’t allow it. Wouldn’t give _ him _ that power. Jaehwan was going to take a moment to breathe, and then he would smile and borrow Hongbin’s gray cloak. Claim he was cold. And that was why he wanted to cover up. Not because the thought of _ him _ seeing Jaehwan’s exposed skin was too much to bear. No, just because Jaehwan was cold. And his carefully styled hair was giving him a headache. The pins were too tight, pulling against his scalp and hurting him. That’s why he was taking the pins out one by one and slipping them into the pocket of his own gold cloak. Not because he didn’t want to draw further attention to himself, make it easier for _ him _ to pick Jaehwan out in a crowd. It was simply giving him a headache.

“Darling, say something.”

Jaehwan looked around. His boys were standing shoulder to shoulder, watching him extricate the little metal clips, watching his ringlets tumble down to his around his collarbones. “Just the crowd, a little headache is all. And I’m a b-bit chilly,” Jaehwan replied, trying to pass his stutter off as a shiver. By the look on Hongbin’s face, Jaehwan didn’t think his attempt at trickery had worked. But he continued removing the pins. Just two more to go. And one more. All gone. Jaehwan shook his head to make sure he’d gotten all of them and reached out for his lover, hastily untying the velvet ribbon knotted around Hongbin’s neck. 

“Why are you stealing my tie?”

“Makeshift hair ribbon,” Jaehwan replied, popping the top button of Hongbin’s shirt open to make him look more casual and confidant, rather than like he’d come to a party without getting fully dressed. The acrobat gathered his curls up into a loose knot at the nape of his neck. He had to wrap the ribbon around it twice before finishing with a bow. Otherwise the tails would have been too long. Noticeable.

“May I borrow your cloak as well?”

“And what’s wrong with yours?”

“Nothing, just a bit heavy,” Jaehwan replied, taking the charcoal cloak from its peg without waiting for Hongbin’s permission. He wanted it because the wool was lighter than the bulky damask. Not because Jaehwan’s shiny gold cloak would catch the light, and subsequently the eyes of anyone in a twenty foot radius, but because Hongbin’s was more comfortable. 

Jaehwan knew full well that he was trying to talk himself out of a panic attack. It would do no good to break down in public like this. Not in front of Wonshik and certainly not in front of Sanghyuk. Hongbin and the other two could handle it, had handled it many times before, but Jaehwan didn't want his hysteria to drive away their still somewhat fresh recruits. His new friends. New members of his family. And it almost worked. Almost. It was working right up until Sanghyuk reached out to rest a hand on his shoulder. 

Jaehwan flinched so violently that he nearly turned his ankle as he fell back into a coat rack. Those ridiculous heels were the wrong choice. He shouldn’t have worn them. Should have worn something flat. Something easier to run in. And he shouldn’t have worn his horrid new costume either. A tailcoat and trousers would have more than sufficed. 

Sanghyuk retracted his hand at once, looking hesitantly from Jaehwan to Hongbin. “Who did you mean when you said ‘him’ earlier?” The youngest asked, causing Jaehwan to wince. He hadn’t meant to say that aloud. 

Hongbin’s head whipped around, pinning Sanghyuk in that glare Jaehwan knew made his partner nervous, but he couldn’t do anything about it yet. Couldn’t tell his lover to knock it off, couldn’t stand up and smack the back of his head, couldn’t even draw the breath it would require to say Hongbin’s name. His innards had turned to ice. 

“What are you talking about, Sanghyuk?”

No more calling him sweetheart then. At least not now. 

“I don’t know! He got all pale and then said something about _ him _ and then we came to find you! That’s all!”

His partner sounded defensive. Hongbin wouldn’t like that. 

“I mean just look at him! He’s white as a sheet and clearly scared of something!” Sanghyuk continued, crossing his arms and affecting a little pout. At any other moment, Jaehwan would have cooed. “Who is it, doll? Someone who used to be your suitor?”

Jaehwan wasn’t even able to shake his head. He just stared up at them like the mute little thing he was. Doll was an apt nickname, the acrobat thought. He was just a doll. Just a plaything for real people to throw around and break whenever they liked. Not real. Just something that looked vaguely person shaped with nice lips and a mouth-

Hongbin crouched down in front of him, not making a move to touch Jaehwan, which the acrobat greatly appreciated. His lover always knew what to do. How to handle moments like this the best. 

“Is it _ him, _darling? Is he here?”

Jaehwan managed to nod. Just a tiny nod but it was still better than nothing, and Hongbin abruptly stood back up. 

“Sanghyuk, go inform Hakyeon and the others that Jaehwan and I are going home. He’s clearly not feeling well. Feel free to stay with them and enjoy the rest of the party.”

“No!”

Both Hongbin and Jaehwan turned at that, the former's steely glare back on his face and the latter hugging his knees tight against his chest. Jaehwan felt as though his corset was going to suffocate him. Crush his spine to dust and reduce his lungs to pulp. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“I said no! It’s always you two, running off and leaving me behind, and I’m sick of it! I’m sick of being left out!”

“Sanghyuk, this is neither the time nor the place. We can continue this discussion at home, now please go.”

“No!”

Mustering up the final shred of strength he had left, Jaehwan managed to murmur, “Ducky, please go.”

The wounded look on Sanghyuk's face broke something in Jaehwan’s chest. A rib or two, by the feeling, if he had to guess. His partner looked like he’d just been slapped across the face. But he’d seen too much already. Jaehwan always strived to be a beacon of positivity and light, build his friends up with his love rather than drag them down with him to wallow in misery. Better for him to go and have fun. He didn’t need to sit in a closet and watch Jaehwan unravel. 

Without another word, Sanghyuk turned on his heel and stomped from the cloakroom. 

“I’ll be right back, just stay here and let me tell someone to bring a carriage around,” Hongbin said, patting the floor by Jaehwan’s shin and then hurrying out as well. Jaehwan heard what sounded like his partner's angry hissing just on the other side of the curtain. And then Hongbin spoke. “It’s his last client. The one he refused. The reason Hwannie’s madame kicked him out. I’ll explain later, just please go and tell Hakyeon we’re leaving.”

And then there were kissing sounds. His lovers were having a public and affectionate moment while Jaehwan sat there, beads of ice water rolling down his frozen limbs as though he were nothing more than a melting ice sculpture. 

He didn’t know how long it took for Hongbin to return, had stopped counting after thirty seconds because _ any _ amount of time was too long. Too long to be without his bunny. 

The memories snared him as he cowered there, all alone in that dimly lit cloakroom. The way _ his _ greedy hands would always grab and prod and squeeze, even when Jaehwan told him no. Begging for him to stop always just egged _ him _ on further. Grabbing until Jaehwan started to cry and then more after that. How _ he _would pay Madame extra for the privilege of taking Jaehwan back to his home and keep him overnight. And then the time he-

“Come, darling, the carriage is ready for us now.” Hongbin extended a hand, palm up, waiting for Jaehwan to take it. Never grabbing. Never hurting. His soft bunny would never. 

Hongbin's cloak was still tied around Jaehwan’s shoulders and the younger made no move to take it from him. He folded Jaehwan’s own and tucked it under one arm, allowing the acrobat to tuck himself under the other. 

Jaehwan managed not to cry until the carriage door was shut. Sanghyuk hadn’t come with them. 

* * *

When Sanghyuk, Hongbin, and Jaehwan finally disappeared, Hakyeon finally turned to his own two lovers. His smile was warm and welcoming. Wonshik had whiplash. 

"Did you enjoy the show, loves?" 

"Did you?" Taekwoon was not happy, you could hear it all in that one little snip. Hakyeon cooed and came in. He hugged onto the artist, holding together by their hips and swaying slightly. 

"Don't be that way. It could easily be you if you'd like." 

"Over my dead body. Unlike you, I keep affection _ private _. You, me, Wonshik." The strongman didn't expect to be included, he felt a little shy. Hakyeon rolled his eyes and relinquished Taekwoon. He fluttered over to Wonshik instead, all smiles. 

"How did you like the show, sweet boy?"

"It was uh… attractive..?" It was easily the best word choice considering Hakyeon's reaction. His smile grew. 

"I'm glad you liked it! I thought it might have been too embarrassing for you." 

"I mean, a little bit." Hakyeon pouted his lips. He hung off of Wonshik the same way he hung off Taekwoon. 

"I could try it on you, if you liked it so much." Wonshik was quick to shake his head. Hakyeon leaned further into him. "Back home, when it's just us. I could treat my good boy like he deserves." Wonshik made a choked noise. Hakyeon was pulled away, ending the spell he had. 

"He's in a mood," Taekwoon explained bluntly, "How much champagne did you have?" Hakyeon shrugged. Taekwoon huffed and dragged him towards the kitchen's, calling Wonshik to follow. Taekwoon took a plate from one of the servants. He fed the hors d'oeuvres to Hakyeon. 

"What started all of _ that _?" Wonshik questioned, glancing back to that table. The crowd had dispersed once more. 

"A favorite song of mine came on the gramophone. I simply invited Jaehwan to dance with me." 

"That was dancing?"

"He's being generous," Taekwoon explained. Wonshik was glad to not be on the receiving end of his sour mood. 

"Just because it's arousing doesn't make it less of a show. When you run scenes with Wonshik-" Taekwoon shoved another snack in Hakyeon's mouth, silencing him. Wonshik glanced back at a sound from the cloak room behind them. There were the other three. 

"That is not the same." 

"There's no need to be shy about it, darling. I saw you two disappear earlier." Wonshik went red at the implication. They were the same way though, why was Wonshik embarrassed about being caught? "Where was it this time? The cloak room? The lavatory?" 

"How do you know that?" Wonshik blurted out despite himself. Hakyeon shrugged, taking a bite of his hors d'oeuvres. 

"Taeky loves a well dressed man. I could tell he wanted to get his hands on you." Taekwoon was just as flush as Wonshik now. 

"Right he.. said something about that." Hakyeon laughed at both of his flustered loves. 

Wonshik turned back again. He saw Sanghyuk stomp out of the cloak room, practically fuming. Wonshik suddenly remembered their promise to help each other. 

"Can you excuse me for a minute?" Both looked at him curiously. Wonshik turned out to follow Sanghyuk. This did not bode well. Wonshik should have stuck closer to him, poor thing. Wonshik tried to worm his way through the crowd without touching anyone, but failed. He ran nearly face first into another man. 

"Sorry sir!"

"All is well." Wonshik's arm was caught before he could move on. "Say, you're with that circus troop aren't you?" Wonshik looked up to answer, then froze. His heart just stopped dead in his chest. Wonshik knew who this was, as unlikely as it could be. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and all he could manage to do was nod. "Were you a part of that little display earlier?" Wonshik shook his head, gulping. He finally let Wonshik's arm go. The strongman held it like he'd been wounded. "Shame, tell the ringmaster I want to speak to him when you see him next." Wonshik stared a moment. A moment too long. The man raised a brow, looking Wonshik over in an appraising manner. That look let Wonshik out of his trance. He got away as fast as he could. 

This couldn't be happening. It was some nightmare, some anxious hallucination. He couldn't be here, not now. Wonshik forgot what he was looking for. He came to a stop in the crowd, standing as an island at the center of a troubled sea. He was looking for something. Taekwoon and Hakyeon were in the kitchen… Sanghyuk. He was looking for Sanghyuk.

"Sanghyuk!" Wonshik caught the acrobat's wrist. His look had soured just like Taekwoon's had. Not a good sign. Especially not a good sign when Jaehwan and Hongbin were nowhere to be seen. 

"What?"

"What happened? You all went to the cloakroom and I saw you walk out like," he gestured to Sanghyuk, "this. Is everything okay?" Sanghyuk huffed, looking away briefly. 

"Everything is fine. They left." 

"They left but everything is fine?" Sanghyuk rubbed the bridge of his nose. 

"Let's just get a drink, please." Wonshik nodded. A certain paranoia was beginning to chew at Wonshik's brain. He tried to spot that face anywhere in the crowd. Maybe he needed a drink too. 

"Thank you," Sanghyuk grumbled to the bartender, quickly slamming it down. Wonshik sat beside him. But kept an eye on the crowd. "Jaehwan said he saw an old client," Sanghyuk began. 

"He did?" 

"We were just having a nice moment together and suddenly he freezes up. I go get Hongbin and then they leave me here." Wonshik looked to his roommate. A glass was placed in front of the strongman. He held the glass, but didn't drink. 

"That's it?"

"They acted like I wasn't there. I told them they're always running off without me and leaving me in the dark and what did they do? They did it again." Sanghyuk took another swig. "Whoever that man is, I have a good mind to bust up his face." Wonshik jumped at a laugh that was a bit too loud. He whipped his head around to look at the crowd. No sign of him. Just his nerves being jumpy. 

"I'm sure they.. I'm sure they'll explain when we get back. You never know what you're going to see at a place like this." He raised the glass to take a sip, but froze. 

"Ah, it's been so long madam!" 

He was right there. 

  
  


Wonshik felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t focus on anything, the people, the drink in his hand, the grain of this lovely bar top. His eyes kept darting, tracking people as though he were guilty of a crime. He felt like he was being watched. Even with his back turned, he knew exactly where that man was. Wonshik could feel his presence behind him and it made him sick to his stomach, He didn’t take a sip of the drink. It wouldn’t help anything. He put the glass down. He was just stuck feeling the waves of it all.

  
  


His mother, an angel of soft grace. In his mind’s eye, he saw her smile. He heard her laugh. He looked to his hand as he recalled her's holding his, when she seemed like the only person in the world. A bittersweetness filled him. He had only ever known his mother and sister and the happiness he felt being there in that part of his memory that almost felt like fantasy by now. He only knew trying to be the best for her. He’d do anything for her and his sister who was only a baby then. She would keep his sister bundled to her chest. The three of them shared a bed, and before Hakyeon and Taekwoon, that was as close to someone as he had gotten. No one else mattered. He didn’t need friends, he didn’t need a father around, he was the man of the house and he’d die to protect the both of them. 

The man was closer now. Too close. Wonshik could hear him. His longing for the past was put to a jarring halt at that deep timbre. He knew it since he was a kid. It became more ingrained in his mind than he knew. 

"No, I didn't see it myself. I'm not shocked though. Circus freaks will be circus freaks. We're fortunate their little _ zoo keeper _ intervened." The glass in Wonshik's hand cracked under his fingers. He stood from the stool, whipping around. It was just a small comment, a throw away sting of words that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it was the straw that finally broke the camel's back and Wonshik felt himself instantly grow hot. The man was a few feet back, chatting up some woman. Wonshik didn't see her though. Couldn't see anything really. His blood boiling inside him made him temporarily blind. 

"Wonshik, what's going on?" Sanghyuk rose from his stool as well, looking to his friend. He had never seen that expression on Wonshik before. He hadn’t even thought it possible for Wonshik to show such outward hostility. Which made it even more shocking as he stepped right up to one of the rich guests, spun him around roughly, and punched him square in the jaw. 

Time had slowed for Wonshik as he felt his fist connect with the man’s face in a tight, well practiced arch. His vision had blurred slightly, red rimming his eyes and a deep cry burbling up from the center of his chest until it tumbled out of his mouth. 

“You killed my mother, you degenerate filth! Your greed got her evicted from our home, and she died on the streets! She died on the streets because of a lowdown filthy slumlord like you!” he shouted, raining down blows on the man again and again and again.

Hands on his arms, pulling him back, big hands. Wonshik tried to turn and batter his new attacker until something pierced the haze of red in his mind and he realized it was just Sanghyuk. 

“Come on, we’re leaving! Now!”

Despite Wonshik's vocal protestations, Sanghyuk was slightly bigger than him and managed to drag Wonshik through the group of shocked guests and out into the cool night air. 

Sanghyuk brought Wonshik to the garden to sit down on a bench. It was icy, and it washed over him. He was suddenly painfully aware of what just happened. 

"Do you want to talk about what just-" Sanghyuk looked to Wonshik, who practically fell onto the bench in tears. Sanghyuk blinked, caught off balance. He slowly sat beside his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"I don't know what happened! I just-just-" Wonshik choked on tears. 

"I understand." Sanghyuk pulled Wonshik into his side, rubbing his arm. At least these tears didn't involve nearly dying. 

"Did he really do all that..?" Wonshik nodded. He put his hands down, looking out at the distance. His eyes and face were red. He nodded. 

"We lived in a tenement when I was a kid. We paid him rent, but it started to never be enough. It… it got to the point we had to choose dinner or the house."

"Why?"

"I have no idea. I tried to help out but I was," Wonshik ran a hand over his face, "just a kid. And it wasn't like he didn't know! He had that house the whole time we lived there. He knew it was just me, mom, and my little sister." Sanghyuk scowled. Who could do something so nasty to a poor little family?

"I would punch him too." Wonshik rested his head on Sanghyuk. 

"I don't know what came over me. I just heard his voice and everything came rushing back. Because of him I had to watch my mother slowly kill herself trying to provide for us. He said something about the others and I just.. snapped." Sanghyuk continued to side hug his friend, resting his head atop Wonshik's. Maybe they just weren't meant for parties. This was exactly what Sanghyuk was scared of. He should have never let them go. 

"Sorry I punched you. I didn't realize it was you at first." Sanghyuk smiled. 

"It's alright, Shik." 

"What did you two do?!" And there were the boyfriends. Sanghyuk honestly expected them to come sooner. 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to. I j-" Hakyeon cut him off, frantically looking him over, his face, his knuckles. Those were bruised. 

"You could have seriously gotten hurt! Or arrested! These are not people you brawl with on a whim!" Hakyeon's expression now rivaled that of when Sanghyuk stuck his foot in his mouth at dinner. Taekwoon came up to untie Wonshik's ascot and then tie it about his knuckles, even though the damage was minor at best. 

"What set you off like that?" Wonshik looked to Sanghyuk, a silent request for help. 

"That man is a jackass, he got exactly what was coming to him." 

"Did you help bust him up then, Sanghyuk?" If looks could kill, Sanghyuk would have been long dead but the ones both were sending him would have been another nail in the coffin. 

"I brought Wonshik out here to calm down." They both relaxed a little. A sigh of relief.

"Thank you," Hakyeon muttered softly as he looked at Wonshik's hand he was holding. 

"He called you and Jaehwan freaks, and Hongbin your- your zookeeper! He made it sound like you were worthless and I just couldn't keep it in anymore." 

"That's not the worse thing that's been thrown our way, Wonshik. There's more to this, isn't there?...Is this about Jaehwan?" Taekwoon was the one holding Wonshik to his side now, firmly gripping the strongman's shoulder. Wonshik looked up at him. 

"What about Jaehwan?" 

"We caught him and Hongbin before he left. You weren't the only one upset seeing him here, love," Hakyeon explained gently. Sanghyuk froze. _Wait just a fucking minute. _

“What do you mean by that?” Sanghyuk ask, bolting to his feet without noticing he had done so. Hongbin had said something- one of Jaehwan's clients- but that wasn’t-

“The man whose face was introduced to Shik’s fist, he used to be one of Hwannie's more influential patrons. He’s the one that Jaehwan refused to... service again. Because he was so cruel, you see. A black hearted sadist if the things we’ve heard are true. It was good Hwannie got out of there when he did, I shudder to think what would have happened if he-“

Sanghyuk turned and walked back toward the mansion before Hakyeon even finished that sentence. He slid off his coat and dropped in on the brick walkway, not caring if he ever saw it again. That- that _monster_ had hurt his Jaehwan, hurt him in ways Sanghyuk couldn’t even fathom, and Sanghyuk wouldn’t allow this evil twisted son of a bitch to take another breath. He was going to lose it, furious rage already boiling inside him, sloshing from side to side like waves in a storm washed sea and they were going to break him. Break through his ribs and soak him until he could feel nothing but the icy cold of righteous hatred that would-

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?!” 

A loud screech from behind him but Sanghyuk paid it no attention. Wonshik may have already broken the monstrous cretin’s face, but Sanghyuk was going to break it worse. 

“Sanghyuk!”

Two pairs of hand grabbed him by the arms and Sanghyuk wanted to lash out. Wanted to slam the people away from him with all the considerable force he knew he had at his disposable, but when he looked down, he saw the bunched up fabric wrapped around Wonshik's knuckles and even _ this _angry, the young acrobat wouldn’t hurt his friend. 

“Let go of me. Now.”

“Absolutely not! We are returning home at once and I swear to Jesus on the fucking cross that if you don’t calm down, I’ll make Kong fire you!” 

Sanghyuk stared at Hakyeon with an expression of abject horror on his face. “He wouldn’t fire me, he likes me! He called me sweetheart!”

Hakyeon seemed momentarily flustered by that information, but he regained his composure almost immediately. “He likes me more! Now pick up your coat and let’s go home before we’re all arrested.”

Roughly ten minutes later, Hakyeon and Taekwoon had stuffed their new recruits into a carriage and the coat retrieved from where it had been dropped. Sanghyuk began to brood. He stared at the little rose boutonnière on the lapel of his coat. Jaehwan had given it to him. Plucked it right from a bouquet that had been in a vase in his kitchen and Sanghyuk stared at it so hard he thought it might catch fire. He’d find a way to rain hell down on that man. The one who’d hurt his Jaehwan. Even if it meant asking old family connections for help, he’d find a way. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a mess of feelings you're all in for a ride -monsterboyf  
aaaaaaannnnd we have plot! - nestra

Jaehwan woke slowly, or no, he woke rather quickly. There had been knocking on the front door of the apartment, he was sure there had been, but it’d stopped. Only a soft murmur of voices from the parlor now. The knocking was strange in of itself. Nobody ever knocked. 

The acrobat grumbled to himself as he dragged himself from his soft, warm bed, shrugging his petal pink dressing gown on over his small shoulder and wrapping it tight around himself. He could only find one slipper, the other must have wandered off. Barefoot and chilly, Jaehwan padded down the hall to try and locate his lover.

The source of the disturbance became immediately apparent, and Jaehwan would have blushed if he weren't still half asleep. Two uniformed men were seated on his small sofa, Hongbin standing opposite, already dressed and with a solemn expression on his face. 

“Yes, Sir. Lord Lochlyn Turner wishes to press charges against the accused. For harm to his person. Assault is a serious matter,” one of the men was saying, looking just as grim as Jaehwan’s lover. Jaehwan tried not to flinch at the name  _ Turner.  _

“Bin, what is going on?” the acrobat asked, taking a step further into the parlor. 

“Jaehwan, this is Officer Powell and Officer Pearce. They’ve come to take one of our number in for questioning.”

“On what grounds?” The acrobat's words came out a bit more shrill than he’d intended. Hongbin turned to face him, finally, and Jaehwan could see the small tremor of his bottom lip. His lover was worried. 

“After we left the party last night, someone allegedly attacked Lord Turner in the middle of a room full of people. Did him serious harm, apparently.”

Jaehwans first thought was  _ good.  _

“Who exactly is supposed to have carried out this alleged attack?”

Hongbin’s frown only deepened. “None of the witnesses knew the man's name, only that he was taller than average, with dark hair and a strong build.”

Not Sanghyuk, Sanghyuk wouldn’t have started a brawl in the middle of a high society party. He would've known better. And he was such a gentle person, the thought of him hurting anyone, even someone as unpleasant as Lochlyn Turner, was unthinkable. But Wonshik... maybe he’d had too much to drink? 

“We know two of your employees fit that description, and we’d like to speak to them presently,” the other officer added. Hongbin nodded slowly. “Jaehwan, would you please go wake up Wonshik and Sanghyuk and inform them that we will be coming to speak to them shortly?”

Jaehwan nodded and hastened from the room. He didn’t give himself even a second to knock on Hakyeon and Taekwoon’s door. Speed was what was required now. 

“Wake up, both of you!” he exclaimed, entering the shared apartment and slamming the door behind him. Both boys were face down in their single beds, Sanghyuk only in his trousers and Wonshik still mostly dressed in his formalwear. Jaehwan stomped over and shook them awake. 

Wonshik took a swipe at him, not even bothering to open his eyes as he did so. Jaehwan stepped out of range of his flailing limbs but squeaked as an arm snaked around his middle and pulled him backward onto the edge of a bed. “I don’t give a shit if you’re hungover or not! Wake up! Two officers from the constabulary are here to question you!”

Both men shot up, still bleary eyed but at least now mostly awake. “Hurry, they’re speaking to Bin now but will be here in a few minutes! Get dressed, and- for god's  _ sake,  _ Sanghyuk, let go of me!” The youngest was hugging Jaehwan to his bare chest, apparently trying to bury his face in Jaehwan’s hair. The acrobat took in the situation again as he attempted to pry his partner off. Wonshik’s hands were bruised, cuts splitting his knuckles, and his borrowed coat was torn at the collar. So it  _ had _ been him. 

“I’m going to kill that cretin, fellet him alive for what he did to you,” Sanghyuk mumbled, still clearly a bit drunk. Jaehwan noted the empty liquor bottles littering their bedroom floor, easily surmising that the two had brought the party home with them. 

“You, change your clothes,” Jaehwan said, pointing a threatening finger between Wonshik’s eyes. He heaved a heavy sigh and finally freed himself from the drunken octopus his partner had become. “And you, ducky, put on a shirt at the very least. I’m getting you both water and you’d better be dressed by the time I get back.”

Jaehwan left the room and hurried into the small kitchenette, managing to find two large glasses and holding them under the tap. Wonshik  _ couldn’t _ go to jail. Hongbin would figure out some way to get them out of this. He must. But Lochlyn Turner was a vile, despicable man and would no doubt pursue his claim to the highest extent of the law. He didn’t take public embarrassment well, Jaehwan knew that from personal experience. 

After waiting an extra thirty seconds, the acrobat was pleased to see that both Wonshik and Sanghyuk had complied with his instructions. They’d even gone so far as to put on shoes. “Drink these down, and think sober thoughts. You’ll need your wits about you. And you’d better put on some gloves, Shikkie.”

Sanghyuk finished his glass in record time and hurried into the bathroom to splash water on his face. 

"I'm so sorry, Jaehwan," Wonshik apologized earnestly, stealing gloves from his coat that hung on the peg behind the door. They were winter gloves and painfully obvious, but it had to do. 

"Why are you apologizing to me?" Jaehwan wasn't sure why, but he stuck to whispers, as though the constables would hear them an entire apartment over. Wonshik had deep worried creases between his brows. 

"I didn't think and now we're in trouble. Idiot.." he chastised himself. Jaehwan sighed deeply, Wonshik looking to him. 

"What happened?" 

"Before I came here, I lived in the slums." Wonshik sat down at the table, sunken in as though the weight of his crime crushed him. Jaehwan hesitated; he sat beside the strongman. He looked so distant, hurt. "He owned our tenement. If it weren't for him and his- his  _ greed _ , I wouldn't be here. I'd have my mother and my little sister. I saw him at the party and I just…" 

"Remembered…" Wonshik nodded. Jaehwan's heart ached with sympathy. He knew that feeling, shared that experience the same exact night. You forget your wounds until a familiar face returns. Then, they just get cut back open. 

"I didn't want to do anything, but then he insulted you, and Hakyeon, and Hongbin and I just couldn't control myself. He's already hurt enough people in my life…" Jaehwan silently grabbed his hand and held it. They stared at them for a moment. 

"If this were any other situation, I'd probably cheer, give you whatever you wanted. All I've wanted for years is for karma to stab him in the back. But.."

"Yes.." 

"I know Lochlyn, and he would never let this slide. He destroyed me and my life because I shamed him, he'll do the same to you.”

"I'm sorry, Jaehwan.."

"Don't be."

Wonshik cursed his past self, cursed his strength, cursed the fact his foresight was basically nonexistent. This was a monster that violated and destroyed lives. He wouldn't take punishment lying down. Wonshik was not one who could survive in jail. He was tender hearted, a push over down to his bones. Even more so, he had no resources. No lawyer, no money. This fight and trial would dig him a deeper grave. At least now, he had nothing. If he were to be tried, he had nothing and owe everything. Even more so, the circus' reputation would be crushed. Lord Turner would make sure the city, hell, maybe even the entire country would know about this. Lumen ad Somnia was full of fiends and perverts, no functioning member of society would be seen viewing them. They'd lose their audience, and a show isn't a show if no one is watching. They'd fall into ruin and it would be all Wonshik's fault. He ruined their lives with his little actions, the first domino in the line. 

The others came in, Hongbin, Hakyeon, Taekwoon, Sanghyuk, the constables. Wonshik's insides were stone. The only reason he was able to stand was because Jaehwan did as well. Wonshik felt two feet tall with all the eyes on him. The constables were bad enough, but Taekwoon and Hakyeon beside Hongbin crushed him. Taekwoon had that icy cover, the one he had before he broke in Wonshik's arms. He shielded himself always. Hakyeon was much more obvious. His face showed all the fear Wonshik already felt. He was tightly clutching onto Taekwoon's arm. Hongbin… Hongbin looked pissed, his lips in a firm line and brows furrowed. Those sharp eyes were pointed right at him. Wonshik remembered that first dinner, the fire that surrounded Hongbin when he lashed out against Sanghyuk. What he saw now was different but no less frightening.

"Which one of you attacked lord Lochlyn Turner last night?" The constable's voice rung in his ears like a gunshot right next to his head. He had to do it. He wished he could say anything to his lovers, but maybe this would be better. He'd probably breakdown trying to say anything to them. It was better like this. He braced himself. Be brave for the both of them. He had made his grave, now he must lie in it. 

“I-”

“I did it. The man insulted my friends, and I had a bit too much to drink,” Sanghyuk interrupted, wiping his hands on a clean pair of trousers and walking into the living room. 

Wonshik went visibly pale, looking like he was either going to contradict Sanghyuk or throw up. Jaehwan wasn’t sure which, but his grip on Wonshik’s gloved hand tightened considerably. 

“Is that a confession, Sir?” the tall officer asked, nodding at Sanghyuk’s firm “Yes.”

“And can we have your name once more, for the records?”

The young acrobat smiled a little, rolling his shoulders and grabbing an overcoat off a peg in the wall. “Lord Han Sanghyuk, Marquess of Bellawood. Cousin to her Majesty, the Queen, and second in line to the Duchy of Bellawood.” 

Stunned silence filled the room at their youngest's pronouncement. If Sanghyuk noticed the others' expressions of shock, he didn’t comment. He wouldn’t look at any of them. Not even Jaehwan. 

“Come along, officers, I haven’t got all day,” he called, already walking out the door as the flustered men hurried after him.

Wonshik felt like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on him, and then the bucket itself. Sanghyuk just… sacrificed himself… and that title… Wonshik went a little weak in the knees, dizzy from the metaphorical rug being swept up from under him. The others looked just as lost. Why wouldn't they? Sanghyuk? Noble? They knew he came from means, but not that level if means. It didn't make sense. And what was that sudden swap of character? Was that the Sanghyuk the acrobat left behind with his fortune? 

Jaehwan shook himself and released Wonshik's hand, grabbing Hakyeon by the arm and making a beeline for the front door. 

“Where on earth are you going?!” Hongbin called, voice a croaky sort of screech, but Jaehwan paid him no mind. 

“I need to speak to Hakyeon.”

"Are you okay?" Hakyeon spoke from the doorway of his own apartment, watching Jaehwan riffle through his drawers like a madman. Jaehwan didn't answer. 

"I want you to cut my hair."

"Pardon?" Jaehwan triumphantly held up scissors. 

"I want it gone." 

"Jaehwan," the acrobat started dragging him to the bedroom, to the vanity, "I understand something is wrong, but don't you think this is rather rash? You love your hair." Jaehwan took the ribbon out of his hair and shook it down, blonde curls just waiting for the blade. 

"Hakyeon, I would not ask unless I meant it." Hakyeon stared at his friend in the mirror, his practical brother. His face was set in determination. He wouldn't move from the desk until Hakyeon relented. The animal tamer sighed. 

"How short?"

"Short. Hongbin short." Hakyeon huffed, but said nothing. He started snipping at curls. 

"Did you know?"

"About Ducky?"

"Yes. A marquess…" 

"He was raised well off, I could see that much, but no. I don't think anyone knew.." Jaehwan got that glassy look to his eyes, like they were fake and dead. Hakyeon hated that face, knew that face. Jaehwan was just as scared. 

"Well get him out of this, Jaehwan. Trust me." 

"I do." Hakyeon brushed out the acrobat's hair. He silently returned to snipping. His mind was plagued with Wonshik's sick expression and Sanghyuk's change of character. He felt his stomach turn inside out when Hongbin had gotten him and Taekwoon. He was going to lose his baby. This wasn't better by any means. The sadness was just replaced with a dizzying confusion. Jaehwan's hair piled on the floor. 

"We'll find his father, his mother, anyone. I'm not going to let him do this to himself." Jaehwan's voice carried so much bravado, but Hakyeon was suspicious of how much of it was real. When the going got tough, Jaehwan played tougher. 

"Where would we even start?"

"How hard could it possibly be to find a Nobleman?" Jaehwan stopped Hakyeon's hand. "Don't cut the bangs." 

"We can talk with Hongbin's friends or family, or even mine. Money sticks together." 

"I don't want to lose him, Hakyeon…" Hakyeon briefly stilled. They made eye contact through the mirror. Jaehwan's expression pained Hakyeon. The animal trainer rested his head on Jaehwan's, held his shoulder with a firm hand. 

"You won't, Hwannie. Trust me. Well get the money and the lawyer, get him free, then he can see how pretty you look now." Jaehwan gave a little smile, just a slight turn to the corner of his lips. Hakyeon pecked the top of his head before continuing to snip away Jaehwan's beautiful curls. 

* * *

Hongbin was pacing back and forth across Wonshik's living room, mind racing a mile a minute. He’d wanted to follow after his lover, ask if Jaehwan had known. Known that their newest recruit was a  _ noble _ of all things. Hongbin had guessed Sanghyuk had been well off, almost definitely upper class, but not a  _ noble. _ Not the second  _ son of a duke.  _ Not the  _ queens cousin! _

But Taekwoon had made him stay here. Made him stay put and wait while Jaehwan and Hakyeon had a secret little meeting and Taekwoon comforted Wonshik. Wait and do nothing. Hongbin couldn’t do anything and feeling useless was a state of being the ringmaster found absolutely  _ abhorrent. _

“How come you didn’t recognize him?! You were the-“ Hongbin gestured vaguely over Taekwoon's head, “you know, you were  _ that!  _ So how come you didn’t recognize him?!”

Taekwoon gave the ringmaster a look of frustration. His volume had made Wonshik jump a little, and while Hongbin felt bad about that, he was too worried about Sanghyuk to care overmuch. “The Duke of Bellawood is private. I never met either him or his children.”

“Still!”

“Please lower your voice, Bin. Wonshik is shaken up enough as it is without you shouting.”

The clearing of a throat interrupted what Hongbin was planning to be a witty repost.

Hongbin whirled around to find Hakyeon, standing half in and half out of the doorway leading into the hall. He was smiling... but worry was still clear in his eyes. 

“May I present-“ he began, squawking indignantly as Jaehwan pushed past him into the room, doing a huffy little pout and coming to stand directly before the ringmaster. His lover had gotten dressed, Hongbin noted, and gone for a more masculine style as well. Waistcoat of dark navy tweed, white button down, black trousers. A slightly unfamiliar sight but not altogether alarming. Jaehwan looked lovely no matter what he wore. And he’d tied his hair up as well or- no...

“Oh darling... look what you’ve done to yourself...” Hongbin murmured, his eyes glued to the short fluffy waves that had once been his lovers shoulder length curls. For some unknown reason, the ringmaster was overcome with a need to start jumping up and down and wring his hands, but he suppressed it.

Jaehwans lower lip jutted out in defiance and he crossed his arms. “I want to look like a proper gentlemen when we go find Sanghyuk’s father so our love can be set free,” he said, glaring around at all who were present. As if he were  _ daring _ someone to say he looked silly. 

But he  _ didn’t _ look silly. Quite the opposite in fact. Hongbin gently gripped his lovers chin between thumb and forefinger and turned his head. First right, then left. Then right again. His insides felt like they’d turned to pudding.

Jaehwan looked positively cherubic now, his bangs still framing his face, highlighting his squishable cheeks. But the shorter cut also drew the eye to his jaw line and pointy chin. And without the weight of its previous length, the blonde strands fluttered like whips of candy floss. Hongbin thought he could just about die, then. Jaehwans adorableness had finally done him in. The ringmaster always knew the day would come but he’d never imagined himself being so emotionally overwhelmed by a simple haircut. 

“You look lovely, darling,” he said, tamping down the urge to simply leap on his lover, pressing a kiss to Jaehwans cheek instead. 

Jaehwan tugged at the hem of his waistcoat, fidgeting in place, but he still managed a smile.

"If I may interrupt, what is our plan exactly?" Taekwoon looked over the other three. 

"Hongbin and I are going to ask around, find Sanghyuk's family, wherever they are, and beg." 

"What about us?" Hakyeon came over to Wonshik, holding his face and kissing his forehead. 

"The three of you stay here for now." 

"I am not staying here!" Jaehwan squawked, indignant. Hongbin came out of his reverie over this new Jaehwan. 

"You should stay here, darling. We'll get you when we know where to find Sanghyuk's father." Jaehwan stomped his foot.

"I'm going! I did  _ not _ just cut my hair for no reason, Lee Hongbin! I will come with you if I have to tie myself to your ankles and be dragged across this god damned city!” Hongbin looked to Hakyeon, who was now shrugging on Wonshik's coat. 

"You're choice." 

"Very helpful." Hakyeon offered a smile, giving his lovers more kisses goodbye. 

"Please don’t be a brat about this Jaehwan." 

"I am not being a brat. Why can I not come as well? I'll die in here alone with these two!" He gestured over to the two at the table, who were honestly doing nothing wrong. 

"We will come and get you, I promise you that, but you need to stay here. Do you remember the last time you saw any of my family?" Jaehwan huffed. He didn't have a good retort for that. Jaehwan and Hongbin's pompous blood line did not mix, at all. The pout he gave was absolutely lethal, but Hongbin controlled himself. "Exactly. Just let us do this, darling. It should only be a few hours." 

"Hours?!" Hongbin ducked out of the room as quick as he could, after Hakyeon. 

Only a few minutes later, Hongbin and Hakyeon had saddled their horses and were on route out of the city, choosing the fastest roads that would lead them over the sweeping hills of the suburbs to Hakyeon’s family villa. The ringmaster  _ did _ feel bad for leaving his lover behind, but Jaehwan was a handful when he was stressed, and Taekwoon was already babysitting Wonshik. The artist could manage them both. Hopefully. 

It took less time than expected, thanks mostly to the earliness of the hour. 

“Is there going to be someone on the gate at this time of the morning?” Hongbin called, clicking his tongue so Sugar would speed up into a canter. His friend had managed to pull quite a bit ahead. 

“Most likely not. But I have a key.”

They stopped at the gate, Hakyeon slipping off his horse to unlock the gate. He opened it for Hongbin before leading his own horse through. He shut and locked the gate before walking forward, guiding his horse by the reins. His jaw was set, tension rolling off him. Hongbin and Sugar just silently walked beside him. Hongbin had been to the residence a few times before. Always with Hakyeon. He didn't like to come alone. Being there made his skin crawl. The only place he only enjoyed in the whole villa was with the animals. They never stayed for long though. His family were traders. The animals that stayed on the villa were temporary. They put their horses with the family's before heading for the house. Hakyeon didn't protest the strong hand on his shoulder. 

"Mr. Cha, sir?" The maid who opened the door questioned, wide eyed looking at the two men in the doorway. 

"Are my parents present?" 

"Your father is in the study.." 

"Perfect, thank you." She let them both in. Hakyeon didn't shrug off his coat so neither did Hongbin. He followed the animal tamer up the stairs. The interior was full of stark whites and cream. It was immaculate to a painful degree. It made it feel uninhabited, no place for a family, for anyone really. Hongbin recognized the air Hakyeon had being here. He was the same way back home. Tense, irritated, itching to leave. Hakyeon did still knock at the door though, he still had manners towards them, even if they were for show rather than respect. 

"Come in." The study was an awful thing, at least in Hongbin's mind. It was overwhelming. The amount of pelts and taxidermy seemed to almost be compensating. Hakyeon's father was at his dark oak desk. His brow raised seeing his son, looking over him appraising. 

"Hakyeon." 

"Father." 

"And this," he gestured his pen at Hongbin, who stood just behind Hakyeon, "Who's this? Another lover?" There was a vileness to that word, like he was intentionally rubbing salt in a wound. Hakyeon refrained himself from grinding his teeth. 

"This is Lee Hongbin. My best  _ friend _ . You've met prior." His father made a gruff noise. 

"I don't remember him. What do you want?" Hakyeon walked to one of the brown leather chairs in front of the desk, but didn't sit. That would make him feel too small. Hongbin remained firmly beside him. 

"I would be very grateful to you if you could help us locate someone." He squinted up at his son. 

"What for?" 

"We need his help. Duke of Bellawood." His father raised his brows and sat back in his chair. 

"What have you gotten yourself into now?" Hakyeon tightened the fist that sat on the chair. 

"Do you know him or not?" 

Hakyeon's father twirled his pen in his hand, a grim set to his mouth. “The Duke of Bellawood keeps his own counsel. He and his wife live in an estate up north with their daughter.”

“Just a daughter?” Hongbin clarified, unable to keep his mouth shut for a moment longer. Hakyeon's father shot him a disdainful look, but he  _ did _ answer. 

“Yes, just a daughter. There was a wayward son... some years ago. Some unpleasantness. As far as I am aware, the son is no longer in contact with his family, choosing to live amongst the commoners like a peasant instead of in his proper place.”

The ringmaster let that underhanded slight on his family lineage pass. Nothing good would come of being quick to anger. Uncontrolled temper was what had gotten them all in this mess to begin with, after all. 

“Would you happen to know where exactly the Bellawood estate is, Sir?” Hongbin felt Hakyeon going even more rigid at his side, but soldiered on. “We have been- ah, made aware of his sons presence in the city and wish to speak to his lord the duke on a matter of greatest importance.”

“Two days ride from here, weather permitting. But allow me to save you the trouble of making that journey, Hakyeon.” He had summarily dismissed Hongbin, now addressing his son. “The duke will not receive you. He takes no visitors. No exceptions.”

The two thanked Hakyeon's father with proper, if less than genuine, courtesy, and made their hasty way back to the villa’s stable. 

“I say we go anyway,” Hongbin declared, settling the bridal more securely on Sugar’s back. Adjusting a strap here and there.

The animal tamer nodded. He was still visibly shaken from the familial encounter but was doing a valiant effort to hold himself together. “Agreed, but we should return home for supplies and to inform our loves as to where we are going.”

Hongbin nodded in return, clapping his hand on his best friend's shoulder. Jaehwan wasn’t going to be pleased. 

* * *

Jaehwan had given his babysitter the slip. That’s what Taekwoon was, he knew, at least in Hongbin’s mind. A babysitter to watch over Jaehwan while he and Hakyeon went to do all the dirty work. As if Jaehwan were too delicate to handle such things. 

_ Sure, _ he may have the occasional debilitating panic attack, and  _ sure, _ he may not be the most intimidating or influential person in this arena, but Jaehwan was still a person. He still had friends and a history and a reputation. Not having a rich family didn’t mean the acrobat possessed  _ no _ influence. He had influence, just a different type. 

So Jaehwan had snuck away while Taekwoon and Wonshik were sharing an intimate moment, borrowed Hongbin’s favorite blue velvet tie, pinned a sapphire brooch to the lapel of his frock coat, and hailed a carriage. In which he now sat, forcing his turbulent mind to calmness. His lover would be furious with him for pulling this type of stunt, Jaehwan knew that before he’d even left the building. But Jaehwan needed to be brave now. He was the only one who could do this, and for Sanghyuk, he would. 

“We have arrived, Sir,” the driver called, carriage wheels rolling to a halt. Jaehwan took several deep breaths and waited for a footman to open the door for him. He was a gentleman now. Not pretty and young, but handsome and grown up. In men's clothing and  _ fine _ clothing at that. It was going to be alright. 

_ Just think of Sanghyuk, you’re doing this for him, _ Jaehwan repeated over and over in his head. He stepped from the carriage and adjusted himself, taking one last breath before mounting the all too familiar mannor’s front steps. The acrobat only had to knock once, a maid already opening the door as he raised his hand for a second. Prompt. Just how Lochlyn always liked his service. 

“May I help you, Sir?” the maid asked, ducking her head in a bow as she ushered him into the foyer. Jaehwan tried to smile and failed. 

“Is the master of the house in?”

“Yes, Sir, he’s in his study. I will escort you there presently, if it please you?”

“Thank you.”

Jaehwan followed the maid up the intimidatingly tall central staircase, the soles of his shoe sinking into the plush carpet in a way he’d hoped they never would again. He could have found his way to this particular study blindfolded. He actually had done so, on one memorable occasion. 

“Do you have an appointment with Lord Turner, Sir?”

“No, it’s a surprise.”

Under her breath, Jaehwan heard the maid mutter, “My master isn’t fond of surprises.”

Jaehwan took another calming breath and replied in equal softness, “I know he isn’t.”

The rest of the walk to the study was silent, and Jaehwan was grateful for that. He needed every second he had to try and compose himself. To try and put himself back into the mindset he’d left behind four years ago. Left behind along with his title of cortizans apprentice. If only Madame could see him now. Come to grovel before the man that had ruined his life. Jaehwan wasn’t sure whether she’d be disappointed or amused. 

“A visitor for you, my lord,” the maid announced, opening the study door after three sharp knocks. 

“I am not expecting anyone.”

“He says it is a surprise, my lord.”

A moment of silence, Jaehwan’s airways constricting in a bout of sudden and barely controllable panic. 

“Very well, send them in.”

That voice, that horrible, rough and strident voice that made the acrobat unconsciously twitch. Gathering all the strength he could, Jaehwan pushed open the door further and took a single step inside. Nothing had changed, he realized, looking around the study. Paneled walls of dark oak, oxblood leather chairs, mahogany desk. Jaehwan knew what was in the drawers of that desk but he wouldn’t think of their contents now.  _ You’re here for Sanghyuk. Be brave for Sanghyuk.  _

Lord Lochlyn Turner wasn’t an old man. He’d inherited his title young after his father’s passing. He’d been on the edge of twenty five when Jaehwan first met him and now, in his mid thirties, the man looked no different. Same auburn hair and startling green eyes. The kind of handsome that concealed a devil beneath. Jaehwan felt his limbs start to freeze up. 

“Is that you, my pet?”

Jaehwan suppressed a shudder of revulsion, watching the man unfold his long limbs like a spider so he could stand. 

“I’ve come to speak with you on a matter of great urgency, my lord.” Jaehwan hadn’t stuttered. That was progress at least. And the deep purple bruise high on Lochlans cheek was reward enough for him. Jaehwan made a mental note to kiss Wonshik later as a thank you. 

“Great urgency, you say?” he inquired, making his slow way around the desk. Moving in the manner that always put Jaehwan in mind of a tiger stalking its prey. “I caught a glimpse of you last night, my pet, with that merry band of freaks. I meant to speak to the leader about you, as it happens.”

He’d come to stand directly before Jaehwan, one long finger twirling around a lock of Jaehwan’s hair. “And now you’ve gone and done  _ this.  _ I don’t know what your aim was, pet, but it doesn’t make you any less  _ lovely.” _

Those words echoed Hongbin’s earlier, but the meaning behind them was as different as night and day. Jaehwan did his best to ignore the hair petting and soldiered on. “My lord, I-”

“Lochlyn, I insist.”

“Lochlyn,” Jaehwan repeated, keeping his gaze fixed resolutely on the center of the lord's chest lest he accidentally look up into those poison eyes. “Lochlyn, I came to ask you to drop the charges against my friend. He’s a noble like you, and he’d simply had too much champagne. There was no offence meant.”

Lochlyn chuckled softly and Jaehwan fought not to flinch. “Why should I? He caused a scene in public, in front of my friends and colleagues, and you know how much I  _ dislike _ that.”

“Please, Lochlyn, let it rest. We’ll pay reparations and your medical bills, but don’t send my friend to jail.  _ Please.”  _

Jaehwan had known from the moment those officers said Lochlyns name that he’d have to be the one to do something. Sanghyuk giving himself up would have helped, if Lord Turner were anyone else, but he wasn’t. He needed to be placated. Made to feel like he was still the superior man. Jaehwan knew  _ that _ from personal experience as well. He just hadn’t done what was needed last time. He would now, because it was his ducky’s reputation on the line. Not his. 

One of those arachnidian hands curled around the acrobats cheek, gripping Jaehwans jaw just that bit too tight. “You’d resort to begging, would you pet?”

_ This is for Sanghyuk. Think about his face, the way his lips squish up like a duck when he pouts. Think about how safe you feel when he holds you. This is nothing, Lochlyn is nothing. You’re strong Jaehwan, keep your chin up, come on. _

“To keep my friend out of jail? Yes.”

Jaehwan had been ready for this. If not  _ ready, _ then he’d been preparing for it. Another hand on his hip, squeezing too hard, and then the fingers that had been caressing his cheek slid up to knot in his hair. Jaehwan had hoped the shorter cut would make it harder to pull, but he’d been wrong. 

“What else would you do for me, pretty pet?”

* * *

Sanghyuk had been sitting in the chief constable's office for over five hours. He’d counted, watching the seconds tick by on the wall clock. Five  _ whole _ hours, and they still hadn’t figured out what to do with him.

The young acrobat hadn’t been planning on pulling rank, exposing himself by using his title, but the thought of poor, soft Wonshik in jail was something Sanghyuk just hadn’t been able to stomach. He hadn’t gotten to say goodbye to his friends... or his lovers, though, a fact that made his chest ache with regret. 

“Do you understand the charges that have been set against you, my lord? Assault? Damage to property? Reparations from time lost due to injury? Medical bills? Even with your title, Sir, you understand that there will still be consequences,” the officer asked, sighing when Sanghyuk nodded. 

“Of course, I do. I’m not an idiot. And will one of you make yourself useful and bring me a cup of tea?” he replied, deliberately injecting a note of hautyness into his voice. One of the inferior officers scurried away at once. 

Sanghyuk turned his attention back to the clock. Thirty seven seconds had passed. 

“Now, as I was saying,” the constable continued, looking back down at his paperwork. “My lord, you could be fined as much as-”

Another officer hurried into the room and bent to whisper in the constables ear. His eyes went slightly wide, but Sanghyuk ignored it. He cleared his throat as impatiently as he could. “Why don’t you just bring this Turner down here and we can sort it out like men?” he snapped, unfolding his legs from where they’d been propped up on the desk. 

“Lord Turner  _ is _ here, sir. And it would seem that he has dropped all charges against you.”

Sanghyuk blinked in surprise. That was excellent news! Much better than he’d been expecting, if he was honest. He stood and shook out his stiff limbs. “Good! I’ll be going then,” the young acrobat replied, slipping his overcoat back on as he stepped from the office. 

He almost walked smack into a tall, wiry, green-eyed man who was pulling a blonde boy with a bruise on his jaw along the corridor by the waist. It took Sanghyuk roughly five seconds to realize that the blonde boy was Jaehwan. His Jaehwan. Jaehwan had cut his hair, but that was something to process later. The bruises, the other man-

“You must be Lord Han Sanghyuk,” the man said, a cruel smile curving up the corners of his mouth. He gave Jaehwan a shove, the acrobat flinching and squeaking as he stumbled in Sanghyuk’s direction. “You can thank my pet for your release, Lord Sanghyuk. If there's a next time, I won’t be so generous.”

* * *

"How long has it been?" Wonshik questioned, head on Taekwoon's shoulder. His leg was bouncing a mile a minute. His eyes had been stuck on the door since Hakyeon and Hongbin left. Jaehwan had been sitting with them, but he'd gone off to the bathroom. 

"You've asked that every ten minutes, Shikkie." 

"I'm worried…"

"They're okay, trust me. It takes time to ride out to the villa. Hongbin will take care of Hakyeon in the meantime." Wonshik stayed silent. Even in Taekwoon's arms, he was unnerved. It was as though his body were there, but his mind was back with Sanghyuk's "confession." The closest they got to conversation was Taekwoon's comforting, which went ignored, and Wonshik asking how long it had been. 

Taekwoon gently turned Wonshik's face to him. Looking at his eyes… Taekwoon's heart ached. 

"They're going to be fine. You'll be fine." 

"I'm sorry. This is all because of me." Taekwoon held Wonshik's jaw firmer, with a serious look. 

"You didn't mean for any of this, Wonshik. I don't need an apology." 

"But Sanghyuk, and Jaehwan!" Wonshik protested, even with his face being held like this. 

"No one told Sanghyuk to do that, and everyone understands. You don't restrain yourself like us, everything is clear with you." Taekwoon let go of Wonshik, who rubbed at where he was held. "When you want something, we know. When you're scared, it's easy to tell. It's a good thing with all of us, that honesty." 

"I painted Sanghyuk guilty because of that honesty." There was a hint of spite to that tone, something new for Wonshik. Like he was frustrated Taekwoon was being uncooperative. 

"And he's going to get out soon with his title and with the boys help. He chose this. He knows what he's doing." Wonshik sighed and stood from the table he trumped off to the living room. Taekwoon silently watched him go. Jaehwan was taking a long time… 

Wonshik looked up at a mug held in front of his face. He mumbled thanks taking it from his lover. Taekwoon didn't move to sit. He stared down at Wonshik as he held his own mug in both hands. Tea. 

"Why didn't you tell me or Hakyeon? About your family?" Wonshik tensed. Taekwoon's voice was soft as cotton yet it stung. 

"I couldn't."

"You were scared?" 

"Yes, of what you would think and what you'd say, and a thousand other things. I know it was clear I wasn't… like all of you, but if you didn't know the extent you wouldn't," he took a sip of the hot tea and sighed, "pity me, I suppose." 

"You think we'd treat you differently?" Now Taekwoon sounded hurt, like it was shocking Wonshik had the gall to say such a thing. 

"You already treat me differently," Wonshik grumbled. 

"What?" 

"I'm the only one that gets treated like a baby."

"Yes but-"

"I'm the one you go soft on, nobody else. I can handle a lot more than you both seem to think. I've been raising myself since I was twelve, you don't have to act like the slightest breeze will knock me." The silence made Wonshik realize his tone, and how he was glaring at the floor. What was he doing? Today was already bad enough, why start a fight with who supports you most? "Sorry," he spoke into his mug, taking a long sip. Taekwoon sat beside him. The artist faced resolutely forward though. 

"Jaehwan refused to tell anyone his story until he trusted us. He was so scared of being pitied and picked out for what people knew about him. He wanted to have an escape, and the world knowing what Turner and all those other wretched people did would tarnish it. When he told me, when were still bedding together, he told me to act like it never happened. He told me if that changed who we were to one another, he wouldn't be able to live with it. I didn't treat him any softer once I knew. It just explained why certain motions, certain words made him flinch or blanch." Wonshik froze when Taekwoon turned to look at him, dead in the eye. "I don't treat you different because I sensed a class difference. You're different because I love you, and because you're so timid. You acted so scared of anything me and Hakyeon would do. Can you blame me for being gentle?" 

"No.."

"I can never treat you like the others, because you're not them, but if you don't like how we are now, you need just tell me. I cannot change if I don't know there is an issue." Wonshik shrunk, hiding in his mug.

"Yes.." 

"And I'm not going to pity you for your past. You had to become a man as a child, you don't need pity. You're strong and capable without it." Silence fell. The only thing left connecting them was Taekwoon's eyes on him and the hand he put on Wonshik's thigh.

"After we lost the money, we were on the streets. I went to work too, trying to help us get back in. That  _ rat _ owned everything though. Everywhere there were families like us. We could get food, but we stayed in alleys, parks, anywhere that was dry. I could handle it, I was the man of the house. I had to provide. Mom wasn't as lucky. Begging worked… for a while." Their fingers intertwined tightly. Wonshik had to stop. He steadied his breathing, the tremor in his voice. "The constable found me at work. He took a little boy to the station and had to be the one to look him in the eye and say his mother died, that his little sister was his now. She was four, Taekwoon. We were just kids." 

"What happened to her..?" 

"I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I could do. I set her up in the orphanage. I'd send her letters with money she could use when she was older. Anytime time would allow it, I'd go to see her. She was so much better there. They did more for her than I ever could." 

"Wonshik…" 

"It's because of all of you she's getting school, being able to do more than survive. All the money from Hongbin, I give it to her. I never could have a good childhood, the least I can give her is that." They leaned against one another. Wonshik's throat felt stuffed full of stones. His hands were shaky holding the mug. It'd been so long since he saw her. 

"You did something very few could do, Wonshik." 

"I love her, she's all I have left." 

"You've given up everything for her to be happy. I never thought I could love you more than I already did." 

"I haven't seen her in so long. She used to have the sweetest long black hair, and her cheeks.." Taekwoon pet his lover as he held him close. There was a paternal pride, yet also longing. His pain was palatable. 

"You should see her, after all this jail business." Wonshik jerked out of Taekwoon's arms. 

"But the show-"

"The show can wait. You need to see her, and I'm sure all of us would love her if that were your choice." Looking at Wonshik, Taekwoon imagined this little girl. A baby compared to the strong man, his same puppy dog eyes and dark hair, chubby cheeks and softer than the elder. Taekwoon flooded with fondness, with a secret empathy also washing in. Wonshik missed so much of his own life for this girl. He was so timid, so inexperienced because he was trying to give someone a life worth living. Taekwoon's beautiful boy was even more stunning now. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me - Nestra  
You finally get at least a taste of nsfw neovi!- monsterboyf

"There, I should be happy with that." Hakyeon swung his packed bag onto his shoulder, turning back to the ringmaster. They’d stopped in his apartment first, which was still empty. The others must have stayed in Wonshik's. Hongbin nodded and the two left for the apartment opposite, Hongbin and Jaehwan's. Hongbin knew the acrobat was going to be fuming, but it had to be done. He steeled himself for the barrage from his lover. Hakyeon just remained his shadow, giving him time. Hongbin sighed and just swung open the door. _ Might as well rip off the bandage. _

"Sanghyuk?!" 

On the couch was the entire party they left behind, Taekwoon, Wonshik, Jaehwan, and by some magic, Sanghyuk. He was the center of the pile, the others all sticking to him like ants to a log, Wonshik and Jaehwan especially. Sanghyuk didn't even have a hair out of place. If that morning had left Hongbin's mind, he would've thought Sanghyuk had never left. Their youngest looked up at him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Hakyeon dropped his bag and literally ran to look him over like a terrified mother. 

"You're here! How are you here?! Are you okay? Did they hurt you? Did you hurt _ them _? And what was all that nobility business before you left? Do you know how scared you made all of us?! How did you escape?!!" Sanghyuk laughed and shoved Hakyeon's hands away, which were moving his head around to examine him. 

"We had a little chat with Turner. All of it was resolved and Jaehwan brought me home. Where were you?" 

"We had this whole plan! We were going to speak to your family and help get you out and-"

"You wanted to talk to my family?"

"You talked to _ Turner?" _Hongbin jumped in, looking at his two lovers. Jaehwan's head was noticeably held low. Wonshik and Taekwoon broke up the cuddle pile.

"Well, we didn't know what else to do. But we didn't know who they were or where to find them so we went to speak to my father about yours first," Hakyeon continued explaining, ignoring Hongbin. 

"Did it go well?" Taekwoon asked, softly grabbing Hakyeon's hand. 

"Yes darling, it went fine," Hakyeon reassured Taekwoon with a pat to his hand. "He made it sound as though you were ostracized though, what happened?" 

"Are we going to ignore the fact he said they _ spoke _ with Turner?" Hongbin interrupted, much louder than the first time. That got everyone's attention. They all looked over at him, as though they forgot he was there at all. The ringmaster, reduced to just background. Sanghyuk recognized that annoyed twitch to Hongbin's eye.

Hongbin turned on his heels and stalked from the room without a backward glance.

“Hey!” Sanghyuk called, jumping up and following the ringmaster into the hall with Jaehwan on his heels. Hongbin didn’t answer, nor did he slow down. 

They had gone behind his back, the _ two _ of them. Gone behind his back apparently ‘had a little chat’ with the most vile individual on the face of this hell planet. How _ could _ they?! For starters, how could Jaehwan stand to exchange words with that cretin when he’d had a full scale melt down about him the night before?! And how could Sanghyuk, knowing the circumstances that Hongbin had explained to him once they’d returned home, have allowed such a conversation to take place?! Hongbin was so angry he could only hear buzzing. Not the calls of his friends and lovers, nor the sound of carts and carriages on the road as he crossed it, nor the slam of the circuses side door when he threw it open.

“Hongbin! Calm down!” 

“No, I will not _ calm down!” _The ringmaster shouted. He’d only made it halfway down the hall to the stables but he turned to face them all. 

And that’s when he finally saw it. Finally noticed the bruise on Jaehwan’s jaw and the faint hint of red rimming his eyes. It was always so easy to tell when his lover had cried, his eyes stayed red and puffy for hours afterwards. But that bruise-

“I can’t _ believe _ you made him do this!” he spat, glaring at Sanghyuk for all he was worth. Because _ surely _ it was Sanghyuks fault. Jaehwan would never have willingly walked back into that nightmare. Not without some prompting, some urging, and of course he would have done it if Sanghyuk asked him too!

“He didn’t make me do anything, bunny, I went because I knew it would fix everything.”

Jaehwan didn’t look upset, frankly, he looked defiant if he looked anything, and that just served to make Hongbin angrier. 

“You think that makes it better?! That that makes it okay!?” Hongbin shouted, unconsciously balling his hands into fists. 

The two of them, they’d always been so cozy. Before Hongbin even entered Sanghyuk’s proverbial picture, Jaehwan had been there. Jaehwan had been the one Sanghyuk liked, Jaehwan was the one he’d fallen for, and Jaehwan was the one who he still went too, _ always _ went too, when he was having any sort of issue. Feelings, trouble learning moves, etiquette about their relationship, it didn’t matter what. He always went to Jaehwan first. Never Hongbin. He never sought out Hongbin for any reason. Only ever seemed to notice Hongbin when the three of them were alone. It was like Hongbin didn’t exist for them. Like he was being left behind.

  
  


"Hongbin! Will you calm down and let us talk this out like _ adults _? Your screaming isn't helping anything!" Sanghyuk stepped in front of Jaehwan, blocking him from Hongbin's view. He was glaring right back and Hongbin's blood boiled. 

"Haven't you done enough talking? Or is making Jaehwan relapse not enough for you? What else do you want, my _ lord?” _ Sanghyuk blanched at the name. 

"Do not bring that into this. This is not about that." Hongbin stepped quickly towards Sanghyuk. He held his stance. Both him and Jaehwan standing strong and glaring right back at him, two against him. The two he was supposed to trust. 

"So I'm just supposed to forget it, like how you forgot to ever mention that little tidbit?" 

"Hongbin! Stop it!" Jaehwan stepped out from behind Sanghyuk, right into Hongbin's face. He would bear the entire brunt of his anger. 

“I’m sorry you weren’t the knight in shining armor for once,” Jaehwan snapped, running one hand through his stupid short hair and placing the other on Sanghyuks arm. It was such a demure gesture, like he was trying to hold the younger back, and it clearly had the desired effect because Sanghyuk closed his mouth.

The ring masters temper ignited, then, watching the two of them close off against him. Jaehwan was supposed to understand him! Was supposed to be his true love and his best friend and he was supposed to know how much those words would _ hurt. _How deeply they would cut. 

“That’s not why I’m angry! you know _ damn _ well why I’m angry! I’m angry because he let you sell yourself back to that monster, no doubt undoing years of healing we worked so hard to achieve! And for what?! So you could get him out of the absurd situation he _ put himself _in?!”

“Hongbin! I’m fine! I didn’t undo any healing! If anything I feel great!”

“That bruise on your face and the red rimming your eyes tells me you’re lying!”

Sanghyuk was looking between the two like he was watching a tennis match, resolutely silent at Jaehwans side.

“No, I’m not! It makes me feel good knowing I can look hard tasks in the face and not break down every time!”

Hongbin accidentally laughed. It was a mean laugh, cold, leaving him without an ounce of humor. “I bet the only hard thing looking you in the face was Lochlyn's cock! And don’t bother lying, I _ know _ he wouldn’t have let Sanghyuk off if you didn’t give him something in return,” he hissed. He didn’t even know why he said it. Only because Jaehwan had hurt him with this and Hongbin wanted to hurt him back. He wasn’t thinking clearly, wasn’t being rational, but the ringmaster didn’t care. 

Hakyeon spoke up finally, telling Hongbin to watch himself, but the ringmaster ignored him. He ignored their youngest as well, who had taken several very fast steps in his direction. It was just like dinner on their new recruits second evening but the roles were reversed.

He could see Jaehwan over Sanghyuks shoulder, white as a sheet and hands shaking. Could only see _ Jaehwan, _only hear him. 

“Nothing Lochlyn could do to me would ever hurt me more than what you just said.”

A heavy weight of regret dropped inside of Hongbin. All the tension, all the rage and energy suddenly just left. He slackened, cold. What was a raging fire was now just heavy ice. Jaehwan. His baby, his Jaehwan was looking at him like that and said that to him. Hongbin had done worse than the one who had traumatized Jaehwan. 

"Baby-" Hongbin's step forward was countered by Jaehwan's step back. He had his arms over his chest, like it would protect him and his heart. "Jaehwan, I didn't- I didn't mean to say that. I-"

"It doesn't matter. You did anyway. It's good to see how you really feel." Jaehwan was shutting him down, shutting himself in. No emotional response, just short and decisive. It didn't matter if he acted like it didn't.

"Jaehwan-"

"Just stop, Hongbin. You're just going to make it worse," Hakyeon interrupted. Hongbin actually processed it this time, in a distant part of his brain. The majority was still fixed on Jaehwan though. The way he curled away, that broken look in his eyes. Taekwoon came and grabbed Jaehwan's hand, holding it and guiding him behind him. 

"We're going _ home _ , where we should have been celebrating that Sanghyuk is fine and everything worked out. You can stay here, or talk to Sanghyuk, or who gives a shit what you do, but you will _ not _ talk to Jaehwan that way. You can sit out here and fester in your anger. We don't need to be your punching bags." Taekwoon's look cut into him. Hongbin couldn't do anything but stand there and watch as they walked off, Jaehwan taken into their group. 

  
  
  


\--------

  
  


"That was…" Hakyeon started. They were back to his apartment, Wonshik with them. They left Sanghyuk and Jaehwan alone in the younger acrobat's apartment. They needed time, and the three of them wouldn't help as much as some space to think and a lovers help.

"Yes.." Taekwoon finished. Hakyeon sighed and hugged Wonshik from behind, resting his head on his shoulder. 

"This isn't what I expected our day to be." 

"I'm sorry," Wonshik mumbled, looking to Hakyeon. The animal tamer hushed him, rubbing his arms. 

"It's not your fault love."

"I was going to take the blame. I was just about to confess when Sanghyuk.. did that." 

"He's been like this the whole time all of you were gone," Taekwoon explained, earning a pout from Wonshik. 

"Were you giving Taekwoon a hard time, love?" Hakyeon had that honey voice, gentle and overwhelmingly sweet. Wonshik ducked his head. 

"He kept asking how long it had been. We even got in a small scuffle," Taekwoon continued, moving about the kitchen and getting ready to make something. 

"You two? A fight? I thought we'd gotten that after your solo practice!" Hakyein moved around to Wonshik's side, looking over him like he had Sanghyuk, like he had when he found Wonshik after the fight. 

"It- it wasn't a _ fight _!" Wonshik protested. Hakyeon hummed, skeptical. 

"It was a disagreement," Taekwoon corrected himself, "It's been a stressful day, it's understandable." Hakyeon was still holding Wonshik's jaw, but he looked to Taekwoon. 

"I shouldn't have left."

"Hush, you were doing what was best. We're fine now," Taekwoon looked to Wonshik, "aren't we?" The strongman quickly nodded. Hakyeon looked between them both. 

"May I ask about what?" 

"I was frustrated. Taekwoon wouldn't let me take the blame." 

"And then he said we don't treat him the same, that we baby him." Taekwoon was the picture of casual, stirring a pot as he explained. Hakyeon looked to Wonshik in shock. 

"I thought you loved when we baby you!" 

"I-"

"He said we treat him differently. I told him that's because we love him, and he used to act so scared about contact." Wonshik felt very left out of this conversation. 

  
  


"I thought you loved it when we baby you," Hakyeon whined, pouting his lips. Wonshik gulped looking at that face. He was so so weak. 

"I do! When you do it makes me feel all… warm." Wonshik wasn't sure how to word it, but saying it like that made Hakyeon give him a look. A rise of the brows that settled and then a light smirk. That look made him nervous. "What?" 

"Warm?" Hakyeon's arms snaked around his neck, coy. 

"Yes, I… it's nice. It makes me feel good. Warm." Hakyeon began to scratch at Wonshik's head like he was a dog. It should be degrading, but it was far from unwanted. He was finding he very much liked Hakyeon's hands in his hair, or Taekwoon's like they were at the party. Wonshik was having deja vu to that moment in the coat room with how close Hakyeon was sticking to him. Taekwoon was watching. 

"Well I love it too, baby. I love seeing my sweet heart all shy and flushed," Hakyeon cooed in a baby voice. Why was Wonshik so flustered all of a sudden?

He squeaked at a kiss. He reciprocated, of course, but he had no idea where all of this was coming from. He hadn't said anything crude? Even so, Hakyeon was kissing him, languid. Wonshik was getting better, he only drew a breath at Hakyeon licking into his mouth. After Taekwoon and the party, Wonshik was starting to become an expert. He at least knew what to expect, the slick, the heat, the teeth biting his lips gently. The two were different, Hakyeon more slow and sensual but Taekwoon more desperate, but they used the same processes. It was good Wonshik was pushed back towards the wall, because his knees were weak. Hakyeon's fingers were still massaging Wonshik's scalp. 

"Darling, you should eat." Taekwoon's voice rang clear, much closer than he had been before. The other two parted, looking to the artist right beside them. He had a hard expression glancing at both of them. Hakyeon pouted his lips again. 

"But Shikkie!"

"But nothing, eat. You've had a long trip." Hakyeon stared a moment more before relenting with a huff. A few steps away, Taekwoon caught him by the arm. He whispered into the animal tamer's ear. Hakyeon glanced back at Wonshik before responding. He sat down at the table before the plate Taekwoon made for him. 

"Wonshik, would you sit down with me?" Taekwoon batted his lashes at Wonshik and for some reason that made him inexplicably suspicious. He agreed though. Taekwoon pushed him down to sit, standing in front of him. Wonshik looked up in confusion. 

"What-"

"We love you so much, Wonshik." The strongman blinked, caught off guard. What was Taekwoon trying to do?

"I love you too?" He tensed and squeaked when Taekwoon was sat down on his lap. He was technically sitting with his side to Wonshik, but he turned so as to wrap his arms around Wonshik's shoulders, looking down at him. The room was suddenly scalding hot. 

"And we will always, always," that was emphasized with fingers running through Wonshik's long hair, "give you what you want. Baby you, if you will." 

"O-oh?" Wonshik choked out, because honestly, what else could he possibly say? Taekwoon was too close to allow Wonshik to think. Wonshik could just stare, gape, and place a hand on the artist's thigh. 

"Yes. We'll take care of you." A hand was put right over where Wonshik's heart was racing under his shirt. "Since you get so "hot" over it." Now Wonshik understood. That's what that face was for, why the air suddenly changed with Wonshik's confession. His admission had double meaning. 

"I didn't mean-" Taekwoon didn't let him finish the mumbled protest. He gave Wonshik a kiss too. The only word Wonshik could find to describe it was _ slippery _. The slide and fluidity of everything was almost over stimulating. Taekwoon's kisses were hot, and wet. At the party, Wonshik had to actually wipe the spit from his chin. And that desperation that separated him from Hakyeon was certainly there. Wonshik was quickly pushed back with the force of the kiss, head tilted back against the back of the couch. Taekwoon's legs came up onto the couch, and one of his hands came into the back of Wonshik's shirt, nails on his back. He whined into Taekwoon's kiss and the artist pulled away. 

"Such a good boy," Taekwoon murmured, running fingertips down Wonshik's cheek. Wonshik froze and went stiff. His face had probably never felt hotter. 

Taekwoon watched his own hand as it rubbed Wonshik's neck, licking his lip. 

"Let me take a bite out of you." 

"Huh?" Wonshik questioned, voice high pitched. Taekwoon adjusted, now sitting facing Wonshik. His legs caged in Wonshik's. Wonshik drew in a breath and held it as Taekwoon leaned in. "_ Oh _…" Taekwoon was licking at his neck, brief little tastes. It felt so odd, hot and wet against his neck. His skin broke into goosebumps. Taekwoon took it, somehow, a step further. He started to bite at Wonshik's neck, little nibbles that turned to hard bites and sucking on skin. Wonshik couldn't control the sounds he was making. Gasps and little moans just slipped out. He closed his eyes to brace himself as Taekwoon moved to his Adam's apple, sucking a love bite there. He pulled at Wonshik's shirt gently as he did, as if this wasn't already bordering on too much. Taekwoon moved lower, teeth gently passing over his collarbone. Wonshik opened his eyes in a daze, then made them go wide. Hakyeon was standing in front of them, watching with an unreadable expression. 

"H-Hakyeon…" Wonshik hated how high his voice sounded. The animal tamer just smiled, though it wasn't soothing. He grabbed Taekwoon's shoulder with a light hand. 

"Darling, may I help? He's my baby too." Oh god, Wonshik was going to die. Taekwoon pulled away and nodded, wiping his mouth while Hakyeon sat down on the couch with them. "Oh look at you, Shikkie. You look positively debauched and it's only been a few bites."

"I've never-"

"I know, baby. It's just so cute." Taekwoon shifted in Wonshik's lap and the face Wonshik mad must have been funny because Hakyeon laughed. 

"Easy, tiger," he humorously scolded Taekwoon. The artist just stared back. Hakyeon tilted his head curiously before Taekwoon leaned over, kissing Hakyeon. Wonshik watched with heart in his throat. Wonshik wouldn't tell either, but scenes like this were what he often fantasized about. Taekwoon and Hakyeon, together, aroused. It crossed his mind so often, Taekwoon fumbling to quickly undo Hakyeon's shirt buttons wasn't that much of a shock. Hakyeon stopped him though. 

"Don't get distracted, darling," he muttered against the artist's lips. Taekwoon huffed but sat back down fully on Wonshik's lap. He looked so slight, so tiny. Wonshik felt like he could fit Taekwoon's whole waist in his hands. He didn't notice how quiet the other two got as he tried, hesitantly holding Taekwoon in his hands. 

"Doesn't he look so tiny and fragile?" Hakyeon whispered to him, and Wonshik got chills at the hot breath right against his ear. 

"Yes." Taekwoon made a face but Hakyeon just grinned. 

"Don't be fooled, baby. He's not as fragile as he seems." Hakyeon stroked Wonshik's arm, almost reverent. "I'm sure he'd love these big strong hands grabbing him, bruising him." Wonshik couldn't breathe. He just stared at his hands on Taekwoon's waist, shaky. He tightened his grip, and Taekwoon drew a breath. Hakyeon took his wrist and guided his hand downward. 

"Try here, baby." Taekwoon's thigh. His warm and plush thighs that were caging Wonshik's in. Wonshik glanced to Hakyeon, who just widened his smile at the look. Wonshik tightened his hold. Taekwoon squirmed. 

"Little squeezes, love." Wonshik released, then tried again. Firm grab and then release. Taekwoon whined. 

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Look at my boys." Wonshik's groping was interrupted by Hakyeon's kiss, if it could be called that. Hakyeon just licked Wonshik's lips then shoved his tongue in Wonshik's mouth. Wonshik blindly grabbed at Taekwoon as Hakyeon distracted him. As Taekwoon moaned and twisted around in his lap, Wonshik was suddenly aware of the arousal probably burning a hole in his gut. That's what it felt like at least. He was hot, cold, wet, excited, scared all at once. This was so, so much. Hakyeon pulled away, a string of spit connecting them briefly. Wonshik felt like prey with Hakyeon eyes focused on him. Hakyeon looked back to Taekwoon at a little sound. He gasped theatrically. 

"Wonshik! You moved on without me?" Wonshik had stopped grabbing when he realized it wasn't thigh he was groping during the kiss. He dared to be brave though. He kept his hand there, resting over the hardening form in Taekwoon's pants. The artist merely took that as invitation to grind on Wonshik's hand, which he continued to do as Hakyeon stared. 

"He's so good, Hakyeon. Good, good boy." Something flipped in Wonshik's stomach at the praise. 

"I know, love," Hakyeon replied smartly, hand slipping into Wonshik's lap. He gasped as Hakyeon did the same thing the strongman was doing to Taekwoon. He almost whimpered at the look Hakyeon gave him. "Good, _ excited _ boy." Wonshik wanted to melt into his seat. 

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon's hand before gently pushing away Wonshik's. He rose up so he could spread Wonshik's thighs some, then sat back down. His hand joined Hakyeon's, pawing at Wonshik. The strongman covered his face, whining into his hands. How did he get into this position? Hakyeon hummed quietly as he and Taekwoon felt Wonshik up. 

"I think sweet boy is going to have to take care of this." 

"I think he should let us help," Taekwoon continued. His voice sounded a little raw. Hakyeon leaned in to Wonshik again, basically sitting on him with Taekwoon. 

"What do you say, baby?" He was stroking up and down through Wonshik's pants. Wonshik felt like the air had been punched out of him and that his face had been lir aflame. Hakyeon's other hand wrapped around his shoulders and was stroking his collarbone on the opposite side. "Don't you want us to take care of you?" He whispered in Wonshik's ear. "We'll be so gentle with you baby, make you _ so _ happy." Taekwoon's fingers slipped lower and pressed against Wonshik's perineum. The strongman jerked and gasped, but kept his hands resolutely covering his face. 

"Do you want us, Shikkie? You want to be taken care of?" Taekwoon asked this time, with the press of his fingers. Wonshik let out a long whine. 

Taekwoon leaned over. He would have been eye level with Wonshik were he not covering his face. "You've thought about it. Here's a chance to have whatever you want." Hakyeon himself felt distinctly breathless looking at them both. Hakyeon wasn't sure he had ever heard that voice, that growl, coming out of Taekwoon. A chill ran up his back. Taekwoon was all observation and intuition, although it wasn't hard to guess Wonshik probably fantasized about the both of them. "Say it. What do you imagine us doing when it's just you all alone." Hakyeon completely took his hand away, staring awestruck. Taekwoon had Balam's eyes and they were looking straight at Wonshik, boring into him as his hand pleased Wonshik through his pants. The strongman just shook his head. "Too shy to say it? How bad is it? Is it just me and Hakyeon, or are we doing something to you?" Wonshik shook his head again. Taekwoon sat back on Wonshik's lap, staring down at him. He glanced between Wonshik and Hakyeon briefly. 

"I think about us. I see me and you in bed, with Hakyeon watching us. He'd sit on the corner and tell me what to do, how to take care of you. I'd show you everything you've missed out on. I'd watch Hakyeon take his turn after me, see you so sensitive under him." 

"Stop," Wonshik choked out behind his hands, barely audible. 

"What's wrong?"

"Are you alright, baby?" Taekwoon's hands were immediately off of him, and his voice regained some composure. Wonshik was still behind his own hands, but his breath was audible, shaking. Taekwoon shifted off Wonshik's lap, sitting on the arm of the couch. Hakyeon tried to gently urge Wonshik's arms away, but he resisted. 

"Too much?" Wonshik nodded meekly. Hakyeon and Taekwoon exchanged a guilty look. 

"Wonshik, i didn't mean-"

"We didn't want to scare you, baby." Wonshik shook his head again. His hands came away from his face,but he quickly hid away again in Hakyeon's neck. 

"I know. I know its just- I don't know why I'm doing this." Wonshik's voice was tearful, and Hakyeon could feel his lip quiver. He hugged The strongman loosely. 

"Oh sweet heart…" 

"I'm sorry, I was too much." Taekwoon looked down, glaring at himself. Hakyeon reached out and grabbed the artist's chin, tilting it up to make him look at them. 

"You two are _ fine _. You didn't mean to scare him, and no one is mad at you for getting overwhelmed." The living room went quiet. Taekwoon came in to lay on Wonshik's other side, cuddling up to him. They pet and cooed until Wonshik sniffles and hiccups died out. Even then, they stayed close, cuddled up to one another. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I hate myself too - nester


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *The Backstory Chapter*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you know that I have been pestering Monie NON-STOP about this chapter and I thank him for putting up with my constant stream of nonsense lolololol. Also, this was written slightly differently than normal chapters. I wrote a few bits of Jaehwan specific POV but for the most part, I wrote Hongbin POV. Monie was the one working his magic for the Keo scenes - Nestra

A fresh-face twenty-year-old Lee Hongbin had been restless all day. His uncle had retired to the lodge for a week and given the circus employees the time off. Taekwoon was around somewhere, probably skulking in his apartment or out collecting stray cats or some such, but Hongbin didn’t do well with down time. He needed activities, projects, something to engage him otherwise he’d simply collapse from boredom and begin to wither away. 

So, he’d chosen to spend the day and majority of the evening in the stables, tending to the horses and practicing his tricks. But it was getting late now, and it had started to rain and Hongbin felt thoroughly worked out. Almost tired even. Reading a few chapters in a dull book and a hot cup of chamomile would probably be enough to tip him over the edge into the realm of dreams. 

He locked up the stables and said goodnight to all the horses, and then padded silently from the circus’s central courtyard. Through the halls he knew like a second home and then out the side door. The rain was truly more of a downpour than a drizzle now and Hongbin was lamenting his lack of an umbrella when he almost tripped over something huddled in the alleyway. 

“Good lord, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” he exclaimed, pressing a hand to his chest to try and calm his racing pulse. 

The something shifted around, peering up at Hongbin through thick dark lashes. It was a person, he realized, a boy if he had to guess. Although that was a very hard guess to make since the person's blonde ringlets hung almost all the way down to their waist, a few stray curls plastered to a face that was undeniably lovely. Big brown eyes and full lips and a distinctly pointy nose. 

“Who- what are you doing out in the rain?” Hongbin asked dumbly, crouching down to peer at the person with undisguised curiosity. He took in the person's clothing, a sheer robe of pale pink gauze and not much else. “And where is your coat?”

“I don’t have a coat,” the person replied, hugging their arms tightly around themselves, knees tucked against their chest. Feet bare. The person hiccupped and it was only then that Hongbin realized they were crying. 

“I’m an- I have a talent for acrobatics, and my previous work situation is no longer a viable option. I have no other skills, so I was going to wait until morning to inquire whether the circus was hiring.”

“You were going to wait out here in the rain all night?” Hongbin asked, heart instantly softening at the sight of this poor creature huddled on the ground before him. He inched a bit closer, rain beginning to slick his clothes to his skin and reached out to take one of the persons hands.

It had been the wrong move. As soon as his fingers brushed their arm the person flinched, _ violently _ flinched, standing and skittering away to cower against the opposite wall of the alley. Hongbin retracted his hand and stood as well. This person was clearly in a bad way, and as luck would have it, there _ were _ several openings in the circus that could use an acrobat’s skill set. 

“I won’t- I won’t hurt you,” Hongbin said tentatively, taking a pointedly slow step forward. “I’m the ringmaster’s nephew, my name is Lee Hongbin.”

“Jaehwan,” the person squeaked, raising his head a bit to meet Hongbin's eyes. “I’m Jaehwan. Just Jaehwan.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Jaehwan,” Hongbin replied, ducking in a customary bow. It probably looked funny, with his sodden clothes and wet hair, but he didn’t much care. “We have a few different job openings, so we can find a place for you, but if you have nowhere else to stay then will you accompany me home? You can bathe and put on dry clothes and I’ll take you to speak to my uncle the moment he returns.”

The person’s, Jaehwan’s, expression changed in a heartbeat. What had been sheer panic a moment ago had morphed, and they now looked at Hongbin with a mixture of understanding and resignation. But they nodded, dipping into something more reminiscent of a curtsy than a bow. 

“Yes sir, of course, sir,” they murmured, head still lowered and voice barely audible over the rain. 

Hongbin led the strange person across the road and into his apartment building, up the stairs and into his home, being careful not to touch them. He didn’t want to make Jaehwan uncomfortable. 

“Just wait here a moment while I draw you a bath,” Hongbin said softly, using the voice he reserved for trying to calm his horses when they were spooked. Jaehwan simply nodded, eyes fixed on their own feet and hair slowly dripping onto the carpet. 

Hongbin busied himself with preparations, filling the tub, making sure the water was hot enough, dribbling some nice smelling oils into the water. As he worked, he idly pondered where the person had come from. Why Jaehwan had no coat and no shoes and no proper clothing to speak of. But he thought it would be impolite to ask. 

“Everything’s ready,” Hongbin said, reentering the bedroom the find that Jaehwan hadn’t moved an inch. Standing perfectly motionless and staring at their feet. “I set out some towels for you and the water is nice and warm. Take as much time as you need. I’ll leave clothes for you on the bed so just let me know when you're finished.”

Jaehwan nodded again, whispering a soft “Thank you, sir,” before moving into the washroom and shutting the door. 

They were roughly the same size, Hongbin thought, rifling through his closet. His shoulders were a bit broader than Jaehwan’s but that wouldn’t really be an issue. He settled on a pair of soft woolen sleeping trousers and a thick cotton undershirt that had long sleeves, placing the garments in a neat pile on his bed along with clean smallclothes and a pair of socks. 

It didn’t take as long as Hongbin had been expecting for Jaehwan to finish their bath. He’d changed his own clothes, towel dried his hair, and had just finished making up the sofa in the living room when he heard the soft padding of socked feet coming down the hall. 

Looking up, Hongbin found that his clothes fit Jaehwan almost perfectly. The hair was tied up now as well, in a messy bun on top of their head. _ His _ head, Hongbin saw now, although he still wasn’t entirely sure. Maybe neutral would be a better way to go. 

“Feel better?” Hongbin asked, making sure to smile as he spoke so as not to alarm Jaehwan. 

“Yes sir.”

“Can I get you anything? Food? Tea?” Hongbin didn’t often play the part of a gracious host but the mechanics of doing so were still fresh enough from his school days that he remembered how to be polite. Solicitous to the needs of his guest. Plus, Jaehwan looked like they were in need of roughly a hundred good meals. Hongbin was tempted to feed them regardless of their answer.

Jaehwan shook their head, coming over to perch on the edge of one of the couch cushions. They moved like they were on a track, entirely graceful and body so stable that they never seemed to waver at all. 

“Oh, no you can sleep in the bedroom,” Hongbin said hastily, extending a hand to see if Jaehwan would take it this time. And they did, after a moment's hesitation, long fingers splayed across Hongbin's palm. The slightest bit of a tremor. 

Hongbin led Jaehwan back down the short hallway, intending to make sure they were comfortable and then fix himself a cup of tea and collapse on the couch. But Jaehwan didn’t let go of his hand once they were in the bedroom. They didn’t let go when they finally turned those big brown eyes on Hongbin either.

“Thank you for your kindness sir,” they murmured, voice taking on a honed lilt that Hongbin hadn’t been expecting. “Please, allow me to repay you.”

“What?” Hongbin asked, nonplussed. He watched the beautiful person before him give a weak little smile and then drop to their knees, those long fingers ghosting over Hongbin's clothed length. 

Now it was Hongbin's turn to flinch, from surprise more than anything else. “What on _ earth _ are you doing?” he exclaimed, taking a step back and catching Jaehwan’s wrist in one hand. 

Jaehwan blinked up at him, face a mask of utter confusion. “Repaying sir for his generosity,” they replied, bottom lip protruding a bit. “I am at sir’s disposal; sir may use me however sir wishes-“

“No!” Hongbin snapped, forgetting to modulate his voice and squeezing Jaehwan’s wrist tighter. Jaehwan winced, letting out an almost inaudible whine of pain but not pulling away. Dropping their eyes to the floor. 

“Why would you think this was the proper way to behave?! A simple _ thank you _would have been more than sufficient!” Hongbin exclaimed, releasing Jaehwan’s wrist. He wasn’t angry so much as he was flustered, such things weren’t normal outside of a brothel-

As soon as their hand was free, Jaehwan scooted away, fast, backing themselves into a corner and tucking their knees against their chest. Mouth quivering and eyes shiny with fresh tears. 

That’s when it hit him, the subservient demeanor, the inadequate clothing, the surety with which Jaehwan had touched him. Maybe a brothel wasn’t far from the truth. 

“You said your previous employment was no longer viable, what employment would that be exactly?” Hongbin asked. He’d managed a softer tone this time, that was something at least. 

Jaehwan bit their lip. “I was apprenticed to a courtesan. My parents died when I was five and she took me in, and then formally apprenticed me on my fifteenth birthday. Madame was the only family I can remember having,” they replied, words sounding almost rehearsed. Mechanical.

Hongbin felt his stomach twist. “If she’s like family to you, why are you no longer under her employ?”

“I-“ Jaehwan sucked in a breath, “I refused one of the more- rougher clients. I couldn’t- anymore, couldn’t with him and when I spoke up, she called me an ungrateful brat and threw me out. Told me never to show my face there again. He was my most well-paying...” A hiccup, then panic flared in those big brown eyes. “Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not disobedient, I’ll do anything sir asks of me just _ please _ don’t punish me!”

Something wrenched deep inside Hongbin’s chest. His heart maybe? He felt hatred for this unknown woman, this _ madame, _rise in the pit of his stomach, and sadness at the thought that Jaehwan was willing to offer themselves up to Hongbin in return for nothing more than a hot bath and some dry clothes. 

Slowly, very slowly, Hongbin came to kneel before Jaehwan. Reached out, holding his hands palm up. Not grabbing without permission. Waiting for Jaehwan to take his hands instead. 

It took a few moments but eventually Jaehwan’s shaking fingers brushed Hongbin’s palm. “You- you don’t have to do things like that for me, okay? I’m not expecting repayment for simple human kindness,” he said gently, brushing his thumb across Jaehwan’s knuckles in an attempt to be soothing. It seemed to be working, if only slightly. 

“I don’t understand.”

Hongbin sighed quietly. “Just think of me like a friend, alright? I’m your friend now.”

Jaehwan blinked owlishly at him. “I’ve never really- had a friend, not as such.”

“Well I’ll be your first then,” Hongbin smiled, patting the back of Jaehwan’s hand with his free one and shifting so he sat cross legged on the floor. “Nothing your madame told you applies to me. You can just call me Hongbin.”

A few more slow blinks, but Hongbin soldiered on. “Are you, I don’t mean to be indelicate, are you a girl or a boy?”

“Both.”

“Okay, well which are you right now? Or what do you feel more like right now? If either?”

And another blink. “Boy.”

Hongbin nodded. “Alright. And you said your name was Jaehwan, what's your family name?”

Jaehwan gave a delicate little shrug. “I don’t remember. Madame always just called me Jaehwan.”

“You can have mine then, call you Lee Jaehwan. How does that sound?”

Then came the first genuine smile, all boxy, squishing Jaehwan’s eyes up into cute little crescents. Even if it only lasted for a few seconds, Hongbin felt his heart begin to pitter patter. 

“It sounds nice, thank you,” Jaehwan replied, giving Hongbin's hand the tiniest of squeezes. “Lee Jaehwan,” he hummed. Rolling the new name around like he was trying to taste it.

This was such an unusual interaction for Hongbin. He didn’t think he’d ever met anyone quite like Jaehwan. It was as though Jaehwan hadn’t ever been shown kindness before and he was just latching on to every relatively nice thing Hongbin did. He wanted to do lots of nice things for Jaehwan, Hongbin realized suddenly. Show this person all the kindness and wonder that had been so clearly lacking in his world. 

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-one.”

“Ah, a year older than me then,” Hongbin replied, idly tangling their fingers together. Despite all his flinching, Jaehwan seemed to genuinely take comfort in the physical contact. It was only because he’d been expecting- expecting _ punishment _ before that he flinched away. Hongbin didn’t want to think about what punishment might entail. 

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Pink. And yours?”

Hongbin grinned. “Black and navy.”

“I see. All this is navy,” Jaehwan replied, plucking at the fabric of his borrowed shirt. “All but these,” he added, wiggling his sock covered toes. 

Hongbin chuckled. “I’m going to make myself some tea, are you sure you don’t want any?” he asked, getting to his feet and waiting. 

Jaehwan frowned. Not like he was upset, more like he was thinking. But the smile returned after a moment's hesitation. “Yes please, I’ll have some, thank you,” he replied, allowing Hongbin to help him to his feet. 

He didn’t let go of Hongbin's hand again. Not while Hongbin filled the tea kettle, not while Hongbin searched the cupboard for the chamomile, not while Hongbin lit the stove. Hongbin eventually had to shift Jaehwan’s hand to his elbow while he was getting the mugs ready but Jaehwan didn’t seem to mind. 

They talked quietly some more while waiting for the water to boil, Hongbin trying to uncover as much information about this strange boy as he could. So far, he’d found that Jaehwan was from the city, born to a lower-class family but raised to mingle with the cream of high society. That Jaehwan had loved gymnastics and acrobatics ever since he was a child. That Jaehwan hadn’t truly cut his hair since he turned fifteen. He was genuinely fascinating. 

“Do you know lyra and aerial silks? Those are my favorites, but I know how to walk on a tightrope,” Jaehwan was saying, watching Hongbin pour a measure of water into both mugs and then begin dunking the tea leaves. 

“I know of silks, but not lyra.”

He’d also discovered that Jaehwan enjoyed talking when he was given the opportunity. Maybe he hadn’t been given the opportunity very often before. 

“Oh! Well it’s like a big metal hoop that hangs on the ceiling, and you can sit on it or swing from it and do all sorts of tricks-“

The sound of the front door closing was all the warning Hongbin had. 

“Bin-ah, do you have any-“

At Taekwoon’s unexpected entrance, Jaehwan had squeaked and ducked away, backing up so Taekwoon couldn’t see him with both hands clamped over his mouth. 

This wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Hongbin and Taekwoon traveled freely between one another’s apartments. Taekwoon lived across the hall and neither of them ever locked their doors. But Hongbin regretted not making an exception on this occasion. 

“What- who was- Hongbin?”

Hongbin glanced from his friend's confused expression to Jaehwan, who’d slid down the wall to huddle on the floor. _ Easily startled, _something to file away for future reference. 

“He’s a new friend, Taek. He’s going to be working with us and I’ll introduce you two tomorrow, okay? What did you need?”

Taekwoon blinked, not the way Jaehwan blinked, but in the slow, deliberate way that always reminded Hongbin so strongly of a cat. “I wanted to see if you had any eggs, I’m making a snack.”

“Yes of course, here,” Hongbin replied, shuffling around in his cold cupboard and passing his friend the small carton of eggs across the counter. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

An assessing look was all the reply Hongbin got before Taekwoon slunk back out the way he’d come, shutting the door with a soft click. 

As soon as it was closed, Hongbin hastened to Jaehwan’s side, pressing a gentle hand to the boy's chest. He could feel Jaehwan’s heart beating against his palm like the fluttering of sparrows' wings. Light and fast. 

“It’s alright, that was just Taekwoon. He’s my best friend and he won’t hurt you either, I promise,” Hongbin murmured, not protesting when Jaehwan huddled between his open arms. He hugged Jaehwan as tightly as he dared, smoothing the few stray curls off Jaehwan’s face and rubbing small circles against his back. 

It took almost a minute for Jaehwan to relax, but he _ did _ relax, unfolding his long limbs and standing on shaky legs. He accepted the mug Hongbin handed him gratefully. “I’m sorry, people coming up suddenly like that-“ Jaehwan shook his head back and forth like a puppy, “I don’t like it.”

“Duly noted.”

\---

Jaehwan woke, screaming wordlessly, trembling so hard he looked like he was going to fall to pieces right there on the bed. 

Hongbin had jolted awake at the noise, trying to untangle Jaehwan from the knot he’d made in the sheets, whispering that _ ‘Everything is alright’ _ and _ ‘It’s over now’ _ and _ ‘It was just a dream’. _

It had scared Hongbin almost witless, the first time Jaehwan had surfaced from a nightmare. Clawed his way out of whatever hell his unconscious had cooked up. But the nightmares were fewer and far between, their frequency lessening in the six months since Jaehwan had joined the circus. 

“You’re safe now, I’ve got you,” Hongbin murmured, gently shushing Jaehwan, allowing Jaehwan to cling to him. Smoothing down Jaehwan’s hair. The waist length curls were gone now and had been for some time, chopped off to his shoulders, but Hongbin was grateful that Jaehwan had chosen to sleep with a braid that night. One less thing to tangle and suffocate him. 

Jaehwan had officially moved into Hongbin's home maybe a week after starting work. Not for any romantic reason, it had just sort of happened. They’d set him up in the spare apartment first, deciding that maybe Jaehwan would enjoy some privacy, a space of his own, after sharing a bedroom with his madame’s other apprentices for the majority of his life. That had only lasted about five minutes. Jaehwan had come knocking on Hongbin's door halfway through the first night. More scratching at it really, the way a cat would scratch when it wanted to be let out. Or in, as the case may be. 

He’d slept curled at the foot of Hongbin's bed, refusing Hongbin's offer to_ sleep like a normal person, _huddled in a nest of blankets and head pillowed atop his folded arms. Hongbin had almost lost his breath when he woke the next morning, finding Jaehwan’s face near angelic in slumber and golden hair cascading off the end of the mattress. A rail of sunlight making his skin glow. Hongbin had been positive he’d never seen a more radiant being in all his life.

And the scratching had continued for the next four nights. Hongbin would bid his friend goodnight, lightly start to doze, and then he would hear the soft scratching on his front door maybe an hour later. Taekwoon had heard it once, with his catlike hearing, and startled the still fragile acrobat into a fit of tears when he came to see what was going on. After that, Hongbin had made the executive decision that Jaehwan would move into his apartment. The acrobat was clearly not ready to be on his own and it wasn’t like Hongbin minded. He liked the company. Enjoyed having a person to fall asleep next too, knowing they’d still be there when he woke up. 

“It’s alright, darling, breathe with me,” Hongbin murmured, voice still gruff from sleep and employing the special pet name he only used during moments like this. When Jaehwan needed to be soothed. 

Jaehwan’s sob wracked his whole body, face buried in Hongbin's chest. “I was locked in that room, in that manor, and I kept trying to escape, trying to get out, but there was a collar around my neck and every time I tired moving to a door he would yank on my leash and pull me backward and I felt so trapped-“

“Shh,” Hongbin hummed, rocking them both back and forth a little. “What do we do when we feel trapped?”

Jaehwan hiccupped. “Look up.”

“That’s right,” Hongbin nodded, detangling himself enough that he could slide out of bed, helping Jaehwan to his feet. 

“Slippers, darling, and your dressing gown,” he prompted, when Jaehwan failed to move any further. 

Once properly shielded from the cold night wind, the pair made quick work of the stairs. Moving up and up and up until they stood on the roof. Surrounded by open air and a clear night sky, millions of tiny stars raining down from the heavens. 

“Look up,” Hongbin said softly. Jaehwan’s breathing had already started to calm. “Look at all this space, so much you can’t even see it all. How can you be trapped when the entire world is at your fingertips?”

They stayed up there for a few moments more, until Jaehwan’s tears had stopped and the rhythm of his breathing was back to normal. Arms linked together like a two-man chain. 

“Thank you, Bunny, we can go back now,” Jaehwan hummed, wiping at his cheeks with the sleeve of his pale pink dressing gown. Hongbin nodded once and pressed a kiss to his friends’ brow. 

If this was what it took to bring Jaehwan back from the edge of hysteria, then Hongbin would do it every night if he had too. He’d do anything to see Jaehwan smile.

\---

Hongbin wasn’t a jealous person. 

He wasn’t. 

Or, at least he didn’t think he was. 

But he’d finished his morning training routine and had come looking for Jaehwan to see if the acrobat wanted to go out with him for lunch. And he’d been in a good mood, that wasn’t the problem, it wasn’t one of those days where he simply woke up aggravated. But the aggravation was definitely there now. 

Because he’d found his friend, hidden away in the menagerie with Taekwoon. Holding hands.

Hongbin kept quiet, hiding himself behind one of the larger cages to try and figure out what they were doing. 

\---

"You don't have to do this. I mean- I don't want to take anyone else's spotlight." Taekwoon dismissed the comment with a wave of the hand. He was sketching on the canvas already, ignoring Jaehwan climbing up on the lyra. Jaehwan honestly accepted the proposition with shaky hands. He didn't know how to-how to go about a performance that was for the art of it, not to arouse the audience. Taekwoon seemed like a brick wall of a man though, cold and monotone. 

"What position would you like?" Jaehwan called from his seat on the ring. Taekwoon finally looked up at him, staring for a minute and not saying a word. Jaehwan tried to send him a sparkling smile. 

"Just run through a few for me. I'll know it when I see it." 

"Yes sir," Jaehwan muttered as he moved himself around. He bent over the bottom of the ring, toes nearly touching the back of his head as he bent in a C shape. Taekwoon stared then shook his head. Jaehwan moved again, now the bottom of the ring between his legs. He looked like a ballet dancer with his leg extended, but he was several feet in the air. Taekwoon shook his head again. 

"How long have you been doing acrobatics?" He called up as Jaehwan changed formation again. 

"A very long time, I've been doing it since I was twelve." 

"Do you enjoy it?" Jaehwan hesitated, both from the concentration it took to make himself hang upside down on the hoop, and from his reluctance to answer. 

"When no one is watching. No one can reach you on the lyra. They just stare at you above them, untouchable. I.. feel like an angel when I'm alone and in the air." There was a beat of silence, Jaehwan switching positions again. 

"We don't have to do this…"

"No! No I didn't mean it like that. I'm so happy you want to do my portrait!" Jaehwan was quick to defend himself, face hot with shame. Taekwoon probably felt like he was forcing it now. Jaehwan moved to slide off the hoop onto the ground when Taekwoon stopped him. 

"Right there! Don't move." That was probably the most Jaehwan had ever heard him raise his voice. The acrobat looked at his position, a rather simple one. His stomach was on the bottom of the ring, his arms holding up his upper body while his legs dangled. Taekwoon went furiously to his sketch. 

Jaehwan stared down at Taekwoon breathlessly, or rather, holding his breath. The artist's face turned stern again, like how it did when he was irritated with Hongbin. He suddenly looked so.. stoic, shoulders back and eyes squinted slightly at the page. He had beautiful posture, and his long hair pulled back in a ribbon was beautiful. Jaehwan licked his lips, arms shaking on the ring. 

Hongbin had made it clear that any move on him was futile, but Taekwoon… . The artist seemed like an open candidate. He never spoke of a fling with any other circus member, and he didn't bat an eyelash when, on a feminine day, Jaehwan explained his fluidity. He just blinked at Jaehwan and told him good morning again, asking what Jaehwan felt like today. It was comforting then, but now it made Jaehwan melt a little. A sweet respectful man under icy garb. He didn't even fuss about Jaehwan clinging, no matter how many times he had accidentally done it and then feverishly apologized. Jaehwan was terrified of an unexpected hand, but his body language was all that of platonic affection. Taekwoon didn't fuss about pulls to his sleeves, pulls on his arm to lead him. He was…

"The people will love you." 

"You-you think so?" Why were Jaehwan's arms shaking so bad? He adjusted himself minutely. 

"You look beautiful up there." Jaehwan flushed. "And you're talented." Jaehwan wheezed out an awkward laugh. 

"You don't have to attempt to charm me, Taekwoon." The artist glanced up at him, unamused. 

"I'm not," he answered flatly, brushing a strand of hair from his face. He returned to his sketch. Jaehwan gulped. "I don't flatter, or flirt. If I do, it's purely accidental."

"Oh.."

"I never had time for romance. My last lover was when I was fifteen." 

"You're doing better than me then." Jaehwan laughed again. "I've never had a real date." Taekwoon glanced up at him, in a way that asked 'you?' "I didn't really have a childhood that.. let me have friends, or lovers." Taekwoon nodded, grabbing a pallet and beginning to smear paints. 

"We're the same then, but I was older." 

"Taekwoon, is it almost done?" 

"I'm only just putting on base color-" Taekwoon dropped the palette and darted to the mat as Jaehwan suddenly dropped from the ring. His arms were too weak, he slipped and fell from the ring onto the mat underneath. "Are you alright?!" Taekwoon moved to grab Jaehwan from where he lay on his back, but he retracted, pulling his hands away. Jaehwan wheezed as he lay on his now aching back, staring up at the ceiling. 

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. My arms just started shaking and I- I can get back up just give me-" Taekwoon stopped him as he sat up. The artist sat on his legs right beside Jaehwan. 

"May I?" He held out his palm, face up, and Jaehwan hesitated to give his own hand. Once he did, taekwoon gently held his arm. Firm fingers pressed a trail up Jaehwan's arm. He was massaging Jaehwan's muscles. The acrobat awkwardly cleared his throat. 

"You don't need to do that. I'm fine, really." Taekwoon hushed him, continuing his work. He didn't even react to Jaehwan's groan at fingers digging into his sore biceps. 

"We will continue tomorrow."

"But-"

"No. I have a base down and the light in here is changing already. It can wait until tomorrow." Jaehwan pouted his lips at the artist. Jaehwan already felt like he was a nuisance enough. "Art takes time, time we are allowed to take." Jaehwan felt so ashamed of himself that his throat tightened up. He cursed himself when he started to feel his lip quiver. Don't fucking cry now. Jaehwan wiped his face with his free arm, sniffling. Fuck, he hated this. He couldn't just run away either, for Taekwoon was still rubbing his skin. And his hands were so nice, soft and considerate. Taekwoon probably thought he was a big fucking crybaby now, or was more hurt than he let on. 

Jaehwan flinched when Taekwoon held his cheek, but he wasn't slapped. The artist just guided Jaehwan to look at him. His figure was wobbly with fat tears waiting to drop down Jaehwan's cheeks. They were beginning to fill out now that he was with the circus, eating and eating well. Taekwoon's face wasn't disgusted or annoyed, it was just as blank as ever. His thumb though, his thumb rubbed Jaehwan's cheek, right under his eyelid. Even when a tear fell he continued. Jaehwan tried to laugh it off but it turned more a choked sob. 

"How'd you get so good at massages?" Taekwoon let go and Jaehwan's heart ached with a distinct longing. He sat up with perfect posture and hands folded. 

"I worked with soldiers. Muscles get sore." Jaehwan nodded, ducking his head to look at his knees. 

"I'm sorry…"

"No." Taekwoon stood and offered a hand to Jaehwan, one he hesitantly took. 

Taekwoon didn't let go. He held Jaehwan's hand as he guided the acrobat to the menagerie. With everything that Jaehwan had seen, had done to him, he didn't think he would so easily fluster from a chaste gesture. Jaehwan had heard it mentioned before, but he couldn't ever remember being in the menagerie. The ceilings were high and big cages filled the room, along with huge flowering plants. It looked like an amazing kind of botanical garden. Two metal benches sat facing each other on the stone path. They sat at one together. Taekwoon didn't speak, so Jaehwan simply drank it in. Taekwoon's pretty side profile, the singing of distant birds. 

"Why did you join the circus, Taekwoon? If you don't mind me asking." Taekwoon looked off into the middle ground, eyes clearly focused on his memories rather than the menagerie. 

"I lost my job, my old way of life very suddenly. I could never go back, so I went anywhere where I could help. Sold myself as a guard, but people didn't have faith in someone as small and slight as me."

"You're not small, just skinny." Taekwoon blew out an amused breath from his nose. 

"I came here and did the same speech to Hongbin and his uncle. 'I'm well trained in combat and know how to take down any possible attack. I have great concentration and leadership skills.'" Jaehwan honestly couldn't see Taekwoon like that, or at least, he hadn't before now. It made sense, with his icy demeanor. Jaehwan gulped at the idea of Taekwoon in the heat of a duel with his long dark hair blowing and blood on his cheek. 

"But you're not a guard now?" Taekwoon nodded.

"They didn't want me for the same reasons, but Hongbin caught me after I tried to leave. He asked me if I had any other skill, and I was hired after they watched me paint and caricature." Jaehwan was hit with a sense of solidarity. Taekwoon was obviously running from something too, and then he was rescued by Hongbin, the brave knight he was. Jaehwan thumbed over Taekwoon's hand, which he was still holding. He felt a little giddy at the fact. He was holding _ Taekwoon's _ hand! "Hongbin has a sense of those who need his help, or maybe we just come to him."

Hongbin felt a trickle of uncertainty, rolling beneath his skin like fog rising on a moor. They could be- well Jaehwan often held hands with Hongbin, little tugs here and there. He needed soft touches that way. Just a bit of comfort and reassurance. 

And Hongbin had seen him do it to Taekwoon as well, if more rarely, since the artist seemed to intimidate Jaehwan sometimes. But they were still friends and got along well enough. 

But this... this didn’t look like Jaehwan just needed comfort. They were really _ holding hands. _

Hongbin swallowed hard. He knew he should leave, let them have their intimate moment in private. He _ knew _ that and yet his body decided to do the exact opposite. 

“Jaehwan?” he called loudly, doing his best to make it seem as though he’d just walked in. 

At the sound of his voice, Jaehwan flinched violently, almost tearing his hand from Taekwoons as he jumped to his feet. Not like he’d been startled, rather like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Hello, Bunny!” he squeaked, fingers fluttering up to his chest so far, they were almost wrapped around his neck. Eyes darting from Hongbin, to Taekwoon, to the door and back again. Hongbin knew what that combination of gestures meant. Jaehwan was making an escape plan. 

Hongbin held out his own hands the way he normally did, already feeling guilty for making his friend nervous. Jaehwan skittered over and situated himself firmly between Hongbin’s arms, winding their fingers together. 

A pang of jealousy hit Hongbin then, inadequacy, staring down at their clasped hands. It looked stupid. Nothing like how Taekwoon’s long spidery fingers had tangled with Jaehwan’s. And Hongbin was shorter than Taekwoon as well. He’d never really felt self-conscious about his height before, still being above average and quite broad besides. Not that he had any interest in Jaehwan that way, of course he didn’t, he was Jaehwan’s friend and confidant and protector, not his suitor. But still...

“I just came to ask your company for lunch darling, or we could go to that tea house you like?” 

The use of the pet name was deliberate if unnecessary, but Hongbin felt Jaehwan’s fidgeting begin to subside and he couldn’t stop a smile. “Your welcome to join us, Woonie,” he added, remembering his manners at the last possible moment. He wasn’t angry at Taekwoon, of course not, and Taekwoon was his best friend. Offering an invitation was the correct thing to do. 

But the way Taekwoon was watching him made Hongbin begin to feel somewhat itchy. Like the artist knew something he didn’t.

“No,” Taekwoon replied in his customary soft voice. “I'm going to sit here and sketch the animals for a bit.”

Hongbin nodded, maneuvering one of his arms around Jaehwan’s middle and leading him out into the hall. He was pleased, in truth, that Taekwoon had turned him down. That he could spend the time with Jaehwan alone. As if they didn’t spend enough time alone already. 

That pleasure warred with a sense of disquiet inside him as they made their way home to change into proper clothes. 

\---

"Is it done?" Taekwoon pushed away Jaehwan's hand that was reaching for the sheet covering the easel. 

"No, don't touch." Jaehwan pouted his lips. 

"But I want to see!" 

"Not until I'm done." He wasn't even looking at Jaehwan, sifting through a box of paint. Jaehwan sat on the couch, arms folded and lips still pouted. Taekwoon made him come over to finish the painting that would become his poster. Jaehwan had feverishly refused something like that, not wanting to upstage the other performers, but Hongbin insisted he do it and that the audience would love him. Jaehwan only had to get on the lyra once more since the first session. His arms didn't decide to betray him then, letting him stay up in that position long enough for Taekwoon to really start on the portrait. He felt a little shy when he came down, Taekwoon's long hair mussed from him touching it, and his hands dirty from paint. He had.. nice hands. Long fingers. Jaehwan liked holding them, and recently, them touching his face or hair. 

Jaehwan jumped as Taekwoon suddenly took up all his vision. He was squat down to be level with Jaehwan. Hands full of-

"Close your eyes."

"W-what?"

"Close your eyes. Please." Jaehwan blinked before hesitantly doing as he was told. He felt his muscles tense, ready to jump ship at any touch. He didn't _ trust _ that command. He flinched when Taekwoon grabbed his chin between his thumb and finger. There wasn't more than that though. No sharp demanding kiss, no slap across Jaehwan's cheek, just a light hold. He felt something press against his eyelid softly, brush across it and past the eye. Almost like a smear of paint. 

"What are you doing?" Jaehwan dared to ask in a soft voice. His chin was released and the same was done to his other eye. "Is this makeup?" 

"Yes." 

"You could have told me that! You scared me!" Even saying that, jaehwan smiled. Taekwoon was doing his makeup, touching him. It was one thing he enjoyed back at the manor, when he was younger and ladies would pretty him up, or just sitting with them while they all did their makeup together. It was saddening when he'd later see it ruined on them, but the wholesome community of putting it on was pleasant. 

"Open." Jaehwan opened his eyes and batted his lashes up at Taekwoon. the artist stared at him, or maybe the makeup. Either way, his intense eyes made Jaehwan flush a little. Taekwoon stepped away to grab something off the table. 

Somehow, Taekwoon standing between Jaehwan's legs was so much worse than squatting. Jaehwan had to look up at him now, have his face held by the artist. Taekwoon was putting lipstick on him, slowly painting it onto his lips. If Jaehwan didn't have blush before, he certainly did now. Taekwoon's brows were knitted together in concentration, and he briefly licked his lips, drawing in Jaehwan's attention. _ So pretty _. 

"I learnt makeup from the other acrobats. We have a dream theme." 

"Can-" Taekwoon hushed him while he finished. "Can I see?" Taekwoon pulled away and nodded, leaving the room. He came back with a small golden compact. He opened it, showing Jaehwan the mirror. "Oh.. wow."

A rich purple pigment was spread over Jaehwan's eyelids and past them in a painterly smear. His lips weren't the bright red Jaehwan hated from the manor. It was more of a gloss, pink and making his lips shine. Taekwoon took the compact back.

"Taekwoon, it looks so good!"

"I haven't done anything. It's just your face." Jaehwan blinked.

"What?" Taekwoon turned back to him with a fine white glitter, like fairy dust. 

"Your face is already beautiful, I'm just painting." Jaehwan flushed, sitting on his hands. Taekwoon thought he was pretty. Taekwoon called him _ beautiful _. 

"You're beautiful too. Or handsome- I mean handsome." Taekwoon blinked at him and Jaehwan swore for a second he almost saw the man blush. He was probably imagining though. Taekwoon collected the dust on a clean paintbrush. 

"You do..?" 

"Of course I do! You have the prettiest dark eyes and you have such nice broad shoulders"

"Close your eyes please."

"And your hair, i can't tell you how many times I've wanted to braid it or give you pretty flowers to wear in it." Taekwoon was literally painting on his face now with the glitter. "And your skin seems so smooth and perfect."

"Thank you." Jaehwan promptly realized he was rambling like a fucking idiot. God, Taekwoon could probably tell now, now that Jaehwan blurted out all the things he liked about Taekwoon aesthetically. At least he didn't start talking about his tiny mouth that just begged to be kissed. The glitter was brushed onto his eyes and cheekbones.

"I'm sorry I talk so much…"

"It's fine. I don't talk at all. Open." Jaehwan batted his lashes up again. He felt sparkly, even though he hadn't seen himself yet. Taekwoon stared, holding the acrobat's face with a gentle hand.

There was an odd.. change in the air the longer Taekwoon stared, the longer that they sat in silence looking at one another. Jaehwan's heart was trying to melt through his ribs and fall into his lap. It was a good thing he sat on his hands because he would have been shaking like a leaf by now. Taekwoon put the final nail in the coffin with the sweet way his thumb caressed Jaehwan's face.

"Taekwoon..?" Jaehwan's voice betrayed him with its softness. Taekwoon blinked. "You said… that you had an old love…"

"Yes."

"Was," Jaehwan gulped, "was that a girl, or a boy? Do you-do you miss them?" Taekwoon licked his lip briefly. 

"A boy, and I miss the company, but not him. We moved on." Jaehwan nodded minutely. God he was sweating, Taekwoon's beautiful makeup would probably run off. Taekwoon wouldn't stop _ staring _ though. It felt like candles being brought closer and closer to Jaehwan's skin as the air got more and more tense. 

"Ah, that's… unfortunate. I mean, nice that you separated amicably, but bad that you miss the company. It's good to leave when you can and you don't feel happy anymore, but obviously people have needs too. You're just an average man- not to say you're average by any means- but there are things we need as, uh, healthy adults-"

"Jaehwan." The acrobat shrunk into himself. Good lord this was awful. 

"I'm sorry, I talk when I'm nervous and you keep looking at me. I don't-"

"Are you speaking about those needs from personal experience?" Jaehwan froze, staring at Taekwoon's shirt buttons as he grew hotter. 

"I-"

"You weren't complimenting my appearance as a friend, were you?" Jaehwan mouthed for words before weakly shaking his head. He was probably bright red. 

"Can I kiss you?" Jaehwan's head jerked up so fast he probably broke his neck. He stared at the artist with wide eyes, which actually made him laugh. A tiny laugh like the twinkling of fairy bells. Butterflies were eating the lining of Jaehwan's stomach and making him almost dizzy. 

"You- you want to kiss me?" Jaehwan's voice took on a note of shrill nervousness. Taekwoon smiled at him, nodding once. Jaehwan stammered before deciding it was best to just shut his big mouth and nod, aggressively so. He closed his eyes before Taekwoon even reached him, too high on the moment to keep them open. Taekwoon kissed him as light as a feather, barely even a kiss. Not hard, no teeth, no growling, no quick claims of his mouth. Tenderly. Jaehwan almost immediately melted, sunk into himself. He was the one that pushed into the artist, making a little firmer of a kiss. Taekwoon's hand sat on his shoulder, while Jaehwans finally came out from under him and grabbed for Taekwoon, his sleeves. Jaehwan feared being pushed away when he made the move to bite Taekwoon's lip, but there wasn't a single protest. Taekwoon even whined at it, letting the acrobat do it again. Jaehwan bit, and then licked better. That hand suddenly became two in his hair and Jaehwan was now up against the back of the couch, Taekwoon with a knee on the cushion. Jaehwan's hands moved from sleeve to torso, holding Taekwoon's thin body. That was another thing Jaehwan had noticed, how little the artist was. It's not like there wasnt food. He was probably light enough for _ Jaehwan _to pick up. Oh, that was an idea… 

"Would you," Taekwoon had to catch his breath, softly continuing in a near whisper, "would you like me to assuage those needs?"

"Taekwoon…"

"I would be, ah, _ happy _ to help." Jaehwan stared before pulling Taekwoon in by the nape, falling over side wise in the passionate kiss. Taekwoon was now awkwardly over him, gripping the cushions. This was better than anything Jaehwan had expected. He spoke as he kissed all over Taekwoon's face. Glitter and lipstick had stained his skin as well, all rubbing off from Jaehwan. 

"God yes, yes, please. I'd love that please-" 

"Bedroom." Jaehwan all but dragged Taekwoon to the bedroom, shoving him onto the bed and barely having the grace to shut the door. Taekwoon looked far from arguing, especially when Jaehwan climbed onto him and started kissing him again. In the heat of it, Jaehwan's shirt was pulled off of him. Taekwoon smelt distinctly of graphite and paint. Jaehwan buried his face in the artist's hair as he struggled to undo Jaehwan's pants fast enough. Jaehwan stood so they could fall to the floor, and caught Taekwoon by surprise shoving him over onto his back

"Jaehwan," Taekwoon choked out, arching as Jaehwan's tongue rolled up his chest. His shirt was pushed up, tucked under his chin with his arms above him grasping the bed. Jaehwan didn't expect him to be so easy to overtake, but here he was gasping on the bed with a naked Jaehwan on top teasing him. 

"I was right, your skin is perfect, T-"

"Taekwoon?" A voice called loudly from the front door. Jaehwan froze. _ Hongbin _

Oh no. _ Oh no, no, no... _Hongbin couldn't see him like this. Jaehwan’s brain switched into panic mode the instant he heard that lovely deep voice. 

What would Hongbin think of him, if he saw Jaehwan like this? All painted up and in bed with a man just like he was back in one of Madame’s parlors. Jaehwan _ couldn't _ let Hongbin see it. Couldn’t let him see what Jaehwan truly was. _ A whore _. 

But there wasn’t time for the sharp stab of self-loathing to fully impale Jaehwan, not when he could hear footsteps coming closer.

Jaehwan immediately jumped off of Taekwoon, scrambling for clothes. Where the fuck did they go?!

"Get decent! It's Hongbin!" Jaehwan tossed whatever he found in Taekwoon's direction. The artist stumbled to process before he got up quickly. Jaehwan swallowed down a loud squeak as he was suddenly bundled in one of the white sheets. 

"Get on the bed, in the pose from the painting." There wasn't time for Jaehwan to really consider the command. He simply laid down on his stomach, holding his upper body up on his elbows. He tried his absolute damndest not to squirm at his erection pressed against the bed. Taekwoon sat on the vanity stool in front of the easel and only _ just _ grabbed the brush when Hongbin knocked then opened the door. 

“Taekwoon? Jaehwan?” Hongbin called again. 

He knew Jaehwan was doing his final sitting for the new poster today, so he hadn’t really expected to find his friend when he checked the practice rooms. Taekwoon’s apartment was the next logical place to look. 

“Yes?” Came the reply, through the closed door of Taekwoon’s bedroom, and Hongbin didn’t think much of that until he turned the handle. Taking in the scene with a single sweeping glance. 

Jaehwan in bed. Taekwoon perched on the vanity stool like some overly large bird. Paint smeared across both their faces and Jaehwan’s cheeks flushed beet red. That ugly thing lurking beneath Hongbin's skin prickled. 

“I hope I’m not interrupting,” he said, keeping his voice low and trying to force a non-confrontational tone. He wouldn’t, now, not in front of Jaehwan. But later. Later he would need to have _ words _ with Taekwoon. He’d do so as soon as Jaehwan was gone. “How is the poster coming along?”

“Really well, Bunny!” Jaehwan squeaked, shifting around a little so the sheet covered up his shoulders. Hongbin eyed him. Looking for cracks. Trying to assess the damage. 

“That’s good, Hwannie, very good,” Hongbin hummed, doing his utmost to pretend he wasn’t upset. “I just came to inform you both that uncle asked us to join him for dinner at the Metropolitan club this evening.”

“Ah.” It left Jaehwan’s mouth as a sigh rather than an actual word, Taekwoon staying silent and observing. Hongbin knew that Jaehwan hated that club in particular, since so many of his old clients were members. But he also knew Jaehwan would go anyway because of the way he almost hero-worshiped Hongbin's uncle. The man who’d given him a home and a comfortable life when Jaehwan thought his world was coming to an end. 

“Why don’t you go wash up, darling? And then I’ll help you select a jacket and tie? I’m afraid your face paint would be frowned upon.”

“Yes, yes you’re right,” Jaehwan muttered, shimmying off the bed but keeping the sheet wrapped tight to preserve his modesty. Hongbin helped him with a steadying hand, fingers brushing his upper arm as he toddled from the room. 

As soon as he heard the door click shut, Hongbin rounded on Taekwoon. “What are you playing at?” he snapped, crossing his arms to stop himself from balling his hands into fists. “Jaehwan is still fragile and I will not stand by and allow you to take advantage of him!”

"I don't know what you're trying to suggest," Taekwoon replied easily as he stood from the nightstand. He walked straight past Hongbin, to the vanity where he began to clean up his mess of a face. 

"I'm not blind or stupid, Taekwoon." The artist glanced back at him with a raised brow before looking back to the mirror, as if to say _ sure you aren't. _He spoke as he wiped off his face. 

"I don't take advantage of anyone, and I'm not hurting him. He encouraged me." 

"Bullshit." 

"I don't come into your apartment and yell at you for having Jaehwan in your house, in your bed."

"Thats- that's different!" Taekwoon sighed and put down the rag, turning around to face Hongbin. 

"What could I possibly do by letting him in, letting him have feelings and showing them however he likes?" Hongbin's jaw clenched. Taekwoon was very familiar with all his signs of internally boiling rage. 

"I don't want to have to pick up his broken pieces when you make him relive what he's been through!" 

"And what is that, Bin? What do I not know yet am supposed to avoid?" Hongbin huffed at Taekwoon's curious head tilt. 

"That isn't the point here. He has barely been here safe with us-"

"He has been here for months, Hongbin. You've known him just as long as me and yet you're the only one allowed close to him. Do you think you'll get something being his knight in shining armor? Is that what you're after?" 

“I am no one’s knight in shining armor, Taekwoon, I’m-“

“Bullshit,” Taekwoon parroted back, interrupting, one hand curling around the vanities edge. Hongbin felt his indignation swell to genuine anger, rising inside him like an inexorable tide. 

“We may have known him for the same amount of time, but you don’t understand him the way I do. I know his tender spots and this,” vague hand waving in the direction of the bed, “is one of them!”

Taekwoon snorted, a delicate and derisive sound that made Hongbin’s eyelid twitch. “I’m sure you’re well aware of Jaehwan’s _ tender _ spots.”

The inflection, the insinuation there, Hongbin was gritting his teeth so hard he was surprised he hadn’t cracked a molar. “You need to watch your words, Taekwoon. I’m no lecherous cretin they would take advantage- I don’t think of Jaehwan like that! I’d never cross that boundary, for his own safety. His safety and peace of mind are my only concerns!”

“And that doesn’t sound like a knight in shining armor to you?”

“No! It’s nothing like that!” Hongbin snapped, his own conviction on that point inwardly shaken. But he didn’t let it show. “I’m not a knight and I’m not his lover. You know very well that he only sleeps in my bed because he hates being alone. We’ve never gone past- I’d never do anything like that to him!”

Taekwoon arched a brow in disbelief. “Haven’t you? You’re so clearly in love with him it’s almost pitiful to watch. Maybe crossing that boundary would do you good.”

“I’d never _ violate _ him in such a way,” Hongbin hissed, shifting from one foot to the other. “But we clearly differ on that point.”

"I didn't violate your precious innocent Jaehwan." Taekwoon stood, standing off directly with Hongbin. "Do you want to know what happened, Hongbin? He asked about past lovers, he said we have needs, I offered to help. A kiss moved to the bedroom and then you interrupted. Does that sound like I violated him or his person? He was more scared of you seeing him than of anything I did. Just because it wasn't you doesn't mean Jaehwan didn't want it." Taekwoon stepped around Hongbin now that he was stupefied. He grabbed his sketchbook from the nightstand and trumped out of his own bedroom. Ever since the acrobat came in, Hongbin had ranged from irritating to downright unbearable. It was better to just walk away now. 

Hongbin's tongue felt like it had been glued to the roof of his mouth. Nothing he might have said would have done much good. Taekwoon wouldn’t understand, he was as resolutely stubborn as a rusted hinge. 

He left the room at a quiet but fast walk, eyes straight ahead, pointedly not looking at the canvas Taekwoon was fiddling with in the living room. Down the hall for a few more steps and then through his own front door. Despite what Taekwoon has said, Hongbin still needed to check. Make sure there were no cracks he’d missed. 

Jaehwan was at his vanity, tying his curls back in a low ponytail at the nape of his neck with a strip of black velvet. It was the newest fashion for men with longer hair and Hongbin thought it looked quite fetching on his friend. 

“Are you alright, darling?” Hongbin asked, coming to stand behind Jaehwan and meeting his eyes in the oval mirror. Jaehwan smiled, reaching back poking him in his bicep. “Of course,” he replied, smile faltering as he took in Hongbin’s expression. “What’s eating at you, Bunny?” he hummed, mouth turning down at the corners as he tugged at Hongbin’s sleeve. 

Hongbin watched him, allowing Jaehwan to tangle their fingers together. Assessing. There was no visible damage that he could find but the real tell would be later. After they had gone to sleep. Whether or not the day's activities would trigger Jaehwan’s nightmares. 

“Nothing for you to worry about darling, nothing at all,” he replied, giving Jaehwan’s cheek an affectionate little pat before moving away to the closet. 

\---

"Are you looking?! Taeky, you have to watch!" Jaehwan called through laughter, sitting on his llyra.Taekwoon wasn't painting this time, simply here to watch Jaehwan's routine. His first routine for the circus! The idea made Jaehwan simultaneously vomit butterflies and jump for joy. 

"I'm watching." Taekwoon nodded, Jaehwan standing up on the hoop. This was frequent, Taekwoon secretly popping up to watch Jaehwan rehearse. He only came when Hongbin was rehearsing himself though, which was good at least for Jaehwan. If there was no chance of Hongbin coming in he could give Taekwoon kisses without constantly throwing looks over his shoulder. He could flirt with the artist recklessly. Sometimes, on special days he would drag Taekwoon to his apartment after practice was over and enjoy a piece of the artist. 

Jaehwan stuck out one foot and spun the hoop, like a mid-air ballerina. The other acrobats said they loved his routine as well. Their praise made Jaehwan blush, showing them his gummy smile. This was such a different atmosphere to Madame's. Jaehwan's skills were appreciated just as that, skills, not movements his bodies could accomplish. Jaehwan took a peep down at Taekwoon before quickly turning himself so he hung upside down from the top. The artist was watching intently. 

"The others were really nice helping!" Jaehwan chirped, spinning the lyra again now that he was upside down. 

"I'm glad." Jaehwan smiled as he grabbed the bottom of the hoop and released the top, doing a handstand. 

He learnt a lot about Taekwoon working with the other performers and having Taekwoon shadow him whenever he could. The reason his job title was so vague was because he basically took care of everyone and everything. Anything creative that wouldn't fall on Hongbin's hands was Taekwoon's, in partnership with some of the others. He helped with the costumes, and if anyone needed backdrop the creating and painting of such fell on him. More recently, Jaehwan uncovered he would help with the children, both in the audience and of the performers. The others told him of cute scenes where Taekwoon would be found in dressing rooms reading or drawing with the kids. It made Jaehwan's heartache and that ache grew a little overwhelming. He was such a sweet, good man, even when you weren't speaking comparatively. Hongbin and Taekwoon were probably the sweetest men Jaehwan would ever come to know. 

When you fall from that high, it either passes in slow motion or in the blink of an eye. Now, it was in the blink of an eye. When Jaehwan moved to hang from the bottom, inverting his handstand, his hand slipped. His fingers released the lyra and in a panic the other followed suit. Jaehwan thought he heard Taekwoon's chair clatter to the ground in that split second free fall. A cry erupted from Jaehwan finally hit the training mat, on his side. It was immediately clear something was wrong. Taekwoon turned him over with gentle hands, assessing him. 

"Are you okay? Is it broken?" Taekwoon questioned as Jaehwan held his arm, face screwed up with pain. Jaehwan shook his head with gritted teeth. Taekwoon frowned. Carefully, he slipped his hands under Jaehwan and scooped him up, carrying him like a bride. 

"It's j-just my arm, Taekwoon."

"Hush." Jaehwan looked at his wrist, feeling guilty now. Taekwoon probably thought he was an idiotic klutz. 

Taekwoon had sat him down in the first row of the stands. There, he got down onto his knees in front of Jaehwan, gently taking his arm. Jaehwan winced and teared up at the pain of his firm grip on his wrist. 

Stop it." Taekwoon immediately let go, putting a safe hand on Jaehwan's knee. 

"Its not broken.. but I don't know if it will be better by the show."

"But-"

"Jae, you have to let it rest and heal." Jaehwan pouted his lips, looking down at his feet. He suddenly felt so… useless. The one thing he wanted and he messed it up for himself. He choked down the tears that wanted to come up, more from shame than from his pain. Taekwoon made him look up again by holding his chin. His expression was so soft and adoring that the pain in Jaehwan's heart increased tenfold. 

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm not upset, I'm just worried if you're alright." Jaehwan nodded, attempting to gulp down the glass that was suddenly in his throat. "Am I distracting? It seems you only slip with me and… if I make you nervous-"

"No! You're perfect, I just… I was too in my head and I slipped." 

"Should I ask why..?" Jaehwan gave him a meek smile, shaking his head a little. 

"Just thinking of how much I love you," Jaehwan's attempt at cuteness was pathetic at best, but Taekwoon sighed and shook his head, smiling back. He gave Jaehwan a kiss on the forehead, sweet. Jaehwan artfully shoved down that disgusting sad feeling. 

Taekwoon was tightly wrapping a bandage around his wrist to bar him from moving it when Hongbin suddenly burst through the door to the theater. 

“Darling?” Hongbin called, pausing at the entrance to ring when he found it empty. No Jaehwan on the lyra. No Jaehwan on the tightrope either. No-

“Over here!”

Hongbin whirled, surprise making the movement a bit more jerky than he would have liked. His darling was seated on the first riser in the stands, waving at Hongbin while Taekwoon bent over his other arm. Hongbin suppressed a twinge of jealousy at that picture. 

They thought they were so sly, sneaking around every time they believed Hongbin's attention to be focused elsewhere. But Hongbin was neither stupid nor blind. He saw them. Saw the way their touches had graduated from plutonic comfort to something more furtive. 

Hongbin saw and yet forced him to keep his mouth shut when it came to his friends blossoming romance. Not wanting to be accused of stifling Jaehwan. Of being a _ knight in shining armor. _

“I thought you’d be rehearsing,” Hongbin called, clasping his hands firmly behind his back as he made his way over to where his friends were sitting. Jaehwan looked a bit pale but he’d been nervous all week, gearing up for his first big performance. But...

“What’s wrong, darling?!” Hongbin all but shouted, breaking into a jog and vaulting the riser that separated the ring and the stands in one swift movement. He’d finally noticed the bandages. The splint Taekwoon was securing around Jaehwan’s wrist. 

Jaehwan’s uninjured hand fluttered limply in the air, as if to ward Hongbin off or brush away his concern. “I just had a small fall, don’t worry Bunny,” he replied, gulping down tears. Hongbin's heart twinged painfully at the sight. He hated those tears, wanted to make it so that his darling never cried again. But as that was an impossibility, Hongbin simply pulled his handkerchief from his pocket and dabbed at Jaehwan’s cheeks. Inspecting his face, his chest, for any other signs of injury. 

“Why did you fall, were you distracted?” Hongbin asked, shooting a venomous look at Taekwoon, feeling Taekwoon nudge his hip with his bony elbow. Like Hongbin was in the way. 

“No, Bunny, I was lost in thought and I slipped- _ ah!” _

In his irritation, Hongbin had shoved back at Taekwoon. Rougher than how Taekwoon had nudged him. And the action had caused Taekwoon to jostle Jaehwan’s wounded wrist, making the acrobat cry out in pain. 

“Oh for _ god _ sakes, Bin, just go! You’re making it worse,” Taekwoon snapped, raising his voice. The tonal shift was so jarring from Taekwoon’s normally hushed demeanor that Hongbin took an instinctive step back. “Your _ darling _will be returned to you in one piece, I assure you, but just go.”

Hongbin grit his teeth, a muscle jumping in his jaw. He didn’t like the snide way his friend was speaking to him. Not one bit. And Jaehwan had begun to tremble which he liked even less. 

What Hongbin wanted to do was grab the bandages from Taekwoon and tend to Jaehwan himself. Banish Taekwoon from the premises until he was satisfied that Jaehwan was alright. Because the injury was Taekwoon’s fault somehow. Hongbin didn’t know _ how, _exactly, but he was sure it was. 

But, what Hongbin actually did was drop a closed mouth kiss to Jaehwan’s forehead, press the handkerchief into his uninjured hand, and then leave the auditorium without giving the pair a single backward glance. 

\---

He couldn’t deny it any longer. Not even to himself. 

Hongbin loved Jaehwan. 

Not in the plutonic way he’d been trying to convince himself since the night they met. Not like Jaehwan was an adopted brother. Not the way Hongbin loved Taekwoon. 

No, Hongbin loved Jaehwan the way he loved to breathe. Breath gave him life. And without breath he would perish. Jaehwan was the same for Hongbin. He gave Hongbin's life meaning, colored everything he did. Made Hongbin want to be a better man. 

Lately, Hongbin had found himself chasing Jaehwan the way the moon followed the tide. He still had no wish to hurt his darling, never wanted to grab him or pull him the way he’d been trained to expect. But Hongbin had watched Jaehwan_ bloom. _

He’d watched his darling grow, blossom right before his eyes. Jaehwan had been wilted and crushed when he came to Hongbin, but he’d flourished since then. As radiant as a hermosa rose. Hongbin didn’t want to pick him, didn’t want to snip him from his vine and keep him in a vase. He simply wanted to watch Jaehwan thrive.

But despite his realization, there was still an obstacle blocking Hongbin's way. The problem of Taekwoon. 

Hongbin had been scheming over the past few weeks, in the dark of night when Jaehwan was asleep, that blonde head pillowed on Hongbin's chest. He’d been wracking his brain to try and find some way to separate them. To make Taekwoon relinquish the claim he thought he had on Jaehwan’s heart. 

And as luck would have it, an old friend had contacted Hongbin out of the blue not even a day past. A wonderful friend. His old school friend and fellow equestrian club member. Cha Hakyeon. 

It _ could _ work. The plan could work. Hongbin would bring Hakyeon into the family whether it worked or not, but... 

Hakyeon was _ wild. _ Vivacious and charming in a way that was entirely his own. Able to hold the attention of a room with nothing more than a clearing of a throat. And he was undeniably handsome. 

If he played it correctly, Hongbin could dangle Hakyeon in front of Taekwoon like bait. Draw the artist's attention away from Jaehwan long enough for Hongbin to confess. 

Even if Jaehwan didn’t reciprocate his feelings, Hongbin _ had _ to tell him. He felt slightly underhanded about going about it this way, but he just needed... he just needed Jaehwan.

"Did he tell you why we're down here?" Jaehwan asked, or rather squeaked, as he sat on his hands and looked at the door Hongbin had left. They were on opposite benches in the menagerie, and while Jaehwan looked to the door Taekwoon looked at him. His shell from his first days was forgotten, meaning he sat like he wasn't trying to take up the least space possible, that he was loud and chatty and adorably obnoxious. He still walked on a metaphorical tightrope anytime Hongbin found him with Taekwoon, but he had opened up.

Sometime back, he finally told Taekwoon. Taekwoon caught him in a vulnerable state, so when they were finally in bed together cloaked by a tense silence and darkness Jaehwan explained. He explained everything, madame, his clients, and how he ended up as a pitiful piece of trash in front of the circus' door (his words). His backstory was finished with a swear, that Taekwoon wouldn't betray this show of trust, that Taekwoon wouldn't use it to pity him, treat him differently than before. Taekwoon would have scoffed at the idea, but that would seem insensitive. He promised that he would never, that a simple past life couldn't change the current one. He didn't have the courage to admit his own past life's faults.

Hongbin came into the menagerie with a kind of presence he usually left for the ring. His steps had commanding confidence and his smile was proud, almost smug. Something didn't sit right. He held his hands in front of him, elbows back and fingers interlaced, a reverse steeple effect. 

"What's that look for, Bunny?" Jaehwan gave him his own smile, that cute boxy one. Probably assumed he was in trouble at first. 

"I want you to meet someone, for the show." Jaehwan nodded quickly, trying to look around Hongbin for the friend. There was a glance thrown Taekwoon's way, a look he couldn't quite pin but regardless didn't trust. He turned back to the door. 

"Go ahead and come in, Hakyeon!" 

Him. This Hakyeon. As soon as he came around the doorway and walked across the first stone steps of the menagerie, something changed. The air of the room seemed to shift just for him. He had the same kind of proper pose and posture that Taekwoon had seen with royalty, without.. the arrogance though? His smile didn't suggest a higher position or stronger skill or sharper wit. It wasn't Hongbin's current smug look. That had dropped to Taekwoon's last priority of attention. The first hundred, at least, on that list was now this Hakyeon. His soft eyes, his black hair, his long legs-

"It's a pleasure to meet you two. Hongbin's said much about you both." He actually bowed. Not a full bend right at the hips, but still more than a simple bow of the head. Taekwoon blinked several times at the sight before him, and Hongbin's smile just seemed to stretch. 

"Hakyeon, this is Taekwoon, our artist, and Jaehwan, one of our acrobats. He's our newest member, before you of course." Hongbin gestured to them both, and Jaehwan must have been equally stupefied because he just stared at the hand Hakyeon shook. Taekwoon managed to clear his throat and regain some restraint. 

"Does that mean he's already part of us?"

"Hakyeon is special. We're close, I know he has the skills to handle the animals." Hakyeon smiled at Hongbin, with a little crinkle of the nose. 

"Don't try to flatter me, Bin." Hognbin laughed but it seemed a little.. put on. Jaehwan didn't notice though.

"You'll work with the animals?"

"Yes, I've been working with them all my life. Me and Hongbin worked with horses together. My family… _ keeps _ a wide variety." It was said with a wince. That look that high society learned to represent anything that wasn't polite conversation. The way he titled his head to say it though, his long neck was on display for an instant. Taekwoon held his fists in his lap.

"He's an animal trainer, best around. And he just so happened to be needing an employer." Hongbin turned and gestured for them to follow. They stood and proceeded further into the menagerie, to the cages. Standing close to him, he was actually rather slight, and shorter than Taekwoon. Not by much, but enough. The magnetism persisted though as he walked behind Hongbin but in front of Taekwoon and Jaehwan.

As soon as this Hakyeon person had walked into the room, Jaehwan felt like he’d traveled back in time. 

That _ demeanor. _ Respectable but not quite to the point of being conceited. The graceful way he moved his limbs and the aura of quiet power that seemed to radiate from him. It was familiar to Jaehwan. A newly resurrected memory that had almost been forgotten. Almost been buried under the heaps of unpleasant recollections that cluttered his mind. 

There had been a man, a client, once, when Jaehwan was maybe eighteen or nineteen. He had that same feeling about him, respectful but still very much possessed of the dominant qualities Jaehwan had been learning to enjoy. A young man. A young man who’d paid for Jaehwan’s services and then taken him to bed, but not in the usual way. He hadn’t made Jaehwan feel filthy or damaged, he’d made Jaehwan feel desirable. Made him feel like he was worth the soft caresses and gentle praise the man had showered him with. 

Walking behind Hakyeon now, Jaehwan was put in mind of that evening. One of the happiest evenings of his miserable life before Hongbin had plucked him from the gutter and changed everything. 

Looking at Hakyeon, Jaehwan couldn’t help but think that if he got this man on top of him, the feelings would be the same as that sweet client. And it made Jaehwan's mouth run the slightest bit dry. 

"Oh I can't use that yet," Hakyeon scoffed. Taekwoon took a deep breath watching him coil the spine of the whip Hongbin gave him around his hand. He did it in such a quick precise manner it was clear he had done it many times. _ One, two, three _ rolls and he held the popper on his hand. Taekwoon refused to get over his stance, his posture. His back was straight and his shoulders back. His back made such a nice curve.. 

"Yet?" Jaehwan asked, suddenly reminding Taekwoon he was even there at all, or that either he or Hongbin were there. Taekwoon's mind had just become a kind of vacuum where he simply processed what he was seeing. 

"An animal needs to trust you first, know you, before you can properly train it. Submitting because it's scared is a much more dangerous game than encouraging it." Hakyeon didn't explain in a manner that was condescending. It was said with a smile and a shrug of the shoulder. 

"Hakyeon would never hurt an animal, he's too sympathetic. Especially with cats." Hongbin put a hand on the corner of a cage, but his eyes were aimed directly at Taekwoon. The artist bristled. Hakyeon turned to the ring master but was promptly distracted. 

"Oh what a beauty!" 

Hakyeon stepped quickly to the cage, squatting down. He had an unadulterated joy plastered over his face looking into the bars. Wait, when had they gotten a tiger?!

"Oh, I love it already. What's the name?" Hakyeon looked up at Hongbin like a child on Christmas morning. Hongbin put his hands in his pockets, smiling back. 

"She came in just last night. I think it's only right you should do the honors if you'll be working with her." 

"Oh I'd love to. She's still chained?" Hongbin nodded, undoing the lock. Jaehwan took a step to be behind Taekwoon's shoulder, though still peeking over it curiously. The tiger jerked awake and blinked her bleary eyes before focusing them directly on Hakyeon, who was a few feet back from the cage now but still squat. 

"Are you certain this-" 

"Shh," Hakyeon hushed Taekwoon, gesturing over to him. The tiger rose and shook its large body. "She's still sedated?" Hongbin nodded, stepping aside as well to watch her slowly step out of the cage, almost a bit drunken. "Very calm, even so. Where did you get her?" Hakyeon moved his fingertips slowly against the stones, catching her attention. His voice was a mumble, barely more than a whisper. 

"Breeders." Hakyeon made a face, but said nothing. The tiger took steps to him and Taekwoon held his breath unconsciously. It was like watching a man slowly walk into his own sword. It would be such a travesty, especially Taekwoon had only managed a few words once in his presence. He needed a chance to redeem himself. 

"Hello pretty girl. Hi baby," he cooed softly to her. Her chain had run out, keeping her some space from Hakywon, thankfully. She pulled against it, but it didn't budge. He smiled at her. It was fascinating to see, this man at his work. He shifted on his feet, coming closer with his hands up. "You're still sleepy, aren't you baby?" She sniffed at him, and he extended a fist as far as he dared. She didn't try to jump him or bite. Just sniffed and then stared. Slowly, he stood up, hands out where she could see them. Jaehwan was out from behind Taekwoon now, actually edging closer in interest. The tiger sat down and stared up at Hakyeon, seeming almost disgruntled. Taekwoon had to bite his tongue as Hakyeon extended a hand, within her reach. He placed his fist on her forehead first, slowly spreading his fingers out. She didn't try to rip his arm from his body. 

"Balam."

"Balam?" Hongbin parroted. Hakyeon nodded, scratching the fur of her giant head.

"That was amazing!" Jaehwan complimented as Hongbin locked the cage again. Hakyeon laughed and bowed again, this time deeply. Taekwoon was pretty sure his bones tried to melt inside his body. 

"Thank you, but I really didn't do much. Just familiarizing." And humble too. Where had Hongbin been hiding this piece? Hakyeon stood back up proper and looked right at Taekwoon. His expression was still just as casual as before, but something about how concentrated his attention was made Taekwoon snap into position as though he were a guard again. "I hope it wasn't too terrifying." 

"Nonsense," Taekwoon choked out, before clearing his throat and trying again, "I'm fine." Hognbin stepped away from the cage, talking to Hakyeon but standing noticeably closer to Jaehwan. 

"He's a bit of an anxious heart. He'll be fine."

"I don't need you to speak for me."

"Shall we go see the others?" Hongbin asked the group, ignoring that Taekwoon had protested at all. Hakyeon nodded, happy to follow. 

\---

“Hakyeon seems nice,” Jaehwan said absently, not looking up from his book. 

Hongbin glanced up from his own book, wiggling his toes against the clean sheets as he peered at his friend. 

They were sitting side by side in bed, each with a book and a mug of tea, the bedside lamp casting the room in a sepia glow that made Hongbin feel tired all on its own. This was their bedtime routine and it always put Hongbin in mind of an elderly married couple. His heart gave a little twinge at that. 

“He _ is _ very nice. And he’ll do well here, I think, he’s a natural born showman,” Hongbin replied, trying to peek at Jaehwan’s book to see what he was reading. Emma by Jane Austen. Jaehwan had picked it up on their last visit to the bookshop and Hongbin had thought he’d forgotten about it. 

“We should all take a trip to the lodge, for bonding, you know?”

Hongbin nodded. It was a good thought, he’d propose the idea to Hakyeon and Taekwoon. They could go this weekend. “You’re right. And it _ would _ be nice to spend a few days away.”

A beat of silence.

“I see what you’re doing, Bunny,” Jaehwan said, turning a page. Hongbin settled back in his pillows. Staring down at his own book. He’d forgotten what line he’d been on. Hongbin felt Jaehwan’s eyes on him like a physical weight. 

Hongbin shrugged one shoulder. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You want to set Hakyeon up with Taekwoon.”

Jaehwan placed his book on the nightstand and turned fully around. Lying on his side with one arm folded under his head. Hongbin tried his best not to look. “You can’t hide from me Bunny, you’re like _ this.” _ One of Jaehwan’s fingers tapped the page Hongbin was reading. “You’re an open book.”

“Am not.”

“You _ are. _Maybe not to others but you are to me.” Jaehwan snatched the book from Hongbin’s hands and rolled away, setting it beside Emma on the nightstand before Hongbin had a chance to make a grab for it. 

Jaehwan rolled back to him and Hongbin had to stop himself from gasping. His darling's face was very close. Close enough that Hongbin could pick out the flecks of umber in his liquid brown irises. “Do you believe Taekwoon to be so lonely that you felt the need to reach out to old friends?”

Hongbin swallowed hard. “I know Taekwoon isn’t lonely.”

“Is that it, then? Is it _ you _ who’s lonely?”

“I’m not,” Hongbin replied, but Jaehwan was smiling now and he felt a tiny alarm go off inside his head. 

“Aw my Bunny, have I been spending too much time away? Are you feeling neglected?” Jaehwan asked, but his tone was playful. An adorable smile beginning to spread across his face. Moving slowly as if in a dream, Hongbin let Jaehwan pull him down. Let his head rest on Jaehwan’s chest. Wound an arm between Jaehwan’s back and the mattress until he was hugging Jaehwan like a pillow. 

“I don’t want you to be lonely, Bunny,” Jaehwan hummed, running his fingers through Hongbin’s hair. “Plus, I think Hakyeon will be good for Taekwoon. I don’t think he’s truly happy with me.”

“How could he not be happy with you?” Hongbin asked, fixing his eyes on one of the small porcelain figurines Jaehwan had begun to collect. 

It had turned out that his darling enjoyed collecting trinkets. Each time they went out, Jaehwan would find a little something to bring home, and Hongbin’s once pristine apartment had steadily begun to fill with small pretty things. Hongbin called them clutter, but Jaehwan called them treasures and at the heart of it, Hongbin was weak. He could never refuse Jaehwan anything. If Jaehwan wanted to decorate the house with tiny porcelain dogs and ballerinas then he would. And Hongbin would put up more shelves for him. 

“Woonie is wonderful, but I don’t think he’s the one for me. And I’m not the one for him, he knows that.”

Hongbin blinked. “I thought you loved him,” he muttered, for he’d overheard them once, whispering to each other in a shady corner of the courtyard with their fingers intertwined. He’d heard Jaehwan say ‘I love you’ and heard Taekwoon respond in kind. 

“I do love him, but love isn’t an all or nothing proposition.”

Raising his head, Hongbin met Jaehwan’s eyes, now feeling distinctly weary. 

“What would you have done if your little plan hadn’t worked? If I’d taken a fancy to Hakyeon as well?” Jaehwan asked, petting Hongbin’s cheek with the pads of his fingers. Hongbin leaned into the touch, if only briefly. 

“I’d have wept.”

Jaehwan chuckled, a soft sound. It took everything Hongbin had not to _ beg _ for a kiss.

\---

Hongbin was a rat bastard, Taekwoon had decided on that. The ring master had been talking to Hakyeon the night before as they settled him into his new apartment, Jaehwan's old one before he wordlessly moved into Hongbin's. Hakyeon would need some things, feed and tools. Hongbin allowed it, but instead of just giving Hakyeon his allowance, he turned to Taekwoon. 

"How about you go with him? Keep an eye on him and the money?" Hakyeon couldn't see it since Hongbin's back was to him, but he was grinning, like he was going to enjoy Taekwoon's oncoming whining. And he did whine, he whined and bitched and practically threw a fit before Hongbin made it an order, as the leader. Hakyeon smiled at Taekwoon and thanked him. 

"I'll try to make it as painless as possible." Taekwoon wanted to shove his face into a pillow and scream. Why was he so handsome and polite? 

Taekwoon came down to the stables the next morning like he was told and found Hakyeon already there. He was with one of Hongbin's less prized horses, a black stallion. He had already put a saddle on the horse and was rubbing its side, sweet. Hakyeon seemed to incidentally dress in a way that drove Taekwoon up a wall. His clothes fit well, even his riding coat which was open. Taekwoon tried to not think of how he appeared almost as a prince who had come to take him away. 

"Good morning."

"Ah! Good morning, Taekwoon!" His smile was fatal. "I hope this isn't too early for you." 

"It's fine," Taekwoon grumbled. He came over and offered his hand to the horse, but it snorted and pulled its head away. 

"Oh don't be like that," Hakyeon chided the horse. 

"It doesn't matter. Shall we be going?" 

"Of course!" Hakyeon let go of the bridle and climbed onto the saddle, easy as breathing air. Taekwoon noticed his boots when he slipped them into the stirrups. He blinked at a proffered hand, hakyeon smiling down at him. "I figured no point in taking two, we won't be on it for the shopping anyway." Taekwoon stared at the palm as his face heated up and he questioned why he let this happen. He swallowed down any grievances and took it, regrettably squeaking when Hakyeon pulled him up like he weighed nothing. He sat directly behind Hakyeon, holding onto his riding coat with tight fists. Hakyeon looked at him over his shoulder and smiled. 

"Are you ready?" Taekwoon wanted to opt to say no just so Hakyeon could continue looking back at him with that handsome smile. It was a _ inapporpriately _ attractive image. Ultimately though, Taekwoon nodded meekly. Hakyeon looked forward and snapped the reins. The horse started in to a moderate pace. Taekwoon silently wished it would have been a faster start so he could wrap his arms around Hakyeon's middle. 

"So you're friends with Hongbin," Taekwoon started conversationally. The trip from the circus to open market wasn't a long one, but Taekwoon wanted an excuse to learn more. Hakyeon nodded. 

"Yes, school friends. We became closer through the equestrian club." 

"You've mentioned it."

"Horses aren't a passion of mine, but all animals spark my interest, at least to some degree."

"So he wasn't lying when he said you were biased towards cats…" Hakyeon laughed and Taekwoon could feel his sides move as he did. 

"Yes, yes I rather enjoy cats. Dogs will give you their trust at the slightest kindness. It takes more effort to break that trust rather than gain it. Cats though? They're independent, beautiful. They're much more human than most animals. Getting them to submit takes work, but when one likes you, you know you've been granted a huge honor." Hongbin might as well have handed Hakyeon a script to appeal to Taekwoon. He was so often teased for being cat-like that now it had become a kind of stigma. Hakyeon's praise to them was significant. 

"You always say submit," Taekwoon quietly noted, hakyeon glanced back at him. 

"Hm? Oh yes. That's what training is. Animals are still their own entities. Just because I teach it a certain behavior doesn't mean it can't still protest at any time. It's simply submitting to what you want, not changing to be that." Taekwoon nodded. He honestly only noted it because saying submitting gave him such a dominant aura, not like he didn't have one already. Dominance practically exuded off him. That's how he focused attention on him so easily. He unconsciously made it clear in his words, his stance, his tone, who held the power when he was in a room. The horse suddenly stopped. 

"You can stay out here. I won't be bringing anything out." 

"You're sure?" Hakyeon smiled up at him. 

"Of course, dear. I'll be back quickly." Taekwoon went red staring at the spot Hakyeon left. _ Dear _. 

Hakyeon did come back quickly, only a few minutes having passed according to Taekwoon's pocket watch. 

"They'll deliver it later today!" He chirped as he slid back onto the horse's back. Taekwoon tried to avert his eyes from his backside as he sat down. It was a bad attempt. The animal trainer had too good an ass to miss. 

"What did you order?" Taekwoon questioned, looking over at the Butchery sign.

"Pork for the dogs, and beef for Balam. They'll deliver every morning after tomorrow."

"And well pay for it then?" 

"I will, yes." Taekwoon blinked. 

"But that's a business expense." Hakyeon scoffed, throwing Taekwoon a glance at a little cocky smile. 

"Please, it's no issue." He snapped the reins and they were off again. 

"I'm supposed to be giving you your allowance, you know. Why else would you bring me along?"

"Mm, maybe I wanted someone to speak with. Shopping alone isn't nearly as entertaining." Taekwoon felt hot again, deciding to shut up. 

They slid off the horse once they reached the edges of the market. Hakyeon offered to help Taekwoon down, but the artist stubbornly refused it. 

"Hey-!" 

"So you're an artist?" Hakyeon questioned as he stole Taekwoon's satchel, putting it around his own neck without even drawing attention to it. He guided Taekwoon and the horse into the market. 

"Yes, and I can carry my own bag." 

"What do you do then? Your medium?" Taekwoon huffed, obviously not getting his bag back. He shoved his hands into his coat pockets. 

"I paint, and do costuming." 

"Really! Were you professionally trained anywhere?" Taekwoon watched Hakyeon step up to a stall, carrots and radishes and other roots. He considered what he trusted Hakyeon with, what he could say that would be seen as opening up but not exposing too much of himself.

"No, my mother was a seamstress and I had a lot of free time in my previous job." Hakyeon took several of the carrots, paying the merchant his due and returning his attention to Taekwoon. 

"Self taught then, even more respectable. It takes someone dedicated to learn art all on their own." He offered a carrot to the horse, which it took a bit out of gladly. 

"Were you taught training then?" Hakyeon intentionally walked slowly so Taekwoon was forced to catch up to him. His expression and tone were welcoming. 

"Yes and no. I wasn't taught in a class, but I come from a family of animal trainers." 

"Are they circus folk too then?" Hakyeon laughed and Taekwoon melted a little, watching him do so with a subtly growing smile. 

"Oh heaven, no! They would _ hate _ it if they found out I joined a circus. They train animals for more professional settings. Dog shows, work animals, things like that. Help me get apples," Hakyeon ordered as they came to a stop at another booth. He helped the tamer choose apples, feeling each of them for ripeness. 

"And you didn't like that," Taekwoon finished, choosing not to notice the way they touched fingers exchanging apples. 

"How did you guess?"

"The way you said it, and you seemed perturbed talking about them during your interview." Hakyeon gave an awkward chuckle as he paid the merchant. A handful of silver pieces and the bag was put on the horses back. 

"You're a good listener, Taekwoon." Taekwoon blinked at the compliment, heart stuttering for just a moment. 

"No I- I'm just quiet. Observant." Hakyeon nudged his arm playfully, giving him that boyish smile again.

"Well you've been anything but quiet with me. Am I just special?" His tone edged into teasing and Taekwoon stumbled for words. Hakyeon moved on without giving him his chance to retort. 

"A music store?" Taekwoon criticized as they stood in front of the shop outside of the market, Hakyeon leaving his bags with Taekwoon and the horse. 

"Just for one small thing, it'll be super quick!" Taekwoon squinted at him, trying to play the stern protector of the circus' money. He gave it up when Hakyeon promised again and hurried into the shop. He was sweet, and energetic, like Jaehwan. But he wasn't Jaehwan, not by a long shot. They both had that energy and a smile that made Taekwoon's knees shaky, but the similarities list was short. Hakyeon didn't seem as tender, and there was obviously that controlling prescience. Jaehwan could lead and guide well, but it wasn't his natural form. His very being didn't cause everyone else to give him the control. Though he did have Hongbin spun around his fingers..

"Voila!" Taekwoon jerked out of his thoughts at the hand in front of his face. On the middle finger and thumb were two miniature cymbals, tied to his fingers. 

"What are those?" Taekwoon asked as he stepped back from Hakyeon. He put his hand down, clicking the cymbals together softly. 

"Zills! I use them for training." He clicked them once, "Roll over," again, "play dead," three times, "jump up and down. They're really helpful." Hakyeon took them off and put them in the box he had in the other hand. That was tucked into Taekwoon's stolen satchel. Hakyeon took the reins and they began to walk again. "It's easiest to train an animal with a kind of queue. A hand motion, a sound. Treats as rewards help too." The way Hakyeon spoke about his profession always softened Taekwoon's heart. He truly sounded like he loved what he did. 

"The only method of training I've ever heard of is whipping." Hakyeon came to a dead stop and Taekwoon could immediately tell he had said the wrong thing. The animal tamer scowled, holding on the reins tight. Taekwoon froze too, regretfully returning his eye contact. 

"I would rather be whipped myself than hurt my animals. I'm their master and it is my job to protect them." Taekwoon just softly nodded, a little sweaty under the intensity. 

"I didn't mean to imply…" he spoke softly and Hakyeon immediately lost his fire. He ran a hand down Taekwoon's bicep. Chaste, but the artist still got goosebumps. 

"No, no I'm sorry. I just- I have a very personal hatred for anyone who would train an animal like that." Taekwoon nodded again. They continued the walk in tension. 

"Did you eat before?" Hakyeon asked suddenly, looking over Taekwoon in a way that made him shift shyly. 

"I woke up and came straight to you."

"You should have said something!" His fretting was actually kind of adorable. Taekwoon mentally cooed over it before Hakyeon interrupted his thoughts. He took the artist's hand and led him across the road. It's not like Taekwoon was deprived. Jaehwan was very generous in his physical gestures. The suddenness and the fact it was all the animal tamer's choice was what was so flustering. His heart beat like their feet crossing the street to the patisserie. 

"Hakyeon-"

"Sit and eat and drink with me, Taekwoon." Hakyeon didn't really say it with authority, yet Taekwoon just sighed and nodded. The horse was tied to a post and Hakyeon actually stepped over to hold the door open for Taekwoon. The artist had to duck his head to hide the embarrassment. 

You really- you didn't need to do this," Taekwoon protested in a mumble. They sat at a table in front of the window, able to look out and see the horse and also the other people walking up and down the streets. Ladies in long full skirts walking with their beaus, shopping. You could see Hakyeon practically sparkle as he saw a dog pass by the glass. 

"Nonsense. What's a trip out to town without a nice meal?" Hakyeon stirred his coffee, and when he held the glass Taekwoon easily noticed his hands. They were veiny, nails well cared for, seemingly strong. Taekwoon had held one of those. They made eye contact as Hakyeon took a sip and Taekwoon quickly looked down at his coffee and pastry. Chocolate. Something Taekwoon didn't ask for but Hakyeon gave anyway. 

"I just mean this was meant to be business…" 

"So you don't mix work and life together?" Hakyeon tilted his head curiously. Taekwoon opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it, just taking a sip of his own. It was _ divine _. "I'm new, Taekwoon. Allow me to make a friend in you." That fluttering heartbeat was back again. He cleared his throat, not really sure what to say. 

"..The coffee is very good… ." Hakyeon laughed. Taekwoon was glad he was sitting because his knees felt a little weak. 

They stayed and talked at the table for longer than was strictly necessary. The coffee was nearly cold and Hakyekn only had a few bites left of his own pastry. Taekwoon struggled to contain himself at the table. As Hakyeon spoke and laughed and connected with Taekwoon, the latter had to fight smiles, absolutely girlish laughs and twisting of feet under his chair. He probably looked so obnoxiously whipped, so clearly enamored. It was a good thing the cafe was nearly empty. 

"So I wasn't permitted to come back for a month," Hakyeon concluded as he finished his last few bites. 

"But you had the snake under control!" Hakyeon chuckled and nodded. 

"Yes, yes, but phobias run deep. It was so sad, she really wanted to meet the class!" They giggled together. "We should probably get going though. You're finished?" Taekwoon nodded, standing to go and then staring when Hakyeon took his plate and cup away, along with his own. He had such a catering nature, so much so Taekwoon wasn't sure if it was habitual or not. He never drew attention to the mannerisms. It reminded Taekwoon of everything he had heard of etiquette school. It wasn't the same kind of politeness as royalty though, more relaxed. That's what made Taekwoon wonder if it was more of a deeply ingrained behavior, like the tamer's animals. "You're ready to go?" Taekwoon nodded, following Hakyeon out. Their purchases were still safe atop the horse's back. Hakyeon took the reins. 

"May i?"

"Pardon?" Hakyeon caught his arm and locked their elbows together, walking with a content smile. Taekwoon took a deep breath. 

\---

Hongbin shifted slightly, watching Jaehwan out of the corner of his eye. 

His darling was having a feminine day, a tweed walking skirt hanging down to somewhere around his mid-calf, a pretty long waisted jacket of matching fabric over a cream-colored blouse accentuating his waist. Blonde curls pinned artfully atop his head. A vision of perfection, sitting on the bench beside Hongbin, sewing neat small stitch after neat small stitch. Not seeming at all bothered by the jostling of the carriage. 

They were on their way up to the lodge for the week's end. And Jaehwan was working on his new costume. 

Unable to stop himself, Hongbin reached up and tweaked Jaehwan’s ear, grinning as he shook his head in response. Hongbin pinched his cheek. Then poked his nose. Delighting in all the little reactions he got. 

“You are the _ worst _ kind of bully, Lee Hongbin!” Jaehwan snapped, once the nudging got to be too much for him to bear. 

Hongbin grinned wider. “And what kind would that be?”

“The kind that can't stand other people sitting quietly and being at peace!”

“You’re just so _ fun _ to irritate, darling,” Hongbin replied, unable to stop himself from chuckling when Jaehwan glared at him sidelong. 

Opposite them, Hakyeon cleared his throat. Hongbin had almost forgotten about their two other companions. He was too happy.

"You're very cute, but save it for outside the carriage," Hakyeon teased lightheartedly. Taekwoon nodded, still resolutely pressed as far against the carriage wall as he could be. It was an obvious choice for Hongbin and the apple of his eye to sit together, but it still felt like an intentional move when Taekwoon climbed in last to have the only seat available as the one beside Hakyeon. He had started at a friendly closeness but soon started migrating against the wall looking out the window. Jaehwan would make fun of him, surely. They had discussed it before on one of Taekwoon's visits to his practice.

"I'll be okay if your heart is ready to move on," Jaehwan assured. It was in that flowery, soft voice he rarely used on Taekwoon, along with a hand rubbing down his arm. Taekwoon was the one to bring it up, but Jaehwan seemed already three steps ahead of the conversation. He promised he would be okay, that he'd be happy that their new friend could have someone, especially as nice as Taekwoon, he charmed. Despite being apart from Jaehwan, it felt inappropriate to be enamored in front of him. An ex lover and an almost brother were a potent repellent. So that, mixed with timid nature, meant he stayed as far as possible and only caught glances when he was certain Hakyeon was captivated in the book he had brought with him. He wasn't Hongbin, he wouldn't so obviously pine. 

"We're almost there," he mumbled. He had been there quite often with Hongbin. Hunting was something Hongbin caught his interest with and something they managed to enjoy together. 

“Indeed, better pack up your things, darling,” Hongbin agreed, sliding his book into the knapsack by his feet and turning to peer out the window.

The lodge was a two story mass of flagstone and gray brick, set in a wide clearing at the center of a long stretch of woods. the sight sent Hongbin spiraling to a well of nostalgia. So much of his childhood had been spent in this place, a splendid respite from boarding school and his parents stuffy home in the city. Being able to run, to breathe the fresh air and see the stars through the forest canopy, it made Hongbin feel alive. 

Jaehwan was packing up his sewing basket and the others were putting their books away, but Hongbin couldn’t tear his gaze from the lodge. 

He bounded out the small carriage door and onto the spongy ground as soon as they rolled to a stop. Inhaling deeply and exhaling twice as slow. Pine needles and dew. Home. 

“I’m afraid there are only two guestrooms, other than my uncle's room. And we shouldn’t go in there,” he called, helping Jaehwan out with a gentle hand and flashing Taekwoon his most winning smile. “You’ll have to bunk together.”

Jaehwan gave Hongbin a knowing look but Hongbin didn’t care. The rooming situation was another aspect of this little venture that would work in his favor.

"I'll be happy to be on the floor if need be," Hakyeon assured as he pat Taekwoon's back after climbing out. Taekwoon gave a downright murderous look to Hongbin before assuring it was fine, stepping away from Hakyeon to put a more appropriate distance between them. Hongbin was close to having a 'terrible hunting accident' if he kept it up. 

"This place is beautiful." Hakyron looked around at the thick woods surrounding them, very open yet somehow simultaneously claustrophobic. He felt a little giddy being here. Hongbin always spoke fondly of this place, whether they were in primary together or grown men. He felt special to be so involved with the circus' inner circle, a welcomed friend already. He quickly moved to help with the small amount of luggage once he noticed Taekwoon had vanished from his side. He bristled and looked away at the offer for help, but didn't refuse. "What's first for today? A ride?" He handed Jaehwan his bag. "Simply settling? A campfire?" 

"Easy," Taekwoon mumbled, half joking. He said it like he was calming an excited horse. 

“Whatever strikes your fancy,” Jaehwan chirped, flashing Hakyeon a smile over his shoulder as he hurried up to the lodges front door. “We are _ free _ here!”

The housekeeper who stayed at the lodge full time, along with a chambermaid and two grooms, opened the door and ushered the four of them in, giving Hongbin an affectionate pat on the cheek when he bowed in greeting. 

“I, for one, would enjoy a walk. I need to stretch my legs,” Jaehwan continued. He twirled around the foyer with hands outstretched. He nearly collided with the hall table, only kept on his feet by Hongbin’s quick arm around his middle.

“That sounds lovely, may I join?”

Hongbin frowned for a moment but schooled his features to blankness. 

Jaehwan smiled at Hakyeon again. “Absolutely! We haven’t got to know each other yet, a situation which must be remedied at once.” He wound a hand around Hakyeon’s elbow and essentially dragged him back to the door, throwing Hongbin a pointed look and adding, “I’m sure Kongie and Woonie will find _ something _ to talk about.”

And then they vanished and Hongbin's spirits sank, leaving him and Taekwoon alone.

  
  


Taekwoon stared at where they had left, silence and tension situating themselves neatly between the two left. 

"I'm going to put our things away." He picked up both his and Hakyeon's bags and tried to step out as quickly as possible, up to the bedroom he'd share with hakyeon. It was clear what Jaehwan was implying, and Taekwoon decidedly wanted to avoid it. One for discussing his feelings, no. One for dealing with the tension instead of just ignoring it until someone took care of it, also no. He stopped and looked back at Hongbin's sigh and call of his name. _ Damn you, Jaehwan. _

Hongbin followed his friend's lead and hauled his and Jaehwan’s luggage up to the room they always stayed in. Setting their cases on the floor and trailing a finger along the corner of the beds thick quilt. Varying shades of blue and green and grey, patterned like sycamore leaves. _ Damn Jaehwan for throwing a wrench in his plans. _

If he didn’t at least _ attempt _ to speak to Taekwoon, Jaehwan would know. He always knew when Hongbin was lying, always. It was genuinely uncanny. And Hongbin _ did _ want to talk to his friend. Hongbin didn’t want to speak to Taekwoon for the reasons Jaehwan thought he did, not about Taekwoon and Hakyeon's relationship prospects, but that wouldn’t matter. The act of speaking was all his darling would care about. And the Hakyeon conversation could come later. 

Nodding stiffly to himself and squaring his shoulders, Hongbin strode purposefully from the room and stopped before Taekwoon’s open door. 

“I’d like to speak to you for a moment, if you don’t mind. It’s about Jaehwan.”

Taekwoon relaxed, letting some tension shift off his shoulders. Jaehwan. Jaehwan wasn't a hard subject, and maybe this could be an admittance of Hongbin's behavior and Taekwoon could feel smug. Maybe. Probably not though. Still, he closed his case. 

"What about him?" He watched Hongbin move, idly touching things. He would do that, busy himself while he spoke about things, usually only when it was a bit more high degree than a casual chat. He straightened Hakyeon's book on the nightstand. 

“I know-“ Hongbin began, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on a painting mounted on the wall opposite. A nature study, mottled blends of green and brown that meant he didn't have to meet Taekwoon’s' sometimes unnervingly sharp gaze. “I know the two of you are... well. I know the two of you are _ the two of you.” _

Taekwoon opened his mouth to reply but Hongbin soldiered on. If he didn’t get this all out now, he probably never would. 

“And if you truly love him, and he truly loves you, I will respect your relationship. I’ll leave you two be. But I need you to know that- that I love him. With my whole heart. The entirety of my being belongs to Jaehwan and I needed you to know that because he-“ Hongbin sighed, turning and beginning to pace. “You’re my best friend. I’ve never told Jaehwan any of that- I’ve never... I told him the day we met that I had no interest in intimacy with him, and you have no way to comprehend how much I regret those words.”

He forced himself to meet Taekwoon’s eye now, staring at his friend with a ferocity he forgot to school away. “I am completely and irrevocably and unapologetically his.”

  
  


Taekwoon blinked at his friend, his near brother, as he ranted on. After his attempt to speak waa shot down once he just settled into his normal ways with him, Listening to him spill his thoughts out in one movement. That's how any emotional conversation with him went. All cards were laid out right in the beginning and then they would begin to piece it apart. The stare meant he was done.

"We're not a _ two of us _, Hongbin. I'm glad you're finally being upfront, but it came a little late." Hongbin blinked right back at him, almost deflating a little bit. "We talked about it after i came home from the trip with Hakyeon. I'm not in your way anymore."

"I didn't say that."

"You're a shit liar, Bin. I love you like my brother, but we both know that's what it was for you." It was worded flat, monotone. It wasn't meant to burn him. "Jaehwan is free to follow wherever his heart takes him now. I hope you two work it out." Taekwoon would have taken a step forward and given him a consolidating pat if that wouldn't have been a very awkward movement. They both nodded at each other, a little loss of words. 

Well. _ Well. _ That was certainly something to mull over, but later. He could contemplate confessing to Jaehwan now that Taekwoon had, if not _ given his blessing _ precisely, then had as good as done so. He couldn’t begin to imagine how Jaehwan may react to him. Or try and picture Jaehwan turning him down. _ That _ wasn’t something he could think about yet so instead, he said, “You have a new job then.”

Taekwoon delicately arched a brow. 

“Keep Hakyeon occupied so he doesn’t snatch Jaehwan away and become another obstacle in my path, as you said.”

That coaxed a minute smile from his friend, and Hongbin smiled in return. “I’m glad you two are getting along so well, in any case. What do you think of him?”

The smile fell,and his head quickly dipped down as well, looking and picking at the quilt. It was cute, very homely. A nice homely quilt he would be sharing with Hakyeon. He cleared his throat softly. 

"He's… nice, very gentlemanly." 

"Oh?" You could hear the smug note in the question, see a little smile growing wider on Hongbin's face without looking up at all. 

"Yes. He's very _ nice _. A good man." Other praises were on the tip of his tongue but those were to be ignored and definitely not actually said in anyone's company. Jaehwan knew, but that was on account of the fact he was the one to say it. He told Taekwoon he had a crush, rather than the proper way around. Yes, Hakyeon was sweet and handsome and polite and probably one of the most perfect examples of a man but Hongbin wouldn't want to hear that. an inside thought. "Why do you ask?" 

“No particular reason,” Hongbin replied, pressing his lips together to stop himself from laughing. “I brought him into the family, it’s only right that I make sure everyone is comfortable with one another.” 

\---

Behind the lodge was a path that led into the woods. It was well worn but clearly taken care of by the staff. Jaehwan had kept his hand on Hakyeon's elbow the whole way, though he relaxed more into just hugging his arm. He babbled on the whole walk, whether about the circus or acrobatics or whatever he saw in the woods. Hakyeon couldn't help smiling while listening to him. He seemed so sweet and open. The whole circus did, but Jaehwan especially. They eventually came to a bench in front of a clearing, stone and covered in a few fallen leaves. They brushed them off before sitting. The air was full of bird calls as they both stopped and just quietly took in the lovely spot. It would have been a wonderful spot to see deer crossing or grazing. Jaehwan turned to Hakyeon.

“I was so glad when Binnie brought you into our family,” Jaehwan said, shifting his grip from Hakyeon’s elbow to his hand. “Three is always a difficult number.”

Hakyeon frowned. “Three? But there are so many people who are employed by the circus...”

“No,” Jaehwan shook his head, staring up at the leafy canopy above, “The three of us, Hongbin, Taekwoon, and I, make up the... core? I guess you could call it the core. We’re like a family.”

Hakyeon nodded. 

"I understand. You're the closest ones, always together, living together. It's," he hesitated, chuckling a little nervously, "I'm flattered that you immediately let me in so close. I mean, you let me come here with you!" He gestured out to the woods, but it was clear he meant the lodge. "Im happy to be a part of it, and that you all took me in so fast." They exchanged a smile, Jaehwan giving him a little squeeze of the hand.

“Of course, we did. Any friend of Bunny’s is a friend of mine, and I’m sure Woonie feels the same. Even if he can be a bit shy and quiet sometimes, he definitely likes you as well,” Jaehwan replied. He’d watched this new friend covertly during the carriage ride, noticing the little looks Hakyeon and Taekwoon threw each other when they thought the other wasn’t paying attention. It was very sweet to watch, if Jaehwan was honest. He was glad that Taekwoon had found someone like Hakyeon to give his heart to. Kind and polite and quick to laughter. Jaehwan hadn’t been lying when he said he was okay with the artist moving on. “What do you think of Taekwoon? Oh, and you _ must _tell me about what Bunny was like at University. I bet he was just terrible,” Jaehwan added with a laugh. 

Hakyeon laughed and nodded, fondly remembering his bratty friend. 

"Absolutely terrible. He's mellowed now as far as i can tell, but," he whispered as though it were a great secret before laughing more, "such a control freak before, always having to fix things himself or be the hero." Jaehwan giggled in return. "But he seems better now, much more easy going. Perhaps that's the effect of you two?" He nudged Jaehwan. Hongbin had left school and almost immediately went into the circus, and it hadn't been that long. Taekwoon and Jaehwan had to have played a role. "I enjoy being around Taekwoon. He's very interesting, and it's endearing the look he gives when you talk to him. He listens so intently, very sweet." 

Jaehwan pressed a fingertip to his lips, trying not to smile. “Yes, he’s- attentive that way,” he replied airily, not allowing his elation show. Taekwoon _ was _ a good listener, but he’d never looked at Jaehwan the way he looked at Hakyeon. It was almost infectious, the feeling of new love blooming between friends. Jaehwan wanted to jump and dance and giggle with delight on Hakyeon’s behalf. 

“And Bunny is still very much a control freak, obsessively tidy as well, but he tries to hide it. I enjoy collecting figurines, and I see his eye twitch every time I bring a new one into our apartment. It's a bit funny, actually.”

"Ah, you would know him more personally now, I suppose. It's been a long time since we've been close, but you two cozied up like newlyweds." He chuckled at his light hearted tease. It wasn't hard to see. Hakyeon would have to be blind not to notice. Hongbin was always looking at him, asking for Jaehwan's time. They _ lived _ together even. "If I was the jealous type, I would be. Most definitely seeing how you two act."

Jaehwan’s smile dropped into a slight frown. Confused. “There is nothing to be jealous of, I assure you, Bunny and I are best friend’s, that's all,” he replied, adjusting the folds of his skirt and shifting a little on his seat. “That’s what I meant when I said that three was a difficult number. Woonie and I have gotten more closely acquainted recently and Bunny was feeling left out. I don’t like anyone being lonely. But now there are four, so...” he trailed off, unsure of what direction he wanted the conversation to go. Losing his train of thought. The idea of his Hongbin feeling that way about him made Jaehwan want to shudder with fear. Hongbin could not love him, not when he was so much _ less. _So damaged. It was only something to be considered in his deepest dreams, shrouded in darkness with Hongbin sleeping peacefully at his side. A dream. Nothing more. “We aren’t like newlyweds, is what I meant. Hongbin doesn’t- he’s too much of a gentleman to have feelings for me that way. I’m more like his pet project, actually.”

_ Pet project _? Hakyeon blinked at the acrobat, having to process. 

"Forgive me if i offend but you two are a very oddly close pair of friends. It's not to say anything is wrong with being so close but- but you sleep together do you not?" Jaehwan nodded. 

"And you live together, and frankly he looks at you like you've lit all the stars in the sky personally. I've never seen him look like that in the years that I've known him." He sighed and looked away at Jaehwan's expression. "Im sorry, i shouldnt imply. You obviously know your relationship better than I would. Forgive me for assuming you were closer than in reality."

Jaehwan shook his head, waving off the apology. “Don’t worry, it’s alright,” he replied, forcing a smile and hopping off the bench. Hakyeon's words had shaken him more than he’d like to admit, but they weren’t true. Hongbin wouldn’t- he said he couldn’t... there was no point dwelling on this any longer. “I’m hungry, shall we go check when dinner will be ready?” He asked, extending a hand to Hakyeon who was still seated. 

Hakyeon took his hand and stood. "Yes, let's go. Hopefully the other two haven't killed each other in our absence." They had a little laugh at that, walking back down the way they had come. It wasn't that far from the clearing that Hakyeon suddenly absorbed what Jaehwan had said. "Wait, did you imply you and Taekwoon were together?" Jaehwan laughed at him. Taekwoon and Jaehwan. The grumpy cat with this beautiful happy fairy. It didn't really immediately add up. And they didn't seem to be that close, at least where Hakyeon could see. 

Jaehwan giggled to himself and leaped away, following the path back to the lodge at a steady trot. He heard Hakyeon behind him but he wasn’t about to talk to the man about his and Taekwoons history. It was inconsequential at this point. Better to keep Hakyeon focused on Taekwoons here and now. 

“Bunny?” he called loudly, stumbling to a halt at the foot of the staircase and peering around. Hongbin appeared, Taekwoon at his side, from a parlor on the left and Jaehwan slipped over to them, situating himself comfortably in Hongbins arms and smiling at the kiss to his forehead. His sweet Bunny, with that angel face and devils smile. His Bunny. His Hongie-Kongie, Binnie-Bunny. To whom he owed his world, his life. Who owned his heart. “I’m hungry!”

"I'll go make something," Taekwoon stepped away from the couple, now intentionally trying to leave them with space together. 

"You could ask the staff," Hongbin suggested, but Taekwoon just waved him away. He never liked asking them to do what he easily could. He stopped when he met Hakyeon at the bottom of the steps. 

"May i help?" Taekwoon made a kind of distressed noise before just nodding, walking past him with his eyes down. Hakyeon happily shadowed him. Hakyeon was playing into Hongbin's request without even knowing about it. 

“Make something tasty then, you two!” Jaehwan called cheerfully, watching his two friends disappear down through the door downstairs to the kitchens. “Will you come and let me sketch you while they have their little cooking date?” He asked, returning his attention to Hongbin and flashing his best smile. Hongbin looked at him, pensive and distant, but he nodded.

\---

“Darling, I need to speak to you about something,” Hongbin said, gently shifting Jaehwan over and sitting beside him on the sofa. 

The other two had gone to cook, they were blissfully alone, and Hongbin made up his mind to speak. To tell Jaehwan. _ Finally. _ Because, just like with Taekwoon, if he didn’t get it out tonight the words may never come. And at least if Jaehwan rejected him, he’d have a few days to cry and make plans for what to do once they got back to the city. Hongbin had to tell him now, he’d decided this had to be finished today. If he kept stewing in this limbo he’d just die.

Jaehwan glanced up from his sketchbook, and he must have picked up on the anxious note in Hongbin's voice for he set it and his pencil down. 

“What is it, Bunny? You have that look about you.”

“What look?”

“The look you get when you’re about to give someone bad news.”

Hongbin swallowed twice, his throat felt like it was full of moths. “It’s not bad news. At least, I _ hope _ it isn’t,” he replied, taking one of Jaehwan’s hands in both of his. He could feel a slight tremor in Jaehwan’s fingers where they rested against his palm. 

“Hongbin, what is it?”

“It’s difficult... I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for some time...”

Jaehwan’s expression iced over, devoid of any emotion. They were silent for several heartbeats and then, “Are you letting me go? From the circus? I admit I never expected your charity towards me to stretch on as long as it has, and I understand.”

_ “No!” _Hongbin croaked, suppressing a sudden urge to laugh at the absurdity of that idea. “No, I’m not letting you go. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Jaehwan’s face was the picture puzzlement now. “Then what? Has someone died? Genuinely, Bunny, you look so upset!”

_ Only me, inside, every time I have you in my arms, _Hongbin thought, but he just shook his head. 

There was only one first time to say this, better suck it up and get it out without vomiting on the carpet from nerves. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, but what does that have to do with it?” Jaehwan asked, perplexed, scooting closer and searching Hongbin's face. 

“No,” Hongbin choked out again, hands tightening convulsively around Jaehwan’s. “It has _ everything _ to do with it, darling. I _ love _ you.”

Jaehwan opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it again, but no words came out. Realization seemed to have dawned on him and was slowly creeping across his face. Widening his eyes and brows rising minutely. 

“I love you so much that it feels like I’m going to break apart at any moment. All I long to do is hold you close, darling.”

Jaehwan flinched slightly, just the smallest tremor, shoulders constricting of their own volition. And here it would come now, Hongbin knew, watching his darling pull away from him. The inevitable disappointment. 

“Hongbin, you-“ Jaehwan stuttered, scooting back another few inches before deciding to stand up. “You told me that you _ didn’t want _me like this. Right from the start, your boundaries were so clear cut that I never-“ he swallowed so hard that the exhale that followed was shaky and harsh. “How long?”

“How long what,” Hongbin asked, noting the rapid rise and fall of Jaehwan’s chest. How his surprise was very quickly shifting to panic. 

“How long have you had these feelings?”

Hongbin blinked a few times, attempting to stay calm. One of them needed to stay calm. “Since I woke to find you sleeping at the foot of my bed, darling. The way the morning sun made you sparkle.”

Jaehwan’s hand flew to his throat and he turned abruptly, staring out the parlor window. But not like he was really seeing the view. He was miles away. Hongbin stood slowly, making to approach but Jaehwan flinched away again, skittering to the opposite side of the room. And _ that _ hurt something deep inside Hongbin. That retreat back to his old ways. The idea that Hongbin's declaration had made his love regress. 

“All this time,” Jaehwan breathed, back pressed firmly to one wood paneled wall, _ “All this time _ I’ve slept in your bed, undressed in front of you, touched you, and you’ve been having these- these... _ licentious _ thoughts about me?”

The words stabbed at a soft place inside Hongbin’s chest, but he watched, trying to gage just how badly this was going. He pushed on, forced himself to keep talking. 

“No darling, don’t misunderstand, I don’t simply love you because I think you’re beautiful. I _ do _ think you’re beautiful, the most beautiful person on the face of this earth, darling, but- I have fallen in love with your soul. That thing that makes you _ you. _ Your kindness, your caring nature, your intellect. The sound of your voice. The way you smile when you laugh, the way you say my name...”

_ “Hongbin,” _Jaehwan breathed, sounding shaky and weak, on the verge of tears, but Hongbin kept talking. He had to finish this little speech or he’d implode. 

“You inspire me every day, darling. Your strength, your grace, the ferocity with which you care for those around you. You make me want to be a better man. You- you are a _ treasure _ and just seeing your face when I wake up in the morning makes me feel like the luckiest person alive.”

Hongbin saw the first tear roll down Jaehwan’s cheek and he had to fight the urge to wipe it away. 

“Stop this. Take it back.”

“I can’t,” Hongbin breathed, watching Jaehwan shrink in on himself. “I won’t.”

“Please,” Jaehwan whispered, “Take it back, Hongbin. You can’t do this to me.”

“Do what to you, darling? Love you?”

Jaehwan’s big dolls eyes swiveled to stare at Hongbin, pleading on every inch of his face. “I am _ unfit, _Hongbin, unsuitable, I am not good enough for you, not by a long mile. Doing this, feeling this way about me, you’re making me the tool of your demise and you need to stop.”

“Do you not love me too?” Hongbin asked, attempting to distract his love from those feelings of self loathing. 

“I have never allowed myself to even _ contemplate _ such a thing, Hongbin! I don’t deserve someone as good as you!” Jaehwan exclaimed, hugging himself and letting his forehead rest against the wall. 

Hongbin licked at his lips, too dry. His mouth had turned to sandpaper. “Contemplate it then, darling, because I cannot, _ will not, _ stop loving you.”

Jaehwan darted away so quickly that the movement put Hongbin slightly off balance. Skittering around him and out the parlor door at a near run. Hongbin followed him on instinct, some primal feeling in his brain telling him that if Jaehwan vanished from his sight then he’d never return. 

“I will _ not _ contemplate it,” Jaehwan said, not seeming to care if Hongbin was listening to him or not. Feet tripping down the front steps and out into the grounds. It was like how he behaved when he felt trapped, needing to be able to see the space around him to prove he was still free. Hongbin truly _ did _ want to cry now. Knowing he’d made his love feel that way. 

“Jaehwan, come here!”

“No!” Jaehwan shouted, walking backwards now, arms still wrapped around himself. “I am broken, Hongbin! _ Irrevocably _ broken! I’m enough of a burden to you already without this love you claim!”

“You think I care?” Hongbin asked, swallowing a laugh, “Have I ever given you _ any _ indication that I cared about that? Your past, any of it?”

Jaehwan didn’t speak, steps slowing until his back collided with the thick trunk of an oak tree maybe thirty yards from lodges driveway. Staring wide eyed with panic. 

“I haven’t! I _ don’t _ care, none of your past baggage makes me think of you poorly, Jaehwan! It only served to bring you to me, and being able to watch you grow and heal and overcome the adversity you faced all your life, watching you find happiness within yourself is the greatest gift ever bestowed upon me. I wouldn’t change a single thing about you!” 

He was maybe ten feet from Jaehwan now, steps slowing, keeping his eyes fixed on the love of his life. “Now, will you stop all this and tell me how you feel? Not how you think _ I _ should feel, how _ you _ yourself feel?”

Hongbin saw Jaehwan’s throat move as he swallowed, eyes darting around, fingers twitching in constant motion. 

“I have never allowed myself to love you like that, Bunny. It was never an option.”

Another step closer, almost close enough to reach out and touch him. 

_ “Will _ you? Allow yourself, I mean? Now that you’ve heard my mess of a confession?” 

Jaehwan choked out a quiet laugh but Hongbin couldn’t decipher the emotion behind it. 

Another step. Jaehwan was within arms reach now. “Will you?”

_ “Hongbin-“ _

“If you say no, I’ll go, I’ll give you space and you can stay in the room by yourself. I can sleep in uncle's room and let you have some peace-“

“Yes.”

Hongbin snapped his mouth shut, watching Jaehwan nod. “You’re so frustratingly _ stubborn _ I know you won’t listen to reason and change your mind so yes- _ huh...” _

He moved so fast it made him dizzy, bridging the gap between their bodies and cupping Jaehwans face in his hands. Keeping his eyes open and watching Jaehwan’s fall shut. 

“I _ love _ you,” he repeated, feeling Jaehwan’s fingers twist in the front of his shirt. Tears glisten on the roses of his cheeks like cut crystal. That lily beauty. Hongbin's entire world condensed, focusing down to one point. One person. _ His everything. _

“Kiss me,_ please,” _Jaehwan breathed, and Hongbin obliged, pressing his lips to Jaehwan’s in a move so gentle he was almost unable to feel it. Hearing Jaehwan’s light gasp, then the sensation of Jaehwan kissing him back. 

Hongbin's mind went empty, all his Individual cells igniting in pure joy. In the relief of finally being able to embrace this person the way he’d wanted too for so long. 

He pulled back, just a breath, enough to remember that they were still outside with Jaehwans back pressed to a tree, the fear in him draining away like water through a colander. 

“Kiss me again, Bunny.”

And Hongbin did. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to stop. 

\---

"What's the plan, chef?" Hakyeon asked. Taekwoon was moving quickly through the kitchen, looking through cabinets and open crates of produce, investigating. He was thinking of what he could create, what paired with what to make something appealing. Many things were set on the gigantic island counter in the center. Carrots, oranges, potatoes, wine- which Hakyeon teased him over, and onions

"Stay here- and.." he looked around him quickly before pulling a knife from its block. "Cut those for me." Hakyeon opened his mouth to answer, but Taekwoon vanished out a side door. 

Hakyeon grew up much like Hongbin, enough money where he was never the one tasked with cooking, that said, he wasnt entire incompetent. If his younger self hadn't snuck out to the barn, than he was being an annoyance to their maid who cooked all their meals. She was what Hakyeon considered an adoptive mother. She was younger than most, but a divorce left her alone and without anywhere else to go. She was often swatting Hakyeon's hands off the counter when he tried to help. He began to slice the carrots into thick coins. They seemed like great quality and Hakyeon pondered if they grew the food near the lodge, or just drove out to nearby market. 

Hakyeon looked up at the sound of the door. Taekwoon had a large brown paper wrapped package under one arm and a small box that was usually used for hand picking things like strawberries. The package was dropped onto the counter with a heavy thunk. 

"Found everything you need?" 

"I believe so," Taekwoon mumbled, pulling a cast iron skillet and large dutch oven from under the counter. Both were put on the stove. He unwrapped the package to reveal a large cut of meat. They must have a cold room in the lodge. Hakyeon moved on to peeling the potatoes. 

"So what are we making?"

"Bourguignon de chevreuil." Hakyeon raised his brows. It wasn't high end by any means, but it was still a surprising choice, and showed Taekwoon knew what he was doing. Plus, his little accent was cute. 

"Sophisticated, were you an actual chef before this?" Taekwoon froze mid-cut into the venison, look suddenly getting iced over. He gulped before slowly starting again, clutch on the knife tight. 

"No, not at all." It was easy to feel the shift in the air. It was ice cold immediately. Hakyeon frowned, stopping his peeling. 

"I'm sorry, did i say something wrong?"

"I don't talk about before." Hakyeon shrunk back into himself, feeling guilty. 

"I didn't mean to remind you."

"It's fine." Taekwoon turned decidedly towards the stove to light it. "You had no idea. None of them do." He sighed, pouring oil from its glass bottle into the skillet. "I wasn't a chef. It's just an interest." Hakyeon nodded, solemnly going back to peeling the potatoes. He swore to himself to never mention any kind of past. 

"I was a royal guard," Taekwoon explained, so quiet it was almost a whisper. Hakyeon could hear it though. The house was quiet except for them, of course he could. The hesitance, fear, he said it in explained better than words how buried and painful the memory was. What meat he had cut off was placed into the skillet, getting a sprinkle of salt and pepper. 

"You don't have to tell me if you're uncomfortable."

"I was the highest rank, always at the king's right hand," Taekwoon continued despite Hakyeon's statement. He didn't know why he was saying any of this. He hadn't told anyone else, and he had only known Hakyeon a few days. He shouldn't trust the animal trainer; he shouldn't want to have his life known by someone so unknown. It was just _ him _ that made it different. Taekwoon felt the urge to say it to him, confess it as though they weren't the booth and Hakyeon was the listening priest. Taekwoon roughly cut off more meat, going through the whole shank. "I was in charge of protecting his life at any cost." His hands shook a little, dropping the rest of the meat into the large skillet. He shook them when the image of them covered in his blood filled his mind. 

\---

"Dear boy, please go catch the duke before he can leave." Taekwoon nodded once, bowing before leaving the king's side. The duke had left the meeting in a flurry of anger, storming out and banging the door shut behind him. Taekwoon walked quickly, long legs moving him out of the dining hall and out to the hallway quickly. He told the posted guard to keep an eye out while he was absent. Meetings like this expressed a much greater danger. Tensions were high and the foot traffic of the castle was greatly increased. The recent turmoil didn't help either. The kingdom's poorest were not content with recent legislation. Taekwoon was thrown insults and he was only a guard. He feared what would happen were the king to go anywhere outside the castle. He had just gotten to the stairs when he heard a crash and screams. 

"Taekwoon! The king!" His blood ran cold. The stairs seemed to get longer, steeper. His pulse jumped despite the world feeling like it was frozen. He ran back to the dining hall, drawing his sword from its sheath on his hip.

Everything was in disarray. What was on the table had been knocked off or spilt. Delegates and royals were in a frenzy. The chair at the head, the king's chair, was empty, knocked back from the table. Running purely on instinct, Taekwoon ran to it, dropping to his knees at his king's side. The front of his shirt was soaked in blood, his hands drenched a deep dark red. Taekwoon covered his hand with his own, a firm press in hopes to help. 

"What happened?!" The king coughed, coating his lips in blood as well. Taekwoon couldn't breathe, couldn't even really sense his body anymore. His mind and panic had surpassed that.

"That boy… he spoke for t-the duke. He…" The king wasn't able to continue, coughing a fit. Blood ran down his chin, leaving dark trails on his skin. Taekwoon looked around desperately, but no one. He felt like a ghost amongst the chaos of the room, still and sorrowful. He came closer and put the king's head on his legs, trying to elevate it. He could at least save him from choking on it. 

"You'll be okay sir, just- just please survive for now." Emotions were taking over now, vision blurring with tears. His comforting hold left bloody handprints of his own on the king's clothes. His hands were getting soaked, painted that deep crimson. The blood of the one person left in his life. He was a confidante, a trusted protector and in the one moment that he was gone, hell struck. He left and now blood was literally on his hands, staining down to his soul. He fought sobs, trying to be a staple anchor for his king. 

"Will one of you get help?! I _ can't let him die _ !" He wasn't sure if he had screamed or whispered the plea. His ears were ringing with the stress and his throat already felt raw. His clutch on the king tightened while his loosened. "You're going to be well. We- we'll make you better. Y-you'll be good as new." He choked on a cry, the hand he put on the king's cheek left a bloody print. "Y-you'll be well and the queen will see you healed and cry tears of joy and e-everything will be okay, your highness." His eyes were getting distant, breath labored. Taekwoon shook his head lightly, trying to keep him aware. "Don't you want the wife to come- come back home to you alive? She'd be so distraught without you. And… and the prince, y-you'll miss his birth. _ Please _, sire. Please don't go..." he reached out a trembling, weak hand, lifting it up to something unknown. "I'm here, sire. Please don't- don't go, please don't leave me alone, sir…" 

"It's okay, boy…" Taekwoon took his hand, holding it against his own cheek in a desperate attempt to give the king something to hold on to. his tears pooled in his palm, rolling down the older man's wrist. More of Taekwoon's body stained in his blood, his soul. He hiccuped words and sobs. 

"Please, please I can't lose another father." The king hushed him, weakly. His body was getting so slack against Taekwoon. Limp. Taekwoon desperately held onto him, face contorting as he tried to fight more sobs or tears. He was the guard. He was meant to be a beacon of strength beside him. The king's hand went limp in his own, fingers no longer brushing softly. 

\--- 

Hakyeon hadn't ever seen someone act the way he saw Taekwoon. He began to tell his story. A royal guard right at the king's side. He barely managed more. He had been there since he was seventeen, trained harshly but then quickly welcomed in. Anything else was slurred, soft-spoken gibberish. He just stared at the skillet. Hakyeon eventually stirred the burning meat for him. He didn't move, barely looked like he breathed. He stared down at the skillet with eyes looking miles away. A closer look proved tears rolling down his soft cheeks, dripping off onto the floor tiles. Hakyeon gently pulled him away from the stove. 

"Taekwoon? Taekwoon, what's wrong? You're scaring me." As if Hakyeon had startled something inside him, he started shaking, a leaf in the wind. Hakyeon finally noticed his hands, the way he held them in front of himself tightly clutched together and rubbing. He was otherwise unresponsive to Hakyeon. The animal tamer looked around him, as though someone were around to help him. He gently guided Taekwoon to a chair and sat him down. It was unnerving how easy it was to sit him down. He easily bent and moved to Hakyeon's whim, like clay to a wet hand. "I'll be right back, I swear by it."

He hunted down a maid, finding her cleaning the washroom floor. He practically pleaded with her to finish the meal. He didn't even stay for her response. The words fell off the tip of his tongue and he was immediately gone, back to Taekwoon. He was right where Hakyeon left him, staring down at the tiles. His hands had gone red with the rubbing. He had to be irritating his skin by now. His hands did seem to be dry and calloused. He got down on a knee to try and be level. Taekwoon didn't even seem like he saw him though. 

"The maid is going to come and finish the food for us, okay? I'm going to take you somewhere so you can.. get better? I guess?" Hakyeon had never felt so unsure and guilty. He gently led Taekwoon back up, guiding him out of the kitchen. He walked… fine, but his steps were heavy. it was like he moved his body manually. They ended up in a sitting room, a study. They sat together on the couch. Hakyeon put a gentle arm around Taekwoon's back, looking at him with concern.

The guilt was pricking into his heart. He somehow knew that this- whatever it is- had to be his fault. He had slipped, and now Taekwoon was… not Taekwoon. This was more than just a silent treatment or a deep train of thought. 

"I'm sorry, for what I said. I was- I was just teasing. I didn't know- I didn't think that it might be painful." Hakyeon sighed, staring at his unchanging profile. He eased his hand between Taekwoon's, stopping him from rubbing them raw. He held his hand softly, with unsurity. The lodge was so quiet, and so large. Hakyeon felt like he was in another world sitting in the little study. He eased them both back, relaxing against the couch with Taekwoon tucked under his arm. He put his head on his shoulder. His law hair created a curtain for his face, but Hakyeon tucked his hair behind his ear. It was soft, silky. Hakyeon looked back towards the shelf of books opposite them, ready to ride out whatever this storm was with him. Their hands remained together, Hakyeon softly rubbing his thumb over Taekwoon's knuckle. 

\---

The two finally made their way back into the lodge and Hongbin was blissfully happy. Lips slightly swollen and Jaehwan on his arm. His darling didn't seem to want to let him go. Hongbin couldn’t think of a thing he minded less. 

They made their way, but it was a slow way. Up the stone steps and through the door, murmuring softly to each other and unaware of their surroundings. Until a quiet cough drew their attention down a hallway. Jaehwan looked around, ears always sensitive to noise after a youth spent listening for unseen threats, and he was leading now. Pulling Hongbin down the hallway and through the door of the study. 

Hakyeon and Taekwoon were there. Sitting, silent. But Taekwoon was what drew Hongbin's focus. Pale as a sheet and eyes blank. He looked like the life had been drained from his lanky body, leaving an empty shell. 

Jaehwan flew to him, not touching, simply kneeling on the floor before the artist and Hongbin followed suit. There was no jealousy there, pure and undiluted concern to see a man he loved like a brother staring off into the distance as though something inside him had died. 

“What happened?” Jaehwan asked quietly, clearly addressing Hakyeon but not taking his eyes from Taekwoons face. 

A weak shrug. “We were cooking, I tried making a joke, and... I’m not entirely sure.” Hakyeon sounded weary as well, but more in the way that one sounded as they sat at the bedside of a sick loved one. Exhausted and concerned in equal measure. 

“Woonie,” Jaehwan murmured, still not touching but moving his head in such a way that he was in Taekwoons direct line of sight. “Do you want to be alone now?”

Taekwoon blinked, then shook his head. 

“Would you like Hakyeon to stay with you?”

A nod. 

Jaehwan nodded to himself and stood slowly, pointedly not making abrupt or jarring movements. “We’ll have a maid send up some peppermint tea. It’s helpful,” he continued, addressing Hakyeon again as he pulled Hongbin from the room. 

It took gentle persuasion to actually have Taekwoon take a drink of the tea.

The maid had brought in a tray with two tea cups and a small collection of digestives, bowing her head before quickly shuffling out of the study again. The minty smell wafted in the air with the steam. Hakyeon was able to sit up, but he didn't, and couldn't, let go of Taekwoon's hand. He picked up the cup, holding it out to Taekwoon. 

"Drink?" Taekwoon shook his head softly. Hakyeon frowned, offering it. Taekwoon held the teacup, but looked at it soullessly. "Please? Jaehwan said it would help." Taekwoon blinked. Hakyeon sighed and reached for one of the digestives, taking a bite of it. When he wasn't looking, he heard a very soft sip. He smiled a little to himself. Hakyeon grabbed his own cup and sipped from it, humming at the taste. It was nice, and hot tea was always relaxing. He realized, as he sank back against the couch and having Taekwoon up against him again, how domestic this scene seemed. They were cuddled up together drinking tea. Were it not for how they got there, it would have been sweet and suggesting more. Hakyeon pushed that thought away however. It was selfish to think of anything else when Taekwoon was in such a state. Taekeoon continued to take lethargic sips, looking as though he did it for the sustenance rather than enjoying it. Hakyeon offered a digestive and Taekwoon simply held it in his other hand. 

"I was trying to be humorous when I said it early. I didn't know whatever happened did, and I don't know if this is just a temporary state or not. But… I'm sorry, and I want you to know that you never have to mention it again. If you still want me to stay with all of you, I promise I'll never mention your past again." He could feel Taekwoon staring. He gulped and shifted a little in his seat. "I guess that's the way it should be too. This isn't the past, you're not whoever you were before the circus. I know you as you are now, and im grateful for that. _ This," _ he squeezed Taekwoon softly, "is the taekwoon I want to be close to." Taekwoon didn't seem as distant now. His expression was still blank and unreadable, but his eyes seemed more focused, like they actually saw Hakyeon. Hakyeon gave him a little smile. It fell when Taekwoon moved, putting down his teacup and uneaten biscuit. Softly, he reached out and hugged Hakyeon's side, resting his head on him. Hakyeon blinked before returning it. He was almost certain it was a silent _ 'I forgive you.' _

\---

“My darling, I need you to make me a promise,” Hongbin said quietly, brushing his thumb along Jaehwan’s crossed knee. That small point where the inside of his thigh was pressed to the top of his calf. The little crease. They were sitting beneath their quilt in their guestroom, in the dark, knee to knee like two children making a tent out of an old sheet. 

Jaehwan smiled back at him, such a beautiful smile that it could have lit the room all on its own. “You know I'd do anything for you, that fact hasn’t changed since your declaration.” 

Hongbin's eyes were well adjusted to the dimness and he watched his darling sparkle. Hair bouncy and loose around his shoulders, brown eyes like pools of melted chocolate. It was a difficult thing he was going to say, but it had to be said. Because his darling had suffered enough for several lifetimes and Hongbin would not be responsible for causing him any more pain. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. 

“Jaehwan, I’m being serious now.”

Jaehwan nodded, studious and attentive, and Hongbin wanted to kiss him just for that little movement. He took Jaehwan’s hands in a gentle grip. 

“If I ever,” hongbin cleared his throat, attempting to affect the most firm he could manage, “if I ever hurt you, Jaehwan, physically, mentally, or verbally, the way certain people-“ he chose against from referencing his old clientele directly- “in your past have hurt you, I forbid you to forgive me.”

Jaehwan blinked, bafflement clear on his elfin face. “You’d never do such a thing, Bunny, you don’t have it in you,” he replied, pressing his palm to hongbin’s forehead, then petting his cheek. 

“I know but, promise me anyway.”

Several beats of silence but then Jaehwan finally nodded. Slowly. Once. 

“I promise,” Jaehwan whispered, holding out his little finger. Hongbin took, they pinky swore, and then Jaehwan slumped forwards and squished Hongbin, covering him in kisses from head to toe.

  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just pain. Nsfw warning - MonsterBoyf
> 
> Nestra does not apologize

Sanghyuk tucked the covers further up under Jaehwan’s chin and pressed a kiss to his brow, watching his chest rise and fall in the slow rhythm of slumber. The tears he’d shed had left track marks down his pretty face, despite Sanghyuk’s attempts to wipe them away, now nothing more than dry trails of salt on his pallid skin. 

He’d made Jaehwan a nest in his own bed in his own apartment. Jaehwan hadn’t had the energy to go across the hall. To sleep in his and Hongbin's bed. He’d wanted space, and so Sanghyuk had given it to him. But now things needed to be handled. Hongbin needed to be handled. And with Jaehwan asleep and Wonshik reading in the opposite bed, Sanghyuk finally felt comfortable enough to leave the room. 

His footsteps were barely audible as he made his way down the hall of their building. Dress shoes laced up tight and trying not to sweat. Sanghyuk didn’t know exactly how angry he wanted to be right now. Sure, Hongbin has said some terrible things, and the hurt he’d caused was very much intentional, but he had been coming from a place of hurt himself. Jaehwan had deliberately gone behind their backs, and despite his intentions being the purest of pure, it still upset Sanghyuk knowing that his lover had gone willingly into the arms of a monster. 

So Sanghyuk could see where Hongbin's anger had come from. And he himself was a bit angry too, although he didn’t have the years of history and commitment to back that anger up the way Hongbin did. Sanghyuk had been trying to be tactful earlier in the day, not asking too many prying questions about what exactly it was that Jaehwan had gotten up too with Lord turner. Because a) it wasn’t his business and b) he hadn’t wanted to make Jaehwan relive whatever it was that he’d done by speaking about it aloud. 

He reached the door to Hongbin's apartment and knocked twice. A hand in his trouser pocket and eyes on his shoes. Sanghyuk half expected Hongbin to just ignore it and not let him in. He probably wasn’t in the mood for another confrontation right now either. But this was Hongbin, cool and sharp and always ready with a sassy quip, Hongbin. So, when the door flew open and hit the wall with an audible  _ bang,  _ Sanghyuk didn’t know why he’d expected anything else. 

“Make it quick,” the ring master said, tone lacking any venom and only a swirl of coats to Sanghyuk’s eye. Hongbin had already turned away from the door and was moving down the short hallway before Sanghyuk made it over the threshold. 

“That was a really shitty thing you did earlier, you know.” Sanghyuk sighed and closed the door, following the ringmaster at as easy a pace he could manage. Keeping his voice pointedly neutral. 

Hongbin shot the younger a glare over his shoulder. “You don’t think I know that?”

Sanghyuk nodded slowly. He reached Hongbin and Jaehwan’s bedroom, bracing an arm on the doorframe and watching Hongbin whirl around the cozy room. “I also understand why you did it.”

Hongbin didn’t even pause. “That’s good, Hyukkie, I’m sure Jaehwan is perfectly understanding about it as well,” was the retort, and it was then that Sanghyuk realized what Hongbin was doing.  _ Packing.  _

“You’re  _ not,” _ said Sanghyuk. 

“I am,” said Hongbin. 

Sanghyuk lowered his arm and moved further into the room, staring down at the mostly full suitcase lying open on the bed. Clothing thrown in haphazardly. A box of cigarillos. Hongbin's favorite blue cloak. “Where on  _ earth _ do you think you’re going?”

“Away,” came the curt reply. But that wasn’t good enough. Not  _ nearly _ good enough.

“Away  _ where?” _

Hongbin muttered something under his breath that sounded distinctly like a curse. “My uncle had a hunting lodge in the country. I need space, you understand? Time away from,” vague hand waving, “all this.”

“And you think that’s the solution? Run off into the country to wallow in self-hatred while the rest of us run  _ your  _ establishment for you?” Sanghyuk asked, incredulous. 

“Jaehwan will be happy I’m gone, trust me,” Hongbin snapped, dropping a pair of riding boots into the case and beginning to buckle it closed. “Jaehwan will not forgive me and neither should you.”

“What makes you so sure? And additionally, what makes you think you have the right to dictate how I feel?”

Hongbin sighed, the weary sigh of someone much older than his twenty-four years. “Because I made him promise not too, Sanghyuk. Years ago, I made him promise that if I ever hurt him that way that he wouldn’t just forgive and forget. Because if I did so, it would make me nothing more than a mirror of his abuser. Do you see?” Hongbin asked, bypassing the second question like sanghyuk hadn’t even spoken it aloud. The ringmaster's focus was entirely on how Jaehwan was feeling. Not how any of this would affect Sanghyuk. 

Sanghyuk planted one fist on his hip. Hongbin couldn’t leave. He  _ couldn’t. _ It would break Jaehwan’s already fragile heart in half. Not to mention Sanghyuks’ own. What would they do without Hongbin? How could their small slice of the world still turn without Hongbin at its axis? And Sanghyuk had come to, if not love (at least not yet), deeply care for this person. This Hongbin. Their Hongbin.  _ His  _ Hongbin.

“And you honestly believe he’ll be cold enough to throw you away after one comment spoken in the heat of anger? You think you mean so little to him?”

Hongbin hissed a wordless retort and turned to face the young acrobat. “Of course not. That’s why I have to do it myself.”

His case was in his hand now and Sanghyuk had leapt in front of the door, barring the exit before he even realized what he was doing. Hot pinpricks jabbed at the corners of his eyes completely unbidden. “Don’t leave,” he said, voice miraculously steady. 

“Move, sweetheart, please.”

Sanghyuk shook his head so hard it was a wonder it didn’t topple clean off his shoulders. “No.”

Hongbin made an exasperated noise but he set his case on the floor. “Please don’t start acting like a child. I already have to deal with Jaehwan, I don’t need you to do it as well.”

“Shut up,” Sanghyuk snapped, the pressure building in his tear ducts getting stronger. “Don’t leave like this. Sit down and talk to me like I’m a person, Bin, don’t just run away. If you do, it’ll be  _ you _ who's acting like a child.”

Hongbin simply stared. 

“I won’t let you run out on us, Bin. I just won’t. Not- not without saying goodbye,” Sanghyuk said, crossing his arms over his chest but not budging an inch. 

Hongbin's eyes softened, just a touch, even though the line of his mouth remained resolutely firm. “Say goodbye to who?” he asked, resting a gentle hand on Sanghyuk’s shoulder. “You know Jaehwan doesn’t want to speak to me right now and Hakyeon would probably gut me with one of Taekwoon’s swords if I showed up at his door-“

“Me!” 

The word left Sanghyuk a bit more strangled than he would have preferred. “Without saying goodbye to me! I know I’m low priority but honestly I thought I meant a bit more to you than that.” 

Sanghyuk hiccupped, appalled at the open display of emotion that had hit him out of nowhere. Heat creeping up his cheeks just as the tears finally began to roll. He hated himself at that moment, standing in his lover's apartment and asking,  _ asking _ whether he was important enough to be missed.

He had to go up on tiptoe to do it but Hongbin wrapped his arms around Sanghyuk’s neck, gently pulling the young acrobats head down. Strong arms enveloping him, surrounding him with warmth. Sanghyuk hugged him tight, hiding his face in the crook of Hongbin's neck, doing his utmost to stop the tears from falling. So embarrassing. 

They just stood there for a moment, silence stretching on between them as Hongbin stroked the soft hair at the nape of Sanghyuk’s hair. Simply holding each other. 

“Come with me.”

Sanghyuk blanched, raising his head and staring uncomprehending into Hongbin's wide brown eyes. So sharp and so pretty. It took everything he had to straighten up and pull away. “How could you think- you know I can’t leave Jaehwan, not now, you leaving is bad enough but if we both go-” he spluttered, trying to regain control of his emotions and failing.

“Jaehwan will know where I went, he always knows, and he has Hakyeon and Taekwoon to run to for comfort now, lord, even Wonshik maybe, with the way they fawn over each other at every available opportunity. Just come with me,” Hongbin replied, a note of pleading in his tone that Sanghyuk immediately disliked. 

It hit Sanghyuk, then, finally understanding the gleam in those pretty brown eyes. Desperation. Hongbin was doing what he thought was best, but he didn’t want to be alone. Hongbin was scared. 

Fear swelled inside Sanghyuk in response, his reactions manifesting like a mirror. But he couldn’t, couldn’t leave Jaehwan alone. Sanghyuk wasn’t taking sides, couldn’t take sides, couldn’t choose between them but Jaehwan was much softer. Jaehwan needed the comfort and reassurance of a lover and if Hongbin left, that responsibility would fall to Sanghyuk. 

“Just stay, Bin, just stay here with both of us. Apologize to him, apologize to Hakyeon, apologize to everyone but just stay and we can all work this out together,” Sanghyuk tried, hating the fact that he sounded like he was begging. 

It was the wrong thing to say. Sanghyuk could almost see the hope dropping from Hongbin’s face. The shutters falling over his eyes. He took hold of Sanghyuk’s hands and squeezed. “Please move out of the way, sweetheart,” he said, voice dead and monotone, face expressionless. 

Something in Sanghyuk cracked. Shattered like a porcelain teacup falling from a great height. He stepped forwards, not moving out of the way, backing Hongbin further into the room and freeing his hands. Cupping Hongbin’s cheeks and pressing a frantic kiss to the ringmaster’s mouth. Tears falling freely once again. 

Hongbin’s lips tasted like saltwater and Sanghyuk wasn’t sure whose tears were lingering there because when he pulled away, Hongbin was crying too. Just a few tears, barely a hitch in his breath. 

He rested his hands on Sanghyuk’s hips, maneuvering the young acrobat around and sitting him on the edge of the bed. The edge of his and Jaehwan’s bed. Holding Sanghyuk still with nothing more than the tips of his fingers. 

“Don’t go, Bin,  _ please _ don’t go.”

Sanghyuk’s breath caught when Hongbin kissed him, lips moving slow and deliberate against his, slipping something into the pocket of Sanghyuk’s waistcoat. 

“Keep your eyes closed, sweetheart,” Hongbin murmured, nosing gently at Sanghyuk’s cheek. Another barely-there press of his mouth and then, “Don’t peek.”

Sanghyuk shook his head but he obeyed, eyelids sealed shut. Unsure of what Hongbin has just given him, unsure of what Hongbin was doing, but willing to indulge in this if it would keep Hongbin there with him. 

A fingertip trailed down his cheek, over the swell of his lip and Sanghyuk fought not to shudder. 

“Count to thirty, sweetheart.”

Then the heat of Hongbin’s body moved away and Sanghyuk began counting. 

_ 1... 2... 3... _

_ _

What was Hongbin doing? Sanghyuk could hear shuffling.

_ _

_ 9... 10... 11...  _

_ _

Quiet footsteps moving around the room. 

_ 12... 13... 14... _

_ _

Warm lips brushing against his forehead. “I love you, sweetheart.”

The ground beneath Sanghyuk fell away at those four whispered words.

_ 15... 16... 17... _

_ _

The sound of a door clicking shut.

_ _

_ 21... 22... 23... _

_ _

Wait, a door?! 

Sanghyuk’s eyes flew open and he stared around the now empty room. He was on his feet before he knew it. Heart stuttering in his chest, legs moving of their own accord, carrying him into the apartment's front room. Nothing. Then the kitchen. Nothing. Then back into the washroom. Still nothing. Hongbin had tricked him. And he hadn’t said goodbye. 

“Hakyeon!” Sanghyuk called, voice shaking, heart breaking, as he pushed the door to the animal tamers apartment open without bothering to knock. 

Hakyeon came skidding out from the end of the little hallway. 

“Sanghyuk? What has-“

“He’s gone,” Sanghyuk said, flinching at his own words. “Bin, he- he left.”

“When?”

“Just now.”

“The  _ stupid _ bastard,” Hakyeon muttered, stepping into his shoes and leaving the apartment at a jog. Sanghyuk followed after him mutely. Hating Hongbin for tricking him and hating himself for trusting the man enough to be tricked. 

They reached the ground floor and ran out onto the street, looking right, looking left. Searching for a flash of chestnut brown hair. Nothing. 

“Did he say where he was going?” Hakyeon asked, rounding on Sanghyuk with fists on hips. 

“Something about a hunting lodge.”

Hakyeon huffed out a sigh, eyes shut, rubbing his temples. “He’ll come back, don’t worry.”

* * *

Sanghyuk held his breath as he pushed open the door to his apartment. Where he’d left Jaehwan alone with Wonshik more than two hours ago. Hurt and upset. 

He’d walked down block after block, trying to find Hongbin. Sanghyuk knew Hongbin couldn’t have gotten very far with the maybe minute head start he had. But there hadn’t been a trace of him. And Sanghyuk’s feet had grown heavier with each stair he walked, higher and higher until his bones felt like they were made of lead. Weary and exhausted and just wanting to sleep. 

But he couldn’t sleep. Because he had to go tell Jaehwan that Hongbin was gone. Fucking hell. 

All was quiet as Sanghyuk paced slowly inside. There was a scrap of paper on their rickety kitchen table and he snatched it up, scanning it but only half paying attention. Wonshik, telling Sanghyuk that Jaehwan was asleep and he’d gone out. Sanghyuk didn’t know how long it had been since his friend left but he felt a slight twinge of annoyance at that. Jaehwan, being left alone when he was so upset. 

“Jae?” Sanghyuk called, voice soft enough to be heard but not loud enough to wake his partner if he was still sleeping. 

But Jaehwan wasn’t sleeping. He was lying on his back, a glass bottle half empty on the nightstand, staring vacantly at the wall opposite. 

“Did you speak to bunny?”

No hint of expectation in his tone, as if he didn’t care whether Sanghyuk had spoken to Hongbin or not. And his voice was a tiny bit slurred. 

Sanghyuk suppressed a wince. “I did,” he replied, coming further into the room and sitting on the side of the bed. His threadbare coverlet was tangled about Jaehwan’s legs, disorderly, leaving one bare foot exposed to the chilly air. Sanghyuk indulged as much as he dared, wrapping one hand around the turn of Jaehwan’s ankle. 

“And?”

“Doll, did Shikkie give you liquor?” Sanghyuk asked, already knowing the answer but seizing on any opportunity to change the subject. Jaehwan’s big eyes swiveled to him, fixing on his face with a detachment that Sanghyuk didn’t like. 

“It was medicinal rather than licentious, Wonshik said I wouldn’t stop crying and forced it on me. I admit, I didn’t notice that I was crying but I don’t think he was lying.” Jaehwan smacked his lips, fingers tripping over his own face in a frighteningly disjointed way. “And my cheeks are wet.”

Sanghyuk could no longer conceal his frown and he scooted closer, petting Jaehwan’s hair. Combing the short strands with his fingers and cupping his partners jaw. Jaehwan had been crying, Sanghyuk could see it, and he could picture the scene as though he’d been a fly on the wall. Jaehwan sobbing and Wonshik trying to comfort him, but eventually giving up and resorting to drink. Sanghyuk couldn’t definitively say that he’d have handled the situation any better, and that was worse somehow. Made the young acrobat feel useless and inadequate. 

“What did he say,” Jaehwan prompted, searching Sanghyuk’s face with no real interest. Sanghyuk swallowed hard once. Looked away. Swallowed again. “He’s gone, doll. I went after him, so did Hakyeon, but he just disappeared. I’m sorry.”

Jaehwan blinked owlishly for a few heartbeats and then reached for the bottle, clumsily swallowing a mouthful of amber liquid and spilling a bit. Honey brown drops rolling down the corner of his mouth and dripping into his neck. 

“Of course, he is,” Jaehwan hummed, expression settling back into that nothing that made Sanghyuk want to shake him.

Jaehwan pressed the bottle into Sanghyuk’s hand and rolled onto his side. Facing the wall as he slumped deeper into the pillows. 

“Jaehwan, I’m- I’m sorry. It’s my fault he got away, I was stupid and he-“

A soft shrug, a quiet sob, silenced Sanghyuk before he could properly explain. 

“It doesn’t matter now, does it? He’s gone.”

Sanghyuk lifted the bottle to his own mouth and downed two gulps before the alcohol burn forced him to stop. He just wanted to drown. 

“Still, I’m Sorry.”

Jaehwan shrugged again. “Did he say anything else?”

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk cleared his throat and took another swig of what he knew now was whisky. Cheap, the kind of thing that would get him filthy drunk. Leave him with a mouthful of cotton and head full of nails later on. But Sanghyuk was past the point of caring. Medicinal indeed. “He said he loved me. And then he left.”

“Cruel,” Jaehwan replied, the word burbling from him in a wobbly whisper. Sanghyuk nodded even though his partner couldn’t see. It had been so, so cruel. 

Sanghyuk set the bottle back on the nightstand and lowered himself down, somehow managing to make both their long bodies fit together on the narrow single bed. 

He hugged Jaehwan against his chest, hating Hongbin for a single savage instant. And then hating himself. A pitiful, useless person in the face of his lovers’ pain. 

_ Come back, Bin, _ Sanghyuk thought,  _ come back so I can tell you that I love you too.  _

Even though his face was hidden from view, Sanghyuk heard Jaehwan whimper the word...  _ “Bunny.” _

* * *

It was walking back home that Hakyeon realized he was still only in his nightgown. The morning air was ice cold and stuck to him. A shaking sigh. It seemed like things moved from bad to worse at breakneck lately. He honestly couldn't remember the day or the month anymore. He felt like he had lived years in the span of the past days. Wonshik would be meeting his sister today as well, he realized numbly. Wonshik wanted both him and Taekwoon to come, meet her. It had already been turbulent enough. They shouldn't open a new can of worms when they already had so many, but Hakyeon was so weak. Wonshik showed the slightest hesitance or insecurity and Hakyeon was agreeing to do whatever it took to alleviate that. When he came back to the apartment, he saw a light coming from the washroom. A peak past the open bedroom door proved Taekwoon was still in bed. 

"Darling, what are you doing?" Wonshik jumped, nearly dropping the scissors in his hands. He looked back at Hakyeon, who smiled sweetly at him. 

"Don't scare me like that," he whined. Hakyeon cooed at his pout, coming over. They exchanged a little good morning kiss. 

"Why are you cutting your hair?"

"I haven't cut it in years. I want to look nice for Jiwon." His sister. They were meeting her today. Wonshik had already gotten word back from the housing she stayed at and was intending to visit her with both Hakyeon and Taekwoon after she came home from school. He had been fretting over it the whole night. 

"I'm glad you're so excited, darling." Wonshik beamed at him, and Hakyeon's heart melted. 

"I just can't wait to see her, Hakyeon. It's been so long and I'm sure she's gotten so mature-" Hakyeon chuckled, nodding along with Wonshik's excited rambling. It was so  _ cute _ . Hakyeon wanted to pinch his cheeks for it. 

"I'm sure she's excited to see you as well, Shikkie." 

"You think so?"

"Of course! Who wouldn't want to see their big tender heart brother? Who wouldn't want to see this face?" Hakyeon did pinch his cheeks this time, cooing as he whined,

"Stop it." Hakyeon released him, leaning against the counter and looking up at him.

His hair hadn't been cut that much shorter, still peeking out from behind his ears. His work shirt was dirty with the little black hairs. 

"Did you steal some clothes from the closet darling?" He blinked. 

"Hm?"

"You left the door open."

"Ah, sorry. I just thought I shouldn't look like a gutter rat to meet her, you know? Now that I can afford it." He gave hakyeon a nervous smile and he nodded. He understood, though not from a point of personal experience. 

"You look very handsome, baby." 

"Thank you, Yeonie."

Taekwoon was a little startled waking up to no one beside him when he so clearly remembered the night before. An evening of long conversation, reassurance, and hands and brushes in hair. It was concerning to be left alone after all that. He slipped out of the bed and looked out the open door way. Candlelight fed from the bathroom, showing it to be occupied. They must have already been getting ready. Taekwoon turned away from the doorway, to the open closet. He wanted to look good, respectable and not too posh, but still well dressed for meeting his lover's only family left. Her validation was likely to be an important thing for Wonshik. Taekwoon used the vanity mirror to button his shirt behind his back. This shirt was meant to have a jabot tie with it, but Taekwoon actively chose to forgo it. He tucked his shirt in, then left the room to seek help with his sleeve buttons. 

"Am I intruding?" Hakyeon was sitting on the counter with Wonshik standing between his legs. It looked like Hakyeon had been putting a clean shirt on the younger, but got distracted. It wasn't buttoned, and he simply held it up. Wonshik's arms were at least in the sleeves, but all of the shirt just pooled at his elbows. They were kissing, obviously intently if Hakyeon’s legs wrapped around Wonshik's hips were anything to go on. When Wonshik turned to look at him, Taekwoon finally noticed his hair was shorter. He somehow seemed more boyish. Maybe it was the disarray it was in. 

"You're awake."

"Me and Shikkie were just talking, darling." Taekwoon let out an amused puff, stepping in. 

"Talking." Wonshik blushed and Hakyeon laughed. He was still in his nightgown. Having his legs spread enough to accommodate Wonshik meant the hem rode up rather high on the modest gown. 

"You look dapper, darling," Hakyeon complimented, eyes obviously skating over Taekwoon like the artist had done to him. Taekwoon ignored him, looking at Wonshik and putting a hand in his hair, feeling his soft clipped locks. Wonshik gulped.

"You cut your hair." The strongman nodded, not sure where this was going to go with this.

"Do you like it?" Instead of answering, Taekwoon pulled him in, kissing him. He squeaked, but accepted it, kissing him in return. Hakyeon hummed, finally fixing the shirt on the strong man and beginning to button it. It was a steely grey with billowing sleeves, Taekwoon's. It looked good on him, a little stretched to accommodate Wonshik's different physique, but otherwise good. Taekwoon pet Wonshik as he kissed him, adjusting to the shorter hair. 

"I like it," he spoke against his lips once they parted. Wonshik's eyes were blown wide. It made Taekwoon smile. 

"Very handsome and boyish," Hakyeon added, finishing the buttons on the sleeves. Taekwoon held his wrists out, now remembering why he had come here in the first place. Hakyeon laughed and tied the right for him. Wonshik did the left side. Their bows were tied in entirely different manners. "Such babies. I can't believe I have to take care of you both," Hakyeon teased. 

"Thank you.."

"Should we take care of you instead?" Wonshik asked innocently. Hakyeon laughed, shaking his head and cupping Wonshik's cheeks.

"You are so cute, baby!"

* * *

"What is that, love?" Hakyeon questioned, adjusting his cloak as they waited for the carriage. Wonshik had a brown paper package in his hands and a grin on his lips. He was having troubles not bouncing on his toes as they waited. 

"I got her a present! You dont think it's too much, do you?" They both shook their heads. 

"I'm sure she'll love it, Shikkie."

"You think so? It's a journal. I thought she'd like something to write in since she mentions it so much in her letters. She's great at writing, all her teachers love her." Hakyeon took his arm, locking them together at the elbow.

"What a considerate big brother."

"She'll be happy," Taekwoon assured. He opened the door for them when the carriage finally stepped before them. The directions were given as calmly as Wonshik could manage and he climbed in, sitting opposite to them. He smiled down at the parcel, rubbing a pensive thumb over the paper. 

The last time he had seen her for a sizable amount of time, she was sixteen. She reminded him so much of their mother without even trying to. Her spirit seemed to rest in her eyes, warm and maternal. Her smile was a practical carbon copy. It almost hurt, how similar they were. She had a bit of her personality as well. Everyone around her then seemed to know her as a spitfire, a force to be reckoned with. Wonshik may have been the strong man, but he felt soft and weak beside her. She lived through all of this and managed to still keep her zeal. Amazing. Wonshik couldn't wait to wrap her up in his arms again, pick her up and hear her laugh. He wanted to hear her talk for hours about her new interests or friends or anything she pleased. He couldn't wait for both these worlds of his to collide, the circus, and his charred childhood. She'd love them, he just knew it. They already loved her and they hadn't even met yet. Wonshik's smile couldn't be stopped for anything in the world. 

* * *

"Wonshik…" Hakyeon sat down in the carriage seat next to Wonshik, only for him to move as far from him as possible. His eyes were focused outside the tiny door window, not even looking when Taekwoon stepped up to the open door, looking to them both unsurely. Hakyeon gestured for him to sit opposite, following suit once Taekwoon had sat down. Both their brows were knotted together with concern. 

"Wonshik, I'm sorry," Taekwoon spoke softly. He was the one with the diary. It seemed for the best that he kept it face down in his lap now, hiding the embedded words in the leather. 

"It's fine." He answered so bluntly. No stutter. No hesitation. No.. Wonshik. His mouth was a firm line of a frown. Even if his eyes were fixed, something about them felt miles away, like a part of him had left his soul. Maybe it did. A little shard of Wonshik left standing in that boarding home bedroom, right in front of the window and beside a bed with one tattered toy beside the pillow. A piece of Wonshik cut out to perfectly fit a girl just like him, and yet nothing like him at all. A stranger of a familiar face. 

"You don't have to shut us out, Wonshik." 

Taekwoon looked to Hakyeon. There was a twang of desperation, just a slight pluck of the string. Hakyeon was a man who had seen this before. He must be scared to face it again. Taekwoon felt like a guilty one as well now. Hakyeon was scared to be shut out for something he didn't know yet be expected to comfort. Wonshik wasn't Taekwoon. He was supposed to be open about what hurt him. He told them about his past so easily. Why would he shut them out now? Hakyeon probably thought he'd never have to face that confusion again. Taekwoon was an open book, repaired by Hakyeon’s hands. Why should Hakyeon have to deal with the silent tremulous storms again with his new open lover? Taekwoon swallowed the shards suddenly stuck in his throat. 

"I'm not." Neither of them liked that new tone. It felt so alien, like it was someone else talking entirely. A deep voice that was unflinching. Say what he needed and done. No glance to them, no timid blush, no shrinking into his seat. No attempt at a comforting smile, even if fake. It was like there was suddenly an ocean between them even thought their knees could only be a foot apart. 

"Then tell us what's going on, Shikkie. Let us help you." Taekwoon held Hakyeon’s hand. He didn't even consciously do it. It was instinctive, although the soft squeeze was not. He knew Hakyeon was a little scared. Reaching out to Wonshik was too volatile of an option right now. 

"The one person who kept me alive for most of my life hates me." 

"She didn't say she hated you," Taekwoon corrected. He could feel how shit that response was by the air. It was like a mountain, so sharp and clear it suffocated. Forget a knife, a machete would have to be used to cut through the tension. 

"She might as well have." 

"She's a kid thrown into a new situation very suddenly. I'm sure she didn't mean to speak as cruelly as she did." 

"Don't imply things about my sister's intelligence. She's not five, not anymore." Hakyeon shrunk back into the cushion of the carriage bench, a guilty look on his face as he looked down at his knees. Taekwoon rubbed a thumb over the back of his hand. "Just forget about it. We get home and we act like none of this ever happened." No one had the strength to argue. Taekwoon too meek, and Hakyeon too thrown off balance. The rest of the ride was silent. Taekwoon chose to focus on the horses hooves on the brick ground of the city. 

Hakyeon opened the door and led the trio into the apartment, solemnly hanging his coat. Taekwoon was pulling off his overcoat to do the same when there was suddenly one hand on his cheek and another on his shoulder, lips on his. They pressed softly, but something about it was insistent. Like a silent plea. Taekwoon held onto Wonshik's shirt, only able to reach that much with his arm still half in the coat sleeves. It was a slow kiss, loving and considerate, and yet for some reason, Taekwoon felt the urge to cry. If Hakyeon turned around and saw them, he didn't say anything. He softly shut the door, a little click registering in Taekwoon's brain. He was in their entry way. Behind him was the wall. In front of him and kissing him was his strongman lover who had just went through what was surely traumatic for him. Said lover had been shut down their entire way home. 

For the first time in a very long time, Taekwoon thought of when he was close with Jaehwan. Specifically the time he had told Wonshik about. Jaehwan's confession had a kiss like this. So devoid, yet needing. Jaehwan kissed him and touched him in that moment because he needed to separate himself from his past. He needed Taekwoon to show him he was more than just that past life. Wonshik it wasn't clear until he pulled away, head against Taekwoon's and looking intently into his eyes. Now, there was that crease, that unsure line formed between his eyebrows. There were those fragile eyes. 

"Please... just let me forget it for a minute…"

"Baby…" Taekwoon didn't even consciously think of saying that. The word tumbled past his lips with his breath, a deep sigh. Wonshik's eyes didn't lose any sincerity or desperation. The hand on Taekwoon's shoulder left. It came under his shirt, big, strong, callused palm resting on his hot skin. It didn't press or squeeze, yet Taekwoon felt suddenly suffocated. Breathing became a conscious effort. 

"Please, Taekwoon," he reached out, a hand on Hakyeon’s nape, pulling him in so Wonshik could rest his head on the trainer's shoulder, "Hakyeon.  _ Please _ …" It was barely spoken loud enough to hear, and yet that hit with the greatest voice, that tender little  _ please _ . Hakyeon rested his hand on Wonshik's arm. Taekwoon couldn't see his expression. 

"It's not safe to do this, my love. You can't force it away."

"There are much worse things I could do. Please, please, Hakyeon. I just want to be able to breathe for a minute. I don't want to hear her saying that anymore. It's all I can hear anymore." The wall broke. Whatever that was inside of him that kept it down for the carriage ride broke. Taekwoon watched it happen. Wonshik took a heaving breath, and that broke into a sob. His face was tight together, like he was trying to force an image from his eyes. Maybe he was. "She was all I had Hakyeon. I can't- I can't-"

"Shh..." Hakyeon hushed him softly, that hand on his arm now rubbing his back, soft, paternal. He stopped the hiccuping sobbing. It was a horrible thing to watch. Taekwoon stepped forward and hugged the strong man, resting his own head on him like he was doing to Hakyeon. His body shook with sobs. He noticeably pulled Taekwoon in, closer, tighter. All there was was the embrace and Hakyeon’s gentle voice. Gentle, softly. Easy baby.  _ Easy _ …. 

"I love you, Wonshik." The bedroom now. It always seemed to revolve around this room, this bed, Wonshik always between them. Wonshik the centerpiece sitting in the middle of the bed while Taekwoon was in front of him unbuttoning his shirt and Hakyeon was behind him kissing his shoulders. "I need you, Wonshik," whispered with another kiss. "You're perfect to us, my love." Hakyeon rested his face against the crook of his neck, eyes closed and breath steady. Wonshik sniffled, watching Taekwoon's delicate hands. They moved smoothly over each bump of muscle, every delicate line of tattoo ink. They were the hands of someone revelling in art, seeing with their eyes, feeling out their appreciation. Wonshik might have normally been ticklish, shy, but he wasn't. He felt perfectly numb and fixed to his spot. They were fixed out of time and out of the space they just left, the one of Wonshik's tremulous feelings and his shattered family. This was their spot in the universe now. Only the three of them with soft praises on Hakyeon’s lips, and equally loving ones held silently in Taekwoon's eyes and touch. His delicate hand rose, lifting Wonshik's chin with the lightest fingertips. 

A kiss, sweet, chaste. There was a lick to Wonshik's lip, but it didn't burn his being from the inside out. It was the lighting and then burning out of a flying ember in the dark. Flash in the pan sensation. It moved slowly, but not calculated. This was an exploration, not a quest. Wonshik's arms were freed from the shirt. Hakyeon’s teeth nursed his shoulder. No where near painfully so, not even adjacent. It was like a kneading on his skin. Easy and soothing. His arms wrapped around Wonshik. A hug, no. His hands were slowly going up his skin. Palm up. Stopping at his pectorals, resting there. Taekwoon was done with his kiss. His hot breath rolled over Wonshik's face, distinctly not fresh but also completely pleasant. Welcomed. A touch that wasn't hand or lips or body, the safest kind. Wonshik sighed in return, gulping down his crushed spirit that tried to make itself known. No. None of that. Not anymore. It was just him, Taekwoon, and Hakyeon. No time, no pain, no thoughts. Safety. 

"Such a pretty boy."

"Good boy.." Wonshik nodded along with the praise. He sat up straight like he was told by dark hands. Taekwoon was the one to praise him with his mouth rather than words now. A kiss was placed behind Wonshik's ear, silent, but still felt. 

"Are you happy, baby?" Wonshik nodded. He was watching Taekwoon, but he felt a little out of body doing so. 

"Yes sir." It felt right, naturally, to call him such. It fit in his mouth and mind that he didn't regret it. Hakyeon hummed. Not like he was pleased or aroused by the title. Like he was letting Wonshik know he heard him. Mundane. 

"You're a very sweet boy, baby." Hakyeon tangled his fingers in Taekwoon's long hair and held his head. His hot breath, and likely more importantly, his tongue, was on Wonshik's nipple. Wonshik took a mental image of how Hakyeon’s fingers were. The back of Taekwoon's head, not fisting the hair, fingers merely in it like he was going to brush it. Like it was their night time ritual. Wonshik made some little noise when Taekwoon sucked and Hakyeon tittered praised.  _ Yes, yes  _ very good boy, such a sweet sounding boy.  _ Why don't you sound out more for us? _ Wonshik nodded obediently, as he knew to do. He was happy. He was safe. There was nothing in the world outside of this. 

"How far may we go?" The only touch was on his thighs. Four hands, ten fingers, waiting, resting. Hakyeon’s voice still on his shoulder, still cotton soft and honey sweet. Taekwoon's eyes still focused, still watching. 

"Wherever you please." Sir was said under his breath this time, on an exhale. A kiss behind his ear again. Like treats to a dog. Wonshik closed his eyes and appreciated it. Taekwoon's hands worked him till undressed. 

"Pretty boy," Hakyeon cooed musically. Taekwoon agreed, mumbling the same praise. It was soft and muddled on his lips. There seemed to be a loss of that sharpness. "Will you stay so quiet for Taekwoon?" Hakyeon looked at him. Wonshik couldn't see it but he knew he could feel it. Dark eyes that softly blinked and waited for an answer. 

"I dont know…"

"That's fine," Taekwoon answered. He came in to place a kiss on Wonshik's nose. Wonshik closed his eyes, holding them shut even when he moved away. It felt almost like he was dreaming, being rocked to sleep by them both. Everything felt thick and heavy. They were in the cloud of Wonshik's mind. Whatever made that, he wasn't sure. He felt lulled and at peace either way though. He was safe. Home. 

Taekwoon's hands began softly. Easy. Up. Down. Up. Down. Wonshik's head tilted back, eyes closed. He rested it against Hakyeon's. He was surely watching, supervising Taekwoon in his task. His hands were stroking Wonshik's thighs. He was petting him. A big puppy lavishing in individual attention. 

"Look at you, my love. Handling this so well." Wonshik parted his lips, if just because he felt it right. Taekwoon's grip a little tighter, a little more  _ present _ . A foreground thought rather than a background one. Wonshik let out what was both a sigh and a moan. He wasn't sure if he said Taekwoon's name or not, but Hakyeon chuckled. "You like that?" 

"Yes sir…" absolutely breathless. Hakyeon took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Wonshik tightened his grasp briefly, a replacement reflexive motion for twitching his hips. 

"You sound beautiful, Wonshik…" Hakyeon bit a mark right below the strong man's ear. The sting registered above Taekwoon's touch, but then immediately faded to insignificant. His nerves were much more occupied with what Taekwoon was doing.

And now Hakyeon too. His hand joined Taekwoon's, pumping alongside him. They moved differently, felt differently. Hakyeon's palm was slick with sweat, and his grasp was tight at the base. Taekwoon's fingers were like their own acrobatic act, quick and light. Wonshik moaned, and he didn't recall it ever having come from such a deep part of his chest. He was unconsciously giving new parts of himself he wasn't aware of. 

"Ha… Taek.." Words suddenly seemed like such a difficult foreign concept. He felt far and aware from every part of himself. He was now merely a boat in the ocean, the turbulent seas of his lovers hands. There was a hissed yes from somewhere. He could identify at least that much. A voice he only recognized as Taekwoon's because it was so smooth and soft. 

"Are you ready, dear?" Wonshik didn't know what he was agreeing to, but he said please regardless. He almost felt like he was spinning. He closed his eyes to ground himself. Taekwoon's hand was off, Hakyeon's grip still firmly keeping Wonshik on earth. He crushed Hakyeon's hand in his at a new sensation. Hot, wet, and all enveloping. Hakyeon hushed him to ease as he quivered, somehow pulling his fingers free. He caressed Wonshik's side as Taekwoon moved his head down further. Wonshik held his hair. Long beautiful, midnight black hair. It was so easy to envelope his fingers. It had gotten wet at the nape, sweaty. Taekwoon held Wonshik's thighs. A grounding measure, like Hakyeon's hand on the strong man or Wonshik's hand in Taekwoon's hair. A touch that kept them within reality, or some form of it.

"Please…" Wonshik spoke again. It was a groan of a word. A half attempt at a warning or a plea. Hakyeon was always the one to reassure. 

"Let it go, baby. Give it all up for us, darling." A kiss on his ear. "We'll be here when you come down." Wonshik shook. Gasped and babbled what he would only remember as unintelligible begging. Taekwoon's warning came as a sudden tight fist in his hair, a slight tug backwards. Wonshik assumed he moaned. Whether he did or not, the cord inside Wonshik finally snapped and he finally spilt. An indiscernible amount of time was spent seeing white and feeling completely disconnected from his body. 

When Wonshik realized he got a kiss from Taekwoon, he was laying down on the bed with the artist half to his side and half on his chest. He was sweaty, and red, and in disarray, but he smiled. He stroked the side of Wonshik's face like one would pet a cat. 

"Welcome back," he greeted at Wonshik blinking up at him, finally seeming like he actually saw Taekwoon there. 

"H-hakyeon?" That was meant to be a full question, but that seemed beyond Wonshik's capabilities. 

"He's making tea." Taekwoon laughed at the soft hand in his hair and concerned look that came next. "Yes, I'm okay, dear. You didn't hurt me." Wonshik nodded softly, gulping. He still felt foggy, like he was sick and his brain lost all its reason. He felt tired as well, and when Taekwoon silently smiled down at him with love in his eyes, like he was going to cry. It was all confusing. Taekwoon kissed him though. His lips tasted odd, but Taekwoon and all his being distracted him from the diary that now sat on the kitchen table like a physical memory marker. 

**Author's Note:**

> Clytemnestrasrevenge:  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/nestras_rvng)  
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> 
> MonsterBoyf:  
[Tumblr](https://minoru-hayashi.tumblr.com)  
[Twitter](https://twitter.com/russAntri)  
[DA](https://www.deviantart.com/rus-ant)


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